I practically run back to the party, determined to follow Zitao’s advice not only because I felt that expressing my love to Jongin would bring her good luck but because I genuinely felt like this moment is the right time to confess. But it might be the drugs. I’m not sure. 

I push and shove through the crowd, the deeper I go the loud the music seems to get. I search desperately for Jongins mop of brown hair and olive green jacket in the crowd, when I finally notice him I pull him close and say as loud as I can “Jongin I’m in love with you!”. 

As soon as the words leave my mouth I regret them. 

Good thing for me, Jongin didn’t hear me. “What did you say?!” 

“Uh we should go!” I shout

He grins at me and suddenly everything feels alright. My hands want to reach out and touch him, if I felt fireworks with Zitao then touching Jongin would be like nuclear explosions. The high feels good, until I notice the girl. 

She’s short, petite, with long straight black hair and plump red lips. And she’s holding Jongin’s hand. I want to smack her hand away from him, but Jongin speaks again and I rip my gaze away from where they’re connected. 

“I think we should go too! This is Soo by the way!”

“Soo is an ugly name.” I say in a normal tone. 

“What was that?!” 

“Let’s go.” I say numbly, the drugs suddenly amplifying how ty I felt. 

I lead the way out of the party, I see Chan in the living room playing games on his phone. Me and Jongin say bye, exchange snapchats and leave. I take Jongin’s phone and start to order an Uber.

“I already called one. We’re going to the beach” Soo says suddenly, her voice is rich and smooth like melted chocolate but it’s still annoying so I just nod curtly and look away from both of them. 

“This is my best, best, best friend Sehun!” Jongin informs Soo childishly, throwing an arm around me

I shrug it off, pissed off with Jongin too. “You stink like tequila” 

“It’s my party musk” 

“That’s gross” Soo says bluntly, I can’t help but agree with her. 

“You’re gross” Jongin teases

Soo cracks a smile and rolls her eyes. Her smile is soft and cute. God I hate her. 

The Uber comes around within a few minutes, it’s a copper colored Mazda, the driver is a chipper old woman. She tells her life story without anyone asking for it. My leg bounces rapidly in the front seat, I barely register anything she’s saying. 

“Anyway, what are you kids up to, going out to The Archery Club? It must be closed right about now.” The old woman asks

“Archery Club?” I question, looking out at the dark road. It looks like it’s bending, turning around and around like a double helix. 

“We’re gonna go hiking” Soo says, looking down at her phone while Jongin looks out the window, looking like he’s trying to sober himself up. 

I don’t say anything, trying not to tell her that me and Jongin are too ed up to go hiking. 

“Well that sounds fun, back in my day, the sixties, we used to go t-“

“I’m on drugs!” I blurt suddenly, still looking out at the window the bumps in the road feel like earth quakes. 

No one says anything else for the rest of the drive. 

When we finally arrive at a deserted parking lot on top of a cliff we leave the car, the driver tells us to be safe and we get out. The fresh sea air feels divine against my skin, I take a deep breath and close my eyes. 

Soo ruins the moment by clearing “Um let’s go down to the beach” 

Jongin follows her without question and I try to ignore it but it doesn’t work. I walk a few paces behind them all the way to the shore, glaring at their joined hands. I know Jongin’s only with her because she’s cute and he’s drunk but I can’t believe how angry at am at him for dragging her around on our adventure. 

The waves crash against the sand, it looks like a pulsing, living black mass. It freaks me out and I stay away from the shore. 

“Let’s swim” Soo says, rubbing her hands together

“You go ahead I need to talk to Sehun” Jongin tells her. 

Soo just shrugs and sheds off layers of clothes until she’s in her underwear. She runs into the water with a whoop and me and Jongin sit far away watching her. 

“Are you okay? You seem kind of off” He asks me

I can feel his energy rolling off of him, it’s warm and right now all I want to do is turn around and kiss him. “I took ecstasy” I admit, withholding how I even came to take the pill. It didn’t matter “And everything feels so extreme and the water is freaking me out and I don’t like Soo” 

Jongin just sits and blinks at me before he leans on my shoulder “You know I don’t even know why I went with her, I mean she seems okay but I do think the beach sounds like a good idea.” He nudges me “Come on, let’s go swim. It might help clear your head.” 

He stands up and looks down at me, holding out his hand “Lets go”