CHAPTER 6

 

"This is not the way home." I muttered and looked at Jiyong.

 

God, he's handsome!

 

"Uhuh."

 

How could he say that in such an amazing way?

 

"So where are we going?" I asked and looked for anything else to look at aside from him.

 

When will I ever stop adoring him?

 

He turned right and I'm not even sure where we are anymore. "Somewhere."

 

I took a deep breath to make myself relax. I'm having these weird feelings again. When will I ever accept that I'm just his bestfriend? Why am I wanting something more?

 

I didn't speak anymore. Not because I had nothing to say but because I have lots to say and I don't think I should say them.

 

I only got back to reality when the car stopped.

 

"We're on a...." I trailed.

 

"Beach." He continued and went out of the car.

 

I suddenly panicked and got out. "Why are we here?"

 

He stood beside the car and just looked at the beach, he didn't even look at me. "To relax."

 

"I didn't bring any clothes, Jiyong." I muttered.

 

He looked at me and chuckled. "We're not gonna swim."

 

I looked at him confused. We're on a beach... But not for swimming... Okay.

 

He walked towards me and offered his hands. "Let's go?"

 

I awkwardly looked at him and then his hands. I was so hesitant to take it... It might just make my heart crazier.

 

Nevertheless, I took it. I can't let him know what's happening to me.

 

He pulled me towards the beach. There weren't much people. Maybe because it's not really summer and it's actually about to get colder.

 

He lets go of my hand and I felt a hallow space in my stomach. I brushed it off.

 

He sat down on the sand, just a few inches away from the shore, enough so that the water won't reach us.

 

He lets out a sigh.

 

"What's wrong?" I automatically asked.

 

He looked at me and gave a soft smile. "I'm just really tired."

 

I nodded and looked at the ocean.

 

He's right, this is relaxing. With everything going on with my life right now, this is relaxing.

 

I took a good look at him.

 

Is this really real? Am I really here with him right now?

 

I scanned his arms, his legs, his feet, his cheeks, his nose, his eyes and even his eyelashes! I badly want to touch everything just so I could confirm this isn't a dream or at least get to touch him before everything ends.

 

Maybe I should kiss him?

 

"Why are you staring at me?"

 

I almost jumped out of shock. I didn't even hear him immediately, his words just sinked in after a while.

 

"I wasn't!" I denied and looked away. I sat straight and awkwardly.

 

He chuckled. "You were, Frances."

 

I blinked a couple of times before looking at him.

 

Did he just call me Frances?

 

"I was... I was just wondering why you look bothered." I thought of an excuse but somehow it felt like it wasn't.

 

He smiled softly at me, as if I saw something he wanted to be seen.

 

"You always get me."

 

I pursed my lips as I watched him struggle. He kept changing his gaze and it felt really strange.

 

"Tell me." I finally muttered.

 

He chuckled nervously. He turned his body towards me and sat comfortably in front of me. I saw how the sand stuck in between his toes.

 

I turned my attention on his face and he was really distracted.

 

"When you look at me," he turned his attention to me, and looked straight to my eyes... "who do you see?"

 

I looked at him confused.

 

What kind of question is that?

 

"Who do you see?" He repeated as if I just didn't hear it the first time he asked.

 

I scratched the back of my head and tilted it to the right. He was just staring at me, waiting for my answer.

 

"I see you, Jiyong..." I said softly.

 

He smiled and nodded. "Even if we're in YG?"

 

"Y-Yes?"

 

"Not G-Dragon?"

 

Suddenly, I felt like I knew what he was talking about.

 

"Because you know, sometimes," he paused and sighed "I feel like I don't know I am anymore."

 

I felt a heavy feeling on my chest, as if it shook my core. He gazed at the ocean - looking far far away.

 

"I'm scared." He muttered. "That someday I won't be able to recognize myself anymore."

 

I suddenly touched his arms and he turned his attention to me. "Jiyong, don't."

 

"I know, okay?" I muttered, unsure of what I'm supposed to say. "I know that no matter what happens, you'll always be Kwon Ji Yong, that you'll always stay passionate, loving and warm-hearted."

 

He smiled and chuckled. "You'll always see me as Kwon Ji Yong?"

 

"Yes." I was so sure of myself, I know I will always see him as Jiyong, no matter how famous he gets. "You're always Kwon Ji Yong to me."

 

He chuckled. "Fame is really something."

 

"Besides," I paused as he turned his attention to me again, "I never really liked the idea of calling you GD or G-Dragon."

 

I was just a fan a couple of nights ago... And as a fan, I was never fond of calling him GD. Maybe because I felt closer to him when I call him Jiyong. But of course, I can't tell him that.

 

"It feels like you're someone else as G-Dragon." I muttered slowly, finding the right words to say. "I want you as Jiyong. Bare and ."

 

I almost covered my mouth out of shock.

 

That sounds so wrong!

 

He laughed, clapping his hands like a seal.

 

", huh?"

 

"No!" I almost screamed, waving both of my hands on his face. "I-I meant like you're not hiding anything or even trying to act like someone else. I don't want that when you're with me."

 

He nodded while smiling. "I get it."

 

I breathed out heavily and turned to the ocean. I wish times like this would never end.

 

When was the last time I went to a beach?

 

Oh. That must be the time when I snuck out for the first time... that was my last too. When I got home, my mom slapped me across the face and I slept on our doorstep.

 

"What are you thinking about?"

 

I suddenly turned to Jiyong, he was staring at me intently, trying to read what's on my mind. I looked away immediately, I felt my cheeks heat up.

 

I cleared my throat and played with the sand on my feet.

 

"My parents." I muttered.

 

"Oh." He turned away. "Do you miss them?"

 

"Not much." I honestly answered him. "I loved them for a long time but maybe..."

 

I pursed my lips and shook my head, I don't want to self pity right now.

 

"Maybe what?" He asked. "Maybe it's better this way?"

 

"Maybe they never loved me at all." I continued.

 

I saw how fast his head turned towards me but I didn't turn to face him. I didn't want to... I felt like I was too pitiful.

 

I heard him sigh and then he stood up. I couldn't help but look up to him.

 

The way the sun raised against his face was... lovely.

The wind blew his hair and then he looked at me. "Let's eat?"

 

By just that, I grinned at him. I raised my hands, asking him to pull me up, and he did.

 

I think I'll never get over with the feeling of us touching, even just the idea of our skins brushing against each other. It's too good to be true.

 

I gripped on his hands hard, feeling every bit of skin and bones fully. I don't want the feeling to ever go away.

 

He lazily walked towards his car and got in, I followed behind him. I got in his car and I saw him already looking at me.

 

"You know," he started his engine "I still believe you're meant to be away from them."

 

Looking away, I mumbled, "Why so?"

 

"To be loved." He cleared his throat and I saw him look away. "To give other people a chance to love you and to give yourself a chance to be loved."

 

I suddenly turned to him. What he said somehow lifted a heavy block on my heart, I feel okay, I feel happy. I think he's right.

 

"Thank you, Jiyong..." I mumbled, smiling at him.

 

He turned to me before starting to drive, "Always."