THAT NIGHT

SIX YEARS AGO

What Kim Jisoo realized about Oh Sehun and how Kim Jisoo broke.

“Yah, Kim Jisoo!!” The door rattled beside her as Kim Jisoo sat on the floor, hugging herself and her eyes closed tight, the storm outside never stopping. Her tears continued to flow as the nightmare resonated through her mind.

Nightmares never scared her, she could sleep through one without waking up, she could wake up the next morning forgetting about it and not being able to think about it after. But when a nightmare becomes personal, when a nightmare consists of something you want to forget, something you’ve programmed yourself to never think about and remember, that nightmare becomes scarier, it becomes something that can make you break out into cold sweats, it can wake you up from your sleep crying, it could leave you shaken up. And that is what Kim Jisoo is going through, as she hugged herself on the floor, trying to calm down, trying to forget, trying to slap it out of her head; but for the first time in years, Kim Jisoo can’t shrug it off, Kim Jisoo can’t calm down, Kim Jisoo can’t get her together.

And what Kim Jisoo hates the most about having the same nightmare is the fact that it’s solely the reason why Kim Jisoo can never be alone, it’s the reason why she has to sleep with the television on because the mere voices of people speaking is what gives her comfort, because she’s able to delusion herself into thinking that people are awake, that people are around her, that she’s not alone. It’s the reason why she also sleeps with the lights on because she can program herself to think that it’s the day, that the sun is out and is able to protect her from the darkness that she’s so scared to be in, because it comforts her knowing that it’s still bright, that she’s able to see everything and anything.

But tonight wasn’t those nights Kim Jisoo could comfortably sleep in, because there wasn’t any television to turn on, because the lights went off due to the storm, because she was alone, because she’s by herself in a room engulfed in darkness. She couldn’t blame anyone, not even Bae Irene who’s supposed to be her roommate for the entirety of their stay in the cabin, because Bae Irene had to leave early, because Bae Irene wouldn’t know that today would be the day Kim Jisoo’s nightmare would come back, she didn’t know that there was going to be a storm that would leave Kim Jisoo scared in the darkness.

So if Kim Jisoo couldn’t blame it on anyone, she had her stupid nightmare to blame, because it’s the reason why Kim Jisoo’s life changed so drastically, it’s the reason why she loses sleep, it’s the reason why she’s afraid to close her eyes every night fearing that it would come back.

“!” She heard him swear, kicking the door one last time as she continued to sob, trying to ignore everyone else, trying to ignore their yelling full of concern, trying to get it together because Kim Jisoo would never let anyone see her likes this, like a damn ing mess.

“Give me the keys! Hurry the up!” Oh Sehun yelled, snatching the keys out of Kim Jongin’s hands who took a little too long finding them. Oh Sehun would never lose his , but when it comes to his close friends, when it comes to Kim Jisoo; a supposed ‘best friend since childhood’, Oh Sehun would voluntarily lose his sanity, even over something trivial like Kim Jisoo not getting her favourite ice cream flavour because it ran out.

So when he heard a scream in her room over the loud storm that continued to rage on outside, Oh Sehun immediately rushed his way to her room, opening the door but finding that it was locked. Now, imagine his face when he realized he couldn’t get in, imagine his frustration when she wouldn’t answer, imagine how worried he was when he heard her sob. And the childhood best friend yelled for the keys as everyone rushed out of their respective rooms in the small cabin they stayed at for a summer vacation that fifteen years old Bae Irene, Kim Jisoo and Oh Sehun requested from their parents who kept a watch on them from a separate cabin.

And with a hurried hand and sweat forming on Oh Sehun’s forehead, he finally jabbed a key inside, frustratingly trying to get the door to open and only realizing after a few tries that there are five other keys that could open the door. So with a little profanities here and there, Oh Sehun finally opened the door with the third key, because the third time is always the charm.

“ing , Kim Jisoo!” Oh Sehun swore, rushing inside and slamming the door behind him, because Oh Sehun knows that Kim Jisoo would not like anyone else inside the room, she wouldn’t like the attention, she wouldn’t like the concern, because Kim Jisoo always stood for herself, because Kim Jisoo always acted like she was fine, because Kim Jisoo wants to seem like she’s okay. “Yah… Jisoo-ah…” Oh Sehun, for the first time since waking up from Kim Jisoo’s scream, called out her name in the softest and most gentle voice, seeing the said latter hugging herself in a corner, seeing her head buried between her knees, seeing her so broken, so weak.

But even then, Kim Jisoo did not lift her head, Kim Jisoo did not run to him, Kim Jisoo did not let him see her face full of emotions, her eyes holding a million words, a thousand stories, fear, weakness and uncertainty. Because only Bae Irene is supposed to see her like this, Bae Irene who knows all about her troubles, the reasons why she’s stressed out, the reasons why she loses sleep once every couple of months due to a nightmare; but Bae Irene wasn’t here, because she had left early along with her parents, leaving Kim Jisoo behind who never thought that her nightmare would come now.

Oh Sehun could only stare, a rush of concern and protectiveness over the latter suddenly engulfing him, suddenly taking over his whole body, suddenly rushing through him. So without Kim Jisoo’s consent - not that he needs one - he slowly walked over to her, kneeling down beside her who stiffened in her spot, her sobbing stopping as she felt him near her.

“Jisoo-ah, please tell me what’s wrong.” Oh Sehun whispered, leaning closer to her but Kim Jisoo did not answer, nor did she acknowledge his presence as her cries continued, as she sobbed quietly, her head still between her knees, not daring to look up because once she does, Kim Jisoo will surely have an even bigger meltdown, the one that requires hugging for hours on end, something she and Bae Irene have done countless of times.

But Oh Sehun was persistent, he needed to know that she’s fine, he needed to see that she’s at least okay. So with his persistent , Oh Sehun softly grabbed Jisoo’s head, slowly lifting it up without Kim Jisoo fighting it, because she has gone tired, because she doesn’t have a fighting spirit left in her, because she’s drained. And when Oh Sehun could finally see Kim Jisoo’s face blanketed by the shadows, his hands moved to her cheeks, slowly rubbing his thumb against her cheekbones, wiping her tears.

And as Oh Sehun felt Kim Jisoo’s tears ran down her cheeks, as he heard a small sob escape , Oh Sehun quickly engulfed her in his arms, her head on his chest, his chin resting on her head; and as he swayed the both of them to the side, as he rubbed his hands against her back to calm her down, Oh Sehun suddenly hummed to her. He doesn’t know why, he doesn’t know the reason behind it, but Oh Sehun hummed, because he thought that it would calm her down, because he didn’t know how else to comfort her. But it felt right, because as he hummed, he felt Kim Jisoo relax after a few minutes, he heard how her sobs died down, he felt how she slowly lifted up her head from his chest to look at him.

Kim Jisoo could only give him a glare, her face slowly going red, “Yah, Oh Sehun, don’t you know when a girl doesn’t reply or speak it means she wants you out?” She pointed out, her tears still falling as the nightmare still resonated in her head, her nose red as she sniffed, her eyes puffy at every tear that left her system.

Oh Sehun chuckled at this, staring into her eyes that twinkled with unshed tears that threatened to fall, one after the other. “Yeah but don’t you know that any sane guy with a brain would stay for the one he cares about?” With those words leaving his mouth, Kim Jisoo felt her heart stop for a second, felt it go wild after and then the butterflies came and with those suddenly occupying her mind, Kim Jisoo’s nightmare was suddenly forgotten.

“I’m ed.” She whispered, the last few drops of tears leaving her eyes, all of it in which Oh Sehun slowly wiped away with his thumb, his hands still cupping her face, his eyes still on hers. “I’m fine now Sehun.” She said, slowly moving away from him, cursing at the butterflies to go away and her heart to stop ing beating like it’s about to jump out of her chest.

“No you’re not,” Sehun murmured as he positioned himself to sit in front of her, his legs crossed as his eyes never leaving Kim Jisoo who was trying to look anywhere but him. “You’re not fine Jisoo, you’re okay. You’ll only be fine once you get whatever it is that’s bothering you out of your chest and into my ears.”

But Kim Jisoo didn’t want to, Kim Jisoo will not allow herself to, because only Bae Irene can know, even if Oh Sehun is also her best friend. But there are things only she should know, and things only a close girl friend should know and a guy friend to never find out, and that’s exactly why she can’t tell Oh Sehun. So she’ll just sit here, staring at him too, let him wait for hours, she’s still never going to tell.

So keeping her words, Jisoo only stared back at Sehun, “I’m sorry,” She muttered, seeing how his brows creased, something that always happened whenever he’s confused. “I can’t tell you.” She watched as disappointment washed over his face, making Jisoo feel a little ty. “As cliche as it may sound Sehun-ah, and as cringey and annoying it may seem, it’s really something that I want to keep to myself.’ And then Kim Jisoo suddenly chuckled at a thought, giving her goosebumps at how cringey it sounded in her head but she dared to say it anyways, “Maybe you’ll find out, and maybe by then I’m not scared about it anymore, maybe by then it wouldn’t affect me as much.”

“Maybe is the most scariest word Kim Jisoo,” Oh Sehun suddenly said, making Jisoo tilt her head to the side and a single eyebrow raised. “Because the word ‘maybe’ is so vague, it’s a yes and a no, it’s a word that would always leave you confused, will leave you asking questions, will leave you wondering,” And then Oh Sehun too, chuckled at a thought, because he’s about to say something that will contradict his words, “So maybe just trust me once and tell me what’s bothering you.”

Kim Jisoo, for the first time since she woke up from her nightmare, let out a soft laugh at Oh Sehun’s request, making the said latter laugh along with her. Both of them left to stare at each other as their small laugh turned into a fit of laughter, surprising the two, leaving them wondering as to what had made them laugh out of the blue; maybe it was Oh Sehun’s words, maybe they just needed to get something out of there system and doing it through laughing, or maybe because they just merely find happiness at each other’s presence, besides, that’s what best friends are for.

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