When Jongdae woke up after the call, he didn’t expect the arms wrapping him and definitely not the sobs. Chanyeol was crying hard.

He moved and Chanyeol fast tried to hide his tears. Out of pure instinct, he pulled the giant to his embrace. It made Chanyeol hug him. “I am usually good at hiding my pain… but the reality is hard to swallow.”

“Yeah… it remains in your throat no matter what you swallow to push it down to your guts.” Jongdae said softly. “But you got a hope. You can handle it.”

“What hope? Lay… the one who can open the door to your world, had just got in the intensive care. It feels like there is no chance for me to get my husband back.” Chanyeol hissed as he pushed Jongdae away. “I want him back.”

“You got still a hope that your friends will find a way for you to get him back.” Jongdae said suddenly. “They all looked eager to get Chen back… while I got no one to go back to.”

“You got Sehun.” Chanyeol glared at him. “Stop pushing him away. You are hurting him.” Jongdae scoffed. “You suffered seeing your love loving someone else, he is suffering the fact you love someone else and that you push him away in the slim occasion. He loves you, Jongdae.”

“I know he does. But I am unrepairable.” Jongdae flatly hissed. “He will get much more hurt with me around.” Chanyeol was about to speak up when Xiumin dashed into the room.

“Get up! Hurry!” The man held Jongdae’s hand. “Come on!”

“What is happening?” Jongdae asked while he saw Chanyeol rush to wear his uniform. Jongdae soon found himself slammed to a wall with clothes in his chest.

“You got ten minutes to get your ready.” Xiumin soon broke into a lopsided smile. “Or I will make you regret being born.” it made Jongdae shiver and nod. He fast tried to wear his clothes when big hands helped him and he looked up to Chanyeol’s dark expression.

“What is happening?”

The man paused and studied Jongdae obviously scared face. “We are attacked by the red forces, probably, since Xiumin rarely get this serious.” he rested a hand on Jongdae’s head. “We should get ready.” Jongdae was shaking as Chanyeol handed him guns and got out of the flat. It took Jongdae a moment to notice that Chanyeol was running west and he nearly followed when a hand held his. He soon noticed Xiumin.

“Hurry.” Xiumin hissed and Jongdae tried to keep on running after him. He was breathless as they joined D.O and Baekhyun in a van. “Move.”

Jongdae was panicking as he felt the van speed up while his shaken legs barely managed to keep him steady down. “Head South. Itinerary: 3.9 S 4.3 W.” Baek ordered and D.O repeated after him. “Lieutenant chef Xiumin, was it necessary to bring the civil with us?”

“He is living as Chen. He got to learn to fight like Chen.” Xiumin hissed, as he sat down. “Baek, speaking of which, you gotta train him. He need training.”

“Isn’t Chanyeol suitable for that?” D.O spoke tonelessly. “Chanyeol got more experience in mentoring than Baek.”

“He won’t be objective enough.” Xiumin deadpanned. “He can handle his emotion toward Chen less than Baekhyun, so Baekhyun is the one to train Jongdae.”

Baekhyun shook his head. “I can’t. I have orders from the high ups, I got no time.” Jongdae coughed.

“I am right here, you know.” Jongdae spoke, sounding more offended than humiliated. A hand on his shoulder made him look up to Xiumin, Minseok’s dobbergang.

“We never meant to offend you as getting you ready to fight for your life is a priority.” Xiumin looked up. “I had never mentored people due to my short temper… but I will try to train you to fight, get you in shape, and teach you how to kill.” it made Jongdae pale and he nodded. “Just to let you know… I freeze people’s hearts as a punishment.” Jongdae went livid but still nodded.

“I will push myself to the limit. I promise.” Jongdae was utterly scared but at that point, he feared Xiumin more than anything else. Xiumin nodded at that and sat down, letting Jongdae breathe.

They got in a thick rocky area and soon the van paused. “This is a used area by the Red Force. They will never expect us here since… well since there is no water or food in here.” D.O explained, mostly to Jongdae. “Suho will get us the water while Chanyeol will drive the food truck.”

“Why? Why did we leave the base?” Jongdae looked over Xiumin who frowned.

“Lay’s power… had been altered suddenly.” Xiumin looked at him with a serious expression on. “Instead of giving life, he was taking it. Staying or trying to stop Lay was suicidal.”

“Do you… do you think it means he will wake up?” Jongdae asked, hopeful. “Chanyeol… seemed to lose hope at that.” the silence that followed up went heavier as Two vans showed up and soon Chanyeol’s voice boomed through the radio.

“I got us tents and supplies.” Chanyeol sounded dark and strained.

“Good.” D.O started the engine, driving the vans inside a huge cave. Jongdae was poked out of his daze by Xiumin who nodded him to move.

They walked to the open. “How fit are you?”

“I have no idea… but I got a rather good lung capacity.” Xiumin sighed and Jongdae admitted. “I never worked out.”

“Let us run to warm up. We will start by getting you fit.” Xiumin stated then and soon ran to be followed. The run was fun, not something Jongdae was not up for. It was as breathtaking as being gagged… even if right then, he could breathe properly. Xiumin kept slowing then speeding the pace randomly, which made his hips feel like twisted.

Like they always were. Shut up and run.

That is why he let out no complains. Xiumin could read that Jongdae was already past his limit but kept going. They ran for thirty minutes, forth and back to the cave, and then Xiumin shoved him harshly. “Stop pushing yourself up. It will do you no good.” Jongdae blinked in confusion. “You crossed your limits several times but kept going and we know both you didn’t do so to please my ing .” Shivering, Jongdae looked down and Xiumin made him look up. “You no longer who you were in your world. You got a new page to fill, stop dragging your old diary.”

Hands on both his and Xiumin’s made them part and soon a worried Chanyeol showed up. “What is it, Lieutenant chef?”

“Give him a massage, or his muscles won’t handle it tomorrow.” Xiumin shoved Chanyeol’s hand away and walked to the van, leaving both men out there. Chanyeol held Jongdae closer but soon the man pushed him away.

“I got scolded for pushing my limit… “ Jongdae started but could say nothing as he felt like crying.

“Good reason to be scolded for. Mistakes are human nature, Jongdae.” Chanyeol made Jongdae look right at him. “Because they make you push yourself to learn and walk past them but what kind of good could you get from pushing yourself beyond your limit? You made no mistakes… except from that. You need to know your limit and stop at it.” Jongdae looked away. “You need to learn that so that once you are fighting a potentiel enemy, you will know how he reached his.” Chanyeol pulled him to a van where a huge sleeping bag was set inside. “Sleep, I will massage your back and legs before you get too sore.”

“It is ok. Soreness is something I can handle.” Jongdae admitted bitterly. “Soreness, pain, loneliness… I can handle those as fine as you can handle your power.”

Chanyeol observed him. “Please, don’t compare this to that.” Jongdae looked at him confusedly. “That soreness, that pain, and that loneliness is not what you are going to live with me. With us. You will get sore from your efforts, pain from your falls, and loneliness from missing home and Sehun. I bet that is not the same, right?” Jongdae paused to think about that. Yes, it was not the same thing.

He wasn’t forced to push past his limit in order to please someone. He didn’t swallow back the pain because he had to. He was just running. “I am sorry.” Chanyeol smiled at that.

“Lay down, I will massage your back and legs.” Chanyeol rammaged in a bag and picked a bottle. “Lay down. Come on!” Jongdae took off his shirt and laid down on his chest. He felt suddenly the extreme shake of his body. Soon hot hands on his skin made him flinch and he started shaking. “It is ok. I am sure your muscles are shaking due to the extreme workout, just relax and let your body express itself.” Jongdae tried truly, and he noticed that he felt uncomfortable in his own skin. “You are tensing more.”

“I feel uncomfortable under my skin. I feel like tearing it off.” Jongdae mumbled it mostly to himself but soon the hands are no longer hot and he moved to look.

“Sorry… you are not used to my power, I should have noticed.” Jongdae just nodded at that and remained silent. He got a flashback of Sehun who bought him a massage machine because…

He knew Jongdae wanted to not be touched. He knew and it made Jongdae frown deeper. He realize that Sehun was the only one reading him, the only one loving him enough to see his heart and tend his wounds. “Was I that blind?” Chanyeol paused. “If I saw Sehun fall for me… I would have stopped him but … was I really that blind?”

Chanyeol had pulled his pants down, a swift move from massaging Chen over the years. “Your heart held on Chanyeol, while everything else held on Sehun. You must know why.”

Jongdae whimpered as his leg muscles were already aching and blushed embarrassedly. “I am sorry…”

“Don’t. I can sense how uncomfortable you are right now.” Chanyeol commented. “But you need it so I will give you this massage. You can complain about the discomfort after a nice sleep.”

Jongdae remained silent for a moment. “All I do is sleeping.”

“You need it. Your body is not used to our planet’s energies and magnetism. You need a week or so for that.” Chanyeol covered him warmly. “I will check on the others.” Jongdae had obviously panicked at the idea of being alone. Chanyeol must have caught that because D.O showed up and stripped.

“Make a room for me.” He slided in and Jongdae blinked as D.O pulled him into a hug and closed his eyes. It felt like Kyungsoo sleeping over, in one of their hot summers all over again and he shed tears at that. “Sleep. I am going to take turn on patrolling so let me sleep.”

“I am sorry.” Jongdae mumbled and he did not know if he was sorry for his mistake with Jongin or for betraying Kyungsoo’s trust or for hugging D.O who flinched but soon relaxed in Jongdae’s embrace. He soon slept, waking up to notice a half Jongin slid next to him. “No… Don’t make the same mistake twice, Jongin.”

Kai smiled at that. “Don’t worry. I won’t. Just sleep.” Jongdae fell back in sleep while Kai observed the man for a moment. “I already made that mistake twice, brother.” He kissed Jongdae’s head and cuddled him close. “I am so sorry.”

Jongdae woke up feeling someone slid out. He shifted but kept his eyes shut. “How is Chanyeol?”

“Devastated.” Jongdae opened his eyes on that, looking at the tall men who were hugging. “Don’t blame yourself, Kai.”

“I can’t help it. I failed the only man who had ever called me brother.” Jongin dobbergang whimpered his sobs and Jongdae felt like someone stabbed him. He recalled how Jongin sobbed that afternoon after he had wrecked Jongdae.

“I am a monster.” Jongin whimpered as he hugged the Jongdae.

“No. If ever, I asked for all this.” Jongdae made him look at his eyes. “I am the , ok? I will take the entire blame.” He handed Jongin a bottle of beer while emptying on himself. “I will handle it.”

Jongin held him, shedding tears. “I wanted this, you know that.” Jongin sobbed. “I just… got driven by pure lust. I am sorry, Hyung. Please… don’t hate me.” Jongdae held Jongin close as the kid sobbed himself to sleep. The smell of beer and was filling the room when Kyungsoo got in.

Jongdae had just sheepishly smiled. “Sorry, bro. A drunk Jongin is hard to resist.” Kyungsoo punched him right then and there, enraged, kicking him as he fell down and he let him do so. He allowed Kyungsoo to empty his anger.

Because that what he was used for.

Cold hands on his back made him flinch and he looked at Sehun who half glared half stoicly observed him. He gave Sehun a cold shoulder when he felt a hand on his cheek. “Stop crying.” Sehun’s voice came out sharp. “You are stronger than this.”

Jongdae looked at him. “How do you know?”

“You are.” Sehun deadpanned before closing Jongdae’s eyes. “Sleep.”

Jongdae didn’t sleep but he kept his eyes closed until he sensed Sehun move. “No. Just sleep.” Chanyeol’s voice sounded drained and lifeless.

“Your shift ended?” Sehun asked him worriedly, Jongdae opened his eyes in time to see Chanyeol smile and look up. “You miss him already.”

“Lay’s power is altered... do you realize what it means?” Chanyeol mumbled sadly. “I got no hope.”

“You do.” Sehun deadpanned again. “I know you do. You just need to wait.”

“For how long? It had been now three days and I feel like… my life is meaningless without him.” Chanyeol admitted. “I miss Chen.”

“It is normal and you will get him back.” Sehun pulled Jongdae suddenly closer. “Slid in and sleep some. I am sure Chen will call us again soon.”

Chanyeol noticed Jongdae looking ahead, frozen and it made him slid close. “Is it wrong… to hug you?” He asked Jongdae who suddenly sat up.

“I am not Chen… I am a used good.” Jongdae looked at him with heavy eyes. “Chen deserve better than to see himself replaced by a scum like me even for a moment, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol’s hand landed on his cheek. “A scum won’t be considerate to other people’s feeling.” Jongdae closed his eyes and tried to shake Chanyeol’s words away when a hand pulled him down and he landed on Chanyeol in a huff.

“Sleep. My shift is next.” Sehun growled so dangerously it made Jongdae stiffen. Chanyeol just chuckled and held Jongdae close as he fell asleep, realizing that Jongdae was still unwilling to let go.

A would never do that, Jongdae… please see your real worth.