Amber sat alone in her room, Irene gone, Victoria somewhere across the city taking photos. She'd already completed her math homework and memorized as much Korean as she could without getting a headache. Now there was nothing to do but stare at the wall with her internet and phone access restricted to certain hours of the day. It was to help them focus, but she felt mentally drained from focusing so much. 

She wanted to go play somewhere. Run around. Burn off some energy not working out or learning to dance. Basketball would be great but her friend, Henry, had debuted a few weeks ago, so she didn't really have anyone to play with. Not only did most of the trainee girls not want to play with her, the few who'd given it a go said she played too much like a boy for them to find it fun. 

She wanted to correct them and say that she just played well and they , but she didn't have the energy for it. 

She sighed, rolling out of bed. Quiet nights were awful. She felt so alone. She missed her family. She missed her friends back in California. 

Amber tried popping in her headphones, blasting Linkin Park and going through some of her old TaeKwonDo exercises, but it just didn't do the trick. 

Pulling on her tennis shoes, she left the dorm, sneaking past the security by taking the Janitor closet at the back of the building, it opened out to the park-like area behind the SM Housing unit and the janitor was always careless enough to leave the doors open, or he knew that the trainees needed a little scape. Whatever it was, Amber was glad she'd discovered it. 

There was a track, tennis courts, basketball courts, a pool (covered at the moment), park exercise equipment, and an empty vending machine that taunted hungry trainees. All of the sports equipment was locked away, so Amber decided to jog. 

It was so much more freeing than running on the treadmill each morning. The wind felt good on her skin and the fresh air seemed to empty her mind. 

She hoped it wouldn't be too empty, though. She had a Korean review coming up in the next two days. 

"You know you're not supposed to be out here, right?" A light voice said from across the park. 

Amber pulled up short, yanking one headphone out of her ear. 

"What?" 

A fit girl in a tank top and skin-tight jogging pants strolled up to her. They were nearly equal in height. Soft brown eyes twinkled at Amber from beneath well-shaped eyebrows and skin that looked like it was regularly kissed by the sun. 

She looked vaguely familiar, but there were hundreds of girls among the trainees and they were coming and going all the time. 

"The park," the girl said, gesturing around. "Is only to be used between the hours of 7 am and 8. What are you doing out here? Looking to get a write-up?" 

"Urm..."

The girl studied her for a moment. "Are you okay?" 

"What?" 

Amber knew she probably looked tired. She'd had quite a few sleepless nights lately. 

"You're eating, right?" 

"Of course," Amber replied immediately, though she knew she wasn't eating as much as she should and she definitely knew her mom would worry if she saw what Amber had for meals these days. 

The girl reached out faster than Amber could react and squeezed at her sides, then her wrists. 

"How much do you weight?" 

"4-40kg," Amber responded nervoulsy. Freaking out on the inside that this girl might actually be one of the people who determined whether she would get to debut or not. What if she failed it all cause she was underweight? Cause she was outside when she shouldn't be? She nibbled on her fingers but got them snatched out of . 

The girl had hold of her hand. "Come with me!" 

"Umm...who are you?" Amber asked following along, hoping she wasn't going to be taken to an office somewhere, given a plane ticket, and booted back to America. She'd worked too hard for that. 

"Yuri," she said, dragging Amber into what turned out to be the gym. 

"Yuri?" 

"Yes, now take off your hoodie," she said.

"Umm." 

"Do it!" the girl snapped impatiently. 

Amber quickly removed her hoodie, revealing a thin body encased in a black tank. Looking upset, Yuri pulled a tape measure from a cabinet by the entryway and began to take Amber's measurements, around each thigh, her arms, then around her waist. 

"Have they been telling you to lose weight?" 

Amber scratched the back of her neck. "Not really, they congratulate me at each weighing though," she said in her awkward Korean. 

"Well, stop. Or at least try to. Have you been throwing up?"

"When I'm nervous." 

Yuri squinted at her to check whether she was lying, but the answer had been straightforward. "Having trouble with the Korean food?" 

"A little. And I'm stressed all the time. It's hard for me to eat then and my stomach...hurts a lot. And I exercise to get rid of the stress, but I can't sleep and it makes it hard to eat and-" 

Amber was surprised when the girl pulled her into a tight hug. Months of emotional strain, stress, and worry seemed to just seep out of her body with the understanding gesture. 

"They get it into your heads that being skinny is the most important thing, when in all honesty what makes you part of the final group is whether you had the strength to bring out who you really are at the end. What's the point of having dozens of copies when they can have a few people who remain individuals? That's one of the reasons you're here and it's why you'll get chosen if you just don't let them get in your head." 

She leaned backwards and smoothed Amber's hair out of her face. "You're nothing but skin and bones. Hang out with me a few times and we'll see what we can do about getting some meat on your bones and some muscle in those skinny little arms." 

Amber only understood about a third of that but smiled gratefully when the girl gave her her number.

"Thank you," she said so earnestly tears nearly sprang to Yuri's eyes. It was clear the girl was a bit of an outcast and needed any friend she could get, and despite her tough appearance, there was so much sweetness and vulnerability in her eyes she looked like a lost puppy. 

Yuri pulled her close again and said with a laugh. "And check out the screens next time you're walking through the building. You might see me." 

"Yuri?!" Krystal exclaimed. She double checked the number on the piece of paper Amber showed her and paired it against the one she had in her phone. "That was Girl's Generation Yuri, you know the group my sister's in. Stop watching Super Junior for just two seconds and pay attention. How can you debut if you don't know your Sunbaes?!" 

Amber sighed. Exactly how many things did people expect her to remember?  She knew the girl group, of course, but she hadn't taken time to get to know all the members yet. 

"She was really nice," Amber said with a shy smile. 

Krystal linked her arm through Amber's, studying the older girl's face. "And pretty, right?" 

Amber nodded. 

"Her figure is killer..." 

"That rhymed." 

Krystal rolled her eyes. "So, are you going to start eating better?" 

Amber bit her lip. She couldn't really control her nerves that well, nor her anxiety or insomnia, and they all affected her eating. Plus she wanted to be perfect...but was there really such a thing as perfect...and if there was, could Amber ever hope to achieve it. Looking at the slender girl beside her with the perfect feminine posture and body ratio, she figured perfection was out of reach. 

She might as well try to relax about the diets and eat more. If skinny was the only thing she had going for her at the end, then she really hadn't done her best, nor accomplished what she wanted. 

"Yeah. I'll try." 

"Want me to hold your hand the next time that serve that scary rice stuff? So many tiny white grains all over the plate?! Ooohhhh~" Krystal taunted. 

Amber gently bumped her with her elbow. "Leave me alone." 

"Alright," Krystal said, pretending to walk away from her, then laughing when Amber threw her arms around her back to hold her in place. The laughter was tinged with sadness though because from here she could feel how Amber's ribs poked at her back and see how her skin stretched across her bone. She was glad Yuri had run into her the other night. She'd been worried about Amber but was nervous to try to convince her to do anything since she was two years younger. 

She reached up and clasped Amber's forearm in her hand. "Amb-" 

A throat cleared behind them, causing them to spring apart. A man in glasses and a dark suit, whom they'd each seen sitting in on various vocal and dance lessons, shot them a look, then continued on his way. 

Krystal didn't know why she blushed so deeply, but she suddenly felt uncomfortable. She glanced over at Amber who had a deep furrow between her brows and a cold, pinched look to . Krystal reached out to her, but Amber stepped back.

"I'm tired of being looked at like that." 

Krystal had kind of hoped she hadn't noticed. 

"I'm sorry." 

Amber sighed. "Yeah...well." 

"Wanna go try to get the man at the convenience store to give us a discount on gummy worms to take our mind off of it?" 

Amber threw her arm around the younger girls neck, her mood already brightening. "Alright." 

"Then I'll come back to your room and help you with your Korean sentence structure. Okay?" 

Amber readily agreed. Thank goodness she wouldn't have to be alone when she went back to the dorm.