Somehow time was running faster than the gears in my mind. Before I could consolidate the answers I had about my housemate of three years, Monday came around and I had to bid farewell to my weekend foster parents XiuChen. Unlike the thoughts weighing in my mind, the backpack holding my weekend necessities and work stuff seemed light in comparison. 

What I got over the weekend was that I was a lot denser than I thought I was. Xiumin and Chen had collectively insisted that while I might have been over-interpreting Taeyong's actions, I was somehow (in their words) "definitely overlooking some obvious ones around me". Chanyeol was a great support emotionally, but whatever he said just baffled me more because he kept arguing for any argument he liked. I could barely consolidate all my thoughts when Monday came around, when I was bound for my workplace again. Thoughts about how to conjure a convincing line for Baekhyun tonight and how to approach the topic of the lunchboxes bombarded my mind. 

This mess of thoughts accompanied me for the rest of my day in the office, and by midday I wasn't sure if I was more tired from the work, or the fact that I had run through too many scenarios about confronting Baekhyun in my head. The fear that was culminating over the weekend was finally becoming clearer to me, and it all felt like a terrible horror movie. What was worst about it was that I picked the film without knowing what would unfold. 

It was the immensely slow and painful process of me realising that I might actually like my housemate for three years and my best friend for over a decade. 

It's possibly one of the worst realisations or epiphanies one could have on a Monday morning, especially at the age of 29. It felt like the horrendous start to a string of midlife crisis that were all impending in my life ahead, and I was simply off to a messy start. It's not that falling for someone was bad, and my previous boyfriends definitely did not create an anti-relationship value in me. Yet it was the sheer impact of noticing a part of myself that I did not know about after all these years that scared me. It scared me that I might have behaved in a way that favoured him unconsciously. It shocked me that I was very happy, looking back, shopping with me. It frightened me that I was alright with faking relationships with him to get a discount. Least of all, I was finally aware how truly absurd it was (as Xiumin, Chen and Chanyeol ALL drove this into my head over the weekend) that I could embrace Baekhyun's lifestyle. 

Falling in love with your best friend (oh gawd, I'm really using the word love now? I couldn't even be sure) would be a great thing at 20, when you've known each other just enough to take the leap of faith that the other person might remotely like you. You wouldn't have a decade of friendship on the line. You would have time to move on, to heal and to make up if it did not work out. Basically, liking your best friend was not meant for those who knew too much about each other for too long, who were already very sure over the years that anything that should have happened would have happened at least six years back, not now. 

I thought the crushing realisation was giving me a mental asthma, but my breather came, surprisingly, in the form of another problem of mine that I had forgotten. 

Lee Taeyong. 

"You've been spacing out the whole morning, I've been knocking for a full minute," the younger male helped himself to the chair in my office. His brows creased with concern, and he was not staring straight at me with his eyes. 

I never realised how big and bright his eyes were, and they seemed to reflect exactly what kind of person he was - smart, reflective and warm. Unlike the struggling me, Taeyong was a young spirit with certainty in his eyes, and a lot more clarity and potential in his path. It was nice to see him.

"Sorry. Did you need something?" I asked, and my dry throat made me realise that I hadn't spoken the whole day.

Taeyong took a long pause, and I appreciated once again the fact that he was always careful with his words. He was respectful that way. Not many young colleagues had that trait in them. 

"You didn't eat breakfast or drink the coffee," he commented, pointing to the breakfast that he left on my desk before I came in. Truth to be told, I was touched by the side, but my thoughts in the whole morning overwhelmed me so much I could barely process the idea of "food", "need" and "eat". I hummed an apology. 

"I'm here to ask for your clarification and permission again, as both a subordinate, and also in private," he said, his eyes blazing in determination as he looked at me. "I thought you'd appreciate that I ask courteously." 

Taeyong was just awesome this way. I smiled at the reference to our supermarket trip. He was, truly, air I needed to breathe that morning. His next words, though, caught me off guard. 

"This is the leave application form, and I filled it for both of us. Will you go out on a date with me together today?" 

The two forms laid on my desk, silently waiting for me to sign the approval on the dotted line. The idea that I, as his superior, had to approve his leave to bring me on a date today brought a slight smile to my lips. 

I figured I wouldn't be productive in the office today anyway. 

And that was how Lee Taeyong handed the forms to the HR department for our leave to "meet clients", with a grin from ear to ear, before proceeding to lead me out of the office for my first date after three years. 

A date that I actually was looking forward to. A date that I knew would bring me away from the problems in my life now. 

~~

The first stop was his favourite restaurant in Seoul, which to my surprise was right next to mum's favourite kimbap store. I almost blurted out that fact, but I figured I would keep the secret after all. 

The place did have wonderful food, but perhaps more important was how Taeyong made sure to balance both my preferences and his favourites dishes as he ordered items on the menu. We ended up with a good variety and mix. 

Lunch was Taeyong telling me more about his high school - this was his favourite place since then, because him and his friends frequented this place. Apparently they were a large group of eighteen boys from the same school club (he was the president of the club. Why was I not surprised?), so they always had to combine the tables to form one long enough to fit everyone. They were hated for being so noisy, but eventually the stall owner grew fond of them and would throw in a free serving or two every now and then. That was evident enough, because the waiter had greeted him warmly and even cocked a knowing brow in my direction. 

"A girl huh?" He had said. 

Taeyong gave him a rather sheepish smile and a look that I thought read "wish me luck". 

The servings were, according to him, bigger than usual. It felt like everyone there could tell we were on a date. How nobody asked why he wasn't in the office at this hour was a mystery to me, and I smiled through the meal. 

For all the cool things that Taeyong dabbled in and the achievements that he accomplished in his school days, Taeyong also did pretty dumb things. For one, he brought me to a