Chapter 5
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“Back at the airport again,” Midori said. Airports always felt cold to her, like they were made specifically to feel as little at home possible. The outside was always a box of metal and glass with humans hurrying to and fro and Gimpo Airport was no exception.
“I wish we could stay in Korea longer,” Yuki sighed sadly. “There’s never any room for sightseeing.”
It was crazy to think it was only 11 hours ago that they had stood in that studio and received the only indication of rank that they’d had so far. Only 8 hours since the three of them had stumbled into their hotel room and passed out from sheer exhaustion for way not enough hours of sleep. “Maybe next time,” Midori said. “I don’t think any of us have a schedule then.” She really did want to see more of the city, especially since she very much hoped she’d be spending a whole lot of time here in the future, but so far it had been instant flights back. “I’ll ask management to extend our stay by a few days.”
Chiyo tapped her shoulder. “Is that girl filming us?” she whispered.
Just off the side was a girl with her own face masks on, big camera raised, walking alongside them. “I think so?” Midori whispered back.
The doors of the airport slid open and they were met with a mass of phones and big expensive cameras pointed their way. “Wha-!” Chiyo stepped back as the masked people with phones moved closer. The flash of the camera blinded her. They didn’t say anything, didn’t ask for an autograph or anything, just pointed their lenses at them and shot.
Chiyo moved closer to Midori, looking as alarmed as Midori felt. It hadn’t been like this last time they travelled back to Japan, and it was never like this in Japan. Sure, Midori saw fans when she was off-duty sometimes, but it was considered rude to engage with her when she wasn’t working and all they did was look.
“Hi!” Yuki waved at the cameras, Midori was surprised to see a big smile on her face. “Annyong!” This triggered another onslaught of shutters and lights.
“Yuki!” One of the guys without cameras called out. “Saranghaeyo!”
Yuki sent him a heart. “Saranghae!”
Midori smiled and did a little head nod-bow at them, herding both Chiyo and Yuki towards the check-in line. Even then the fans didn’t leave them alone. They stood to the sides of the check-in lines and filmed, moving the big lenses in whatever direction they turned. It was unnerving. Even when they were through and got onto the escalator towards the gates the crowd was still watching them. Midori sent a little wave and really hoped the escalator would end soon.
“Isn’t this amazing?” Yuki asked, eyes wide. “They’re here for us!” It didn’t feel amazing to Midori. Sure it was nice to know that they already had Korean fans but couldn’t they respect their privacy? The three of them were wearing face masks and comfortable clothes, wasn’t enough indication that they weren’t idols right now but people? She made a mental note to insist that management sent a manager with them next time. She’d enjoyed the bit of freedom of travelling alone but the show hadn’t even aired yet and there were already this many people to mob them at the airport...
“Come on,” Chiyo pulled her away from the escalator and away from the cameras and through the duty-free shop.
“I am so looking forward to sleeping for the whole week,” Chiyo said when they’d finally dropped down onto the ever uncomfortable airport benches into blissful anonymity. “I don’t know about you but I hardly slept a wink all week. Koreans go hard.”
“I have a photoshoot tomorrow,” Midori said miserably. She wished she could at least get a day’s rest but no, and then there was her weekly radio show the day after... “And don’t forget we have the handshake event at the end of the week.”
“Oooh, doing another gravure?” Chiyo wiggled her eyebrows.
“God, no,” Midori mock shivered. “No thank you, only when necessary. You know I don’t like doing those. It’s a makeup and fashion shoot for AR, as usual.”
“Speaking of,” Chiyo wiggled her eyebrows some more. “Your stage outfit was pretty y too, isn’t that the same thing?”
“No that’s different,” Midori said.
“Midriff seems like midriff to me.”
“It’s different,” Midori insisted. She didn’t really know why but she knew it was. She reached into her purse and pulled out the Korean language book the manager had bought for the three of them. She gave the cover a little pat. “Time to get serious about this.”
Chiyo made a face. “We have a month for that, do we have to start now? Airports are horrible enough without language classes too.”
“I want to be able to talk to people when we get back!” Midori argued. “At the very least I want to be able to give my acceptance talk in Korean.”
“Right. That’ll be a thing.” Neither of them commented on the fact that Midori was quite certain of at least a placement in the next round but Chiyo not so much.
“I’m gonna be fluent in Korean next time we go,” Yuki said boldly, language book on her lap. She flipped through it until she found the right page and started busily typing on her phone.
“Who are you messaging?” Midori asked.
“Sohyun-chan,” Yuki said. “No! Sohyun unnie!”
“You’re a lot more positive about this thing than you were before,” Chiyo noted dryly.
“Did you see how many points I got??” Yuki asked. “The F thing was horrible, it was like hell, but Like Ooh Ahh was amazing and they loved me!”
“Come on let’s take a selfie for our next Nogizaka blog.” Midori grabbed her own phone.
“I already posted one two weeks ago,” Chiyo argued.
“You have to market yourself,” Midori said. “Connect with your fans!”
“Oh it’s much too late for that,” Chiyo pointed out, but she let Midori pull her close. “Yuki-chan?”
Yuki looked up from her phone. “Oh, okay.”
“Smile!” Midori snapped a series of selfies. That should be enough alongside the photos she took around the hotel in Gangnam. She’d write up a blog post sometime tomorrow or the day after to remind her and the group’s fans to watch the show and vote for them and that should do it for a bit.
“When does the first episode air, anyway?” Chiyo asked.
“This friday!” Yuki answered. “I hope we get a lot of screentime.”
Finally the thing would be aired and they’d all know if Korea liked them or not. She was so nervous to see the results! Would people vote for her? Would the fact that she was Japanese get in the way? Maybe she’d be top 9- no that was too much to think about!
Either way, it was time to get serious about learning Korean.
Lucy was hiding.
It felt kinda silly to say she was hiding when she was in the middle of Mapo-gu, surrounded by people coming and going, but any of these people could be the trainee manager and if he was going to tell her to eat lettuce like some rabbit for the twentieth day in a row she was going to riot.
Now she just had to find solace somewhere, and a lot of sugar, god she craved sugar.
It felt like she was in a video game, she had her quest (find a safe haven with sugary food), a boss to avoid (manager Hwang), a timer (two hours until her private Korean lesson began), and stats (Creativity: 4, Korean: 1, desperation: 5, Intelligence: -2, Dexterity: -4, hunger: 1o0%). Stage starto!!
The whole street was so distracting! She gasped as she walked past the Tony Moly store with the big cardboard Woo Chanhee endorsing one of its products right next to a Shownu who managed to be buff even in cardboard form. Across the street was Etude House with big posters of Red Velvet for some lip gloss. Lucy gasped, wow Jiho did look a lot like Seulgi, it made her heart go doki doki! And Hyemi had something of Joy in her, she used to think it was kind of weird how Koreans were always saying oh he looks like this and she looks like that but by my gosh she got it now!
So many endorsements everywhere, there were familiar faces wherever she turned. IU holding a soju bottle, Kang Daniel smiling with a can of beer, Hana, Hana in her to die for Puma ad, Sungjae and Joy with their beers and oh gosh she shipped them so much it was so nice to see them together again in something. How could two beautiful people look so much better when they were next t each other??? She wondered, briefly, if she could steal the poster in a cafe’s window without getting noticed, but she figured it was probably best not to get arrested even if the OTP would be worth it.
There was a musician playing the guitar on the street and she stopped to watch for a little bit. He was doing some really sick guitar version of EXO’s Wolf, a song she didn’t think could get any better but- wait no, she still preferred the original. It was a masterpiece.
Man, Korea was great.
Oh crap, was that a crisp suit she spotted in the distance?? The boss might be approaching! She slipped into an alleyway away from the bright lights and music of… was it Hongdae? Where did Hongdae start and Mapo stop? Or was Hongdae in Mapo? She really should study the Seoul map more often.
She went through alley after alley after alley until she was well and truly lost. How on earth was she ever going to find her way back? And her tummy was rumbling. All that she could see in the vicinity was a cute little cafe advertising its specialty of honey toast and her tummy rumbled even more at the sight. She’d brought her wallet, right? Yes! Quest update: mission item, found!
Lucy opened the door and peeked in. It wasn’t very busy and it looked very nice, there was just one woman behind the counter, with a sign in Korean and (thankfully!) English, saying ‘order here’. “Hi!” Lucy said as she got to the counter.
“Hello?” the woman said in Korean. At least she knew that much! Well, really, she knew a lot more now after nearly a month of language classes, it was kind of amazing how one on one lessons helped and her tutor was actually really nice. “Eeeh… One… honey toast… and a Dutch coffee please.” At least she thought that’s what she’d said. For all she knew she might have asked for some skittles and a full plate of bacon. Oh god she would kill for some actual meat that wasn’t unseasoned chicken .
She said something that Lucy pieced together as ‘coming right up!’ and Lucy took a seat by the window. It was a pretty quiet part of the neighbourhood, she wondered how the cafe was doing tucked in such an odd little corner.
It didn’t take very long for her order to be ready and her stomach audibly and embarrassingly growled at the sight of the mountain of sweet bread drenched in sweet sweet honey. Manager Hwang was going to murder her and it would totally be worth it.
“Hey, can I ask you something?” the woman asked, or Lucy thought she did. If she’d just said bon appetite she was going to feel so embarrassed.
“Yes?”
She said something in rapid Korean and Lucy lost her at the first word but found her again somewhere in the middle. “You… … Produce 48… … are?”
“Yes!” Lucy said. “I’m Lucy King from Helix Entertainment!” She’d learned very quickly to say that much. “My Korean is… limited.” That, too.
“I watch,” the woman said in accented English. “Woo Chanhee is in it.”
“Woo Chanhee!” Lucy grinned. “Eeeh, sungsaengnim?” was he a trainer? Did he count as one? She honestly didn’t know, all she knew was she loved his dumb . And his nice . He had a nice but. Not… eh…. That she’d stared…. Much….
“You very pretty,” the woman said. “I vote for you!”
Lucy’s face broke into what must be a very embarrassing and very very big grin. “Thank you!” she said in Korean. “Thank you so much!”
“Can I… photo?”
“Yes!” Lucy leaned forward when the woman had gotten her phone out and flashed a V and her prettiest smile. Did she just meet her first fan?? She thought she did!
She said something that Lucy thought was actually bon appetite and went back to the counter but that fuzzy feeling lingered in her chest. Her first fan!!!
Her stomach grumbled again.
Oops! She forgot her sin. She dug in and oh my gosh it was literally everything she ever wanted in her life she could die so so so happy now. Nothing in the world matter except this toast and the explosion of sweet sweet honey in .
She loved this cafe.
And then manager Hwang burst through the door. “Lucy King!”
Oh no! She hastily stuffed the biggest bite she could into .
He let out a string of Korean but Lucy could only pick out “how dare” “diet” “training” “lesson” and “penalty”.
She looked him in the ey and took another bite.
His face turned beet red with rage. He dragged from her seat by the arm and pulled her towards the exit. Lucy just about managed to wave goodbye to the nice woman before she was being dragged to the surprisingly close-by Helix headquarters by a fuming balding man in crisp suit hurling angry words she could hardly understand.
WORTH.
IT.
“Then prove yourself. I’m going to help you,” The fake Yeeun on the screen told Miyoung. “Let’s start this super vocalist masterclass!”
“GAH!” The real Yeeun threw a pillow at the screen. No! No they weren’t supposed to edit her well! They were supposed to tear her down for being cocky enough to sit on #1! They were supposed to forget about her as Miyoung took the spotlight! Not show her helping Miyoung and then show her singing flawlessly, what the ??
What did a girl have to do to be forgotten around here?!
How else was she supposed to weasel out of this stupid idol thing?? Damnit she’d though she had a solid plan here: make herself so unlikeable nobody would ever vote for her and then quietly sit in the background while other girls took the spotlight, she hadn’t thought Mnet would actually air the damned footage! She shouldn’t have helped Miyoung but the girl had just been so eager to prove herself… and it had seemed like such a perfect opportunity to let her take the spotlight instead of Yeeun… she had to stop listening to her heart and letting girls worm their way past their defenses.
Okay.
Okay fine.
Fine fine fine Mnet, have it your way.
She was going to be cold as ice this time. She wasn’t going to help anyone at all she was just going to quietly . She was going to drag her team down with her. She was going to be the worst contestant Produce had ever seen! Well, eeeh, okay maybe not it did have Ariyoshi Risa BUT she would try very hard to compete.
She sighed. All of this wouldn’t be happening now if she hadn’t listened to her parents and signed that damned contract with CT. If she hadn’t let them guilt her into it. ‘Don’t be the black sheep of the family, Yeeun. If Yerim can do it so must you, Yeeun. SM has been kind enough to arrange a placement, Yeeun, don’t be rude.’
But if she broke her contract now she’d have to pay back all the training and dorm and allowance fees and she didn’t have that kind of money. She’d had no choice but to go on this dumb show, how was she supposed to know that, for some reason, Mnet would actually like her?! Why? It wasn’t like she was that pretty and she was trying her very hardest not to show her actual vocal skill.
Yerim did, of course, but no way in hell she was asking her sister for money. No, she’d fix this herself. She was going to fix the ever living crap out of this .
Now she just had to figure out how.
“Time for episode 4!” Miyoung lunged across the pile of mattresses on the floor that had been dubbed the ‘Sofa Formation’. Three of them were piled on top of each other and one was put upright to serve as backing, all wedged in between the gap of two bunk beds. A laptop was sitting on the bottom bunk, ready to air the fourth episode of Produce 99.
“Off off I’m not done yet!” Yoonseo pulled a struggling Miyoung off the top mattress and put the duvet over it for extra comfort. Then pillows were stacked on top and on the actual bed behind them to create two rows for this little personal cinema. Enough for seven girls to fit. The whole formation had been Yoonseo’s and she was pretty proud of it. If the dorm didn’t have a living room then she had to make her own!
The door opened and Jaeeun slipped in. “What time is it?” she asked.
“It’s 22:55!” Yoonseo said. “It’s starting in 5 minutes, hurry!”
“Oh please, like Mnet is ever on time.” Jaeeun slipped back out of the room.
Yeji and Dahee came in next and slipped onto the bed with mugs of coffee. Jaeeun followed, handing Miyoung a mug and joining Dahee on the bed. “Thank you!” Yoonseo said and settled in on the sofa formation. “Just a minute now.” The live-stream was up, they were just waiting for it to actually work.
“Unnie!” Dahee called out. “Hurry!”
“We’re coming!” came the muffled sound from the kitchen.
A minute later the door opened again and Sungsook and Xiaoyu came in with big bowls of chips. “Don’t tell the manager about this,” Sungsook said, not that she had to say anything at all, even if Yoonseo didn’t like Dahee she’d never be a snitch. Snitches get stitches! Oh she was going to have to do a water diet tomorrow to get this stuff out of her system but she was worth it.
Yoonseo tapped the mattress next to her. “Sit here!” Sungsook and Xiaoyu joined her on the sofa formation and Yoonseo took the opportunity to grab a big handful of chips and stuff it in .
“Told you they’d be late,” Jaeeun said. It was now five past eleven and still no episode.
“Shhht!” Miyoung shushed. “Anytime now!”
“I wonder how we’ll look on camera!” Yeji said.
“Well I looked great,” Miyoung grinned before diving for the chips. She grabbed Yoonseo’s arm. “Oh, it’s starting!”
It was kinda weird seeing what they’d experienced a month ago unfold on screen. They’d each spent hours in those interview rooms and so little of it was actually aired, that offended Yoonseo the most! It took so much time to go over the things that had happened and give the proper reactions, and she’d tried so hard to be fun and creative and memorable in her answers, but nope nada. She’d thought maybe if she was interesting enough they’d have to air it but noooo.
Though it was fun seeing the secret confessions of the others. She remembered the eyebrows Sungsook had raised when Miyoung had said she wanted to compete with her for main vocal. She knew Miyoung quite well but even Yoonseo hadn’t known she was that ambitious, and Miyoung had been a little embarrassed about it.
She ate some more chips. She’d finally see the deep dark secrets of the other teams too, it had already been interesting to see how Miyoung had struggled or how Sunisa had pulled her team through or whatever that weird mess was with Yuki and Seulgi and the center, those were some very weird decisions.
The girls were very very loud throughout the viewing. They screamed when Jaeeun came on screen during U-Go-Girl, and Miyoung playfully covered her eyes like it was all too scandalous to bear until Jaeeun threw a pillow at her so she’d stop. They hooted at Dahee’s Whistle rap even though Yoonseo thought that the whole thing had been typical Dahee and felt some slight satisfaction that her edit wasn’t anything good. They’d cooed over Yeji when they saw Kayeon’s leadership in action after having heard Yeji lament about it often.
“Oh it’s SNSD! It’s you two!” Miyoung tapped both of Yoonseo and Sungsook as they saw themselves walk on-stage on the laptop. It was so weird to see herself back on screen like that, totally different from when she’d recorded herself for training. She was all in makeup in those gorgeous sparkly dresses, she looked like a proper idol!
“Yoonseo is a good rapper, so I’m not too worried,” the Sungsook one screen dissed and a chorus of OOOOOOH SNAAAPs goes through the room.
“I’ll have you know that I made a pretty decent vocalist too!” Yoonseo objected.
She wondered how her own team would be edited, would they show how she’d struggled with her vocals but pulled through in the end? How Eunha had helped her feel more stable? Or when she’d broken the tension between Moonae or Siryung? Or maybe they’d even show one of the downtime moments when they were getting along well and talked deep into the night even when they were supposed to be sleeping. That would definitely make up for the fact that she got the lowest votes of both teams…
Yoonseo had really liked her team, despite picking them mostly for buzz they were really cool! Dain reminded her a bit of Xiaoyu which was always a plus, and Moonae would get along great with Jaeeun…
“Your turn,” Xiaoyu nudged her out of her thoughts.
Yoonseo watched the section, waiting impatiently for herself to come up, for it show all she’d done with the group, all she’d done for the group. Instead there was…. Nothing. That little Sungsook dissing thing was the only screen time she got.
What?
Yeji had gotten more screen time than her! How was that possible, watching Yeji was as exciting as watching paint dry!
It had all been Siryung this and Moonae that and some Dain on top.
What?
She couldn’t pay attention the ranking thing, her mind was whirring far too much. How had she failed? She’d made the best team in the whole competition, the team with the ones to watch! But maybe that had been her downfall, everyone was watching the rest of her team! That must have been it, they’d all done too good of a job and the rest of her team was far too popular, all the screen time went to them instead.
Sungsook had been the leader of her team of underdogs coming up against her all star team and she’d gotten screen time for that. Jaeeun hadn’t gotten a lot of screen time but with a face and body like that who needed it? Miyoung had gotten a lot to show her struggle for main vocal. Dahee had gotten hers by being upstaged and then being catty about it. Yeji had gotten hers by being a pawn in some jerk’s plot. And Xiaoyu… she’d basically done what Yoonseo had done, hadn’t she? But somehow it had worked for her… Yoonseo hoped it had worked anyway, she really didn’t want to lose Xiaoyu to the clutches of the kraken called eliminations.
She had to think of a new strategy. Who was going to vote for some girl they’d hardly seen? Especially one who hadn’t even managed to show either of her rap or dancing skills, damnit. She hadn’t prepared and strategized so hard for this opportunity to get dropped in the cutting room floor!
She hadn’t even noticed when the show had finished but next to her Xiaoyu was stretching. “Woof! Next up is eliminations.”
Jaeeun made a face. “Don’t remind me, I’m mildly terrified. 38 is not exactly stable.”
Yoonseo raised her eyebrows. “You? Terrified?” Jaeeun was the kind of person who vanquished any kind of doubts with more and more practice. Not super healthy but hey.
“Yes, me,” Jaeeun said coolly, looking down on Yoonseo from the raised bunk bed.
“At least you’re in the safe zone right now,” Xiaoyu interjected. “I’m here praying for a miracle.”
“I’m praying right here with you!” Yoonseo said, and threw and arm around Xiaoyu.
“You’re above me in the ranking,” Jaeeun said to that.
“You saw the amount of screen time I got, right?”
“Stop it, you two,” Sungsook said. “We’re all nervous about our rankings and we’ll see the day after tomorrow. No need to be at each other’s throats over it.” She clapped her hands. “Alright, time to sleep, we’ve got more training tomorrow.”
Yoonseo slipped into bed and waited until the lights were off and everyone’s breathing slowed. She pulled her duvet over her head and grabbed her phone. She had to read what people were saying. She had to see if anyone was talking about her.
Any hint. Any mention. Any indication that she might make it through to the next round so she could try again.
“Hey, unnie.” A stunning Chinese girl slipped into the trainee cafeteria seat opposite Gaeul, casually eating from a fruit cup. “You doing okay?”
“Hey Qiaolian.” Just another of the SM trainees Gaeul was friendly with. She liked Qiaolian a lot despite her almost squeaky clean reputation. “Yeah why wouldn’t I be?”
“The episode last night?” Qiaolian scooped another grape from the cup. “Our dorm watched it all together too. That was rough.”
Gaeul shrugged. “I’m fine.” It was just a voice crack, that could happen to anyone. She kept her voice as light and nonchalant as possible. “This just makes my narrative more interesting.”
“If you say so.” Another grape gone. Gaeul’s stomach rumbled but she really wasn’t supposed to eat. This week’s weigh-in had not gone well. Qiaolian pricked a piece of apple and held it out. “Eat it.”
“Yes ma’am.” Gaeul bit the apple right off the fork and her stomach thanked her.
Gaeul grinned. “I do. I’ll come out on that stage next time and wow everyone with my amazing voice, just you wait! They’ll be all like ‘woooow Gaeul you’re amaziiiiing.”
Qiaolian giggled until her face fell and an ominous shadow fell over the table. “Gaeul, in my office.”
Gaeul glanced behind her to see the looming figure of trainee manager Kim. She turned back to Lian and made the grossest face she could before getting out of her seat and followed the crisply besuited manager towards the office. He opened the door for her, back ramrod straight and expression cold as steel. God she hated him. Even his desk was big and heavy and almost bare of anything that might portray personality. She sat down with what she hoped was the insolent and sarcastic flourish possible while he closed the door and took a seat.
“I’m sure you know what this is about.” Manager Kim’s back was still straighter than she thought possible even while seated, hands steepled in a way he surely thought looked intimidating. Gaeul was pretty sure he thought a lot of things “You didn’t think it was prudent to mention your voice crack in your report?”
Ah yes, the reports, where she was called to the office like she was a little girl and made to tell them every little thing that had happened during the filming. “It wasn’t as bad in real life,” she said, using all of her willpower not to shrug.
The trainee manager shook his head. “We let you go on the show on the assumption that you could handle yourself, as you assured us many times that you could.”
“I can!” she blurted out before she could stop herself. She took a deep breath. “I can, it won’t happen again.”
“See to it that it does not,” he said with the kind of authority that made her want to defy him instantly. He sounded like her dad, the great big General Jung, the absolute authority, and her gut reaction was to instantly do the exact opposite. “You’ve damaged the reputation of the company alongside your own, what will people think? ‘SM Entertainment can’t train their own trainees. 9 years of training and she still fails.’ Do you understand the consequences of this?”
“This could be a good thing,” Gaeul argued. “I have a storyline, I can redeem myself-”
“You can redeem yourself, but can you redeem the damage to the company’s reputation?” He paused and she made defiant eye contact. He was trying to rattle her, to assert his authority. Gaeul had lived under other men’s authority for far too long. “I assume you are aware that you’re on thin ice now. I hope, for your sake, that you make it in.”
A dismissal as much as anything, and an empty threat at that. She’d known very well from the moment she’d begged them to let her join Produce that this was going to be her final chance. She still didn’t quite know why they’d accepted, she had totally expected to become an independent trainee, maybe they were that insecure about their next girl group. It didn’t matter, this was it or nothing and she new it well.
“And watch your weight,” manager Kim said just before she’d slipped out the door.
“Yes, manager Kim.” And the door finally closed. Gaeul slumped against the door and let out a deep breath.
Then she made her way out of the building, crossed the street to the ice cream parlour, and ordered the biggest cone she could.
The studio was awash with nervous chatter as all the girls were finally seated and they were waiting for the show to rest of the filming to actually begin. The air was thick with anxiety and stress and nerves, Girim could feel it. Their little opening poses had been cute and fun but now that everyone was in their seats they felt the pressure of elimination.
Well… most of them did. Man she still couldn’t believe she was 3rd place last time they got the ranks. Third! How in the holy hell had she managed to do that?! There was nothing extraordinary about her. She wasn’t a stunner like Hyemi and Lucy or a super talent like Choi Bitna or Lexi, or just a bottomless well of uwu generation like Hwari or Sunisa or Mosu. She was just plain old Kwon Girim, surprisingly good on a capture map but that was about it. She didn’t even get any screen time to show off her winning personality!
Not according to… many men… on the internet though. Apparently she was also s which, you know, fair enough! They were pretty big and wiggly and kinda fun to play with honestly they were like a ball of jelly sometimes but also she had to wonder if she was just so high up because apparently her little balls of fun jelly stood out.
She really shouldn’t haven been on DCInside but who could help checking out the comments in times like this? Let the sinner toss the pebble or something like that. Well, some of the comments were very… ehm… too flattering? She was trying so hard not to feel weirded out by it, after all she too had partaken in the ogling of a specifically beautiful male specimen of idol fame before, but it felt so weird when the comments were about her. And she did think she did it a lot more respectfully. What use was a pair of rock hard abs if an adorable or endearingly dumb personality didn’t accompany them, right?
Either way, no matter how she’d racked up these points (and she hadn’t ruled out a weird sleepwalking incident of accidentally selling her soul to the devil yet), she was in a lot cushier position than half of the other girls here and it was eating her up. Was she feeling even worse for definitely making it through than the girls here who stood no chance?? Or was that kinda selfish to think?
She hadn’t been able to look Jinsil in the eyes for weeks.
“So… eliminations, huh?” Moon Soomi had turned around in her seat to address the row behind her. “How are you all holding up?”
“Oh, you know, shaking in my boots,” Jinri joked. “Definitely not contemplating my likely demise or anything.”
Hana laughed. “I know right, I was center but my screen time was like playing Where’s Waldo.”
Girim snorted at that.
“They made me look like such an !” Rachel complained. “Seriously, all we were doing was having a bonding break before bed! All I meant was we didn’t have to go without sleep because we were a good team.”
Yoonseo pat her shoulder. “At least you got screentime, unnie. I’m here on the no screen time end.”
“I just hope the winning team votes save me,” Yemi said, glancing at Girim. She wished Yemi would make it too, she’d been a fun leader at least even though Chaewon had done most of the work.
“They won’t,” Jinsil said. “You know how many votes were cast last seasons, right? No way even the upgraded 4k will put a dent in that. It’s screen time or nothing, and sometimes even then nothing.”
“Please, can we talk about something lighter?!” Minji said from the back row. “I’m ting my pants enough as it is!”
Girim thought for a moment. “Okay… who’s everyone’s celebrity crush? Don’t lie to me we all have one!”
“Sora and Kang Daniel sitting in a tree…” Juyeon singsonged with a big grin.
Lexi gave Juyeon a little shove. “Stoooop he’s really pretty and chivalrous okay?! And really good with kids, plus have you seen his abs?? He’s basically the perfect boyfriend leave me alone I am totally in my rights!!”
“I think NCT’s Mark is really cute,” Areum said with a dreamy little sigh, leaning on the back of her plastic chair.
“I know him!” Gaeul said from the side. “I trained with him, he’s nice but thinks he’s way hotter than he is.”
Areum gasped and leaned back. “You know him?!”
“Of course, I trained at SM, I know a ton of idols. Most of EXO, NCT, Red Velvet… you name it!”
“I know some of Got7 and Stray Kids,” Lexi mumbled. Hehe, Girim had caught that.
“Jeongha really likes Taemin,” Gayoung gave her a little nudge with a cheeky grin. “Do you still have that little alpaca plushie you named after him?”
“I would never lose Taemint!” Jeonha looked outraged at the mere suggestion. “How dare you!”
“Kihyun is my poison.” Taeri let out a deep sigh. “I hope they’re coming back soon…”
“Taeri’s obsession with Kihyun is well known,” Sunisa grinned.
“Like you’re any better!” Taeri objected. “Miss I skipped practice and lied to the manager to go to a Sungjae fansign.”
Hwari gasped a few seats over. “What was he like?!”
“Dumb as a brick.” Sunisa grinned. “I adore him.”
“I met him once backstage,” Juri said. “He was very dumb, I can see the appeal.”
“I’m partial to Jungkook,” Jiho said. “There’s something really cute about him but he’s still so very very y. That’s a deadly combination.”
“I used to go to school with him!” Mosu said excitedly. “He was in my class!! Well… whenever he managed to show up, which wasn’t often. He slept through class all the time too. There was Umji and Eunseo too, they’re really nice.”
Jiho’s eyes widen. “You got to see him in person?!”
Mosu shrugged. “Yeah, well, mostly asleep. He’s a drooler.”
“I’m never going to be able to get that image out of my head,” Jiho said sadly.
Siryung nudged Kayeon. “I know how who like~”
“Shhht!” Kayeon elbowed her. “You know nothing.”
“Who is it?” Girim asked. “Whoooooo.”
“I’m not saying.”
“WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- I’m not gonna stop just say it! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo”
“Fine!” Kayeon sighed. “It’s Suho. He’s really handsome, okay, and very mature.”
“What about you, Fen?” Liling asked.
Fen blinked. “Oh… eeeeh…. I think Cha Eunwoo seems very nice?”
Haeun raised her eyebrows. “Eunwoo? Really?”
“He’s so pretty,” Taeyoung said, leaning her chin on the back of her chair. “Like impossible pretty. He’s so pretty I want to punch him. He’s too perfect. Do you think he was created in a lab to become the perfect idol? Like he was born in a petri dish?”
Fen looked very confused, but Liling laughed. “I wouldn’t be surprised!”
“What about you, Bitna?” Mosu asked. “Tell us tell us tell us!!”
“I think Suga is a great rapper,” she said.
“Really, that’s it?” Mosu looked horrendously disappointed.
Bitna smiled. “Aaaand he has such a cute sassy baby face, it really does it for me. I want to pinch his cheeks but all be sassed by him.”
“Hah, I knew it!” Mosu grinned. “Justice prevails!!”
All of a sudden an insurgence of staff entered the studio, cameras were manned, and the girls fell quiet. “Get ready for recording, Chanhee will be here in a moment,” a staff member told them. Just like that the tension returned as if it had never left.
May the odds be in everyone’s favour, Girim thought. And hopefully this nagging GUILT would go away...
“The next girl-”
Areum’s heart tightened. Was it possible for a heart to tighten? This was not the time to wonder, this was the last rank she’d been. #49. Please say Shin Areum. Please.
“-was the leader in her group.”
Not her. That was fine. She had time, she probably moved up some steps, that was great! She’d been afraid to hope for that, with how little screen time she’d gotten, but maybe she’d impressed anyway.
And then the next girl was Yona and the next girl was Rachel and the next girl was Jisun and none of them were her. Every time Woo Chanhee opened his mouth her heart was in and her lungs stopped working. And every time it wasn’t her.
She gripped the edge of the ty plastic chair so hard it hurt.
The 30s passed and none of them were her. She didn’t even remember who they were, it was impossible to focus. Every time she would stare at Chanhee and will him to say Brand New Music, please say Brand New Music. And then he did and it still wasn’t her and she was so happy for her unnies but her heart felt like it was ripped out of her chest. And then she was left with Park Sora but that was… awkward.
She wanted this so bad. She’d never wanted anything more than to stay in this competition and give it another shot.
#29 came and went and Areum knew she wouldn’t have a shot anymore. No way she could’ve moved up more than 20 spots. She’d go back to the company and they’d probably let her go for not managing to capture anyone’s interest. None of the Brand New Boys had been eliminated before the penultimate elimination round, how could she let the company down like this?? She’d truly never debut now. She was center! Center! And it still hadn’t mattered!
She felt like such a failure.
Her lip quivered and her eyes pricked with tears.
This was it. This was the end. She’d made it into a good company, she’d worked hard to compensate for her lack of any kind of talent, she’d managed to get on Produce 99, and this was still the end.
She wasn’t even paying attention to Chanhee anymore, not really, it was hard to pay attention to anything other than her spiral of thoughts and how much she didn’t want to cry on broadbast.
“Brand New Music’s Shin Areum.”
What.
Wait.
What?
It was like everything around her froze. And then all of her muscles stopped working and she slumped in her seat.
She felt an army of arms surround her and hold her tight and she just felt like crying.
Oh no. There it was. She was really crying.
“The trainee who is at 7-”
Bitna was tense. She’d never been here before, this high, and every time Woo Chanhee opened his mouth she was tense, hoping to god it wouldn’t be her. Just a little higher, hold on just a little longer. Would she keep her #1? A lot had happened since the last rankings were revealed.
If you’d asked her two years ago if she’d ever have a chance at getting the #1 spot on Produce she would have thought you were messing with her. Bitna grinned despite herself and wrestled the expression back into a modest neutrality. She wasn’t going to be okay with mediocrity anymore. Nothing but the best for her.
The way the top 9 was unfolding was hardly surprising, aside from Yeeun not much had changed about who was in it, just what exact rank they would be. Honestly, as soon as the top 20 started it wasn’t a question of who’d make it but at what rank they would. Each of them knew exactly which girls would still be waiting for their call-up, and those praying for a miracle knew it was time to start praying for that 53rd spot instead. It didn’t make for very engaging television, Bitna was sure, but that was probably why they did the final rank last.
“And now we have only 3 places left,” Chanhee said, and Bitna straightened her back for the camera that would soon be pointed at her. There it was, she saw the camera man coming her way while Chanhee talked and pretending everything would be a surprise. Then the red light and her image appeared on the screen. She pretended to be surprised to be a good sport.
“There is our center, SM Entertainment’s Jung Gaeul, who dazzled the National Producers with her performance at the head of Naekkoya.” She’d done that, Gaeul had to admit. The girl had a lot of charisma along with the kind of visual that wasn’t so beautiful it was intimidating but was beautiful enough to be nice to look at. Girl next door relatable with a smile that pulled you in. Didn’t mean Bitna had to particularly like her, though.
“Then there is independent trainee Choi Bitna, a trainee who is here for the second time after she was eliminated in season 1 and competed in Unpretty Rapstar to develop herself as an artist.” Bitna smiled her smile for the camera. That was a nice enough description. She would have named herself the girl who wouldn’t be content with second best anymore. She might just actually fulfill that promise today.
“Finally we have the long-time trainee Hwang Jiho who is now also independent and has shown off her impressive dancing and leadership skills and endeared herself to the nation.” Jiho… Bitna didn’t think much of her, she didn’t think they’d actually interacter aside from during the very first day. She had to admit she didn’t really know why Jiho was this high but who was she to begrudge someone she guessed.
In true Produce fashion there was so much stalling and bull. She was asked a question, Jiho was asked a question, Gaeul was asked a question. She shouldn’t say no to screen time but was all of this really necessary?
And then Jiho ascended to the #3 seat and Bitna was one step closer to that throne up top. They made them stand on the tiniest little circular stages on top of what was already a raised stage. This was all so extra and so unnecessary Bitna had to mentally restrain herself from rolling her eyes as she stepped up the 15cm taller platform.
“Oh wow! The difference between the #2 and the #1 is so great!”
She really really wished he’d just hurry up and say it.
He opened his mouth again. Independent. Say independent. Please just say independent.
“The trainee who is this week’s #1….”
Independent. Say it.
“Is….”
Just do it oh my god just say it. Say independent!!!
“Independent trainee Choi Bitna!”
She let out a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding. Part of her hadn’t though it’d be possible but here she was! She knew exactly what to say, after all, she’d practiced the speech in the mirror for the past 4 weeks. “Thank you so so much for voting for me. I’ve grown so much since I first appeared on season 1, I’ve become such a better person and it warms my heart to see how many people have supported me through my personal growth and continue to cheer me on! To be on this stage again and get another opportunity to shine is more than I deserve, thank you so much.” She bowed deeply and sent the camera the best smile she could possible give.
The walk up the pyramid was an ascendance. She glanced at the #40 seat, no longer her seat, that one was Woo Reni’s now. She want higher and higher and higher and it was dizzying how high she was. And there it was, there was her pink throne.
Bitna sat down and everything felt right.
Well except for the chair.
It was damned uncomfortable.
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