Amber was tired. She couldn’t remember ever being so tired. Even the training period was starting to look like nothing. At least when she’d been a trainee, she’d only been working in one location. Now, there was travel and rehearsal and screaming fans and interviews and trying her best to recall Korean when nerves made it hard to scrape off the few bits that had stuck. 

They relied heavily on Luna to speak for the group and Amber relied on Krystal to help her say what she needed even though sometimes Krystal was really shy. 

It was scary. 

She couldn’t even relax when she finally found a bed to sleep on because the hours were so irregular that you never knew when you’d be woken up again. 

She felt sick sometimes. 

A warm hand rubbed circles into her lower back as their van carried them to another performance. 

She looked over at Krystal and gave her a soft little half smile. 

“Thank you.” 

Krystal nodded. 

“The last performance for a week,” Amber murmured. “I could really use the rest.” 

“Did you forget we’re shooting another music video?” 

Amber’s head dropped back against the headrest. “Oh yeah.” 

Krystal laughed. “You remember how hard we worked for this?” 

“Of course.” 

“Now that we have it, why do we only want to sleep all the time?”

 Amber smiled and nodded in agreement. She loved performing, but a soft bed would be better than anything right now. 

“You want to lay on my shoulder for a bit? We still have two hours.” 

Amber glanced around the van but everyone else was minding their own business. SunYoung was deep in a book, Victoria’s head was drooping against the door of the van, Sulli was painting her nails, and their manager was driving. 

“I don’t know…” 
Krystal sighed. “Listen, I had a crush on you and it’s done with. Just because I’m a lesbian doesn’t mean I’ll take any opportunity to make a move on you.” 

Amber shushed her, glancing around again to make sure no one was listening in. “It’s not that.” 

“Then what?” 

“Your shoulder is a little low. My neck will have a crick in it by the time we get to the venue.” 

Krystal frowned at her suspiciously to make sure she was telling the truth. “Well just squish down a little more and you’ll fit.” 

“…my back…” 

“Never mind then!” She folded her arms over her stomach and stared straight ahead. She could feel Amber’s eyes on her but refused to look at her. 

She heard some shuffling around, then Amber’s warm head landed on her shoulder, short hairs brushing her cheek. She smiled to herself, enjoying having Amber near, then started regretting it a bit moments later when she felt drool on her shoulder. 

“Why do you sound sad?” 

Amber was speaking to her sister on the phone. It had been ages since their last phone conversation and months since she’d last seen her. 

“I miss home,” Amber whispered. 

“After working so hard to get there?” 

“I did something…something stupid. And now…I just..,” sometimes the contract she’d signed weighed on her nights when she would think about the future ahead of her, especially when she saw other young idols flirting around backstage or trainees sneaking kisses in secret areas of the building.

“You know you can tell me anything,” her sister said, voice full of concern. 

“I can’t talk about it.” 

“Amber…” 

Amber wished she hadn’t made the phone call now. She’d been feeling particularly low. The moment with Krystal had been sweet and she could only think about how she’d signed a contract that would never allow her to have anything beyond that with anyone. Not for years anyway. It’s not like their schedules showed they would have much time to date or have a relationship, but if she had a crush she could never act on it like Krystal had, confess, tell someone what she was feeling or who she really was. Cause what if they betrayed her? What if the relationship ended and they told someone? Why had she signed that stupid contract? 

“I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.” 

“Amber. Do not hang up on me when you sound like this,” her sister said in a warning tone. 

“I’ll be fine. It was something stupid. I promise. I’ll call you tomorrow. I’m just tired and everything sort of got to me all at once. I love you.” 

She chewed on her forefinger staring at the base of Luna’s bunk in the dark. The light snores telling her the girl was completely asleep. 

She huffed and got out of bed, unable to sleep. Tired but almost too tired to actually sleep. She headed to the kitchen, hoping to find some milk or maybe some left over snacks to calm her nerves. 

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” a voice said in the darkness, scaring her half to death. Amber jumped, a hand over her racing heart. When she saw Krystal emerge from the darkness, she relaxed slightly, slumping against the wall. 

“What are you doing awake?” Amber complained, passing her to get to the fridge. 

Krystal waved a breadstick in her face. 

“Ooh, there’s some left?!”

“Not anymore.” 

“Can I have some of that one?” 

“No.” 

Amber groaned and opened the fridge door again like something new would appear, but it was empty except for three bottles of water and a bottle of ketchup. 

She sat down on the kitchen floor, looking at the fridge like it was her enemy. Krystal laughed and sank down beside her, tilting the bread stick her way. Amber took a little bite of it. 

“Oh my god, so good. I think this is the first thing I’ve eaten that wasn’t a snack cake today.” 

She put her head on Krystal’s shoulder. She loved the calm feeling of being near the younger girl.

“Thank you.” 

Krystal shrugged. “No problem. That was your only bit though.” 

“Meanie.” 

They both chuckled. 

“Krys…,” Amber began quietly, wanting to get something off her chest even though it was months late. She hated how she’d handled Krysta’s feelings so far. “I want you to know…I’m proud of you for confessing to me. Not everyone can just do that, especially when it’s the same . I just want you to know that I think you’re really brave.” 

She felt Krystal plant a kiss on the top of her head. “Thank you for saying that. I thought you might’ve been grossed out by me or something.” 

“Never. I’m sorry I made you feel like that.” 

Krystal hooked an arm around her neck. “Don’t worry about it. Being with you like this makes it all better. I’m glad you know more about me. And no matter what, know that you can tell me anything too, no matter how stupid or scary it might be.”