More than two weeks had passed ever since the morning of the after party. Everything was quiet as it was supposed to be. The cub and the penguin had decided to come in terms with their own goodbyes as they encapsulated themselves with their worlds – had decided to let everything as it was. Their decisions altered their usual routines in some little ways that didn’t go amiss to their friends.

Chaeyoung’s dorm-to-school and school-to-dorm routine slightly changed but that didn’t mean that it would be unnoticeable through the eagle’s sharp eyes. The cub might have visibly caged herself inside of her room for most of her spare time in their shared home. Dahyun shrugged her friend’s sudden odd behaviour when she noticed it occured once or twice, but slowly it crawled at the back of her as it drastically made her tongue uncomfortably itchy. “Why is she acting like that?” she once blurted out to the other original occupant during one of their family breakfasts. The tofu was sceptical. She needed to know what was happening to Chaeyoung and how could she help her in any way possible. Hell, she would dare to help even if it was impossible. With raised brows and a determined look on her face, she tried to urge the silver haired girl to answer her question. Tzuyu remained quiet on her side whether she was uninterested or she already knew what was going on with their short friend. Of course, it was the latter.

Jeongyeon, with her eyes fixated to the cooking food, answered the very curious and worried eagle, “She’s processing some things,” she said, not even sparing a glance to her. Tzuyu audibly sipped her morning coffee – unlike Dahyun who prefers milk for breakfast – and successfully caught the tofu’s attention for a brief moment. The eagle further knitted her brows together as it showed disturbance from the puppy and confusion from the dragon’s answer. She shrugged it and decided to dig in for more information. Clueless as she was, she asked again the eldest, “Shouldn’t we help her?” The eagle was sweet on how she was already offering a helping hand to the cub even without fully grasping the situation. Jeongyeon chuckled as she balanced three plates – each in her hands and the last one on her arms.

Once she had placed the plates on the table, she patted Dahyun’s head before she sat beside her, “I know you’re worried for her,” she pushed their plates of food to each of their spots and replied again, “But she’s going to be fine.” Jeongyeon smiled at her. Of course, the eagle wasn’t convinced with just mere simple words. “On her own, Dahyun,” the dragon added as she stared up at the frown on her face.

“But are you sure, unnie? Like one-hundred percent sure?” the school meal leader interrogated, “No doubts whatsoever?”

“Dahyun, let it go and eat your food. Jeongyeon unnie put efforts to it so don’t let it get cold,” Tzuyu finally joined the conversation. “But,” Dahyun tried to reason or maybe argue back. “On her own, Dahyun. On her own,” the puppy interrupted as she called the end of the topic. The eagle sighed, submitting to the other two.

The three ate their breakfast quietly and Dahyun would spare worried glances to Chaeyoung’s door from time to time. After they ate, the eagle and the puppy teamed up to clean their used dishes, bid the eldest goodbye, and headed on their way for each of their first period. Jeongyeon, on the other hand, cooked another batch of breakfast before she left for her own schedule. It was for the baby beast when she woke up for her failing classes.

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With eyes still closed, Mina regulated her breathing as she tried to sense her surroundings. She moved her fingers ever so lightly as consciousness slowly booted her system. As senses began to run and work its gears in her system, she realised that her space was cold and quiet. Too cold than expected for winter and too quiet even with the chirping birds outside. She opened her eyes and from everything she observed, it was most likely that she drifted again last night. Her thoughts drifted again back to her which caused overthinking until she blanked out and fell in a short coma. At these instances, she was thankful for her body’s automatic shutdown when she had enough of self-beating. Her shutdowns helped her to prevent herself from remembering about Son Chaeyoung. After all, she was still in grave pain out of everything.

The elegant girl was tired and it was no secret as far as the dark circles under her eyes showed, but that was how she unlocked her uncalled shutdowns. She sacrificed and drastically changed her routine to achieve it. Mina had done everything, from shouldering a three-student group work to six-hour straight of gaming. Well, these changes resulted from isolating herself from her friends to irregular naps on her weekends and falling asleep around her unit on weekdays in exchange for not drowning to her memories with her. That was the twisted beauty of it. For her, it was a reasonable and a fair trade.

Exactly seventeen days had passed, she knew even if she was supposed to lose track of it because her days felt longer now. Shouldn’t the nights grow longer and the days shorter during winter? Well, the penguin begged to differ. Seventeen agonising days with herself and the torturing feeling. She was beyond repair – utterly cracked – but she was barely hanging on, enough to not fall into pieces. She was in between that sensation and her shutdowns helped her away from it. It relieved her and it filled the part of her day when she couldn’t squeezed her workloads or her gaming. Her shutdowns kept her from crossing that thin line of completely shattering herself by simply thinking about her – an escape from reminding herself of everything – so the last night’s intended short dip in a hot tub lasted for the whole night.

She fell asleep again while still submerged in the water of her tub. When the cold water stung on her skin, she let out a sigh and moved her pruned body. She stood and walked away from her tub before she wore her bathrobe. After she dressed for today, Mina left her unit to start her newly established routine.

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Chaeyoung groaned when she heard the booming ringtone of her alarm. Its volume was set to maximum just to be sure to have enough time to prepare before she attended her first morning class. The cub couldn’t quite slack on her class performance especially after she pulled that antic to her art professor. It was that expected phase of the semester where she will be struggling to pull up her grades into passing. She can’t afford even the slightest late marks on the remaining days of her semester.

She dragged herself to the kitchen and internally thanked her best friend’s readied breakfast. As she ate her food, she realised how Jeongyeon had been extra thoughtful to her for the past days because instead of waking her up for breakfast, she let her sleep to the fullest. The silver dragon must’ve noticed the sudden changes in her behaviour. After eating, she washed her plates since she knew that it will please her roommate.

The cub roared a yawn as she stripped her pyjamas off. Hot showers will always be good for starting her day. She sighed as the rushing water travelled from the top of her head to the toes of her feet. Without knowing, she found herself staring blankly to the tiles of the bathroom wall. The days after the party, there were times that she spaced out of nowhere. She shook her head. She breathed in and breathed out. Chaeyoung was okay, she wasn’t in pain, confused, nor angry anymore, but instead lost. She wasn’t lost because she couldn’t understand Mina but it was the complete opposite. The cub fully understand everything, her inferior position and the penguin’s decision, and she was already obliging to that everything.

Myoui Mina is special and Chaeyoung realised it way too late. The cub realised it when the penguin had already made the move of giving up on her. That was what Mina wanted and Chaeyoung couldn’t say otherwise. It hurt for the following days after the party but she later on recovered. She didn’t cry, never, because she knew all of this was on her. She understood everything. She couldn’t stop her if she truly wanted to leave, so she obliged to it after hearing her goodbye. She accepted everything. That was the reason why she kept on spacing out – slipping away from her conscious self and into that blank void. She was stuck with being lost in that hollowness of acceptance.

Chaeyoung breathed in and then breathed out as she tried to compose herself and withhold her consciousness. She turned the shower off, grabbed for her towel, and dried herself. Today, she will start to respect her decision, and maybe she could start to fill that hollowness and move forward just like her. As she wore the last line of her clothing, she had slightly changed again her routine. Before she left their dorm empty, the cub had a mindset to be more productive for today.

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Mina just finished her class before the campus break and she was only on her way to find a deserted place where she could eat. Somehow, she was grateful that Chaeyoung didn’t have the hobby of roaming and staying around in the campus. It was hard enough not to think about her and the cub’s natural avoidance to the university was something she should be thanking. It spared her from the unthinkable interactions. She heard a man’s voice that was calling out for the attention of someone and she was pretty sure that it wasn’t her attention that was sought, not until the voice grew louder and was more likely to be coming to her way.

The penguin slowly turned around and saw a well-known professor who was running to her direction as he waved his stretched right arm in the air. It was one of the professors of the arts department. Suddenly, she felt uneasiness stirred inside her stomach. At that moment, she wanted to flee from the approaching man even if she wasn’t completely certain that he was after for her. His eyes were already focused to her, and deciding to turn her back to this professor wouldn’t be considered as a polite gesture or a professional one.

The penguin lazily raised her hand when the heaving art professor stood in front of her. He was really seeking out for her. One way to find out why she was being approached by an art professor was to ask, politely. “Is everything all right, Sir?” she began. She could tell that whatever outcome of this conversation, she wouldn’t like it. Being related to art, he dangerously closed the elegant girl’s safe bubble. She wouldn’t be surprised if whatever conversation happened will lead to the cub. That was why she felt uneasy because he was approaching her with spiky remnants of Chaeyoung’s being. It was fearing how he could easily pop her built small and fragile bubble. She had struggled to encase herself inside it and it wouldn’t be too pleasing if her little protector will suddenly vanish into further non-existence.

He was dangerous for Mina because he could easily remind her of what she was running away from the past days. She didn’t want to be reminded of everything when all she wanted was to forget about it. “You passed me back there,” he pointed to where he came from, “You seemed familiar but I just couldn’t pinpoint who you are.” The man chuckled, “Not until a whole minute that is. I’m Park Jinyoung,” he introduced.

“Stubborn Chaeyoung’s professor,” he smiled to her, “Aren’t you her art subject?” Mina’s heart raced and pounded inside her ribcage as it sunk into nothingness when she heard him say her name. Oh, the faith and the stars cruel plan for her. The person she didn’t want to be reminded of was the sole purpose of the professor. She was once again granted by something she didn’t wish for. One cannot simply turn their head away to something inevitable, can they? Of all people, Mina knew well that she couldn’t run away from something inevitable. “Right?” the professor called her out of her long silence. She just looked at him, still hadn’t regained herself from her haunting thoughts.

The man chuckled again, “Chaeyoung perfectly replicated the constellation of stars on your face. It’s really hard to miss that out from you,” he added with a smile. “Y-yes,” she stuttered back to him, “That was me.” Her heart felt like bursting inside of her chest even with just a short phrase of an answer, and her head started to swim in circles. Whatever he wanted to say, she didn’t want to hear it. She would like to be spared from him. “What happened to her?” JYP huffed. It wasn’t a wise choice but she couldn’t help herself but to send him a worried look.

“That stubborn kid repainted her canvas on last minute,” he shook his head as he rubbed the temples of her head. Bile rose in and her eyes could only stung from his words. That was the only thing that her eyes could do. It only stung because she probably already dried her own orbs. She wished for him to stop because she was certain that his next words will hurt her and will remind her of Chaeyoung, and it was only a thread away from triggering her darker thoughts. “I just want to know why her artwork turned out like that,” he continued without her liking. Her ears fell deaf just from his unwanted words. “Her canvas turned into one of her no concepts. Her latest artwork was undesired,” he sighed. Mina clenched her jaw because it was starting to uncontrollably shiver. Please, stop, she pleaded internally.

“Her art really reflected her like a mirror and normally seen through her ,” he explained. Sweat was starting to form on the penguin’s cold skin. “I only want to help my student at any way possible,” he said. Of course, Mina knew about this. That was why she couldn’t bring herself to hate this man even with his said words. “I wish she could answer me by herself but she’s really stubborn and distant from our previous classes,” he smiled even if Mina couldn’t see him because her eyes were only focused on the grass under her shoes. Stop, her eyes started to well up. “Why was she full of hatred and anger from her artwork?” he asked his concerns about the cub.

Mina inevitably hurt her regardless of the outcome of her decision which made Chaeyoung to inevitably hate her. She was naïve how she even thought for a minimum that she could save Chaeyoung but what she was never aware of was Chaeyoung needed to be saved away from her. That was the cruel truth about them. Because of me, she reminded herself again. This was what she was running away from because remembering Chaeyoung was the same as reminding herself of what she had done to her. She was trying to ebb the feeling of guilt. She wanted to stop remembering her painful mistake of falling for Son Chaeyoung.

The penguin flinched when the art professor touched her right forearm. She looked up at him with droplets of tears stuck in her eyes. “Are you okay, Miss?” he worried to the med student. He slightly panicked at the sight and he didn’t know what to do to her. “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?” he questioned her. Mina took in a shivery breath because she needed it before she let her weak voice out, “I’m fine,” her words clearly trembling, “I just d-don’t know why,” she lied. “Okay!” he said and then he clapped his hands together. She fought her tears not to fall because the art professor was clearly trying to lighten up the mood. It was the least that he could do. “Chaeyoung’s right,” he groaned, “Maybe I should stop acting like her psychologist,” he chuckled lightly to her.

“Can I, uh,” the penguin began to fidget with the strap of her bag, “Can I go now?” The man nodded his head eagerly. He didn’t want to keep the student to her uncomfortable state. “Yes, sure, sure,” her blurted out, “You may go. Thank you.” Mina bowed her head before she dashed away from the art professor. Her heart rate was still raging in her system, so she ran with no particular direction as she hoped that the rush could tire her aching heart.

She ran until she bumped into someone. With an audible oof, she looked up at the person she ran into. The person held the penguin by her shoulders and observed her. “Momo,” Mina said softly. She closed her eyes before she moved away from the touches of her friend. “Are you okay?” Momo asked her before she reached for the penguin’s forearm. Mina backed away on reflex and then forced a smile of reassurance. She knew that she was being unfair to Momo. “I’m okay,” she replied as she rubbed her forearm. Today must be her lucky day to meet someone when all she did was to isolate herself from the others.

“I was looking for you,” Momo said as she looked up at the blue sky, “Sana told me everything.” Of course, the raccoon knew and noticed that the penguin was lying about her current state because she was absolutely far from being okay. Her tearing eyes sort of gave it away, and it was not really that hard for the older girl to realise it.

Mina was avoiding anyone because by that way she could also avoid meeting Momo. She knew that it wouldn’t take long for Sana to work the things up between her and Chaeyoung especially how she analysed the morning after the party. They always thought that Sana’s brain always worked in the most unexpected ways. “I’m sorry,” her dear friend let out. Mina closed her eyes upon hearing Momo apologized. How she acted earlier wasn’t really that pleasing. Flinching away from her friend on reflex wasn’t really necessary. She wished that she reacted better. She knew that Momo had nothing to do with all of these. Everything was on all her. Not only that she hurt the baby cub, she also made her friend to feel like she was at fault in any given possible way. She pinched the bridge of her nose like the simple action would keep her away from the truth.

Like it would still keep her from denying it to herself that she was already shattered. Myoui Mina was already shattered into pieces the moment Son Chaeyoung had said her goodbye. “It’s okay,” she whispered to her, All of these were because of me, she thought. Everything that came after the cub’s goodbye was just payment for what she had done. Just like her recent short conversation with her professor.

The raccoon was never good with facing fears like confrontation. She wished that Sana had came to help her talk to Mina. It was Sana who was always good with these stuffs – not her. Instead of talking it out, she was sure that she’d cry herself first than her penguin friend. She was only good enough as a listening ear to her friends’ problems or a warm hug giver – not like this, alone as she dealt with it. “I don’t know that it was Chaeyoung,” she began her rambling, “I swear I would never do that if had known.” Momo’s voice was trembling. She really felt sorry for the penguin but at the same