text message: jung pilkyo to lee sunho

jung pilkyo: how do you get over it

lee sunho: you don't, not really

lee sunho: you just

lee sunho: get used to it

lee sunho: it's not easy, and it takes a long time

lee sunho: but eventually, it's just a memory

lee sunho: everyone eventually becomes only a memory

lee sunho: but to truly die, you need only be erased from memory

lee sunho: so hyung, keep their legacy alive

lee sunho: remember them, and they will always be with you

lee sunho: i know that's not much, and it's terrible advice

lee sunho: but only you can do this, alone

lee sunho: we can help, but in the end, it's your grief alone

lee sunho: and only you can decide what to do with it

lee sunho: whether to lose yourself or continue on

jung pilkyo: it feels so fake

jung pilkyo: i go to work, sing and dance, and they're gone

jung pilkyo: i'll never see them again, and i have to be happy for the fans

jung pilkyo: i know they care

jung pilkyo: but they didn't know them

jung pilkyo: they don't understand

jung pilkyo: it feels

jung pilkyo: so

jung pilkyo: goddamn

jung pilkyo: fake

jung pilkyo: that i have to move on, it's unfair

jung pilkyo: i don't want to

jung pilkyo: i want to just

jung pilkyo: i don't want to do this

lee sunho: you need time

lee sunho: the fans, they understand that

lee sunho: but many of them don't have the experience

lee sunho: they try, and it's not their fault or yours

lee sunho: it's no one's fault

lee sunho: you just

lee sunho: only time can heal

lee sunho: and it came at the worst time

lee sunho: after this, only a few more days

lee sunho: take as much time as you need

lee sunho: we know

lee sunho: heal yourself

jung pilkyo: i don't feel anything

jung pilkyo: the death, that they're gone

jung pilkyo: it still doesn't feel real

jung pilkyo: will it ever?

lee sunho: i don't know

lee sunho: at one point, it did

lee sunho: but now, it just...

lee sunho: it feels like they're just gone on a long vacation

lee sunho: like they've moved and we lost contact

lee sunho: and all i have left are the memories of us together

lee sunho: which hyung, it's not far from the truth

lee sunho: we will all eventually die, go on that forever vacation

lee sunho: we'll move to where they've moved, and then we'll see them again

lee sunho: but we can

lee sunho: in the meantime

lee sunho: continue living for them

jung pilkyo: was it the same, when he went

lee sunho: you know, i didn't think the five stages of grief were real

lee sunho: until he went

lee sunho: denial, no this isn't real

lee sunho: he was fine fine fine perfect healthy fine

lee sunho: anger, why would he leave me

lee sunho: how coculd he leave me right now, like this

lee sunho: bargaining, i would do anything to have him back

lee sunho: sell the company, disband everyone, burn everything

lee sunho: depression, it's true, it's real, i'll never see him again

lee sunho: i'll never play around with him, joke around with him, laugh with him again

lee sunho: acceptance, oh, it's real, but i can't stop living

lee sunho: he may be gone, but life must continue

lee sunho: it's true, it's real, but i've made my peace with it

lee sunho: come to terms

lee sunho: and it's hard to do, hyung

lee sunho: it's hard, it's painful, but you do it

lee sunho: and it sets you at peace, to know that they're okay now

lee sunho: to know that you, at least, will not forget them

jung pilkyo: it doesn't feel right

jung pilkyo: that i can go on without them

jung pilkyo: that they're gone but i have to suffer the consequences

jung pilkyo: why wasn't it me

jung pilkyo: why can't anyone understanad

jung pilkyo: it's unfair, that i have to work

jung pilkyo: and i have to try to be happy

jung pilkyo: when all i want to be is not

lee sunho: and you never catch a break

lee sunho: you just want to stay home and sleep

lee sunho: hyung, grief is hard

lee sunho: you will feel better, i promise

lee sunho: it'll take time, but eventually, you will

lee sunho: you'll be able to talk of them without crying

lee sunho: without pain

lee sunho: just a faint twinging in your heart

lee sunho: a bittersweet regret and wish

lee sunho: we're everyone all here for you

lee sunho: and most of all, it's not your fault

lee sunho: or anyone's

lee sunho: life is hard, and so is death

lee sunho: but hyung, we live for the living.

if anyone is dealing with grief of losing a loved one, please know that you're not alone. we all love and support you.

i, personally, have never experienced losing any one person whom i was close with. that probably makes me unqualified to write this.

i have, however, lost pets that were very dear to me, and i can understand, to some extent, what grief is like.

in my case, i didn't really have anyone to console me. my parents did not want the pets in the first place. after a few kinds words, they lost their patience, and i was left to deal with my grief alone. i didn't have such a support network, and it made it really hard for me to deal with alone. when i discovered the game eternally lost, i finally understood what grief was like, because it was what i went through, even without knowing.

i don't know what to say to hyesung, except that we're all with you. we support you, and if you want to take a break, no one will blame you. we understand.

but he continued performing, and the amount of pain he must be going through... i admire him for placing responsibility before his own emotions.

full disclaimer: i do not know anything about andy or hyesung, nor whether or not they even had a conversation, nor if they did, what they talked about. i only thought that, through losing seo minwoo, perhaps andy understood, and maybe hyesung would have relied on him to understand.