Mother’s Day is in 3 days and I still haven’t decide what I should do.

I came up with so many things, but Addison help me narrow it down to 3. What is it you asked?

First, I want to spend the whole day with them without any of my attitude, which is actually Addison idea. I said no at first, but when I think of it again, what’s wrong with trying, right?

Then the second one is to make them a song. But, I don’t know what to write because this feeling I’m having these days is complicated. Sometimes I’m happy with them being around me, but sometimes those hate feeling crawling back to me. So, I’m not quite sure about making it for them.

The third one is, to make them a letter. A letter that contains all of the feelings I’ve been feeling for the past 10 years. Addison also said to write not just the hate feeling, but the promise I want to make for them if they’re really want stay with me from now on.

Addison also added that I should do all three of them and I said no immediately. One step at a time, right? I don’t want to put a high hope so I won’t feel the pain again.

Oh right, I can ask Daejung though. We’ve been talking to each other these days by the way, so we’re close now? I mean, he’s been through what I’ve been through. So, he knows what I’m feeling. Besides, making a new friend is fun and Daejung is a fun guy.

Anyway,

Right now, I’m on my room trying to write them a letter. Well, it’s really awkward for me because I haven’t done this before. You know, writing letters to my mothers. And you know what’s worse? I couldn’t find the right words for the first part. I’m stuck at ‘Dear mothers,’ and it’s blank. The paper is still white and I’m biting my pen, while shaking my right leg out of frustration.

Should I just write the letters to God? It will be easier though. Hmm….

Whatever, I’m just gonna write what I want to write and be done with this. This is harder than to make an essay for my school and I prefer to write an essay right now. You know how hard it is to make a single essay, right? Well, it’s even harder than that.

Maybe after an hour of writing, I finally done with the letter and it’s still a mess right now cause it’s just a draft. I will re write it again before I give this to them.

You want to know what I wrote in that paper? Well, lot’s of cheesy words and lots of anger combined into 2 pages of paper. You know what’s even cheesy? I wrote it on those 2 sides of paper. I have no idea why I can write like that, but maybe because I finally accepted them. Maybe because I really wish they will stay for good this time.

“what are you doing kiddo?” Mom’s voice suddenly rings into my ear from the door and I turn my head to my left in shock because I thought she sees the letter. But then I see Mom just standing by the door, smiling at me.

I forgot that I told them to not enter my room unless they’re in the door, standing there. Apparently they still remember what I told them.

What?

I said that to them when they just entering my room without my permission while I was sick that day.

“nothing. Just some homework.” I answered in panic and put some books in top of the papers.

“if you’re done with your homework, come down to eat, yeah? Dinner’s ready.”

“okay, I will.” I answered her while she’s still smiling.

Mom nods her head before she turns her body to get down stairs and close my bedroom door.

Phew! That was close. Boy, it’s hard to keep a secret from your parents, huh? I just realized this. Addison always said she can’t lie to her mother no matter what. I thought she was just lying to me because she was too lazy to came to my house. But now that I feel it, it’s really hard to keep a secret from your parents.

Wow.

This is nice.

--

“baby, do you have any plans for this Saturday?” Mommy asked while we’re sitting in on couch and watching some Nat Geo Wild’s show. My favorite show ever. The Ultimate Fight Club for animals.

I shake my head because I’m too focused on watching 2 male kangaroos fighting over 1 female kangaroo. Who knows kangaroos has a very muscular body. It’s very interesting for me.

“want to go to Universal Studio?” Mommy asked again that makes me turn my head instantly to her in shock and joy with both of my eyes open.

I mean, Universal Studio? Heck yeah!

“she’s excited. Very excited. Look at that eyes, sparkling like you, Fany. When you see a pile of food in front of you.” Mom said while laughing.

“I take that as a yes. Okay then! It’s settle.” Mommy said in excitement.

Wait, Saturday?? It’s the day of Mother’s Day. Hold on, how am I gonna give the letter to them? While we’re in the Universal Studio? No no. It’ll be embarrassing. Nope.

Should I give the letter to them though? I mean, I can leave my attitude behind and that will be my Mother’s Day’s gift for them and forget about the letter. But, I was working really hard for the letter and gave all of my emotions into that letter. I have to give the letter to them. No matter what.

“what are you thinking, baby?” Mommy asked while I was out in the space. Or, I’m just spacing out because of the letter.

“uhh…. Nothing.” I answered as I shake my head while turning my direction to the tv again. Wait, the kangaroo’s fight is over? Now it’s just some 2 snakes fighting over something I hadn’t seen.

“you have plans on Saturday?”