Chapter 7

The bright sunlight from the window woke Seungri from his foggy dreams. Seungri let the sunlight busk onto his face for a moment before he opened his eyes to face reality.

Another lonely morning, breakfast alone and endless waiting for a call or text from G Dragon to arrive.

It have somewhat became part of his routine.

Sadness washed over him, as it often did, and then, Seungri buried his face into the blankets, feeling the same heaviness and uncertainty in his chest.

A sigh rolled off his lips and he kicked the blankets away with his feet. They bundled at the edge of the bed and Seungri swung his legs over, putting the sole of his feet against the cold floor.

Seungri was about to hop on his feet when a cling echoed through the apartment.

Did his manager show up?

Did his mom decided to visit him?

Despite all the rational explanations he tried to come up with, his heart raced in his chest.

A sasaeng fan would not break into his home this early in the morning… right?

Seungri began creeping through the apartment, walking as silently as he could.

By the time he had passed the bedroom's door, his heart was racing enough for him to feel the bile rise in his throat. Seungri clenched his fingers into tight fists and he finally stepped into the kitchen, where G Dragon was standing, holding onto a pan with his right hand.

A slight smile graced Seungri’s features.

Seungri have always known that his beloved G Dragon’s cooking skills were limited, poor at best, but the fact that he was attempting to make an effort to cook breakfast for him made his heart felt like bursting at the sudden, overwhelming flow of emotions.

G Dragon is making an effort to cook breakfast for him instead of his beloved Kiko.

G Dragon chose to spend the morning with him instead of her this time.

“Are you sure that this is what you want?”

The smile soon vanished from his face when he recalled the dream he had, sending him a reminder that G Dragon would be officially married to Kiko in a month and he, eventually have to let go of this relationship soon.

Seungri chewed on his bottom lip, taking small steps forward as he closed the distance between them, and moved over to the chair.

Seungri plopped down and rested his arms on the table, watching G Dragon smiled at him and resume his attention to the stove.

Oh, how Seungri wished that time could stop at this moment forever.

However, each delicate movement from G Dragon seemed to send another stab of pain through his heart, sending him a reminder that whatever both of them had right now would never be real.

He knew it would’ve never worked out and yet, here he was, feeling the sinking feeling of near despair and anguish clutching at his heart, squeezing it until he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

It hurt, it hurt, and it hurt so damn much.

Who knew that love could have this much pain? How could something so good, that felt so good at first. So warm and fuzzy turn out to be this painful?

To make matters worse, at the back of his mind, the small taunting voice didn't disappear.

"How does it feel to be the third party in a relationship?"

Have you ever considered thinking whether G Dragon have ever see you as his future?”

A struggle had begun inside of Seungri. His conscience was at war with itself. Different emotions bombarded his system from every direction, thoughts, feelings, values and moral codes… they were all mixing up inside him.

Closing his eyes, Seungri breathed deeply, trying to find some sort of inner peace and calm.

That was his forte, remaining calm and peaceful during times of distress.

However, it was not working.

Seungri’s thoughts were all over the place.

No matter how much he tried to calm himself down and rationalizing his thoughts, the small taunting voice in his head just don't disappear.

On cue, his train of thoughts was broken when G Dragon placed a plate of English breakfast in front of him.

"I hope that my cooking is edible," G Dragon spoke nervously as he slid the eggs from the plastic white spatula to the plate, right beside the cooling toasts.

“Thank you,” Seungri mumbled, staring down at the plate of English breakfast. He couldn't even think about food right now. His stomach felt like it was twisted into a hundred different knots. He looked at G Dragon, seeing him smile with such happiness.

This might be the last time he get to eat G Dragon’s cooking as Seungri forced his stiffened fingers to close on the fork, and brought a piece of bacon to his mouth.

He chewed it carefully and glanced at his beloved G Dragon.

Seungri couldn't help but notice how much G Dragon have changed over these few months. He noticed that G Dragon had lost quite a bit of weight.

Is it because he wanted to look good for his wedding or due to the stress from his business ventures or is it due to the immoral relationship he had with him?

Seungri shook his head in confusion.

Why was he thinking about such things when his beloved G Dragon is right in front of him, spending his precious morning and cooking breakfast for him?

Seungri dropped his gaze to the English breakfast on his plate, unable to meet G Dragon's searching gaze when he looked interrogatively at him.

"Is my cooking….that bad?" G Dragon asked and gestured to Seungri’s still mostly untouched plate.

Seungri shook his head. Quickly, before G Dragon could ask any more questions, he took a mouthful of eggs and toasts right away to show that G Dragon’s cooking is edible.

"They're delicious…hyung…"

As if offering proof, Seungri took another mouthful and was rewarded with a relieved smile from G Dragon.

“Come, let me get you a cup of coffee…”

The sight of G Dragon walking away from him made Seungri felt terrified as an image of G Dragon leaving him started to rose in his mind.

Seungri didn’t want to lose him.

G Dragon was his life jacket, his oxygen.

Yet, part of Seungri can’t help but feel that there was something suspicious about G Dragon’s sudden decision to make breakfast for him.

But, Seungri could not quite figure it out G Dragon’s motive.

Have his beloved G Dragon finally came to a decision?

Who did he choose, in the end?

Him?

Kiko?

Or…both?

Seungri felt that he could no longer do this anymore. All this thoughts swirling inside of him is driving him insane.

He needed an answer.

Between Kiko and him, who would G Dragon choose?

Seungri's chair fell to the ground with a crash when he got up abruptly and stormed over to where G Dragon stood.

"Hyung…" Seungri grabbed the hem of G Dragon's shirt.

Suddenly feeling very overwhelmed, Seungri felt himself drowning under a tidal wave of emotions. His chest heaved with stifled sobs like there just was too much raw pain inside him to be contained any longer.

A strangled sob escaped past Seungri's lips and he couldn't stop the helpless tears that started to run down his cheeks.

Chin trembling, Seungri pressed his forehead against G Dragon’s back. Salty drops continued to pour down his face, drenching the back of G Dragon’s shirt. The tears kept coming as his walls, the walls that he had so carefully built, the walls that had held him up and kept him strong for so long, all came crashing down.

“I love you…I love you so much that I don't know how to voice it.” Seungri confessed as he felt his walls painfully crumbling, brick by brick.

Seungri felt G Dragon turned around, stopping only when he was face to face with him, his eyes meeting Seungri’s.

G Dragon lifted his hands up to Seungri’s face and gently caressed his cheeks. "I love you too…” G Dragon paused and stared into his eyes.

“Please, stop crying, Seungri." G Dragon replied as he wiped a glistening tear away with his thumb.

As G Dragon looked up at him slowly again, Seungri felt his heart stop.

Seungri then took a deep breath.

The time for running away from reality was over.

Seungri took a long time with his next words. It was hard to say them as the question rung in his ears like a death sentence.

“Between Kiko and me, who do you love more?”