What are you doing?

The words had been echoing in Krystal's head for more than a week as they went through their choreography, press training, walking, getting out of cars, getting in to cars, smiling, singing, modeling...

What are you doing?

The kiss had been a brief half second, simultaneously fluttering Krystal's heart and shattering it all in one go. She'd been glad it was dark so Amber couldn't see her face, but she half-hoped sometimes that she could've seen Amber's. Because now...Amber acted like it had never happened. A blip in their friendship that was completely gone. But she didn't treat Krystal the same. They never slept in the same bed anymore. Krystal wasn't the one she relied on and held onto the most. And it broke Krystal's heart. 

She wished Amber would at least talk to her about it, or that she could talk to Amber about it, explain what she'd done and her feelings, but Amber got a weird look on her face whenever Krystal tried to bring it up, so she'd just let it go. She'd hoped that even if Amber didn't like her back, that she would be able to confide in her about her uality, but it seemed Amber wanted nothing to do with it. 

Does she hate me? Krystal sometimes wondered. Is she only tolerating me so we can debut? 

"Please focus Miss Jung." 

She snapped her attention back to the practice. 

"Turn. Turn! Focus. Turn!"

"Ah!"

Krystal stumbled and fell, her ankle bending slightly beneath her. All the girls rushed to her side. 

"Are you okay?' Victoria asked. "What happened?" 

She pointed to her ankle and felt Amber's rough fingers tugging down her sock to get a better look. She in a breath and stared at the older girl. 

"It doesn't look swollen," Amber said, poking and feeling at the skin and bones. "Does it hurt when I do that?" 

Krystal shook her head.

"Let the medic take a look at it." 

Amber shifted out of the way and the medic did pretty much the same thing Amber had, poking, prodding, and asking questions. Krystal couldn't take her eyes off of Amber. She'd seemed worried. Does she care?

"You guys can rest for the day. It's still weeks before debut and it's important that you're in good shape. You've got a lot of performances and appearances to prepare for. Keep your weight off your ankle." 

Krystal nodded to the instructions and she could see the relief in the other girl's faces that for once they could have half of the day to themselves. Sulli had been having a particularly hard time since fast-paced dances had never been her strong suit. 

"Amber, can you help her up?" Victoria commanded. 

Amber nodded and slid her arm around Krystal's waist, pulling her to her feet. She stayed there to help Krystal walk back to the room. 

"I can do it on my own," Krystal insisted, not wanting to be a bother to Amber. 

The older girl shook her head, hair falling into her eyes. "I've had ankle injuries before. It's best to take care of them if you can." 

They walked the rest of the way in silence, Amber propping up pillows for Krystal once they were back in her and Sulli's room. Amber was about to leave, but Krystal reached out and grabbed her hand. 

What are you doing?

Amber looked down but didn't pull away. 

"I'll go and see if I can find some healthy fruit and vegetables. We haven't been eating well enough the past few days," Victoria said, waving a finger in the air as she left the room. 

Sun Young nodded. "And I need to sleep. I've been pulling all-nighters to finish my homework. I hope you feel better, Soo Jungie." 

"I haven't had a chance to watch television in ages," Sulli exclaimed. She raced over and kissed Krystal on the forehead. "I'm sure Amber will take care of you." 

Amber's grip shifted on her hand when Sulli left, closing the door behind her. 

Krystal studied what she could see of the face of the girl she'd thought of as her best friend and crush. 

"Do you hate me?" 

"What?" Amber asked, her head snapping up. 

"Because...because I like girls?" Krystal asked timidly. Hesitantly. As if terrified to say it out loud. 

"Y-you like girls?" Amber asked. 

"I kissed  you!" Krystal snapped. 

Amber looked away from her. "I thought maybe...because I look like a guy." Her eyes flicked down. "It wouldn't be the first time."   

"No," Krystal said firmly, surely. "I've known I've liked girls since I was little. But you...well you're the first one I've ever kissed. And the first one I ever thought, well, hoped, would like me back." 

She was surprised by the anger she saw in Amber's face. "So you just assumed-" 

"No. Well. Maybe." 

Amber looked disappointed. Krystal wanted the anger back. She would much rather have Amber mad at her than disappointed. 

"Not just that, but the way you always talked about Yuri. And I was sure-" she stopped and blushed. 

"Sure? Sure about what?" 

"Well," Krystal fiddled with her blanket. "I was sure you two were sort of...you know. She'd sneak out of her dorms to see you. What was I supposed to think?"

"That we're friends."

"Only friends?" 

Amber snatched her hand away from hers and folded her arms across her chest, leaning back in the chair next to Krystal's bed. "Yeah. We'd just work out and talk and stuff. Geez." 

"I'm sorry. I guess I should've just asked rather than assuming. So..are you?" 

"What?" Amber asked, avoiding her eyes.

"Please, Amber. You know what I want to ask. I won't expect you to like me back if you are. We can just keep being friends. But, I want to know if I have a chance." 

Amber blinked at the wall for a full two minutes before she said softly. "We're debuting in a few weeks. We're only teenagers and you're only fourteen. It doesn't really matter whether I am or aren't because you wouldn't have a chance either way," she continued, a muscle working in her jaw. "You're too young and we should focus on our work anyway." 

Krystal's heart felt sick as she clenched her blanket in her sweaty palms. She'd been so nervous to ask. She'd worked so hard to get the courage to ask and to tell Amber that she liked girls. This hadn't been the response she'd been hoping for. 

"But..so you're-"

"It doesn't matter what I am. You're my friend, Krys. I hope you can let this go and get over this crush. It's been really awkward being around you when you keep staring at me like that." 

"Like what?" 

Amber looked up at her and Krystal felt her heartbeat increase slightly. How did people get rid of crushes? Did you just wish them away? 

"Like that..." 

Something flickered in Amber's eyes, but she shifted her gaze away too quickly for Krystal to figure out what it was. 

"We can be friends and that's it," Amber said. "Anything else would just be bad for everyone. We can't just think of ourselves or our wants."

"I'm not just thinking of myself!" 

"You're thinking of your feelings and whether your heart will be broken, but you're not thinking about me, Victoria, SunYoung, or Sulli trying to debut or trying to hide some relationship while working. You're not thinking about what people will do if they find out. I'm glad that you're strong enough to be able to say to me that you like girls and to tell me about your feelings but...that's all I can say that I'm glad about. I hate that it's me that you like," Amber said, finally meeting her eyes. 

Krystal tried to hold back a sob but came out regardless. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to have a crush on you. It just happened. And I really didn't mean to kiss you. I-" 

Amber sighed, knowing she was being mean. She didn't have to be mean. She just wished she could do the same. Be open with her feelings to someone. If it were anyone, it would be Krystal, but she'd signed that away in that contract along with a small part of her soul. 

"Let's just not talk about it again, okay? You never know who might overhear or what they'll do with the information. I'm...I'm flattered that you, the prettiest and kindest girl in all of South Korea, would like me. And I'm proud of you for being brave." She reached out for Krystal's hand and Krystal took it without hesitation. "I love you. You're my best friend here. I don't want that to ever change."

Why does she look sad?

"Okay. Sorry."

Amber shook her head. "Don't be sorry." 

She hesitated, then left her seat, crawling into bed beside Krystal. Amber wrapped her arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. "One last time?" 

Krystal smiled happily and snuggled in next to Amber. "Okay. One last time."