He doesn’t call or text me the next day. No word, no sound, nothing.

Then maybe I guessed it right, what last night meant. What everything meant. He left. He wasn’t going to come back. Not now. Not ever, definitely not now for sure. I am not sure what I’m suppose to do.

I just broke up with someone who could’ve actually been the love of my life.
Why didn’t I fight harder when I knew something was wrong. Why didn’t I try harder to hold him back , not let him leave.

I always just accept things the way they are. The decision to not head to the shop today was unanimous. I told the shop girl to run business as usual but I would not be coming in today for personal reasons. She tells me not to worry and ensures me everything will be in order.  I know it will, thats why I hired her.

I grab my bag with my phone a wallet inside. Pulled the house keys of the hook and dragged my sad depressed body out the house and 4 subway stations away to a familiar apartment block.

There were people outside with posters and signs, all just sitting around not really doing anything. Hoping that maybe their idol would drive by in a car and that they’d be able to just catch a glimpse.

I showed the security guard my card and he let me through, think he knew who I was by now cause he smiled and nodded.

11th Floor. There was a definitive ding of the elevator bell and I stepped out on to the cold marble floor.

“ Heajung “
“ Oppa ... “ was all I managed before I dropped to the ground and the tears would not stop.

He drops whatever he’s doing and runs to my side. Grabbing me by the shoulders he shakes me and asks me whats wrong, what happened and all the questions run through my head cause even I don’t know the answer to it.

“ Heajung , whats wrong?! “
“ It, it might song terribly stupid, but Yixing left ”

I see anger flash before his eyes as he grabs his phone off the coffee table by the side and what i think , attempts to call the boy in question before i grab it out of his hands.

“ You can’t”
“ I’m going too”
“ You can’t , I’m not going to let you , I’ll deal with this on my own. I’ll figure it out, I just need you to tell me its going to be okay , even when if its not. “

“ Jungie, what happened? I thought you were guys were fine. I know he’s stubborn and irrational but this isn’t something he’d do. Did you guys fight? ”
I shake my head. “ nothing happened ”.

___________________________________________

Its two weeks i think before i see him again. Suho left something at home and asked if I could get it for him because even being in the business for years, he didn’t like random people rummaging through his house. I pay the taxi driver and get out of the car before squeezing my way through the entrance. I see his stylist Noona and she lets me pass the guards. Its all quite a blur before I make it to his dressing room.

“ Thankyou Jungie !! Noona here was giving me such a hard time because i forgot to bring ONE bloody jacket” he whines and pulls me in for a hug.
“ Thats your fault , don’t blame Yoona Unnie for it okay” I receive an appreciative smile from her and she gets back to steaming the jacket.

“ You know , you look so pale and sick, people are gonna think I don’t take care of you or something”
“ I’m just tired Suho “

Before he could continue , someone barges in the door flies open and I almost forgot to breathe.

“ Hyung ! “

I see him and I feel my heart smash again and again against my ribcage, like its trying to commit certain suicide.

“ Suho I think I’ll make a move first” I pluck up the courage to approach him by the door and give him a small smile before squeezing my way into the crowd outside.

Someone grabs onto my hand and slowly but certainly I find my way out of the sea of people.

“ Jungie”

That voice sends a chill up my spine. My breath stays caught in my lungs too afraid to escape in fear that I would just break down and cry.

I finally pluck up the courage and raise my eyes to meet his, that beautiful face, the one i missed every single day.

“ I’ve missed you, when are you coming back?” The words come out in small whispers then i feel my tears pour out my eyelids, I knew then , they wouldn’t stop.

“ Jungie ...”

“ If you’re not coming back i should leave .” I walk around him holding back the tidal wave of emotions running through .

He lets me go , he doesn’t say a word as i turn the door handle. He just looks at me with a sort of sadness in his eyes. I let myself walk back into the crowd on noise that’s going on outside.