They used to be so close.

Back then, they used to be so close. Nearly inseparable.

Always right beside one another, from the waking moments until the fading of the sun. They were together.

Were.

Yunhyeong does not know what happened between them, or why. But it just did. They just…drifted. He did not notice anything at first, but as time passes, he slowly realizes that whenever he turns to face beside him, the person he expects to stand there is nearly always no longer there.

What happened?

‘I don’t know’

What he does know is that it’s too much. The pain. It hurts. It hurts a lot.

What once was gentle and fond side glances at each other now becomes a distant, longing gaze at a familiar back that feels all too unfamiliar to him.

That’s where it hurts.

The unfamiliar familiar back is accompanied by a much smaller one, one that he too knows well.

That’s where it hurts the most.

The playful and soft looks are still there, only it’s not him that’s receiving it.

Merely a bystander now. A watcher from a great distance.

How he longs to go back to what was once before. But things change, people grow and move on. He was always open to change.

But this change…

He does not like this one bit.

‘There’s nothing you can do. He’s growing up, he can do what he wants. What right do you have to continue to demand for his attention?’

A sharp sting to his chest caused Yunhyeong’s throat to tighten, inhaling sharply as his chest tightens.

That’s right.

What right does he really have? They’re friends, nothing more, nothing less.

In the middle of the night, Yunhyeong woke up due to having a hard time breathing. He scrambles to sit up as he was taking deep gasps of breath but was interrupted by a coughing fit. He clenches his chest as he had his mouth covered, hoping to muffle the sound as he does not want to wake anyone up.

As the coughing fit dies down, he wheezes and slowly removes his hand from his mouth, taking slow and deep breaths. He pauses, however, when he felt something in his hand. He opens his eyes and slowly glances at his slightly shaking first. He opens it, choking back a sob as he sees a single purple lilac petal.

No

It can’t be

Please don’t

He was jolted back to reality when a knock followed by his name being called was heard. He hurriedly disposes the petal into his trash bin, staring at it incredulously, desperately not wanting to believe it.

“Yunhyeong-ah? Everything alright?”

A small whimper escapes his mouth, but he quickly clamps his hands over it and squeezes his eyes shut, trying so hard to control the tremors that’s starting to wrack his body.

“Yun?” The sound of a hand grabbing the doorknob becomes apparent. “I’m coming—”

“Don’t.” He is proud of himself for managing to regain the steadiness of his voice.

“What’s wrong?” Please…

“Nothing, hyung. Just a bad dream.” How desperately I wish it was…

“Are you sure? Do you want to talk about it?” Never

“It’s nothing, hyung. Really. Let’s go to sleep. I’m sorry for waking you up.” Just go.

“…alright. But if you want to talk about it, I’m here okay?” Just go…

“Thank you, hyung.” I beg you.

Yunhyeong opens his eyes and immediately glances at the doorknob, seeing it clicking back to place as it has been released followed by fading footsteps. He slowly lowers his hands to grip the sheets as he bites his lips, squeezing his eyes shut as he hung his head in shame.

I'm sorry.