Contains swear words & slight unpleasant images.

(Italic font text is memories.)

“Those freaks must be insane, did you see their scores?” Livid whispers surrounded me, almost suffocating me as I stood still. I should have felt annoyed to hear those voices, but nothing could stop me from forcing my way over to the front, looking for one name only. Min Yoongi. It took me a second or two for the new information to sink in, even though it was right before my eyes, clear, big, intimidating. Then before I could even comprehend what was going on my lips stretched winder, into a grin, while my eyebrows arched to the sky. My shining eyes scanned through the announced test scores, Yoongi’s name outstanding presented at the very top, with 500/500. Perfect score. 

I turned my head away from the virtual screen. My lips continue to stay put in an eternal smile. The joy making through my veins was overpowering, some voices and whispers surrounding me but I shook them all off. My eyes only found the jet black eyes, staring straight at me in the middle of the all commotion. There was no smile on his lips, nor relief it was as if he expected to top the class. He managed to get rid of all the targets without missing them. And just that thought alone crashed all my joy, forcing a frown to appear on my lips. It was almost intimidating to recognise the reality of how extraordinary he was. Min Yoongi was out of everyone’s league, there was no reason to be happy for someone who is leaving us. 

I felt slightly irritated to have the reality hit me in the face with a powerful blast. He was inhuman. There was no way I could ever reach his level of brilliance, as much as I wanted to. I was just Kim Jinmi. 

“Well, I suppose you aren’t a complete disappointment.” I heard a low voice brush against my ear, my head quickly turning in the direction where Min Yoongi was standing in all his glory. A small smirk is present on his sinister lips, his deathly eyes light up slightly when mine meet him. We stood still for a moment, my mind swirling with thoughts and unfamiliar emotions. I was so happy and yet that very moment of sadness was overpowering me. Min Yoongi has graduated from the trainee program. The announcement on the board highlighting his name in red, the perfect score, and the group of Proxy Lore intimidating everyone. Our paths that crossed by accident were over. We both were from Wrath yet here I was, being left behind. I should have felt happy, someone from the ‘freak’ district finally managed to shatter the stigma. Yet my bottom lip was shamelessly beginning to quiver as I tried to push my tears away. This was the long-awaited goodbye. 

So when my eyes became glossy with tears, I pushed away from the surrounding crowd. My feet pulled me quickly away from all the commotion, aimlessly taking me away. I was going to be left alone once again. It was stupid, I wanted to chuckle and sarcastically shout at myself for feeling like that. There was nothing there, to begin with, yet he was someone that I was beginning to look up to. Now, there was a clear line drawn. Yoongi was a junior division rookie. 

My feet seemed to have wandered around for hours, my mind finally picking up on the fact that it was getting dark. I slipped down onto the ground with fatigue, pulling my knees closer to my chest as I stared at the city landscape right in front of me. Several lights shone brightly, completely mocking me and my dampened mood. My eyes were becoming glacier with water and just when it all got too much, tears were flowing without pause. At that moment, it all seemed far too much. Why was I in so much pain? He deserved it, it was his destiny to become someone great, to help D-93. Yet here I was acting like a spoiled brat, crying over a guy that never cared.

“I told you to relax.” That soft yet stern voice made my body shamelessly flinch. I quickly whipped my tears away from my cheeks, humorously laughing. How could he just say that? 

“Easy for you to say, rookie.” The words came out far too harshly than predicted, completely raw and straight to the point. My glossy eyes flashed straight at his mysterious eyes, as soon as my eyes met his it was like I was hypnotized, unable to turn away from his pale complexion. He was so breathtaking, so out of his world. 

“Continue to work hard and you will soon join my squad trainee,” Yoongi replied with the same harshness, making my eyes gaze down in shame when the clogs in my head finally seemed to figure out how ridiculous the situation was. I had no reason to feel like that, Yoongi was never my friend. Yoongi was just a person that I wish I had the guts to be.

So pushing all the feelings away that were screaming at my heart, I forced my lips to form a fake smile, my eyes gazing back up at Yoongi’s towering and intimidating frame “Yes Sir.”

“Jinmi – ”

I cut his surprisingly warm words off, pulling my frame up with determination burning in my mind. “Why? Just last week you refused all the proposals from Proxy Lore, why join his squad now?” 

“It’s none of your business, just because you were part of my training squad does not mean I have to justify anything to you.” His words were like a sharp knife, cutting through the air and any fantasies that my mind had conjured. There was nothing left to do, nothing left to say. He was right, I was just Kim Jinmi while he was the great Min Yoongi. So with all my strength and inner confidence, I threw my head back, sounding a sarcastic laugh at him. 

“Right, apologies rookie.” I felt my heart get heavy as I turned my back to him. My mind tried to empty any reasons to try and stay there that very instant, trying to push away any fantasies of him stopping me. He was a senior, and to get on top I needed to start by obeying orders. I did not dare to turn my head, to glance at him as I was walking away from him. There was no reason to say anything, no goodbyes. I was a trainee and he was my senior. There was no love in virtual reality. 

Only lies.

X

I had to force myself from sounding a concerned whimper, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip as I stared at the three rookies from Proxy Lore’s division. They were all intimidating, fearless, causing us all to feel like just mere useless trainees. My eyes shamelessly always finding his frame, and just his, no matter how much I tried to stop myself. His eyes appeared completely dull, as dark circles decorated his face. Where, they overworking him? Was it even possible for him to be overworked? He was standing surprisingly tall, yet my eyes continued to find hints of his weaknesses. A small bruised apparent at the corner of his lips and all I could think about was that the other person was probably dead.

“You all are very lucky to have the best rookies from Proxy’s Lore division to come and instruct you in your class.” The mentor’s screechy voice rang, my mind continues to swirl with different thoughts. Why? why? why? 

“Trainee Jinmi!” I felt a wild number of eyes flashing in my direction, my lips letting out a shameless whimper when I realized that I was caught daydreaming. My cheeks were already beginning to feel heated, no doubt a stupid blush was forming on my cheeks as I quickly threw my head down, bowing while mumbling apologies at everyone. I was so stupid, how could I just lose myself like that?

“You’re part of rookie’s Enmities group, make your way over to them.” As soon as the words left the mentor's lips I felt a rush of shivers running down my spine.  Was it fear? or maybe anger? It was unclear, however, one thing was certain that Yoongi's deathly eyes were directed at me. My lips opened and closed stupidly as I was completely thrown off my train of thoughts. Did they put me with Enmity? With Yoongi? I quickly threw another bow before rushing over to the glaring Yoongi who was waiting, a scoff sounding as soon as I appear.

“Trainee Jinmi, since you seemed to be so ignorant, why don’t you demonstrate to me and your group how you would execute an enemy?” Yoongi hissed out, causing a few people to chuckle and laugh at me. I felt humiliated, they were all surrounding me, forcing me to think of a bully circle, my eyes quickly darting down onto my new combat boots in pure shame and discomfort, which only made Yoongi more overconfident and cocky, his lips forming a big smirk, while his eyes seemed to have gained some of the mysterious shine back that I missed. He was enjoying this. He was enjoying being in power.

I hated that feeling, I hated myself for being so weak, I wanted to be like him but yet here I was, almost in shameful tears crying over a guy that hated my guts. I was so stupid to think that he thought about me in any different way. I felt a metallic taste seeping into my throat after my teeth manage to cut through my lip, my eyes turning completely white, and my frame trembling with anger. I needed to stop being so pathetic, I was more than that.

“That’s what I thought – ” I felt anger begin to build up. Completely overtaking any decent judgment. Perhaps if I was thinking it all through, I would have realized that it was not what the good girl, Jinmi would have done. That was not how she would listen to her superiors, but something deep down, something with the name of Ire was different. 

My eyes darted back onto his straight frame, his words leaving the sinful lips in slow motion. I felt the tension begin to surge in my muscles, the ability to think clearly in my mind becoming a difficult task. Any rationale was thrown out as soon as the realization of just how humiliated I felt sank in. Screw him and the good girl. My sharp voice cut him off, my fingers curling into a tight fist as I grabbed the 44 magnum revolver from his hand, his eyes moving away from my face towards the gun, but he was far too slow.

I felt satisfaction evade my mind, as I was pointing the gun straight at him, loud gasps surrounded us in a slow dramatic manner when the reality of what I was about to do hit. Everything was in slow motion, my aptitude kicking in as my index finger circled the trigger, my tongue brushing against my bleeding bottom lip in pure pleasure to be in control, there was no second-guessing before the trigger was pulled. The non-existent bullet never left the gun barrel, but the faces of the surrounding crowd caused a slight pleasant sensation to run through my skin. Yoongi’s jet black eyes never waver from me, it was as if all of a sudden that room only had us two. As if the world only had us two, the ‘Grim Reaper’ and the ‘Time wilder’. 

“That’s how you execute an enemy Yoongi.” My words sounded unforgiving, yet Yoongi stood still, above everyone. The corner of his lips tugged up, a sadistic grin was beginning to form on his lips. He was almost quivering in excitement, it was almost sickening to see how excited he was. His cat-like eyes were dragging me in, my chest heavily rising up and down with each inhalation and exhalation of the breath. 

Yoongi’s face lightened up as my fingers threw the gun back to him, his hands catching it without any effort from his part. He looked as if he was love-struck all of a sudden, as a satisfying groan left his throat. The other rookies from his squad rushed over to us, followed by the mentor who was screeching for everyone to pull away, my eyes temperamentally scanning through them all. Their threatening whispers of the past snaking around my conscious, so when their shivering frames and fearful eyes glanced at me, it was as if I was the Queen. I felt so powerful, so ‘Yoongi like’. Was this how he felt being surrounded by violence? 

Yoongi simply threw his palm up, silencing everyone with a single move. His team gazed at him with questioning eyes but he ignored them all. He was only focusing on me, his attention was the only mine. 

“That’s how you get caught, trainee.”

I snorted at his words in dissatisfaction, my eyes sarcastically rolling in their sockets “That’s how you blow a sadistic ’s head off.” I hoped for my words to hit a nerve, instead, it caused my mentor to pull my arm, tugging me away with the threats of placing me in insolation. Yoongi’s eyes never left me even when I was thrown out. 

I hated Min Yoongi, all the attraction that I felt before was gone. I mumbled that mantra in my head until I was hoping to start believing in that pretty lie.

X

I stood still in my tracts, my eyes completely widening as the words seeped into my mind, almost taunting me. I could almost hear them laughing at me and my stupidity. My fingers shook as I scanned through the message, my darkroom fitting in with the mood, the blinds completely shut down as I was baking in silence and darkness. I felt my heart begin to race, the back of my knees hitting my bed once I stepped too far back, my mind completely swirling, in a dizzy manner, causing the nauseous feeling to build up. The bile was clawing at my throat, however, I forced it down before it was too late, and my body completely gives up on me as I dropped onto my mattress, coughing violently. What have I done?

‘Kim Jinmi, you have graduated from the trainee program, please report to the training class of Proxy Lore’s junior rookie division at 9 a.m, tomorrow.’

What has Min Yoongi done? 

X

The nightmare was always the same. Paralyzing, cold, and terrifying. Each time Yoongi’s body hit the ground, my heart broke piece by piece. I tried to figure it out, to look for any clues, but each time came empty. Why would the person who is cursing us, want to show me those horrible images? 

“Don’t jump after me, there is no reason to save me after you slowly cut out my heart and step on the broken pieces.” Those horrible whispers continued to float around, taking and pulling pieces of myself as I stared through my tearful eyes as Yoongi was outstretching his arms in the air. Each time my body would move on its own, trying to get over the ledge and fall after him, to the darkness, to the hate and disappear but his words always stopped me. 

“This is the ending that you wanted, so kill me without any hesitation.”

‘Missing; Proxy Enmity, also known as Min Yoongi. Day 260.’

I buried my face into my palms, sobbing for this nightmare to end. Everything was spinning, turning, making my stomach contract, the bile building up in my throat and before I could stop myself the content was forced out of my throat harshly, burning my insides as I was choking on the bile acid. My stomach kept on contracting violently, images of Yoongi’s crushed and bleeding body forcing everything up and out. There was no doubt that my face was white, ghostly pale mixing in with shameful tears and sweat. I felt my body lurch forward, as I was sinking onto my knees, shaking. "Please stop!"

The vile smell invaded my nostrils, as the hairs on my skin became erected with the sudden poisonous feeling. My shaky eyes tried to see through the wet eyelashes to the sudden intruder in my nightmare. The masked man was coming closer with a weapon, the way his body swayed to the unheard music of pain and torture, completely mocking the pathetic shell of myself. It was like a broken record, one moment he was getting closer and the other further away, and it was like a never-ending circle. My mind fired off fried useless impulses, who was that? That was new? Where was Yoongi? Was that person trying to my soul out through my nightmare? More impractical questions and soon enough a migraine was forming. I did not understand any of it.

“Run!” My head snapped forward, Yoongi’s dark frame rushing over to me as all I could do was stare at the commotion. My body completely froze up as the room was beginning to spin again. Yoongi was frantically waving his arms, something was leaving his lips but it was as if I become completely deaf unable to hear him. Everything was slowed down, appearing like an old movie.

“What’s your name sweetheart?” The masked man asked, his red eyes shining through the cutout slits. Wait…red? 

“Yoongi?” The masked man's faces morphed into one with Yoongi, his lips tilting into a smirk, his fingers gripping onto my shoulders as the evil eyes formed a single horizontal line, Yoongi, no that person was in his 'demon' form, the power of necromancy and fear inducement. There were no more words exchanged, my body shaking with fear as everything was being ripped away. 

"Jinmi!" Just when my heart could no longer take it, everything went blank. My body fell into complete darkness, to the waiting shadow. 

X

I woke up feeling even more fatigued than I was, to begin with. It was as if all my energy was temporally out. It was that tiredness that came in both forms, physically and mentally. My body completely gave up on me once I tried to sit up, my head turning slightly towards the door where Jungkook and Taehyung were missing. I felt fear beginning to surge through, my trembling fingers gripping onto my bed sheet, why did they go? where did they go? My mind was so overworked that for a brief second images were conjured just to please me. Jungkook and Taehyung smiled at me brightly as their hands were outstretched, my peripheries slowly stretching forward to them, relief flowing into my heart as I smile at them. However, before I could fully relax their nails suddenly become outgrown, going straight for me as their faces merged into faceless shadows, forcing me to scream in fear. They're going to scratch my eyes out.

I felt the air get out of me, my eyes darting into the now empty bedroom. My body completely twisted into my duvet, preventing me from getting up from the mattress. Was I going insane? That nightmare was nothing like before. I tried to calm myself down, but the longer and the harder I tried the worse I was getting, and minutes later my mind realized that I was crying, trembling like a leaf in the wind. I quickly placed my forearm over my forehead, sobbing which soon turned into hysteric laughter. 

“Nightmare?” His low voice was icy, like the snow but yet it was as if my body was craving. It was as if it was my soft lullaby, and just like that my eyelids become heavy. My fingers outstretching themselves, aiming for Yoongi that was leaning against the door frame, his chest inhaling and exhaling quickly, maybe he ran here, but my mind was so tired that none of it made any sense. Maybe I was dreaming again? 

“I’m so drained out, how much do you need Yoongi?” My words were rolling off the tongue with great difficulty. I felt drowsy, drunk almost. 

If my words were strange Yoongi did not show it, instead, he was slowly walking over to me, his steps careful it was as if he was worried that I might freak out on him “Was there a masked man?” It was like his words were magic, forcing my body to kick into action when the realization of what he said donned. My eyelids fluttered completely open as my legs were swinging over the mattress once I managed to tug the duvet off. I was a mess, with my shaking calf’s I was treading forwards to him, however, I did not need to walk a lot as he met me halfway.

“W-what did you just say?” I breathily asked, my eyes searching for answers that I knew he did not have. We both were stuck. The image of Yoongi running over to me in my nightmare shouting for me jotting through, almost electrocuting me as I found my shaking fingers grip onto Yoongi’s shirt. My eyes annoyingly watering again. I hated feeling so weak, so useless but my post-nightmare mind was working differently for a moment, as soon enough I found myself clinging onto Yoongi for my dear life. My arms wrapped themselves around his waist, as my head quickly nuzzled against his chest, my right ear searching for the confirmation that this was indeed the reality and not the nightmare, where was his heartbeat? I felt irritated, perhaps he did too but he stayed still allowing me to calm over-freaking self down once I hear his heartbeat.

“Is someone after you Yoongi?” I begged for him to answer me, my eyes searching his dark ones, however, every fantasy needed a shattering, so when Yoongi stepped away, my heart was crushed. My eyes picked up on how truly tired he was. He was completely mentally drained, like a corpse. 

“If you’re done resting come out, Namjoon wanted us all for planning.” And just like that Yoongi was out of the bedroom, leaving me in silence and sudden panic once more. How ironic, I wanted him dead after all, yet that very moment I was freaking out, worried about him.

X 

“I want you all to split up into sub-units, we’ll be taking both the east and west rebels of Foxit. Anyone that refused to say anything and poses a threat should be dealt with appropriately.” Namjoon stated, his slouched frame pacing around the kitchen table. 

“Mark hasn’t finished locating everyone yet.” I quickly intercepted, causing Namjoon to stop in his track. His tired eyes raked it across the table until they landed on me. It was as if he has completely forgotten about my existence until I spoke up. Perhaps I would have been insulted if for not the fact that everyone looked completely drained. 

“We have plenty of information to act forward, if we continued to stay around waiting then we will run out of time.” His soft voice was a real contrast compared to his messy appearance. Namjoon was looking far worse when I saw him yesterday. It was as if he did not sleep an ounce, which was not a very hard thing to believe when I was experiencing those nightmares. 

“So you’re saying we split into the sub-units like last time?” Seokjin circled in, placing four dishes filled with homemade pancakes that Mark was itching to get to ever since Seokjin said ‘pancakes’. However before Mark’s fingers could even reach close enough, Seokjin’s palm met his fingers with brutal force, earning a loud whimper leaving Mark’s throat together with a loud smacking sound of Seokjin’s surprisingly vicious force. His tired eyes darted onto Mark in anger, forcing a chuckle to leave both I and Jungkook’s lips. It was like a little child being scolded, which both I and Jungkook enjoyed, however before we could burst into stupid shameless giggles when both of our eyes met, Seokjin flashed us a strong glare, causing Jungkook to shift in his chair uncomfortably, my eyes guiltily looking away. During all the commotion Taehyung easily took three pancakes. 

“That’s right, and thanks for the pancakes Jin.” Namjoon slurred, finally sitting himself down onto the empty seat at the head of the table. His lips barely formed a smile directed at Seokjin before his eyes were forced to focus on us in such intensity that I felt a cough expelling. 

It was almost comical to see us sitting around a table, plates surrounding us with three jars of strawberry jam of Taehyung’s favorite. No doubt there was a huge fight in the early hours of the morning between strawberry jam and marmalade. Taehyung vs Jimin. Thus when I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes I saw him stuffing his face with pancakes and at least half of the strawberry jam jar. It almost seemed so peaceful, a group of friends hanging around, until the reality of what was happening spit in my face, forcing my heart to contract unpleasantly.

“This time Jimin you’re going back to your usual sub-unit of recitation.”

“Aw, but I wanted to be with Jinmi again, can’t we have her in our group?” Jimin whined, his lips puckering into a small pout when Taehyung took a pancake off his plate. Jimin quickly tugged into Yoongi’s shirt, acting like a spoiled little brat while pointing at Taehyung who was stuffing his face with all of our pancakes. He was snitching Taehyung to Yoongi. He seemed to give zero interest until Jimin was shaking him violently, continuing to point at Taehyung as he was stuffing his face from Hoseok's plate.

“Taehyung I swear to God - “ Yoongi hissed out, gently pulling Jimin’s arms away before throwing an angry hiss at both innocent Jimin and Taehyung, who was simply smiling at Yoongi. I chuckled slightly, pushing my plate towards Jimin, there was no point to force myself to eat. I was feeling sick. As soon as his eyes fell onto the plate of pancakes his eyes shined brightly. It was all so innocent, so like the past. His fingers completely forgetting annoyed Yoongi, while digging into my pancakes. There was no ‘Thank You’ but I did not need it, Yoongi’s relaxed frame and Jimin's quiet were enough.

“Jinmi is part of the combat team, that’s final,” Namjoon stated, whipping the corner of his lips with a tissue. His harsh words completely do not fit in with the image in front of us. So when my eyes darted onto Mark who was stuck in between Jimin and Seokjin, the way his lips twisted into a nasty grin was a clear indication of him thinking the same way. I was surrounded by idiots. 

“I guess I finally get to work alongside you Jinmi, thank goodness I could not stand being around Yoongi and Jangkookie.” Mark had the guts to causally whistle at the end of his sentence, Jungkook twitching in his seat after his name was butchered. 

“It’s Jungkook, you idiot! Yoongi please let me get rid of him, he has done his part –

Mark had the nerve to appear insulted at the words being thrown at him, his palm going straight onto his chest, over his heart as he was standing up “HEY! I’m a valued member of Alpha Arcadia.”

“You’re not even part of it! Just a temporary member!” Jungkook shouted, his old pre-floating era chair scratching against the floor as he too was standing up. Pointing his sharp finger at Mark who was gasping dramatically.

I felt a shiver run down my spine when Yoongi’s hot breath fanned against my skin, it brushing a few strands of my hair away from my ear as he leaned into to whisper “Jinmi.”

I swallowed my saliva, in a slightly nervous manner, my eyes darting onto Jungkook and Mark arguing over the table. Namjoon rubbed his temples with a slight hiss sounding, as Seokjin was trying to drag Mark back into his seat “Yes?” My nervous front was soon shattered as the pure scene in front was causing me to smile.

“My gun has been itchy to be used, you think it would matter much if I got rid of Mark and Jungkook?” Yoongi stated, his voice sounding completely serious and cold. He spoke barely above a whisper but it seemed to have reached Mark’s and Jungkook’s ears. 

“Hey!”

“What?”

I hummed in delight when the table suddenly turned quiet, my tongue brushing against my dry bottom lip as I leaned into Yoongi’s ear, not even bothering to whisper out a reply, instead, I made it loud and clear “I don’t think it would matter much, we would still need to save their assess anyways. I think it would be even better.” 

The pure shock in Mark’s face was worth it all, Mark’s mouth opened before closing just as quickly as he was completely gobbed smacked. His fingers running through his hair in distress “Can you both please stop flirting, our lives are not a joke!”

I felt a smile disappear from my lips as soon as his words sounded, my throat hissing out a scoff “Can you hear that Yoongi? I think I hear Mark begging to be shot by your 44 magnum revolver.”

“Funny that, I think I just heard the same thing.”

Mark threw himself over Namjoon’s arm, forcing a knife to drop onto the floor, a muffled complaint left Namjoon’s lip when the knife cluttered against Seokjin’s foot, who quickly shouted in pain. Namjoon’s eyes widened with the sight of possibly having a knife stabbed into Seokjin’s foot.

“Namjoon I want to be placed in another sub-unit!” Mark dared to say without any realisations of the chaos happening around him. My feet pulled me up as I quickly rushed over to Seokjin who was swearing under his breath, the colourful language throwing me off for a second, it was the goody tooshie Seokjin after all. However, Jimin’s fingers were already pulling Seokjin’s sock off in great worry. It was obvious that his basic knowledge of first aid was non-existent as Seokjin quickly waved him off. Namjoon pushed Mark off before he was asking Seokjin a million questions, followed by another million apologies.

“Well, I’m glad that for once it isn’t my fault.” Hoseok hummed in delight, eating Yoongi's pancakes. His words only earned him several glares.