“That XX, what does he have that I don’t
Why can’t I have you
That XX doesn’t love you
How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?”

It has been 3 months and here I am, still reading that same last message all over again. I’ve been contemplating whether to delete it or not. Ever since that day, we never got the chance to talk to each other again, probably because 1) I, somewhat, made her feel that we should never be friends again or 2) I felt awkward with her last text message.

Why did I feel awkward? It’s because the song looked like she was confessing her feelings to me. Am I assuming or I just misunderstood it? Who knows, right? Maybe I should go talk to her. Besides, she’s actually the reason behind my behavior. To be honest, I never saw this one coming especially when I got used to being with her almost every single day. I always thought that this friendship was really special to both of us and nothing else.

I was wrong, awfully wrong.

I don’t know why but somehow, I did feel happy when she confessed, though because of my stupidity, it wasn’t really the perfect time to react or whatsoever regarding this.

Wrong move, Jisoo.

I was about to lay down again when I heard a soft knock on the door. “Unnie? Are you awake?”

“Yes, Rosé. You can come in.”

“How are you feeling? No hangovers? Or headaches?” I shook my head. “Good to know. Aren’t you hungry? I cooked something for lunch but I don’t want to wake you up since I know how tired you are.”

“Tell me, Rosé. What happened last night? I mean I don’t really remember anything else. All I know is that I woke up here and had a bit of headache.” Rosé sat beside me holding a glass of water and gave it to me.

“Well all I can say is that Lisa went home carrying you.”

“All by herself?!” I said almost spitting my drink.

“Yeah. Why? Are you expecting someone else?” She said as she was caressing my back.

“Well, no. Not really. How could she carry me?”

“Is that even a question, unnie?” I shrugged, finished the water and handed the glass over while thanking her. “Why were you drinking alone? You don’t usually drink unless you have a problem.” I avoided her glance quickly. “Don’t tell me you still love Jinyoung?”

“No! No, Chaeng. It’s not about Jinyoung”

“Then who is it?” I exhaled deeply before answering her question

“Lemme tell you first a story on how it all started because of the stupid song you recommended me.”

I woke up late in the afternoon knowing how good the day was because there are no classes or meetings for the student council and finally having at least a short break from all the school activities. I should really enjoy this and I know I deserve it.

I went down to eat breakfast only to find out that my parents went to work already. I found a note on the fridge that says: “Jisoo. We didn’t bother waking you up. We know how tough your week was. I made you breakfast and left money for your lunch. Take care, my dear. I love you.”

Mom is absolutely sweet. Very understanding.

While eating, I kept on thinking about what to do throughout the day and came up with a decision of having to walk in the park and read a book instead of playing video games because it somehow reminded me of someone whom I began to hate.

I got up from my seat to begin preparing myself for a long walk and a good read. After doing so, I checked the time on my phone and saw that my Spotify was open. It reminded me of the playlist that Rosé gave me and suggested that I should listen very well. Not really sure why but I am 100% sure she can relate to it.

Well, I better keep going and I’ll listen to this while I walk outside.

Now Playing: Happier by Ed Sheeran

Walking down 29th and park
I saw you in another's arms
Only a month we've been apart
You look happier

Saw you walk inside a bar
She said something to make you laugh
I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours
Yeah you look happier, you do

Who would have thought that walking could lead you into something that you unexpectedly will see. It’s her - Jennie Kim. My best friend whom I have stopped talking to for 3 months already. She’s with someone else, not really sure who but she is kinda familiar.

Wait, is that Seulgi? The one that she has mentioned before? The one who has been linked to Jennie these past few weeks? Why did I feel something weird inside of me, liking having this urge to follow them. Out of all the places, why here in our favorite spot?

As I watched them from afar, I can see how Jennie laughs a lot at whatever Seulgi was saying. They’re so sweet, it made me…. jealous. Yes, I’m jealous because she has a new friend, or maybe a best friend. Also, that is my spot with her. She should have at least picked a different place. What the hell, Jennie?

I was on the other side of the park, reading a book. I tried to stop myself from looking at them but I failed. I saw that they were gone already. I looked around and thought that they probably went to another place again. I picked up my book and continued walking. Dang. I’m dragging my lovely book into this. Am I an investigator? I could probably be, as what Jennie - oh for goodness sake why does she always have to be on my mind!

Then I knew it, I saw them just walking around slowly, while holding each other’s hands. So I guess you were official then. Wait, why am I feeling something in my heart? This is getting way too out of hand. I need to get out here.

Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain't nobody love you like I do
Promise that I will not take it personal baby
If you're moving on with someone new
 

As I was going home, I tried the best I could to forget what I saw. It was like the 1st time when I felt Jinyoung betrayed me, but this time, it’s different. It felt like a different kind of hurting. I don’t really want to push myself more into this, I probably just need to rest.

Upon arriving, I went to the restroom to quickly clean myself. Right now, I don’t mind skipping meals. I don’t have the appetite to eat tonight.

“Jisoo! Is that you? Where have you been? It’s dinner time already. Go wash your hand first.” Mom shouted as she was watching television with Dad in the living room.

“No thanks, Mom. I’m good. I already ate with Rosé and Lisa.” I answered back, even though it was a lie.

“Awwww. But I cooked your favorite dish.”

“I’m sorry, mom. Can you leave some for tomorrow? I promise to eat it.”

“Alright, sweetie. I love you!”

“I love you too, mom. I’ll go upstairs now.”

I immediately went upstairs as I wanted to avoid anyone right now. I’ve been carrying a heavy heart while walking home, then went to my room and lay down on the bed. I looked at my phone once again and played it.

Damn you Rosie for giving this playlist that had this ONE song to me. Look what it made me feel, now that I know Jennie is with someone else. But, why does it feel like this? Is it because I won't be her best friend anymore? Or more than that...

Cause baby you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I'll feel it too
And until then I'll smile to hide the truth
But I know I was happier with you

Sat in the corner of the room
Everything's reminding me of you
Nursing an empty bottle and telling myself you're happier
Aren't you?
 

I didn’t notice that I fell asleep already when I heard my mom knock on the door. “Jisoo. Your dad and I will be out of town for three days. I’ll be leaving this money to you. Are you okay being alone? You can invite Jennie, Rosé and Lisa here.” Hearing her name hurts especially now that my mom doesn’t have a single idea about what happened to us.

“No mom, I’m good. Have fun!”

“Okay sweetie. Take care of yourself. You look thinner than usual.”

“I’ll eat a lot later, mom. Just stressed out with school and the student council. Don’t worry about me! You can go and have fun. I love you!”

“We love you too.”

I just noticed something, is it necessary to shout? Like we’ve been doing that since last night but it’s not out of respect. Guess it’s our own way of communicating?

Dang, I stin