23 :  f r e e d o m  ( e p i l o g u e )

“Finally.”

Hyukjae locked the car and joined Donghae’s side, staring at the ominous brown building in front of them. He stretched his body and cracked his spine, grateful that the long car ride had come to an end (at least for now—he didn’t want to think about the ride back to Jeju).

Meanwhile, Donghae sighed and shook his head, mumbling something to himself. Be brave were the only words Hyukjae could make out. He slipped his hand into Donghae’s and gave it a tight squeeze.

“You okay?” Hyukjae asked, worried that his fiancé still struggled with coming to terms with what happened. Donghae lowered his gaze and nodded slowly.

“I’m okay,” he says softly. “I’m just scared.”

Hyukjae smiles. “You don’t have to be. I’ll be right here beside you every step of the way, and besides, we’ll be separated by a glass partition. You can tell me if you’re upset and want to go home.”

“No. Let’s do this. I can’t keep hiding and hurting over everything.” Donghae rubbed the back of Hyukjae’s hand with his thumb. “All I ever wanted was an apology after all.”

Hyukjae eyed his fiancé carefully, making sure to take note of any sign of distress. All he got in return was Donghae’s sad, doe-eyed expression and a slight pout. He gave Donghae’s hand another squeeze and smiled. He knew he had to be the stronger one, considering how much trauma Donghae had experienced all this while.

“Let’s go. We’ll meet Sora first.”

They entered the brown building and made it pass security checks at the reception area. A prison warden led them down a hallway into a small room. All it had were chairs and a glass partition that separated visitors from the inmates. Donghae and Hyukjae sat down and waited, and not long after, Sora was brought into the room by another warden. She took a seat across from them.

“Hello, noona.” Hyukjae deadpanned with a voice tainted with contempt. Sora stared blankly, her expression cold and forlorn. Hyukjae leaned forward.

“Doesn’t feel so good paying for what you’ve done, huh noona?”

Donghae nudged his fiancé in the ribs. “Hyukjae.”

“Sorry.” Hyukjae shook his head and let out a hollowed laugh. “I just can’t believe I’m talking to my sister through a partition in prison.”

“If you’re here to spite me, then go on.” Sora finally said, looking up. “I deserve it.”

Donghae pursed his lips. “Why do you….why do you think you deserve it?”

“Because,” Sora began, turning her attention to Donghae. “I let eomma and appa’s ill intentions influence me to do vile things. I deserve all the punishments in the world for being so cruel.”

Hyukjae began to tap his fingers on the desk. “Do you know why we’re here, noona?”

Sora shook her head. “Why?”

“We’re here because I want you to ask for forgiveness. We’re here because Donghae deserves to be able to make peace with his past; with those who hurt him.”

Donghae looked down. He couldn’t bear to maintain eye contact with Hyukjae’s sister. Not after everything that had happened. Not after sending her and her parents to jail. He knew that he shouldn’t be feeling guilty—justice had been served after all—but he couldn’t help it.

“Donghae,” Sora called out. Donghae looked up and briefly met her eye to eye before looking down again. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I was even a part of what happened. I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have listened to my parents. It was selfish of me. How selfish of us to have robbed you of your parents and memory. I….I’m sorry.” She began to choke up.  “Please forgive me.”

Donghae, too, let a hollowed laugh escape his lips. “I forgave you long ago, noona.” His nose turned red and his eyes began to water. “Hyukjae, can we—” he let out a sniffle, and he knew that if he were to spend any longer than a minute in this god forsaken place he’d bawl his eyes out, “I want to go home. I don’t think I can handle meeting your parents.”

Hyukjae nodded. He grabbed his fiancé’s hand and kissed it, ignoring the pair of eyes staring at them.

“Let’s go home,” he said to Donghae, smiling faintly. He turned to Sora. “Donghae may have forgiven you, but I never will. Tell eomma and appa I’ll never forgive them either. That’ll give you and them something to talk about.”

Hyukjae stood up, tugging at Donghae’s arm. Donghae got up and hid behind Hyukjae, letting out a stream of tears.

“Enjoy life imprisonment, noona.” Hyukjae said coldly. In a matter of minutes, Hyukjae and Donghae were out the door, walking towards the car. Donghae had begun to sob on the way out, and all Hyukjae wanted to do was to cuddle him and make him feel better. They stopped in front of the car abruptly, and Hyukjae curled his arms around Donghae, reeling him in. Donghae began to shake with each sob, burying his nose in Hyukjae’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Donghae apologised with a shaky voice. “I couldn’t do it.”

Hyukjae cooed and hushed his fiancé as he rubbed the nape of his neck.

“You don’t have to apologise, Hae.” Hyukjae whispered, making sure to sound as reassuring as possible. “We’ll take baby steps from here, Hae. All that matters to me is you. All I want is for you to be free from all your pain. That’s all that matters to me.”

It made Donghae cry even harder.

He kissed Donghae on the forehead and rubbed his cheek with his thumb before pulling away, opening the passenger door of the car. He wanted to take Donghae home, or anywhere else. Anywhere but here.

The ride back to Jeju was a quiet one. Donghae stared blankly out the window, and Hyukjae drove with one hand. The fingers of his other hand were interlaced with Donghae’s. He knew how tensed up Donghae could get being in a car and he wanted Donghae to feel safe, to feel okay. Donghae had the tendency to dissociate on the road anyway.

The car entered the front porch of their bungalow. Hyukjae parked the car hastily, and as soon as the engine shut off, he clambered out of the driver’s seat and walked around the car to open the door for a very weary, silent Donghae. Conquering each step up onto the veranda felt a thousand years long to Donghae as he walked with heavy footsteps, but Hyukjae trailed behind him, worried that Donghae would faint. He was worried his fiancé would have a panic attack and that his legs would give way. He wanted nothing but to protect Donghae from the sham drudgery of living and prayed hard nothing would hurt him ever again.

“I’m okay, Hyuk.” Donghae said almost an hour later. Hyukjae had just set two mugs of hot chocolate in front of Donghae. He pulled out a chair and sat across from him at the dining table.

“Are you hungry?” Hyukjae asked, reaching for Donghae’s hands. He didn’t press Donghae for any answers; he knew what Donghae would reply. I’m not hungry, Hyukjae thought he’d say. He was right.

“I’m not hungry,” Donghae answered, sighing. “No appetite.”

Hyukjae smiled. “I know. It’s okay, Hae, but when you are hungry, tell me, alright? We could drive somewhere nice to eat, or I could order takeout.”

Donghae shook his head. “I just want to sleep.” He stood up and walked over to Hyukjae. Hyukjae wrapped his arms around his fiancé’s waist and rested his head on his belly.

“Then we’ll sleep,” Hyukjae said softly. “And when we wake up, we’ll go get something to eat, okay?”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too. Only you.”

And so they spent most of the evening curled up on the bed, entangled in each other. Hyukjae knew that this, for Donghae, was another one of those depression naps. If there was one thing he could wish for he’d wish for Donghae to be free from the shackles of pain he was so undeservedly chained to. He stared at his fiancé as the latter slept, running his fingers through his hair, rubbing his cheek with his palm. Watching Donghae sleep let a wave of tranquility wash over him. It was the only time Donghae looked peaceful, and that was enough for Hyukjae. He made a pact with himself, promising he’d always take care of Donghae, promising that he’ll let no one, not even himself, hurt the man he loved. The years may have split them apart, but now that they were together again, two hearts meshing into one, he’d never want to let Donghae out of his sight ever again.

“Hyuk,” Donghae mumbled suddenly. Hyukjae looked at him tenderly.

“Yes?”

“Let’s get married.”

Hyukjae smiled. “Let’s.”

“Oh my god,” Kyuhyun gasped, standing behind his best friend. They were both staring into the dressing mirror of a room in Hyukjae’s resort, and Donghae was wearing a black tuxedo, complete with a bow tie. “For once, Hae, you don’t look like a piece of .”

“Gee, thanks, Kyuhyun. I was totally anticipating you being this nice to me on my wedding day,” Donghae said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Kyuhyun chuckled and patted Donghae on the back. “It doesn’t matter what I think, Hae. Hyukjae will kiss your even if you look like garbage. In fact I’m sure he’d even kiss your—”

“Do you ever shut up, Kyu?” Donghae interrupted. He poked his fingers into his ears, a clear sign that he wanted to hear none of the crap spilling out of Kyuhyun’s mouth. Kyuhyun sighed.

“Fine, fine. I’ll shut up, but it’s not my fault you chose me as your best man.”

“You’re the only friend I have and you know that,” Donghae said in a matter-of-fact type of tone.

“Wow, ouch,” Kyuhyun said, faking an appalled expression. “Are you saying you’d dump me and choose someone else as your best man if you had other friends?”

Donghae laughed. “I might. You talk too much.”

“Well you don’t have any other friend, so deal with it.” Sometimes Kyuhyun spoke sense, other times, Donghae wanted nothing but for him to zip it. This was one of the latter times. Still, he loved Kyuhyun and was glad to have him there on his big day.

It was a small affair. There were benches on either sides of a red carpet on the beach, and at the end of it was a small stage with a podium. White overhead arches lined the red carpet, with roses and creepers intertwining their structures. Guests included Kyuhyun’s mum (of course; she was basically Donghae’s second mum), some of Hyukjae’s relatives (only the nice, doting ones) and old friends from the school they both grew up in (whom Donghae had not seen in forever—he had no idea Hyukjae would invite them, to be honest). Kyuhyun’s dad, Sangmin, played the role of the marriage officiant.

Hyukjae stood in front of the podium, fidgeting nervously.

“Are you ready?” Kyuhyun asked from behind a very nervous Hyukjae. Hyukjae nodded briefly and kept his eyes on the red carpet.

It began.

The wedding march boomed through the speakers, and Donghae; sweet, sweet Donghae; walked down the aisle unaccompanied. A little girl—one of Hyukjae’s nieces—trailed behind him, throwing flower petals around. Once Donghae had reached the stage, he stood facing his soon-to-be husband with tears in his eyes. Unsurprisingly, there were tears in Hyukjae’s eyes too.

Sangmin proceeded.

“Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Lee Hyukjae and Lee Donghae in matrimony commended to be honorable among all; and therefore is not to be entered into lightly but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly. Into this - these two persons present now come to be joined. So welcome to one and all, who have travelled from near and far. Hyukjae and Donghae thank you for your presence here today and now ask for your blessing, encouragement, and lifelong support for their decision to be married. If any person can show just why they may not be joined together - let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

Silence ensued. Sangmin waited for a brief moment before continuing.

“Very well,” he said with a smile. “Let us continue.”

Sangmin began to talk about the definition of marriage; of what it means to be bound together, not only by a set of matching rings or tuxedos, but by the union of hearts, spurred on by the desire to love and be loved by each other.

“Please now read the vows you have written for each other.”

Hyukjae reached into his pocket with a trembling hand, retrieving a small piece of paper. He smiled nervously at the crowd, then at Donghae.

“Sorry,” he laughed. “My bad memory calls for a little foolscap paper aid.”

The crowd laughed, and so Hyukjae proceeded to read his vows.

“You, Lee Donghae, have been my best friend, mentor, playmate, confidant, and my greatest challenge. But most importantly, you are the love of my life and you make me happier than I could ever imagine and more loved than I ever thought possible. You have made me a better person, as our love for one another is reflected in the way I live my life. So I am truly blessed to be a part of your life, which as of today becomes our life together.”

Sangmin nodded at Donghae, prompting him to read his vow to Hyukjae which (unlike Hyukjae) he had memorised.

“Lee Hyukjae,” Donghae began. “Today I affirm my love for you, and vow to share my life with you in everything—to respect and love you. You are the most generous person I have ever known—kind, honest, and handsome. I take you to be my husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health. From this day forward you shall be first in my heart and our souls shall be together as one.”

Sangmin grinned. “May I have the rings, please?”

Kyuhyun took a small velvet box out of his pocket and handed the rings to Sangmin, who then handed it to the couple.

“Please repeat after me: I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my love for you.”

Donghae and Hyukjae chorused as one. “I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my love for you.”

They placed the rings on each other’s fingers, trembling with anxiety and excitement all in one. After they were done, Sangmin cleared his throat.

“By the power of your love and commitment, and the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss your husband!”

The first kiss as a married couple felt liberating. All the guests had stood up and were applauding, with some wolf whistles here and there. Hyukjae kissed Donghae hard (he didn’t care that everyone was watching) and Donghae kissed back harder. All that would ever matter to each of them, was each other. They knew it in the way they moved as one, and in the way they had stuck by each other no matter how hard their lives had been. None of the pain mattered anymore.

Days later, Hyukjae and Donghae strolled on a beach in Hawaii hand in hand, the waves of the ocean lapping against their ankles. They were all smiles and rightfully so, and Donghae swore he had never felt this content and carefree.

“Are you happy, Hae?” Hyukjae asked. Donghae thought it was ridiculous of him to ask such a question, considering it was an obvious yes.

“I am,” Donghae answered with a grin. “I always have been, the moment we got reunited. No amount of hardship could ever tear us apart. You and I know that. Are you happy?”

Hyukjae stopped in his tracks. “Yes, of course.” He threw his hand up and wiggled his ring finger, laughing. “I finally got married to the love of my life. How can I not be happy?”

“I guess that makes the two of us,” Donghae concluded with a tinge of playfulness in his voice.

They stared at the vast sea in front of them, wrapping their arms around each other.

“Hae,” Hyukjae called out lovingly. “I love you, so so much. More than you could ever imagine.”

“Likewise, my love.” Donghae beamed. “Likewise.”

They watched as the sun set before them. Only then did it dawn upon them why life had worked out the way it did; that they learnt what had helped them pull through all the highs and lows, adversity after adversity.

It was love.