TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED BECAUSE I GOT STUCK. I still have a lot of hesitations, but I tried to level the angst with the request. 

Thank you @Aghasae for requesting. :) 

UPDATE: just edited the chapter so it looks....fancy haha

"Certainty"

It was a random Wednesday night when I first met Mark. He was this very attractive foreigner who sat across me at our table of friends at this night club we went to celebrate a friend's birthday. They were a group of guys, we were a group of girls. We all became very close friends that night, especially Mark and I. 

I admit we didn't really start out on the right circumstances. We were all drunk, and his good looks caught my attention. One thing led to another and next thing we could remember was that we were making out in the men's restroom. 

I could clearly remember the way his kisses trailed down from my lips to my jaw and down my neck. Then I pulled him back up so I could kiss him again. Lots of touching and groping might I add. We went back to my place that night, and as surprising as it may seem. Nothing happened between us. We simply crashed on my couch because we were so drunk. 

Funny too because when we woke up, we were screaming at each other. "Who are you?!" "What are you doing in my apartment?!" Yes, it was hilarious. We promised not to speak of it. But our group always met up with theirs until 5 months later of having this mutual tension between us, he told me that he couldn't stop thinking about us and I quote, "I want more of that after I got to know you."  

We started dating. Obviously. A year and 3 months later, here we are. In L.A., on a vacation to visit his family and at the same time served as our very first out of the country get away. 

His family welcomed me so warmly despite meeting me for the 2nd time only. We met once when they came to visit Korea on a wedding anniversary trip. Very very nice people. It's no wonder Mark's an angel really. Just spending time with his mom felt like I was her own daughter. His dad was very funny and easy going too. Brothers and sister, both very easy to talk to also. We all matched so well. Well, at least that was what I thought, until Mark's best friend came back here the same time we decided to visit. 

Claudia Zhang. A professional Chinese archer. Mark used to take his sports on a very different level, joining clubs and all. Got even offered to be part of the national team, but he declined saying that it wasn't of his 'interest' to go representing the country and all. He, Claudia, and another friend of theirs Jackson Wang are all sports enthusiasts. Hence the close friendship. They practically grew up together. 

I'm not usually the type to demand my man to stop talking to his female friends but I am the type that gets a little bit jealous when she knows more about him than I do. I don't rage about it. I just become nervous. I mean, the good and lasting relationships start off from really good friendships. This could be one of those. 

I wish I could hate her. Really. But she's so nice. She's like this person I want to be when I grow up. She's cool. She's stunning. She's great with people. And very very kind. If I wasn't jealous of her, I'd be her personal hype person. And If I wasn't Mark's girlfriend, I'd be rooting for them. 

I stared and watched as Mark laughed wholeheartedly at something Claudia said. His laugh..his smile..it's enough to make me happy as well. But seeing that I wasn't the one making him this happy kind of ticked me off in a bad way. 

I am not dumb enough to think that I should be the only one who should be making him happy. No. I am not that kind of person. In fact, I am quite the opposite. But even though I keep telling myself that, my heart tells me otherwise. 

I want to cut this trip short. But I don't want to be selfish. I know how much Mark misses his family, his friends. And we just had this random talk about going on a vacation when I suggested to go to LA. And with all honesty, I don't regret this trip happening for him, not at all. For me, however... I do regret coming. 

Why is that?

Because it made me realize something very clearly. 

That he is in love with someone else. 

I didn’t want to take in so much of them together so I quietly went to Mark's room where we were staying and just sat there crying.

I sat on the floor, muffling my sobs with a pillow and trying to make as less noise as I could muster. "Why am I crying?" I asked out loud. Stop Ara. Just stop. There are people outside. You can't break down now. 

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. "Ara?" Mark's voice echoed through the other side of the door. I stood up immediately, looking at the mirror and wiping my tears. "One second." I sniffed and fixed myself, rubbing my eyes and wearing my glasses to cover it up. 

I heaved out a sigh then opened the door to see Mark staring right back at me with a shocked expression. I think he figured it out... Quickly, I turned and went away from him as he hurriedly closed the door and came to me. "Have you been crying?" He asked, forcing me to look at him. 

He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. "Talk to me." He said quietly. "It's nothing." I tried to laugh it off but he frowned at me instead. "Don't say that. There's something obviously wrong going on." He said, wiping my tears as they fell uncontrollably. He attempted to pull me in his arms but I pulled back instead and fell on the edge of the bed. 

He stood there, shocked by what I did. I scooted to the side and made space for him, which he sat on before I started talking. "It's nothing you did, or said. It's just...me." I said. 

"Ever since we came here. I've been having weird thoughts." I said. In a quiet voice, he asked me "Is this about Clauds?" I didn't answer and instead let the silence answer for me. "I was honestly starting to worry why you were never jealous of anyone." He sighed.  

"I'm sorry." I teared up, covering my face with my hands and looking down. Of all the people I could be insecure of, it had to be his best friend. "I'm sorry too. If it seemed that way between us." he said referring to him and his friend. I'm guessing that this has been an issue before with his past girlfriends? Claudia really is that intimidating. 

"You look so happy with her. I've never seen you smile like that Mark. You were genuinely happy with her." I didn't know where the things that started coming out from my mouth came from. But they all felt like truth. With her...Mark is just good different. Better. 

"Min Ara, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. But she is my best friend." He sighed. He turned to kneel in front of me, taking my hands to his lips and kissing them as he closed his eyes. "I love both of you
muchso

." he muttered against my palm. "But my love for her is the same as my love for my family. I love you, in an entirely different way." 

It should've been enough to calm me down for now. To convince me that Claudia and I were in fact different. But I couldn't shake this feeling that she would make him a lot more happier than I do now. 

"I don't want to jump to conclusions or even assume if there are feelings between you two that are different from just being friends. I don't want you to stop being friends with her. But I don't like this insecure feeling I keep getting either." I said truthfully. We promised to be honest with each other. And that's what I'm doing. 

"I don't want to fight you. And I don't want to create tension or bad aura in this house. Please let me stay in the room just until the day ends. Tell everybody I feel sick or something... I want to be alone." He swallowed nervously, and so did I. This is the first time this kind of thing ever happened between us. This wasn't a fight amongst us two. It was something we have to figure out on our own. I feel that he knows that too. 

"You know. I'd rather you fight me or hurt me than keep this all bottled inside you." He said as he sat beside me and refused to also let go of my hand. "I don't like this sadness eating you up. And the fact that I'm causing it just shows how I'm such ty boyfriend." He scoffed at himself. 

I didn't say anything either. I couldn't. I just let my tears fall quietly while he sat beside me. Basically telling me he's not refusing to leave me alone. 

"Please leave." my voice cracked as I pleaded. "No. I'm staying here with you." He stubbornly said, but in his usual soft voice  "Fine. I'll leave." I said as I stood up and went to the bathroom he has inside his room. 

"Please tell me something." I heard him say from behind the door. "There is nothing between me and Claudia," he added. I don't even know what I want to hear from him just so I could be convinced. I don't get why I'd be jealous of her other than I feel small around her. 

"To you, there isn't. But your eyes don't lie Mark. You feel something for her." I calmly said. "Don't deny it." I muttered quietly. 

For 5 minutes we were both quiet, lost in our own thoughts. Until he asked me something, "You're not considering... to end this, right?" very cautiously, and very gently, he let out the word one by one. "It's only been days since you met Claudia. And she's nothing more than a friend to me. Please. Believe me." 

"Mark. Even you sound unsure of what you just said. Don't fight it." I said. The way his voice rised in a questioning matter. And it seemed a lot like he was more of convincing both of us. 

"Do you want to know how I know you look happier with Claudia?" I asked, but he didn't respond and instead waited for me to continue. "You have the same aura I have when I'm with you." I chuckled at the memory of ourfriends description about me glowing and blooming ever since Mark and I started dating. 

"I didn't understand what the others were saying about me looking brighter. But when I saw, the way you were around Claudia. I understood. In an instant."  

"Why...How can you say that I'm in love with someone else? I'm with you. I want you. I love you." He said. I only chuckled. "I love you too. More than you can imagine. And with all honesty, this past year has been the best thing that has happened for me. But I need time to figure this out. So do you." 

"Yes. It's only been days since I met her. But we've been together for years. I think that's safe to say that I'm judging this based on what I know about you and not her." I heard him sigh out loud. He knows that I have a point. And that I may be right. 

"Mark. You say you want me, but I'm not what you need. What you need is to be really happy. I'm in this for the long run. And I don't want for both us to be hurt while we last." I twist the knob open and looked at him as he leaned on the door frame with his arm. Softly, I smiled at him and went in for a hug which he gave back just as tight. 

"This is where I let you go. For your happiness and my peace." I said, kissing his cheek as he wrapped his arms tighter around me. "And if you're wrong?" He asked. "You can say I was wrong and be mad at me for breaking up with you." My body froze as I said the word out loud. This. Is really our end. 

"Don't you think this is too sudden?" He asked in a quiet whisper. "Maybe." I answered also unsure. "Can't we talk about this after our vacation?" He muttered against my shoulder, tightening his grips on my waist. "A few more days. When we get back to Korea..." "Then do we talk about this again."  He finished my sentence with a loud sigh. 

2 days passed and we're currently boarding the plane back to Korea. Everyone went to see us off, including Claudia. I was civil enough to bid her goodbye. A smile and a hug for everyone, until I reached Mark's brother Joey. 

He pulled me to a hug then subtly said something to me. "Don't give up on you and Mark just yet." 

And yes, that got me thinking the whole flight back. And it was a long flight. 

On the plane, Mark asked if he could hold my hand. When I allowed him, he never once let go except when one of us had to use the bathroom. We slept, watched, talked, but not once, let go of my hand. 

When he was asleep, he had pulled my arm to him and embraced it. He looked like a kid hugging his teddy bear hoping that it'd get rid of his nightmare. Don't I wish for the same thing...

I don't know if it's just me or what, but this new feeling of him not wanting to let go of merely my hand seemed like a plead. A cry for me not to end things this easily and so suddenly. The more I think about it, maybe I over analyzed this whole Mark and Claudia thing. But the jealous feeling didn't seem to fade away. Paranoia maybe? Perhaps anxiety? Either way, I did not like this feeling. 

Mark is my first real relationship and I don't want to lose him too. But a year for us two is a long time. And not once did I ever make him smile like Claudia did. Every time I think about it, I get nervous and scared that sooner or later Mark might regret not ending up with Claudia. I don't want to be selfish. I just want for him to be as happy as I am. Even if that meant that it wasn't being with me. 

Mark shook me awake because the pilotannounced us that we should buckle up as we're about to land soon. I checked the window and saw the dark night sky. It must be around 8 already. This flight is faster than expected. Hmm.

And though we were both awake, we weren't talking. Not one word from both of us. We were just moving on our own. We silently helped each other with our stuff and what not up till we left the arrival gates. 

My best friend was waiting there for us with a smile on his face that soon faded when he felt the air between us. "I'll take these and wait in the car." He smiled awkwardly as he took our bags and left us to deal with our awkwardness. 

"Ara-" "I take it back." I blurted fast. I closed my eyes as I heaved out a shaky breath. "I take it all back. I'm very very sorry." I said, shaking my head to calm my nervous heart. I feel scared. That he'll get angry because of my emotional rollercoaster. Everything I said back in L.A. was true. Saying this now will frustrate him and probably annoy him. But the solid 30 minutes we took from the door of the plane to where we are standing now made me realize that I can't do it. 

"I'm sorry I'm messed up. I'm sorry for scaring you like that. I'm sorry for letting my emotions get the better of me. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm just...really sorry. For everything that happened." I said, refusing to look at how he's reacting right now. "I'm a coward. I'm weak. I'm sorry for all that. Please forgive me." It's a selfish move. That much I know. And I have no excuse to deny that fact. 

I heard him sigh. And very gently, he wrapped his arms around my head. He leaned his cheek on the side of my head, tapping the top of my head as he hugged me in silence. "I always knew you were a complicated woman. And I don't mind having these kinds of moments every now and then. Let's just not break up very suddenly ever again, ok?" 

"Ok." I chuckled, nodding furiously as I wrapped my arms around him as well. I feel so thankful that Mark is this kind of person. Only a few people could put up with my bull and even though he said that, I know that he would have his limit too. I just need to be careful not to push him that much again. 

"You really scared me." He muttered, hugging me tighter. I heard him sniff that shocked me and made me back up to look at him. He's crying... " You're not the only one who's very emotional. I really thought I'd lose you." He said as he roughly wiped his tears with his jacket. Everyone who knows Mark knows this fact. Mark doesn't cry. And somehow I made him cry...

There was only one way I thought of how I could make it up to him. A quick fix that solves the tension or awkwardness. A kiss. A long real kiss that always paused everything else and only us two mattered again. 

"I'm sorry." I whispered against his lips. "Me too." He replied, kissing my cheek and hugging me once more. 

For now, that's what it took for us both to resolve this issue. If it sees the light again, I'll just deal with it then. For now, we both agreed on making things work and be more happy. 

5 years later and I still think about that day. 

The first feeling doubt. The feeling of insecurity. And the feeling of anxiety. 

Now, here we are. Me wearing a beautiful dress, a bouquet of flowers in my hand, and a wide smile on my face. 

The doors slowly opened, and the first thing my eyes landed on was Mark. Standing in his classic black tux, his hair brushed up, smiling from the altar. 

As I walked up to where he stood, he smiled at me and mouthed the words 'you look beautiful'. I smiled shyly, looking down for a split second before I stopped and went up the 3-step stair. 

The instrumental for the bridal march played and the doors once again opened. Everyone stood up as the doors revealed Claudia in her stunning white balloon gown. Along with her dad, they marched down the aisle slowly. She is indeed beautiful. 

Flawless as ever and strutting that very elegant bridal look the way she enters a room and makes it automatically shrink in her presence. 

As she neared, she handed me her bouquet as I stepped aside for Jackson to take her hand. 

Yes, Mark and Claudia didn't end up together. Claudia and Jackson did.

And I feel extremely ecstatic for them two. Claudia got her prince charming and we got our happy ending. Oh and spoiler alert. I'm married to Mark. For two months now. 

Genre: Romance, angst, jealousy
Artist: GOT7 Mark Tuan
OC: Min Ara
Intensity: 7/10