~Yumi~

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I spun around while looking at the beautiful necklace and then looked up to see his loving face, caressing my cheek carefully

"So you.. expected that someone would come along.. eventually?" I asked

"No I didn't" He whispered

"It's not... Yuri's.. is it?" I asked, my voice trembling just by the thought of her

He shook his head

"No definitely not" 

Without even noticing, we were suddenly lying on the bed and I was resting my head on his chest as he was holding me close to his body

"You could have told me instead of dragging me like that" I chuckled

"I've always wanted to try that" He laughed happily

I enjoyed this. This simple and cozy atmosphere that was embracing us at the moment. I loved how we were equal as lovers now and that I had the ability to protect him as much as he had the ability to protect me.

"What are you thinking?" He asked, looking down on me as I looked up

"I'm not mad Jae. I don't really know what to feel about this. Me not being normal anymore. I don't really know how to react to it either because.. it has already happened and yes I am upset about the fact.. that I wasn't able to choose. But you guys did what you had to do in order to save me. Me being like this somehow feels like an accident.." I whispered

I sat up slowly and JaeJoong followed me as he was holding my hands

"Did you think about our future? Together?" He asked slowly

I swallowed hard

"I have.."

"So have I" He whispered

He quieten and we didn't really know where to go from here

"For me.. you have to understand that I never wanted this to happen. You're free to make your own choices with me Yumi" He said

"I know that"

"And.. I never wanted you to become a vampire" He said sadly, as if it was his fault

"It's not your fault"

"It is" He said

"No it's not. Jae, listen to me. When I chose to be with you I knew what you were. And I accepted that. I accepted your past and me becoming like this is not your fault"

"If I had killed Yuri sooner.."

"I don't think it would have made any difference" I whispered

JaeJoong stiffened right away and I felt him staring at me

"What.. do you mean by that? That you would actually choose this life over your human life?" He asked shockingly

"I've never thought about it in that way. Kibum did give me pressure and tried to convince me into becoming one because he was afraid that you would make the same mistake as he did. The thought did hit me from time to time and now when I think about it.. I would have chosen to become a vampire when I feel like I've accomplished what I wanted to do as a human" I whispered

JaeJoong stopped breathing. He usually did breathe, I think it was a habit that he had learned himself to do over the past few decades of being a vampire. In order to blend in among the humans. I have to do that too

"You considered.. to willingly become a vampire?" He asked, but it felt like he was talking to himself rather than talking to me

"I love you JaeJoong. As you said I'm free to make my own choices" I whispered

"You have no idea what you would have been forced to sacrifice"

"Did you know when you wanted to be with Yuri then?" I asked

Silence

"What... happens now?" I asked, trying to get rid of the tense atmosphere

"You have to.. be get used to the life as a vampire, get a control over your hunger. Cause I believe you don't want to.. drop out of school right?" He asked softly

Seems like he was letting it go as well. What a relief

"True" I whispered

"I will tell you the truth. Being around humans are harder than you can ever imagine. I've been a vampire for 500 years and still, everyday is a challenge for me" He said

"Does it hurt?"

"What?" He asked, being soft towards me again

"The desire.. the hunger..Can it turn me into someone who I'm not?"

"Yumi... You have to understand that a vampire.. is a hunter. Our true nature is to kill. To drink and spare no one"

"I don't want to become a vampire like that"

"But the need is always in you. Unless you don't always have it under control you will never be able to become the person that you want to be"

"But you have a tolerance.. don't you?"

Jae nodded

"I do. It took me centuries to build up"

"But I still feel like.. me.." I said

"It's because you're new. You haven't felt the desire to drink yet. You're still so human. And hold onto that part of you. It makes it a little more easier to be... a vampire that you are meant to be" JaeJoong said

"I feel normal though" I whispered again

"I'm glad you are feeling like that. Some vampires would go hunt directly and kill people. But... you're so.. different" He said a bit confused

"I am?"

"I think it's because of everything that happened before you became one. So many mixed feelings that you haven't been able to solve yet.."

"What will I do about my family?" I asked

"You can still be around them. You love them and love is strong for humans. Even for vampires. And since.. you are not a bloody murderer yet.. I don't see why you can't spend time with them but.. you have to be careful. Remember, always make sure that you have fed before meeting any human and also make sure that you have to leave if you sense that something will happen. Anything blood related.." JaeJoong explained

It was registered into my brain directly as I mumbled and repeated the words that JaeJoong just said

"You'll be with me right? Everywhere?" I asked a bit unsure

He nodded immediately

"I will be by your side" 

I got up from the bed and pushed my hair back and sighed heavily

"What's wrong?"

He was in front of me in a split second and stopped me

"I.. "

"What? Tell me" He asked a bit worried

"I'm confused Jae. I don't really understand anything at the moment and my feelings.. they are mixed"

"If you are angry tell me. If you are sad, cry. As long as you don't keep it within you" He whispered

I stared at him, waiting for another sentence and I waited for something to come. But nothing arrived

"I'm scared" I sobbed, the first tear falling during our conversation

JaeJoong frowned at first and then looked at me wondering

"What do you mean?" He asked

"I'm scared that I might kill someone Jae. I'm scared to be this... to be a murderer as you describe it. I'm scared that I will loose myself and I'm scared I will hurt my family and.."

I couldn't even finish my sentence since I started to cry hardly and JaeJoong embraced me tightly

Everything finally came out. The calmness that I had been able to keep, the pokerface, my inner thoughts and confusions were out. Do I have to accept the fact that I can't be normal around the people I love anymore? That I can't joke around, laugh and spend time with them without having to be scared of hurting them all the time? And this.. the new me.. was it really something that I was going to be able to accept?