Later that day, Hongbin braced the cold weather and meet Eunjung in a café near the woman’s hospital. It was on a second floor of a road shop. A little tucked away and not too crowded. He walked in and didn’t find her right away, so he walked further in the room. He found her in the corner of the room seated on a booth that is a little hidden. He appreciated her choice of seat, as it gives them the privacy for the long conversation that they will have.

She looked up as he was approaching and she got up from her seat to greet him. When they came face to face, it was awkward for a while, a bow and a handshake would be far too formal and impersonal for two people discussing their baby together, but a hug would felt too familiar. But then he took the familiar path and moved to give Eunjung a quick embrace before sitting down opposite of her.

“You should order first.” She said as he took off his coat. He noticed that her drink and cake was already served in front of her.

When Hongbin came back to the table with his stay of hot beverage and chocolate pie. He saw that Eunjung had taken a folder out of her handbag. She laid it out in front of him.

The first item in the folder was a photo of her ultrasound. “7 weeks along, I counted about 5 weeks since we had . The first 2 weeks is just a medical timing thing.”

“You’re that far along. So the test was not just a blood or a urine test?” Hongbin replied as he looked at the picture. His heart skipped a beat the moment he was it. There was a dark dot in the middle, and a smaller white dot. The size of the pinkie finger nail.

“It was at first, but then the urine test came back positive relatively quickly. I was not surprised. Then I just went ahead and got a blood test to check if things are stable and an ultrasound while I’m at it.” She explained to him from behind her cup. She seemed distracted, but honestly so was he. His mind was going so fast, yet nowhere at the same time. He was not able to form any rational thought. “The doctor say the fetus is about the size of a red bean.”

“A red bean?? I’m a red bean.” He said unwittingly. That got her to laugh, though a bit ironically. “I mean, that’s what some of my friends call me.” Hongbin tried to explain.

“I know, I remembered, that was what I thought when the doctor said that.” she looked away. “So the blood test came back with the basic result, not extensive yet, it will take a few days to get the full result of any potential carried diseases, but for now the fetus is healthy, so am I.”

“That’s good, right. I’m glad to head that it’s all healthy.” Hongbin unhelpfully replied. His eyes still glued to the ultrasound picture.

“7 weeks along, the last week for a medical abortion.”

When Hongbin heard those words, it felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped over his head. “……” he have nothing to say. So he only looked up at her, giving her his attention and hope she would continue.

“After that my option is to have a surgical abortion, a little more invasive, a little more expensive.” Her voice was heavy with uncertainty.

“So, you have decided then. To end it?”

“To tell you honestly, I don’t know. Before I see the doctor this morning, I was pretty sure I want to terminate the pregnancy, it just does not make any sense. With the condition that I am in, my career is about to pick up and having a child would be very hard to do. Not to mention it is going to be very expensive. And then, there is the fact that we are not even together. And I am sorry to say, I cannot marry you Hongbin. I won’t, I don’t want to end up married just for the sake of getting married. You are virtually a stranger to me Hongbin.”

“I understand, Eunjung. My life is not exactly what girls want to deal with anyway.”

“But then, I got into the ultrasound room. And I saw the little red bean. And I heard its heartbeat. And then I don’t know, Hongbin, I don’t know.” Her eyes watered. “I started to feel like the little red bean is actually here, actually a part of me. I don’t know what to do, all of the medical and logical decision should be to terminate it. Get pregnant later in the future when I am ready, if I’m ever going to be ready.” Then she stopped talking, her emotion getting the best of her, and silence grew.

“I was told that this decision is yours, that my opinion was secondary to whatever you decided. Because this will affect you a lot more than it affects me. At least biologically. Because it is literally your body. But know that whatever you decide to do, I will do my hardest to help. If you decide to terminate it, I will pay for the procedure, it you decide to keep they baby I will help support raising them.”

“I am still very much unsure about raising a child, I am way too young and too focused on my career, I haven’t even gotten started. I do not know how I am going to make enough living to support me and the baby, to pay for food and school and still be me at the same time. But for sure now I cannot just abort the baby. I thought I was pro-choice before, but now I realize that the choice can very much swing to the other direction.”

At this moment, it feels like Hongbin was seeing Eunjung for the first time again. Before this moment, what he saw was always a strong and smart girl that later turn into a smart and strong woman. But today, wrapped in her light blue blouse, she looked softer, tired, and scared just like he was. For the first time he actually consider her feeling, seeing her vulnerability. And now he understood how hard this was on her. Since last night, he had only thought about how this will affect him, but not enough about how this affects her.

“Hongbin, honestly I am torn. I know I cannot afford to have a baby, and raise one, I know that I will not be a good mother right now. But I also cannot terminate the pregnancy.” She tried to push tears back, but some have spilled over her lower lash and made its way down her cheeks.

“Eunjung, to be honest with you. I also came to the same dilemma, last night and this morning. Last night I was thinking that it’s going to kill my career, but it’s my responsibility. The thought of abortion didn’t even came to me until my hyung pointed it out. But even then I never could bring myself to say it, even when I know that it is the most logical thing to do. For both of us.” Hongbin blew out a dry laugh, how silly he sounds even to himself. Naïve. “But if my though were to be worth even anything. I feel like I can and would be able to raise the child. Compared to having to terminate it or to give it up for adoption.”

She whipped her head so fast to his direction, to lock her eyes onto his and to see if he were to be serious. “Are you serious? Raising a child is not a game Hongbin.”

“I know, and I know I sound naïve, but we both don’t have the heart to terminate the baby at this point. I can’t convince you to, and I can’t force you to. The other option is to put the baby up for adoption, we know how that turns out. The system in South Korea is disappointing at best, might as well not have the baby at all. That leaves either one of us. You can still see the baby if you want to, we don’t have to date, we don’t have to marry.” Words are now spilling out of his mouth. Once again life and his brain betrayed him. The careful consideration is thrown out of the front door, and now he is just going by his gut. “I mean we can smooth out the detail later. And talk to the company. And talk to the members. And talk to the fans. Who will have the baby most of the time and all? But if you are willing to carry this pregnancy to terms, then I am willing to.”

“Hongbin….”

“I tell you what, you still have 7 weeks until the end of the first trimester, and you have time to think. You have time to consult people, and so do I. Surgical abortion can still be carried out safely until the 14^th week.”

“You researched.” She notes, with an amused tear stained face.

“I try.”

“I have time to think.”

“Yes you do, yes we do. But it would be better if we come to a conclusion soon. As I need to start talking to people.” Hongbin reach across the table and take her hand in his. A reassuring gesture, a small extension of comfort towards what they are about to jump into together.

“But are you sure you are willing to take the baby if I were to decide to carry on?”

“Yes, I might not be perfect, it might not be easy. But the other options would hurt a little too much.”

“Alright, we think.”

“We think.”

They parted with a warmed hug than when they first got here. Heart a little heavier and a lot more vulnerable. But the thought of their little Red Bean keeps their feet on the ground.