Middle of the afternoon, the sun was brightly shining and heating off the roof of a car – an old yet well-maintained vehicle of an art professor. The weather was pleasant, the birds were chirping happily, and the summer wind was blowing actively, probably playing along with the kids who had started the joyous season. In anyone’s eyes, everything seemed so positive and so perfect, but Chaeyoung begged to differ. The gloominess in her eyes and the greyish expression on her face said otherwise. For her, everything was far from pleasant or positive or perfect, it was judgment day for her. Well, for every student in the university. Her e-mail had already informed her that she, thankfully, passed her subjects. The cub had managed to save them with the days she was left with. It was both a heroic and pitiful experience for her. However, her major, arts, was still unclear. Her major was little bit different than the others. See, after the examination week, JYP – her art professor – scheduled these special days instead where he would check their projects individually and personally. Hers came off last, the most anticipating and scary slot. She remembered when he was drawing their names for certain schedules that she wanted to be near the first days of checking, so she could at least spare herself from overthinking and over-worrying. Her palms were starting to feel clammy as she awaited his judgment. Honestly, the result of her project wasn’t so unclear as expected. JYP was already hinting it on the lines of his face.

He sighed loudly and shook his head sideways. “It was a good concept, Chaeyoung-ssi,” he said, studying her small frame through the rear-view mirror. “The drawback is just that it’s unfinished,” he sighed once again, “Most of them were unfinished.” “I know,” the cub replied as she clearly understood his point. “You shouldn’t have taken something you wouldn’t be able to handle,” he suggested, which truthfully, was way too late for her. “I consider you as one of my closest students,” he continued as he felt sorry to her current state, “But I still have to be fair in every grading that I will do.” Chaeyoung slumped her back on the seat and facepalmed herself with both hands, “I know that, okay,” biting her lower lip and then adding, “And I get it.” She pulled her hands down and then faced him, coming off with a strong expression on her face, “Stop this,” she then gestured to his being. As she watched his confused expression, “Don’t feel bad about me,” she confessed, “I should’ve known.” After saying her words, she slumped her back again. Park Jinyoung smiled as he started the car again, “It was nonetheless beautiful,” he stated, “As your friend who get to judge it, ‘t was overwhelmingly beautiful.” Chaeyoung watched her surrounding moved as he began to drive somewhere, “Where are we going?” she asked. “I’ll treat your sadness away,” he said knowingly with an almost fatherly smile, “Through greasy food and overly sweetened drinks.” He then laughed at her neutral yet visibly puzzled expression, “Consider it as a parting gift for the ending semester,” he added before flicking the radio on, muffling the car with old trot songs.

-------

Even with the established friendship, Chaeyoung wouldn’t still allow herself to bawl her eyes out in front of her professor, because just from the way he looked earlier, it wasn’t really a chellenge for her to predict the next event. She probably didn’t make the cut to pass her major because what else would his treat for? Sure, that it was a parting gift for her, but at the same time, it was a compensation for an inevitable bad news. Though, that wasn’t the end of the dark tunnel yet. What was hurting the most wasn’t about how she couldn’t save arts, but her, knowing how her best friend was right, everything was a total gamble and she had just lost it. The cub gritted her teeth as she stared down at the door knob. The act of forcing herself to have fun in front of her professor was now officially over as she entered her dorm and shut the door – about to embrace the lonesome emptiness. Anger bubbled inside of her as she stared lifelessly inside the unlit room. Failing her major subject was only a portion of what she truly lost.

Chaeyoung lost Mina in what she gambled for a perfect moment for them. Tears started to well in her eyes just with the painful thought of it. She stupidly believed that she was creating and pursuing the perfect moment for them, but no, she was far from it. Basked in emptiness and darkness, she realised that was never real. The perfect moment wasn’t real, and she felt absolutely stupid for believing that it could’ve been. The perfect moment was never real that it was only the produce of her naivety, and even if it was futile, she still wished wordlessly that she could’ve at least hinted the hellish outcome of it all. Did she never know about it or did she simply ignored the red flags and still risked everything? Her phone beeped – white light now flashing to signal the present notification – and successfully cut her thoughts into a halt. She pulled her phone from her pocket and took a deep breath away from her thoughts. Turning the lights in her dorm with a free hand, she began to scan and read the words in the sent e-mail. Nothing to be shocked of, the art student chuckled bitterly over to the confirmation that she will have to repeat her major subject by the upcoming semester. Chaeyoung didn’t know how, but in a blink of an eye, she had wrapped her hand around her phone and had thrown it mercilessly to the opposite direction – colliding onto the wall and shattering into pieces that unfortunate and underprivileged children had probably mined, she still couldn’t believe that what she dreamt would be the perfect moment turned to be the greatest mistake and disappointment on her side.

The perfect ing moment didn’t help her to pass arts – another problem to tell – and surely ended up to be the one who threw her growing and stabling relationship with the penguin into the gutter. She mistakenly pursued and created something impossible between them, bet everything would go perfect, but only ending up with putting herself down twice. She failed arts and got into a fight with Mina because of it, how could any of that be associated to being perfect? What more even hurtful to her was that somehow it reflected them, and that maybe from the start, them being together was also impossible. Chaeyoung closed her eyes, she always hated herself when she reverted back into her doubtful, negative, and coward self, but she couldn’t fight back to her dark thoughts. On her side, since that night inside the red car, it felt like she pursued and loved Mina for nothing, that she will still end up with mess of feelings and alone. Well, it surely felt that way as she stood still inside of her dorm. For weeks, she could only stand still in that looping and unending state of stagnation and self-hatred. Chaeyoung couldn’t stop herself from thinking about Mina, and at the same time, she couldn’t do anything. Truly, her heart and mind were in a continuous battle of control.

As she opened her eyes again, she shed her clothes off, not minding that it piled on the floor of her small living room. She began to walk to the bathroom because she felt, no, she needed some form of escape. She needed an escape or a time-out from what she was feeling, the confusion, and especially herself.

-------

Cold water and steam were the last things that the cub remembered, and she supposed that the next gleeful events happened too fast for her to properly register in her brain. Minutes, hours, and the day had flown by quickly, and now, it was already past midnight and she was at the penguin’s front door in an utterly non-sober state. With swirling vision, buzzing skin, and hollow chest, Chaeyoung nonchalantly pressed her doorbell, deciding to keep her forefinger on the button to leave a longer ring, because why not, right? rational thinking, she thought as she stopped torturing the doorbell after she had heard the faintest sounds coming from the inside of the flat. The artist smiled goofily with bloodshot eyes as she was greeted by Mina’s ethereal beauty even with the ungodly hour. The penguin eyed her expectantly, mouth gaping to say her name, “Chae—” That was about it as she was cut off by the shorter girl who had drunkenly found her way on her own warm torso. Chaeyoung was heavily drunk with dishevelled hair from the outside wind and a single strap of bag slung on one shoulder. The heavy intoxication was strongly reeking off of her. The arms around Mina’s waist tightened as she felt her night gown absorbed warm wetness on the chest area. “I failed arts, Mina,” the cub slurred with a quiet sob. The penguin’s body tensed because she didn’t know what to do or how to react next. She didn’t know the right actions to be executed. First of all, the two of them weren’t simply okay, and secondly, she wasn’t someone the cub could always run into. At least, Not anymore, she thought, feeling her own tears edge from her eyes. “I failed you,” the cub continued, rubbing her face on her chest and pushing herself closer, “I ruined us, and I’m so sorry for everything, Mina,” she cried helplessly.

The penguin’s chest felt tighter, feeling her oxygen leaving her body. “I’m sorry,” Chaeyoung said again. With bated breathing, Mina’s arms latched on the other’s back, “Let’s get you some water,” she said as retracted herself. She couldn’t look at her crying face, but she did her best to lead her inside. As they walked to her kitchen, she could still hear the cub muttered audible apologies for her, repeating and repeating the two words. She sat her down to one of the stools around the countertop and inspected her, “Are you okay?” she asked as she held her face in both of her hands. The cub just continued on sniffing and sobbing as she looked back into the penguin’s face, remaining silent on her seat. Mina caressed her cheeks and checked around it if she had hurt herself in some ways. “I’m sorry,” Chaeyoung repeated again, her hands finding its way on to the med student’s waist. “You can’t be here,” the elegant girl replied simply before removing her paws away. She wiped the tears running down on her face and leaned down for a simple peck on her right cheek. Mina was about to leave the crying girl to fetch her a glass of water, but she was stopped by a hand on hers. Once again, she faced the shorter girl. “Mina, I’m really sorry,” Chaeyoung said, sounding like she was pleading. “You’re only making this hard for the both of us, Chaeyoung,” the penguin replied – equally on the brim of crying.

With her words, the cub had no choice but to let go of her hand. “You need to rehydrate,” the penguin said softly and began walking to her fridge. She took a pitcher of water and a glass from the cupboard before joining her again. “Here,” she handed the glass after pouring water in it. Chaeyoung wordlessly took her offer and drank the liquid quietly. After she had finished the contents, Mina poured it again for the second time, “One more,” she urged. Just a nod, then the cub obliged to her advice. Silence filled their surrounding when she finished the second glass of water. The elegant girl noticed how the younger one was about to open again, so she said, “Don’t,” then added, “Stop it.” Looking away and sighing, she explained, “It’s not what I want to hear from you.” Deafening silence uncomfortably enveloped them again before Mina bravely decided to break it, “Stay put while I’ll call you a cab.” Chaeyoung could only look down on her hands in shame, “Shed me away of logical thinking,” she began quietly, “And my heart will naturally take control and run back to you.” “You can’t be here,” the penguin simply answered, tired of looking at her pitiful self. “I’ll be right back,” she added to the silence. Before she could even reach her front door, her attention was demanded again back to the drunken girl.

A shattering noise echoed briefly followed by the sound of a fallen stool. When she looked back to the kitchen, the cub looked up at her in horror. From the looks of it, Chaeyoung tried to pour herself her third round of water, but only ending up with uncoordinated motor skills due to her ever-present alcohol intoxication; thus, toppling over the glass and sending it off of the countertop. The fallen stool resulted to unsubtle attempt to fix what she had just broken. Mina’s eyes widened when she saw her on her knees. “I’m sorry, Mina,” the cub said, on the brink of another fit of crying, “I’ll fix this,” she added with visibly trembling fingers. The penguin rushed to her as she began to pick up glass pieces with her poor bare hands. “What are you doing?” she asked – her voice higher than normal. “I’m sorry, Mina,” Chaeyoung replied weakly as she hurried to pick up the broken pieces, “I’m going to fix this.” Mina knelt in front of her and held her hands, “Hey,” she murmured as she closed their foreheads together, successfully calming her down, “It’s okay.” After few seconds of calmed breathing, the cub finally turned over her hands and let the pieces fell back on the floor, “Sorry,” she said helplessly as she slowly felt the sting of cuts on her palms. She then gritted her teeth, closed her eyes, and shook her head, groaning a bit.

“Are you okay?” Mina asked worriedly. Chaeyoung pulled her hands away and stood up quickly before she bolted for the bathroom. The door slammed and silence turned into the sounds of hurling of guts. The penguin’s tensed shoulders relaxed as she let out a sigh. Nothing to be worried of, just the usual things on the cub’s list when she was drunk. She left the shorter girl with her business in the bathroom as she cleaned up the broken glass. The homeowner had tidied up the floor and had placed the pitcher back inside the fridge, but the cub hadn’t emerged from the bathroom yet, so as worried as she was, she knocked on the wooden door. “Chaeyoung,” she called, “I’m coming in.” Thankfully, the door was unlocked. She heard some faint protests, but she still opened it. Mina was simply worried of her because she didn’t know how much the cub had drunk for the ungodly night. Well, it seemed like Chaeyoung had just finished her business as she was in the middle of flushing the contents of the toilet bowl and wiping off the wetness on her chin using the sleeve of her navy-blue jacket. “Sorry for that,” she said as she faced the elegant girl. Mina just sighed as she looked at her. The younger girl’s pants were wet from water, her shirt was wet from other fluid, and her palms were bloodied from what she just did earlier.

“Shed you away those labels: that rare tiger, that untameable player, that wild art student,” Mina slowly began as she walked closer to her, “And you’re just this vulnerable girl,” she said as she took her hands again in her own. “I’m such a mess,” Chaeyoung replied, tears spilling off again from her eyes. “And I know I shouldn’t be here, that I should’ve stopped thinking of you,” she continued in shame, feeling her skin burned and lungs gave out, “But I can’t help it, Mina.” She took a deep breath and pulled her arm to wipe off her stream of tears, crying like a kid in front of the taller girl, “I guess, my heart had also chosen you,” she said. After wiping her face, she looked into her eyes and added sullenly, “I just don’t know if yours still does.”

The taller girl’s breath hitched and with mouth gaped, her whole body relaxed as she stared into her round eyes. In return, the artist looked away. Actually, couldn't look back to the intensity that the penguin was giving. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I shouldn’t be saying this to you. This is so hypocrite of me." Mina breathed out and then intertwined their hands, "You need a bath," she said simply, thumb circling on her skin, "Can you clean yourself up a bit as I ready the shower for you?" she asked, letting out the smallest of smile. "Okay," Chaeyoung said and nodded before mustering everything inside of her to let go of her hand. The cub's words weren’t exactly what the penguin had longed for, but there was a sliver promise in them that made her to hope up for something. As she left the younger one, she was just not sure if it would be the best for her or for them. Running water sounded inside the tiled room, both from the faucet and the shower. Chaeyoung did what she needed. She removed her shoes, socks, and jacket before she brushed her teeth away from the disgusting taste of her own vomit. Mina checked up on the water temperature, measuring it just perfect with the summer season and to what she knew the other girl would prefer. After passed minutes, the cub silently sat on the toilet with her own quiet thoughts. Curtains soon sounded to be parted again and that caught her attention quickly. The first thing she saw emerged from the other side was a milky arm then milky ness followed.

With reddening ears and blushing cheeks, Chaeyoung whipped her head away from the glorious sight and then coughed awkwardly. Footsteps, accompanied by loud heartbeats, echoed inside the cold and quiet room. The sound of steps drew nearer and nearer until she found her again in front of herself. "We've seen each other , Chaeyoung," Mina reminded quietly as she gestured for her hands, "So I don't get it why you're looking away now." Trembling fingers connected to hers before she helped the still drunken girl onto her feet. "It's okay," she said as her fingers met the hem of her inner shirt. Chaeyoung faced her with new wave of sadness and shame when she looked back again to her. "It's not because I'm interfering again to your decision," the cub said as she slowly took her shirt off, "And I suppose to feel bad or wrongly about it but I can't," she added as she clearly showed annoyance to her own self. She then looked the older girl dead in the eye, "I'm still too selfish of you," she said firmly with right hand on her bare chest – angry and disappointed. Once again, Mina had leaned down to her level and connected their foreheads together. She was once again subtly calming the shorter girl, "I'm going to take these off, okay," she replied as her fingers gently worked for her belt. When Chaeyoung laid bare in front of her, she lifted her gaze and stared directly into her eyes – letting the silence cloaked their bodies. "And I'm too scared," the cub let out, "That we're just counting off our last days," she said before pulling away from her with clenched fists, completely not minding the painful cuts in them.

With tight jaw, she asked a doubting question, "Will this be our last day of being together?" The penguin averted her eyes by looking up to the blank whiteness of the ceiling, "I don't know the answer to that," she said softly, "And right now, I honestly don't want to know." Even if the elegant girl couldn’t see her, the cub nodded once because she could somehow understand her, and at the same time, she couldn't. In herself, she would also rather not know the answer to her question than to take up another chance that could hurt the both of them, but unfortunately, she also wasn’t so sure if not knowing could completely shield them away from another downfall of hurting. The sound of running shower interrupted the confusing silence between them when Mina decided to take Chaeyoung’s wounded hands again, slowly leading them into the steaming area. Hot water rained down to them as she continued to lead the both of them inside. The cub had gone too silent after her reply, so she tried to break it with a light conversation. "Good thing that you still have some of your clothes here," she said, closing their bodies again with a shampoo bottle in one hand. She felt her nod under her fingers as she washed her hair. "I'll take them home soon," the artist said, voice hoarse and laced with sadness. "That's not what I meant," Mina replied with broken heart.

"Chaeyoung, I," she opened then closed it again. The penguin took the deepest of breath and then pushed back the cub's fringe, showing off an adorable forehead. With a sigh, her head fell on her shoulder, “I told you that you can’t be here because I’m the same as you,” she confessed, hiding her eyes in the crook of her neck and holding onto her waist, “I’m confused, angry, and sad all while revolving to the thought of you.” “Mina,” Chaeyoung called, resting a hand at the back of her head. “And I can’t commit into the words and actions that I’ve said and done to you because you’re here,” Mina said, “The actual breathing you.” “Should I just go?” the cub asked then started to anxiously bite off her bottom lip to stop an incoming sob, “Will that make everything easie—”

“No,” the penguin replied quickly before hugging the smaller frame flushed against her body – surprising her, “I don’t know,” she began to cry, “I don’t know anything, so stop asking me things!” “I’m sorry,” the cub could only mutter as she felt the taller girl went lifeless against her. “You can’t be here,” the elegant girl sobbed, “Because I don’t know if I can say that I hate you or that I don’t want you again,” she then hugged her tighter inside the quietness.

“Stop asking me,” Mina cried – this time, softly – as she broke down in Chaeyoung’s embrace, “Because I don’t even know if I want to decide and answer everything on my own.” The artist had stood her ground, tears pouring down her own cheeks as she heard every word the Japanese beauty had said. She had caused this. The perfect moment she had believed into turned everything into an irreparable mess. “I don’t even know if I mean those words,” the penguin continued as she hid her crying eyes on her skin. She then confessed in a meaningful whisper, “All I know is that I’m hurting when you’re here with me.” “I’m really sorry, Mina,” Chaeyoung replied with trembling lips. She felt the slight shook of head on her straight shoulder then heard another cry of hers, “But I’m also hurting when you’re not with me.”

“So, don’t go,” Mina cried harder and pleaded weakly, “Please, don’t go, Chaeyoung.”

-------

Refreshed after the hot shower, the two decided to dress up in silence with their backs facing each other. Chaeyoung had sobered up a little after their shared bath and the clean up of her wounds who were now covered by band aids. As of now, she was seating at the foot of the bed as she waited for Mina to finish with her dressing up for the night. She stared blankly on her hands as she fiddled mindlessly with her fingers. Her reverie was interrupted with a clear of a throat followed by, “I’ll see you in the morning,” from the penguin. Of course, the cub wanted to protest and to tell the Japanese beauty that she could just stay with her inside the bedroom, but she did neither. Instead, she nodded her head even if she was against of it, “Yeah, it’s really late,” she said softly for she didn’t want to disrupt the quietness of the night, “And it’s probably the best for us.” Separated, she thought, and with dried and tired eyes, then she bid, “Good night, Mina.”

Though, it didn’t really do anything. Them, being separated even just with a single wall, didn’t help. Chaeyoung’s skin prickled and she felt like she couldn’t breathe without Mina on her side. The alcohol had almost completely worn off, so her somehow capable brain should’ve been controlling herself with more rational functions yet it didn't. For the infinite time in that ungodly hour, she tossed again on the penguin’s bed with the mint lavender scent mocking her pitiful and weak being. With an exasperated sigh, she pulled the pillow that had been on her face for minutes and then sat upright. She stared at the door for quite some time before she gave in and swung the comforter off of her. Quiet padded steps and then the door slowly opened. The rest of the place was eerily quiet, uncomfortable both on her skin and for her floppy ears – only dimly lit by the passing moonlight through the glass windows. Needy was curled atop by the microwave and the elegant girl had not been sleeping either. The way she was seating with back against the backrest of the couch and the way of her intent staring to the ceiling had said so. Chaeyoung stalked closer and closer until she could peek down on her serene face and then asked, “Can’t sleep?” Mina just nodded quietly back to her before pulling her head from resting it atop of the backrest. Cicadas of the summer season sang to their quiet and vulnerable little bubble. Without a word, the cub moved around the couch and proceeded to sit on the other side. “What are you thinking?” she asked after turning her head on her side of the couch. “The night of our fight,” the penguin answered softly.

“I see,” Chaeyoung breathed out before looking away from her, “I’m sorry.” “You said,” Mina slowly began, “On that faithful day of seeing me with ballet, I pulled you,” she said, “But on that painful night of our fight, I pushed you,” she then added with her hand slowly reaching and finding the other’s. “It’s okay,” the cub replied as she laced their fingers together, “I understand why you did.” She then felt the gentlest fingers against her knuckles in soothing movements – as if caressing and warming her hand. Without noticing it, she had turned her head again to her side and had been staring at her. She heard a breathy laugh before she had broken whatever trance that she was in. After that, Mina took her turn to look back at the younger girl, smiling softly yet sadly. “What are you thinking?” Chaeyoung asked again, not breaking that intangible connection of their eyes. “We said so many words and promises to each other,” the penguin replied with pain reflecting in her irises, “And we broke so many of them.” Masking again her inner pain with a smile, she corrected, “I broke so many of them.” The cub didn’t know what to say or do to her words, so instead she had defensively blurted without a second thought, “I never cheated on you, Mina.” The elegant girl just blinked at her softly before moving and closing the gap between their shoulders. Their sides met and she rested her head on a straight shoulder, “Unconsciously, I think I know that,” she said, nuzzling closer to the cub’s warmth, “You’ve been apologising to me repeatedly about your mistakes yet I haven’t done my turn with mine.” Chaeyoung just held her hand tighter in return as she waited patiently for her next words.

“I wasn’t hurt nor angered by your lie – your blooming little secret,” Mina confessed, voice reverberating from her chest, “I think I was hurt and angry of something else,” she paused and took a deep breath to relieve her constricting heart. “Because you couldn’t say the words that I’ve been waiting,” she continued with her other hand flying to cover her tearing eyes, “I made mistakes of judging you, and was both angry and confused for nothing on that night of the party.” She trembled beside the cub as she broke down again in her presence, “It wasn’t you, because for this time, it’s on me, it’s my fault because I just couldn’t wait for you,” her fingernails dug on her palms as she cried helplessly, “I was so ashamed and guilty of my impatience when you’ve left me alone on that balcony because—” A sob had stopped her explanation. She sniffed, and with greeted teeth, she continued, “Because I realised that I’m the one who ruined us and I’m sorry.” The penguin wiped her tears away as much as she could and then said weakly, “So after all, maybe I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you.” She was caught off guard when she was pulled and pressed into a tight hug by the other, “No, I did this,” she heard clearly. With buried face in the crook of the elegant girl’s neck, Chaeyoung whispered, “I think I’m hurting you more when I’m with you,” she then pulled her impossibly closer, “But don’t worry after today – after the competition – you can freely go home to Japan to heal and to forget me,” she breathlessly explained, “I can’t hurt you there, Mina.”

“Mina,” she called longingly onto her neck, thinking and promising to herself, I’m going to stop loving you because only then I can truly stop hurting you. She didn’t say anything for the next minutes and just held the older girl against her smaller frame, not until she had also heard of her name. “Chaeyoung,” Mina said as she held back to the other. “Yeah?” the artist replied, drawing circles on her back. “I'm drowning,” the elegant girl confessed, lost yet hurting by her touch, "I'm always drowning in you and I don't know if I want to be saved," then she asked tiredly, “What are we doing? Really, what are we doing?” The cub chuckled simply before answering, “We’re pushing and pulling each other," then turning her words into a whisper, "On our last day of being together.” Her words were harsh and direct, and it left the elegant girl gasping from the bitter air of the surface. I guess, I don't need to know, she thought as she felt coldness latched on her own skin. The cub's words had anchored her up from that deep, dark, and deafening water and into the cold blinding truth that they weren't for each – that they weren't ending for each other. She had saved me, she internally cursed herself as new hot streams of tears overflowed from her eyes, She had saved ourselves. "Chaeyoung," she called as she quietly cried on her shoulder. The younger girl never said another word, and instead, hummed soothingly before she peppered her hair with gentle kisses.

Tears dried and sobs ceased when Chaeyoung had found herself retreating away and giving the penguin some space for herself again. Staring at her downcasted head, she reached for her cheeks and thumbed away the last droplets of sadness. She smiled with her face in her own hands, “How about we asked each other one question?” she asked to fend her off from relapsing into sadness, grinning meaningfully, “That we cannot not answer, just for fun.” Mina stared blankly on the smile on her lips. She hated that smile – fake and in denial. As they stared into each other’s soul and heart, the penguin braved to ask, “Why haven’t, no,” she shook her head then continued, “Why couldn’t you tell me?” The cub’s breath stopped midway in and it left an afflicting sensation in her, “Because it never existed,” she confessed, looking up to the blank ceiling in shame, “I waited but it was never existing.” Chaeyoung moved herself away until her lower back hit her side of armrest – leaving a good distance between themselves. “I see,” the elegant girl replied, hugging her knees to her chest then nodding at her, “So that’s why.” The art student smiled again and she hated everything about it. “Your turn,” she stated as she gestured her right hand in front of her. “We happened and we’re ending, did I even worth your time?” the cub asked, jaw tensing from her own question – anxious and fearful on her own.

“You are worth everything to me,” Mina answered with a pained smile, “Mind, body, soul.” She pursed her lips, her voice breaking into whisper, “And heart, but we’re not for each other.” “We’re not because we only keep on hurting one another,” Chaeyoung answered, smiling back at her contentedly, “It’s for the best, Mina.” “I know that it is,” the Japanese girl stated. Their hearts were finally aligning to each other – locking into one another with mutual understanding. Silence breached their shared bubble and joined their moment, weak and little. “What are you thinking now?” the cub had asked again, staring at her with another smile. “I wish I had kissed you in that lake, under the moonlight,” the penguin said, staring back intensely, “Maybe then we would’ve never happened and you would’ve continued hating me, as one of the upperclassmen.” Chaeyoung’s smiled visibly faded from her face, but it was replaced by Mina’s. “Or maybe it would’ve been our first real kiss, not an accidental one, and this wouldn’t be so regretting,” she continued as she smiled softly at her. The cub broke into a shy smile, shaking her head and then looking again at her. She breathed deeply before she decided to crawl back into her. Her knees and palms dug into the cushion of the couch as she closed the balled penguin. Reaching for her cheek with a hand, Chaeyoung levelled her own face to her before slowly leaning for her lips. Mina relaxed to the kiss that her arms left her knees and rounded to the cub’s back, holding her for as long as she could and as it was allowed. A smile against her lips and then a whispered promise, “Now, you won’t regret missing a kiss,” the younger girl said.

“I suppose,” Mina replied as they stared at each other closely in the eyes. She left one last smile against her lips before she felt her distanced away from herself. “I guess, I should go back to your room,” Chaeyoung sheepishly said as she rubbed the back of her neck with a heating palm. “You should rest,” she continued before indicating, “For the competition I mean.” “Stay,” the penguin said, biting her lower lip shyly, “It’s our last day after all.” The cub could only nod as she moved closer again to her. Hands holding on the artist’s waist, Mina settled the both of them on the couch – pulling a blanket over their flushed bodies. The faint strawberry scent filled her as she buried her nose at the back of her head before going down to her nape. It was unfair how she was easily reacting to her – wanting to drown back into her. She wouldn't really be freed from her completely not unless their last day had finally ended, so for now, she would allow herself to pull her. Mina would pull Chaeyoung closer and selfishly for herself just for their last day of being together. Her lips grazed lightly on the skin of her nape – gentle series of kisses being pressed. “Mina,” the cub called, hand finding another for her own, “Thank you for making me feel all of these,” she said as she intertwined their fingers, “Thank you for teaching me how to feel all of these.”

She pulled her hand on her lips and then continued, “I’m grateful that at least we happened and I wouldn’t have us any other way. I wouldn’t ask for more, so thank you,” she paused and placed a kiss on her warm skin, “For everything.” “I,” Mina kissed lower on her nape with an arm tightening around her waist, “I never hated you,” she whispered in between kisses, “I hated what we let ourselves be.” “Cowards,” she whispered as she buried her face and pulled her even closer, "Just two cowards for each other."

-------

The morning of that day felt like ages before it came. Maybe because their minds and hearts were rung by their words and confessions before they had slept. Chaeyoung had woken up from the tiny wet sensation on the corner of her lips. She could feel a soft paw pressing insistently on her cheek and she could smell the assorted flavour of cat treats. With a groan, she opened her eyes and saw the brown cat busy with her. The cub closed again her eyes and averted her lips from the brown fluff, trying to go back to sleep; however, Needy only double her attempts to wake up her dearly missed human. “Okay, okay,” the artist whispered – aware that the penguin was still sleeping on her side. “Stop it,” she exclaimed before grabbing and hoisting Needy up. She sighed and then said with a stern look, “I miss you, too.” The quiet of her voice caused a slight disturbance to the sleeping beauty, and in unconscious action, took efforts to wrap and pull the shorter girl closer back to her taller frame. Chaeyoung glanced down, inspecting her fresh morning beauty and her harmonious breathing from a slightly gaped mouth. Her trance was quickly interrupted when she felt claws dug past her shirt. “Ow, ow,” she winced as she took hold again to the fluffball as it clambered on her shoulder, “Needy, no.” “Good morning,” Mina said, still in the process of opening her eyes into consciousness. “I’m sorry to wake you up,” the cub expressed worriedly, “Needy is, well, being needy.”

The penguin just shook her head as she began to sit upright as well. “It’s fine,” she said – waving her hand to dismiss her worries. Stretching her arms up, she yawned, “You being awake kind of woke me, too.” She smiled at her before proceeding to lean down to the cat and then greeting, “Good morning.” Needy meowed loudly and then ended her greeting with a tongue cutely sticking out. Chaeyoung couldn’t help but to smile from her greeting and her interaction with the feline. It wasn’t really a good morning – not in between them – but it wasn’t that wrong to say that it was and just be fake happy about it; thus, she finally and simply greeted back with a contented smile, “Good morning.”

More smiles were exchanged between the two along with the presence of the brown fluff until Mina had decided that it was time to cook and prepare for breakfast. The morning was bearable to say the least since they had poured some of their bottled confessions, feelings, and sorrow before they had slept. They had somehow surrendered to fear and understood the truth between and beyond the both of them. The breakfast was consumed in comfortable silence with the right number of shy smiles and glances. Their stomachs were filled but never did their hearts. They cleaned the table and washed the dishes together – seemingly like they were making the most out of their last day. Soon, Chaeyoung had found herself on the floor playing with Needy while Mina watched them contentedly from a distance. Truly, she missed her rightful pet. Her playfulness to the cat dissipated in the air when the penguin had spoken. “Chaeyoung,” Mina called for her – unsurely of her next words and of her current thought in mind, “Tzuyu kissed me on that night after you had left me on that balcony.”

In disbelief, the cub's hands had automatically stopped caressing and tickling the furball before she slowly turned herself in direction to look her in the eyes. “And I kissed her back,” the penguin said with her one hand squeezing the other. She had averted her eyes as she waited for any of her possible reactions. With tearful eyes, Chaeyoung pursed her lips before she could smile and say, “You don’t have to tell me that.” Her hands had curled into fists and her fingernails burned as it buried deep on her palms. “You’re free to do anything, to anyone,” her voice breaking but she continued, “We’re not of each other anymore.” “I didn’t like it, not one bit,” Mina blurted out and then calmingly added, “It didn’t feel right.” “Why?” the younger girl cooed, but she was already averting her own face away from her, “What are you talking about? It’s Tzuyu. She’s beautiful, kind, smart, and pure. What’s there to not like?” she asked and asked questions, “Was it too soon?”

“She’s not you,” Mina simply answered, putting a direct stop for her rain of questions, “She’s not you, Chaeyoung,” she said. The small confession ended as soon as it started. Their comfortable silence had turned again into a suffocating one and their dried eyes had began to water again. With destructive thoughts and pained hearts, the penguin tried to save their broken selves and asked, “Can you lock my place for me?” Words had completely abandoned the cub and she feared that even the slightest attempt to answer her would result herself into a crying kid. Good thing that the med student was quick to read, “The competitors need to be prepared early at the venue,” she explained, earning herself a lifeless nod from the other girl. “You’ll be there, right?” she asked, clearly desperate of a yes or at least a nod – really just something that could reassure her that Chaeyoung will be there when she performed again in front of many eyes after so many years of running away from the hurtful and mindless compliments. Maybe she shouldn’t have shared about her kiss with the puppy after all. Growing tired of waiting and fiddling with her thumb, she was about to give up and head for her room when the cub had broken the silence.

“Of course,” Chaeyoung said as she tried to send a comforting smile to her, “I’ll be there, you have me for that.” Mina smiled back with still anxious and fearful eyes, “Thank you,” she said – lips lightly trembling with her words, “Thank you for this.” The Japanese girl took time of preparation before she had walked to the Korean girl with a readied bag in her right hand. Smiling, she said a simple goodbye to her and then ending it with chaste peck on her cheek. “Good luck,” the cub bid – hands connecting to the penguin’s for a short minute. With her own thoughts, Chaeyoung will be separated from Mina for the next hours until her actual performance, so instead, she sought the rose-coloured couch and sat down calmly. Rhythming her breathing, she started to prepare herself for what was worth to come – their promised ending.

-------

The wait was excruciating especially now that she remembered that she had shattered her phone. Chaeyoung spent most of her waiting time playing with Needy as she tried to shove her thoughts away from herself. Some parts of it, she walked around the spacious place and tossed around the rose-coloured couch. When it was her time, she started to prepare, bathe fresh, and pull out some of her own clothes that were still in the penguin’s possession. She wore a faded greyish pants, a simple yellow hoodie with a black design at the back, and of course, the pair of shoes she wore before she had crashed the elegant girl’s flat. The haste to get dressed was put into stop when she heard Needy mewling loudly at her, clearly demanding her attention. As the cub combed her mane, she paused and spared a single glance to see if everything was okay with her pet. Thankfully, the brown fluff seemed fine to her. She had fed her earlier and had rubbed her tummy for multiple times, so what else would Needy be needing? Exactly, nothing and Needy was just being needy. When she turned her eyes back on her mirror image, the decibel of mewling intensified. She tried to shrug it off – the demands of her cat – but soon she found her jeans being clawed at. Up and up, and Needy went higher nearly at the hem of her hoodie.

With a pained groan from claws, Chaeyoung picked up the very persistent and determined furball. “Okay, I get it,” she said, lifting Needy to face her closely, “You want to come with me.” Needy mewled happily, eyes turning into curved lines. Apparently, the brown fluff seemed to develop a certain level of trust issues on her because it felt like the cat didn’t trust any of her words as it continuously climbed on her while she prepared her bag to bring over. The cub endured the claws passing her clothing as she packed Needy’s leash, treats, and some bottled water. “Okay,” she breathed out as she pulled the furball off of her, “That settles everything.”

She picked Needy in her arms and then started to walk towards the front of the flat with keys dangling in one hand. Chaeyoung opened the door, and as expected, obliged Mina’s request and locked it. “Let’s go see her,” she said to the cat as she began to tuck her inside her hoodie – tiny furry head sticking out just under chin.

-------

How Chaeyoung managed to bring Needy inside a place, which one could say strictly for human beings only, was alarmingly out of order? All she did was ask if she could sneak in a well-behaved – not really, only for pretend – and adorable furball, oh and give some additional currency of their country in paper form. In short, she had snuck in the brown fluff through bribery because she had never foreseen that the cat would be forbidden to enter the place. Indeed, a dumb careless move on her side.

The place wasn’t that grand, but enough to entertain the targeted audience; mainly, ranging from couples, teens, and families who were spending the day with their members. As the cub paced through hallways, she noticed some kids – boys and girls – running around excitedly for the ballet competition to start. She tried to avoid most people on her sides and in front because there was currently a live cat wiggling inside of her hoodie, and for some, she just looked away from their confused prying eyes. With pursed lips, the clicks of the soles of her shoes soon stopped. She saw that the seats were almost filled, for its size the least, as she walked in that two-door entrance. After spotting a vacant space in the middle, she hurried her way as the speakers announced that the competition will be starting. Thanked heavens that she sat next to a little girl who didn’t mind Needy poking her small head out of her hoodie. “Her name is Needy,” she whispered as smiled back to the little girl’s smile. The first names of the registered competitors were announced, so naturally the audience – including the cub, of course – directed their attention to the stage. Mina was the eighth performer and Chaeyoung could only hold onto Needy gently as she anticipated her known grace and beauty.

The light-heartedness of the competition was visibly reflected by the performers. The event was clearly to provide entertainment for the audience