It’s still the same silent and awkwardness in the car on the way home. We don’t really talk at all and I just looking at the street lights boringly. Well, I don’t talk to them but they’re trying to talk to me, asking about how am I doing and stuff. I answered them with just a short answer like ‘fine’ and ‘good’. It’s like there’s a wall between me and them right now. I’m blocking whatever they say to me or ask me. 

Then, I heard a really good song on the radio. Well, for me it’s good and actually this song, is an old one. I’m surprised they’re still playing it on the radio.

Do I ever tell you guys that I play music too? Not singing like my mothers though, but I know a thing or two about music. 

My mothers doesn’t know that. They only know that I play basketball and I don’t want to tell them or show them either because it none of their business. 

I close my eyes as I listen to the song. The song called I’m Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance. It’s an Emo song and I’m pretty sure, this song was released when my mothers were still on their teenage years. So yeah, it’s that old. But you know, I listen to this kind of song not because I’m an emo kid. It’s just, my mothers, specially, grandpa’s princess, doesn’t really like this kind of song and she know nothing about this kind of song.

So, I listen to this song because I don’t want her to talk to me. 

‘I’m not okay,

 I’m not okay,

 I’m not okay,

 You wear me out~’

I sing along with a low tone, not wanting for them to hear me singing. I can sing, but only to my shampoo’s bottle and its friends. Addy said my voice is not that bad. Well, maybe because, like it or not, their genes still running in my blood. 

I can feel a hand on my thigh so I open my eyes and see Taeyeon smiling at me. But with sad eyes.

“yes?” I asked her. She still has that sad face on her and I can see from the rear view mirror,  that Tiffany is looking at me.

“are you okay?” asked Taeyeon. And I nod my head. “you like that kind of songs?” she asked again.

“No I hate it.” I answered sarcastically. I don't sing along because I hate it.

I turn my head to the window again while Taeyeon still looking at me.

“what’s the title of the song, sweetie? I think it’s a good song.” she said again. I raise my right eyebrow and just looking at her. why does she wants to know? She don’t really like this kind of song. And she said it herself. 

“well?” she asked me again. 

“I’m Not Okay” I answered her shortly, still looking at the street lights that pass by me. 

Then, it’s silent again. 

“can I sleep with you tonight, Alex? I miss you so much.” Taeyeon asked me. Why is everybody wants to sleep with me? Am I their personal bolster or something? I don’t answer her and just looking at her.

“well, if you’re not comfortable, then okay. I’ll sleep somewhere else.” She said with a bit of disapointment on her eyes. I just shrug my shoulders and staring outside of the window again.

Why does it take so long to get home?

--

After