I can now live without you

Even though you’re used to it

Kim Jisoo entered her apartment feeling ty as ever, probably even tier before she had left to go to Cafe Newton to meet up with Kim Jennie in order to feel less ty, but obviously, that didn’t work out. Talking to a close friend like Jennie made it even harder for her, because a friend like Kim Jennie stayed, and she made sure to stay for you because she is not one to leave a friend who she feels strongly for. It’s even harder because Kim Jennie did not judge and laugh at your misery, but Kim Jennie listened and gave advice, and those advice almost always stayed with Kim Jisoo and it racked her brains to the point where she loses sleep at night and wake up feeling grumpy the next. It’s hard because everything Kim Jennie said were true and it held every pieces of her sanity together, because everything a Kim Jennie says, Kim Jisoo would eventually follow.

And so as she plopped herself on her couch and laid staring straight at her ceiling, Kim Jisoo realized her worth and it came crashing down on her the way the waters of Niagara Falls fell. But the thoughts of being able to live without Oh Sehun didn’t enter her mind, which wasn’t really a surprise because all of her life, he’s always been there, as a friend. A friend..

“A… friend.” Kim Jisoo chuckled, realizing her choice of words that fitted the situation that she’s always been trying to avoid. “A friend huh?”

But before Kim Jisoo got in on her emotions, the sound of her door opening and a series of footsteps coming in the living room interrupted her painful thoughts that have constantly clouded her mind the day Irene came back, and also the day she lost Oh Sehun…. Again.

And so she forced herself to sit up from her comfortable position, not even bothering to make herself look presentable the way she always did whenever Oh Sehun entered her personal space, instead, she sat up, her hair all messy, her make-up probably all over the damn place, her clothes all wrinkled and her emotions spilling out.

“What’s up?” She greeted, not her usual greeting where she quickly stands up and hugs him from behind with a big smile that boasted her heart shaped lips, but a plain greeting, the way friends greeted each other. “Is that food?” She pointed at the bag he was carrying, a small smile managing to leave her lips, “You should know, “ She trailed of, looking at him, “I ate already with Jennie, but thanks anyways, you can just leave it on the counter.” She said, watching as his brows creased, looking at her with a confused look on his face.

She couldn’t blame him though, she bet he’s used to the way she always greeted him, the happiness that always flowed through her whenever he came, the way she smiled in his presence and how she would jump up and down whenever he brought her food. But you know, a lot of things can change in a short time, and Kim Jisoo wasn’t an exemption to this, the way Oh Sehun wasn’t when Irene had come back.

She watched as he walked to the kitchen counter, placing the said food down on it, his eyes never leaving Jisoo’s, “Is everything alright?” Oh Sehun finally managed to ask, his face showing genuine concern. He has never seen Kim Jisoo so relaxed around him, never seen her so indifferent. And so he wondered what’s going through her mind, maybe something happened during her outing with Jennie, or she was met with a sudden deadline again on a song, or maybe it was something to do with him.

Jisoo just gave him a shrug, breaking the eye contact that lasted ever since he came in. “Oh nothing, just thinking about changing my passcode.” She chuckled, grabbing the remote and turning on the television.

Oh Sehun became even more confused as he pondered at her words. Why in the hell would she change her passcode?

“You’re not making any sense you know that?” He pointed out, grabbing a seat at the kitchen counter, watching Kim Jisoo avoid his eyes as she suddenly became busy with the television. Just what is going on in her mind? “Why would you change your passcode? Did the fans threaten to break into your house because you gave their beloved oppa’s another song that they didn’t like?” Oh Sehun joked, knowing that it always made her crack a smile whenever he mentioned anything about the artists she worked with and their fans.

But Kim Jisoo didn’t smile this time, she didn’t giggle, she didn’t laugh and she didn’t dare glance at his direction. “No, just thought that I should change it so that no one else could enter either than me,” she paused, “I’ll give it to Jennie of course, probably Lalisa… Chaeyoung..” She trailed off, her finger still pressed continuously on the change channel button, “Close friends, you know?”

I know this isn’t easy

But I’ll forget about you

For the sake of myself

For Kim Jisoo, all of her words made sense, obviously, since she can read her own mind and knows exactly what she, herself, is feeling. But for Oh Sehun who sat in one of the stool in the kitchen, he was busy racking his brain, trying his best to decode whatever Jisoo’s trying to say, trying to fit the puzzle pieces together, but everything did not make sense to him. But Kim Jisoo exactly knew where this was going, even without her own consent, because her heart has a mind of its own, the things she’s saying and the things she’s yet to say are things she couldn’t stop from blabbering about. And maybe that’s for the best.

Because Kim Jisoo had enough, she had enough of getting her heartbreak, she had enough of getting used, she had enough of trying to mend someone else’s broken heart when she, herself, can’t even mend hers; she had enough of turning the blind eye, she had enough of acting like she’s fine and she had enough of seeing Oh Sehun turn his back