day forty one.

She comes to me in the table I am reading with a pure smile in .

- Wheein-ah, yesterday was amazing. You lost. - She sits down and take off her notebook and her pen. 

- Oh, hm... Yes. I had that emergency with my parents. - I lie, not even taking my eyes from the book.

- You know who is coming to our school?

I look at her hopeless, my fingers crossing and my mind is on a "Please it cannot be Solar!" loop.

- Yongsun! We will have more time with her! 

- Oh, yes... Great. - I keep reading and my cheeks get weak, I feel the sadness taking over me. 

- She's so wonderful! - She hides her face in her hands - I think I am in love! - She sings happy. And there goes all my day. An there goes all my happiness. - Have you ever been in love, Wheein? - She asks like the answer isn't clear. 

- Yes, it isn't nice. You only get hurt and- She isn't listening. Yongsun is in the room. 

- Here, take a seat. I saved this place for you. - Byul says opening the chair for Solar. 

- Thank you - She smiles big and then looks at me. - Hi, Wheein!

I nod and start to pay attention at our teacher.

day forty nine.

It's been days since I don't see Moonbyul in lunch. She always leaves earlier with Solar and I stay in the classroom, hoping she will miss me. She doesn't.

She only talks to me to ask something about the class. Something she didn't understand. It's killing me.

Everytime I see them together I feel like ripping my chest, I feel like pushing all my hair, I feel like dying.

I won't be able to love someone again. I don't want to love someone again. And well, who will love me? Everyone is better than me. Everyone. I am a nobody. 

I start crying in the middle of the lunch. I dodn't eat anymore like I used to. I am not getting enough sleep. My grades are getting low. I can't pay attention to the teachers since by my side Byul and Solar are always giggling and holding hands. I feel like throwing up.

Someone hold me tight and kisses my temple.

- Everything is going to be fine, Wheein. - She whispers.

For a second I thought it was Moonbyul, but her voice was too different.

- Who is it? - I say between hiccups. 

- Hyejin. I study with you since ever and we never talked but I feel like I am your friend somehow. - She smiles softly and wipe away my tears. - Have you and Moonbyul broke up?

- We never dated. - I say trying not to cry anymore. 

- Oh... I am sorry to hear that. Wanna sit with me? You're being so ignored here. - She is worried, I can feel it. Maybe I have a chance to restart.

- Yes, thank you. - I am smiling again. It's been so long since I have smiled.

Hyejin makes me feel special. Yet, Moonbyul is the only one I think of all the time.

day sixty.

My friendship with Hyejin has improved a lot. We study together, hang out together, do everything with each other. 

She told me she always wanted to be my friend but never saw an opportunity. And now, she thinks I need a friend. A truly and sincere friend. 

I am too scared I may give myself to her, like I did with Moonbyul and she leaves me, just Byul did. 

- I won't let you go! Never, never, never. In a million years! - She says this everytime she hugs me, making me giggle.

However, everytime I see Moonbyul with Solar, doing things we used to do together, my chest aches. I feel like someone is holding my heart too tight. My breath stops. I don't think I will ever get over her. 

They are perfect for each other. They complete themselves. Differente from me and Moonbyul. I was the only one who felt complete. But for her, I was only filling a space. An useless space.

When we pass by them, Hyejin holds my hand tight, petting it with her thumb.

I am the love of her life, I feel it. But is she the love of mine? Will this ache ever stop?