When Kim Jongdae got in the beach, everybody seemed displeased. Sehun was glad he showed up of course, but him alone was never enough. “Glad you made it.”

“I will show up for my boy when he asks nicely.” Jongdae loudly exclaimed before giving Sehun a mewled kiss, loudly at the answer. He moan like a . He could hear it in the back of his mind and from his friends expression, they thought just the same.

He was a e for them, a and he had no reason to deny that. He whored his way to get the car and keep the empty house, he whored enough to feel unrepairably dirty.

And all started because Chanyeol confessed he loved Baekhyun. His first love is in love with his best friend. Wow. He was so lucky.

At first it was bearable but their intimate moments both grew Jongdae’s pain and frustration, which is why he looked for a way to forget. He would go to parties, get gang ed for money or for pure drunken pleasure. At some point, it made Baekhyun snap. “Why did you become like this? You are the last person I expected him to act so recklessly.”

“It is not your business.” was all a hangover pissed and tired Jongdae said. It got worse when he slept with Jongin, Kyungsoo’s boyfriend, while both were sober. Kyungsoo, his bestfriend since middle school, went furious and Jongin kept his shame inside, saying nothing as Jongdae took the blame. His friendship with them slowly faded to merely knowledging nods from Minseok, who avoided him after Jongdae drunkly tried to get in his pants, and disgusted glances from the rest.

All except of course, Oh Sehun. He miraculously dodged Sehun apparently, who was eager to Jongdae 24/7 much to Jongdae’s satisfaction. In fact, Jongdae gave up on the university just to be available for Sehun. Mostly because Sehun was everything he had left. Everything.

He stood by the beach when he heard them laughing. Sehun was laughing hard with them. And I am holding all that back. He deserve better.It wasn’t the first thought that crossed his mind. He scoffed at how many times Sehun saved him from dying in his dark hole. Tired, he stepped in the water and got in deeper and deeper, until his lungs felt like wighting tons. He noticed a kind of projection of him sinking and he wanted to sink too when arms wrapped him and in a blink of an eye, he was on a solid ground.

“Chen! Baby, Chen.” Arms wrapped him and a wave of heat crushed his bones. He softly moaned Chanyeol’s name even if a part of his brain was begging for him to think.

“Chanyeol.” This time, someone spoke seriously and both Chanyeol and Jongdae looked up, only for Jongdae to notice a gun. Baekhyun was pointing a gun on them. “This thing is not Chen.” Chanyeol maybe had realized that Jongdae was indeed not Chen and pushed the poor man away. Jongdae scoffed at his ironic fate. “Who the are you and what did you do to Chen?” Jongdae just shuddered and closed his eyes, allowing the fatigue to save him.

Chanyeol noticed the clothes first, then the absence of yellow eyeshadow, a permanent pigment in Chen eyelids that Chanyeol loved. He noticed the vulnerableness and lifelessness in the man’s face. It was Chen but not quite him.

Chanyeol was torn and sat there as he pulled the sleeping man back to his embrace, sobbing silently. Kai and Baek were arguing in the distance but he cared less. He wanted Chen back. As he regained composure, he picked the sleeping man when the man whimpered. “Chanyeol… don’t give up on me.” It made Chanyeol freeze and fresh tears fell down his cheeks.

He smiled to the man and looked up. “I will find you, Chen. Just wait up.” He laid the man in bed, next Lay’s. “How is he?”

D.O who was tending Lay’s health shook his head. “I am not as much of an expert as Lay himself but his signs give in to the coma.” Chanyeol obviously stiffened. “However, Baekhyun had unlocked our missing powers, he may be healing himself now.”

“I hope so.” Chanyeol beamed. He was an optimist, and he believed in Chen. The man in bed stirred awake. “Sleep back. You need it.”

“Chanyeol?” The man held out his hand and touched Chanyeol’s hair. “This color suit you.”

Chanyeol chuckled. “I know. My wifey keep telling me so.” the man just nodded. “What is your name?” it made the man snap at him, a shocked hurt glint in his eyes. “I think you are confused… I am not the Chanyeol you know… I am another version.” it made the man blink and Chanyeol pulled his sleeve up, pausing several times at hints of wrist slits before pausing at the forearm, the man just let him be as he had his eyes on Chanyeol’s face, studying. “We had mistaken you for our friend, who had a tattoo in here.”

The man looked down and held Chanyeol’s hand softly, which made them both shudder. “Jongdae… my name is Kim Jongdae.” his voice was obviously a sobbing one. However, Jongdae didn’t cry, he had long way passed that stage. “Can I be alone for a moment?”

“It will be safer if we leave this place so can you hang on until we reach the underground base?” Chanyeol patted his head, being natural and unaware of the pain he made Jongdae live.

“Just a minute. Please.” It made both Chanyeol and D.O nod and leave. Chanyeol was tempted to kiss Jongdae’s head… but held himself. It is not Chen.

Once alone, Jongdae allowed himself to lose it. He laughed loud as tears fell down his face. His face was torn between sobbing and laughing hard. A minute was never enough to let his insanity slip out and Chanyeol got in to find him in the middle of it. After a second of stillness, Chanyeol rushed to hug Jongdae who was too tired to react. “Don’t be like this. Everything will be fine. We will send you back home and you will be back to your Chanyeol.”

Jongdae laughed at that. “He was never mine… he will never be mine.” He rested his head on Chanyeol’s chest. “I persued you, Chanyeol… but you were never here for me… never. I needed your heart but you gave it to my best friend… what does Baekhyun have more than me?” he looked up to face Chanyeol and by a look in Chanyeol red eye, he realized his mistake. “I am sorry. I forgot you are not him.”

Chanyeol’s face got hard. “Your Chanyeol is an idiot.” It made Jongdae frown. “You are perfect. Only an idiot can’t see that.” It made Jongdae smile weakly.

“No… he is not an idiot. I am an idiot.” Jongdae rested his head on Chanyeol’s chest. “I am the idiot.” Before Chanyeol could speak, D.O got in with Kai.

“The van is ready. I will take Lay, you handle the stranger…” D.O started.

“Jongdae… his name is Jongdae and it is Kai’s fault he is here, so we should treat him with respect.” Chanyeol scolded which made the two men bow.

“We are sorry.” Jongdae just looked at them blankly but Chanyeol could sense him shaking. He patted Jongdae’s back which made Jongdae nod and look up to Chanyeol.

“Let us get in safety.” Chanyeol held him as Jongdae wobbled out of the bed. Kai rushed to hold him which made Jongdae look up to D.O who held the taller Lay like he is made of paper. He allowed them lead him to a van and soon noticed Baekhyun glaring his way. It made him shiver, trying to get small in their embrace. Kai noticed so and reassuringly patted on his back. Once inside, something off happened. Kai rushed to jump on Sehun.

“! Stop doing this.” Sehun whined but still answered the kiss a laughing Kai gave him. It froze Jongdae right there. Chanyeol noticed so and softly smiled.

“You are not in your world, Jongdae.” It made Jongdae nod and he sat down as Chanyeol nudged him to sit.

“Welcome Chen.” It made everybody freeze. Baekhyun looked at Jongdae with wide eyes.

“Impossible. You are not Chen…” Baekhyun started but Jongdae just slammed his palms on his ears. He was fed up with it. He was fed up with himself.

He was just… done with everything. He felt people move and expected shoves or a fight but he received a tight hug from someone who he expected less. “I am sorry.” Baekhyun patted on his head. “I am just… it is my fault the plan blew up and we got you in such situation.” Jongdae tried to push him away but he was tired, mentally broken to do more than wiggles before falling instantly into unconsciousness.

When he woke up, Jongdae was in a cozy bed, , and wrapped by warm thick sheets and strong arms. It needed him few moment to realize that he was wrapped in sheets and cuddled down by Chanyeol. He turned to look at the bubblegum hair and thick lashlines. Chanyeol was gorgeous. Jongdae looked away as he noticed frames. He blinked for a moment. A blond him was cuddled, half , by an equally Chanyeol in a picture. He was confused at when it was taken when he realized.

That was Chen in the picture.

“It was taken in our first night after the wedding. He was gorgeous under me… I can’t forget how precious it was.” Chanyeol rumbled, puffing air in his neck. “In the second pic, he and I were in our first date. He got caught by the red force and I tried to save him.” Jongdae looked as Chanyeol covered his eye. “It almost costed me my life but he saved me back. I used that chance to admit my love to him and he confessed back. It was magical.”

Chanyeol pointed at the third big frame of the room but Jongdae knew what it was. “You got in your wedding ceremony.”

“He looks stunning this way, right?” Chanyeol beamed. “I love him so much…” Jongdae looked over Chanyeol to notice the tears in the man’s eyes. “Anyway… I got videos if you want to see how your dobbergang lived.” Jongdae just kept looking at him. “What?”

“I want to kiss you… I mean… I mean…” Jongdae’s voice broke as he suddenly lost to sobs and did hide his eyes with a forearm. He sobbed. “I loved my Chanyeol so much… but he confessed to my best friend… he did and I tried to live with that.”

Chanyeol caressed him softly. “I can imagine. You were with Baek at the mere beginning.” Jongdae gave him a confused glare. “I mean Chen was. Baekhyun is like an idol of our department, the wisest, the strongest. He saved us several times.”

Jongdae laughed. “Haha, sadly I had no one to save me. I was on my own… until Sehun stepped in and stopped me.” Jongdae dried his tears. “I am sorry. I bet my story is not worth your time.” Jongdae tried to wiggle out of the hold but Chanyeol tightened.

“A story is always worth it. Tell me yours.” Chanyeol insisted as Jongdae avoided it. “Tell me. What happened to you to be this….”

“Dirty? Unsatisfactory? Worthless?” Jongdae cut down. “My story is easy to tell. I whored around to forget I was once a human being able to love.” Chanyeol gave him a shocked glance. “I sold my body for the best offerer. You can now ignore me or treat me like without feeling guilty about it.” Chanyeol was about to object. “Go before… before I stain you with my soiled presence.”

Chanyeol knew that Jongdae was not up for more so he left the bed and stood by the door. “I washed you because you… you needed a shower. I got you fresh clothes, and your clothes will be back from the laundry soon.” Jongdae said nothing but Chanyeol knew that Jogdae was holding things up. “Cry and scream if you want to. Our bedroom is soundproof.”

Once the door was closed, it was exactly what Jongdae did. He screamed. “! I am a bloody ! This is why I  deserve all the happening to me! ! ! Why don’t I just die? Why did I live so far? Why? Why is this happening? I am tired of this. I want to die. I want to end with this.” he screamed voicelessly for what seemed hours and stopped only when he felt the door open. Chanyeol and Baekhyun got in. It made him laugh bitterly, but his voice was too gone to comment.

Baekhyun had food so as Chanyeol helped Jongdae to sit. Jongdae was a used tool, he got used to let people manhandle him. Baekhyun fed him and bite his lips only for Jongdae to notice that he was sobbing silently and Baekhyun was about to join him. Food weighted tons. “Say… did you see… yourself in the water?” Baekhyun carefully asked. “Or color orbs.” Jongdae pointed at himself, silently. “You saw yourself? It means we were right about Chen’s position but Jongdae was there too.” Jongdae just shuddered. “We need to find a way back there. Kai have little idea of the distance.”

It doesn’t ing matter tho. I planned to die anyway, either here or there. Jongdae just pushed the cover down, only to notice a tattoo in his forearm. He caressed it and blinked in confusion. “We all considered it safer for you to pass as Chen in the base. Except our division, none of the people on military base should know who you are or they will hurt you.”

“We told them the magnetic field caused by the second eclipse had altered your power and caused you amnesia.” Baek explained further. “Chanyeol was ordered by the uplines to keep you in close watch.”  he patted on Jongdae’s hair. “He will dye your hair to blend in.”

“I got a pack of Chen’s favorite dye still in the closet. I will do so after Jongdae rest. You should rest too.” Chanyeol gave Baekhyun a squeeze in the shoulder which made Baekhyun nod. The man stood to leave, as Jongdae had finished his plat. Once the door closed, Chanyeol laid Jongdae down and Jongdae tried to push him. “Don’t push me away…” Jongdae tensed. “If Chanyeol gave up on you, this one won’t. Yes, I am Chen’s husband… but you matter for me as much.”

“Liar… you belong to someone else, Chanyeol. Stay away from me or Chen will be hurt.” Jongdae growled his words as he sobbed. “One Jongdae hurt is already enough.”

Chanyeol caressed his cheek. “It is actually way too much. Why did it have to be you who suffer?” The question made Jongdae chuckle.

“Because I am .” Jongdae pushed Chanyeol harder.

“A won’t push a man away, especially not the dobbergang of someone he loved.” It made Jongdae freeze. “I know you did bad things, but I know more than you wanted none of that.” with that Chanyeol kissed Jongdae’s head. “You deserved better.”

Jongdae clutched on Chanyeol’s shirt, shaking as emotions took the best of him. “I am sorry… please… I am sorry.”

“I know, Jongdae. I know.” Chanyeol mumbled as a wrecked Jongdae broke down in his embrace.