Doo Joon

It’s been two weeks since Young Soon broke up- no, since we are separated. I’m still refusing to accept the fact, even though I had seen her with Chunji. Min Hye is quite a nice person really, and I feel sorry that she will have to act as my girlfriend. CEO did order me to date, but they never say I can’t fake it. Everywhere we go people are praising us, saying how perfect we look together and other similar things. I just treat her like a friend though. Whenever the public ask us to kiss or do something intimate I would decline and she would help me out by saying that she don’t like public displays of affection. I definitely think that what I’m doing is not right, I’m giving her false hope, but what can I do? I have worked so hard to achieve my dream, I can’t give up now. And I will let my members down. I can’t just think of myself. My members need me. Looking at Gi Kwang and Eun Mi so happy together gets to me sometimes, I feel like shouting out to the whole world.

Why can’t I date Young Soon?! Gi Kwang can date the girl she loves but I can’t… I feel like giving up sometimes, leaving the group and my responsibility as a leader. The way I see it it’s the only way I can be with Young Soon. But looking at my fans, everyone around me being happy for me that our group is getting the success we worked hard for, I don’t have the courage to just give up. I’m such a coward. Min Hye didn’t ask me anything personal, and she was a good listener. Should I tell her about it? But I’m afraid she will get hurt… I really needed someone to go to for help, and I can’t ask my members for help. They will think that it’s their fault.

So I told everything to Min Hye, from how we had met to her deciding to break up with me. She wrapped her hands around mine and said softly “I didn’t know you had gone through so much. I’m sorry for being so insensitive and being so thick skinned and chasing after you. If you had told me earlier I would have stopped harassing you!” I patted her hand in assurance. “You are not thick skinned. You didn’t know that I have a girlfriend. It’s not your fault. You were just following your heart. It’s not wrong to follow what your heart tells you to do.” She sighed and said to me “Your girlfriend is very lucky to have such a caring guy like you. She must have her reasons for suddenly breaking up with you.” I perked up at her words “I didn’t think of it that way before! What do you think the reasons could be?” she thought about it for a while and scribbled furiously on a piece of paper. “Here are all the reasons I can think of.”

I read the list:

1)     She thinks that she is not compatible with you

2)     Realised loved Chunji more

3)     Don’t want to burden you

4)     Scared of the way fans will treat her when they find out

5)     Thinks it is better for your career

6)     Someone forced her to do it

After reading the list, I bit my lip nervously. “Whatever reason it is, is it hard to make her realise all of it doesn’t matter?” she smiled gently and answer “You just have to make her see that it doesn’t matter.” I met Young Soon on the way home. She bumped into me and didn’t notice it was me at first. She looked like she had cried. I wanted to ask her so badly but Chunji was glaring at me, as if daring me to say anything to her. Once I had reached home I studied the list again and think about ways to prove to her that all of it doesn’t matter as long as she’s with me. I thought about it long and hard but I can’t think of anything. I sat on the study table and eventually fell asleep.

Young Soon

After we left that restaurant that day I don’t feel like going anywhere. I feel like curling up on my bed and sleeping till all the troubles and pain go away. But I didn’t. Chunji was making an effort to cheer me up. He bought me shopping. My heart was not in it though I tried my best to be enthusiastic for him. Since we had known each other for so long, he knew I’m just pretending. So we went to watch a sad movie together. “Cry it all out, okay?” he whispered to me before the show starts. I nodded and watched the movie. The movie wasn’t as sad as I initially thought it will be, but the tears I had kept in check streamed down soundlessly. Chunji kept quiet and wrapped his arms around me. The tears couldn’t stop and after the movie my eyes were very red and my face was swollen. People give me weird looks and they must think I’m way too emotional over the movie. Chunji took off his sunglasses and make me wear it.

“But fans will recognise you…” he ignored my protests and insist that I wear it. “You need it more than me. What if we met him?” he was right. We walked slowly back home. My footsteps were heavy and my emotions were still a mess. Walking with my head hanging low, I bumped into someone. “Sorry!”I bowed and apologized, before looking up at the person. It was Doo Joon. “You- It’s ok.” He said politely and looked like he wanted to ask me something, but Chunji stepped in front of me and glared at him. Doo Joon glares right back and the tense atmosphere was hard to ignore. Quickly I pulled Chunji away. “Why did you pull me away? I don’t care if he’s my sunbae, I wanted to talk to him about something.” He tried to walk back but I grabbed his arm and pull him into my house, shutting the door quickly. We stepped into the living room and Brian was there, with a very angry expression on his face. “Chunji, I guess you better go.” I said and pushed him out of the door “But-” I shut the door and walked back to Brian. He stood up immediately and gave me a bear hug. “My poor sister…why didn’t you tell me?”