Chapter 6

It was Dark...

All was quiet and Seungri was alone with nothing but a void space around him.

Seeing nothing else to do, he started to walk down the long road, unwinding and straight for miles on end. He wondered for a long time where it led to, or if it would even end for that matter. He wondered, if he just kept walking, never stopping, would he end up in the same place as before? He would not be able to tell, though. Everything looked the same.

Sengri could hear his footsteps echoed clearly in his ears, as if he was in an enclosed space. For some reason he did not find this peculiar, not that he found any of it to be. He stopped in his tracks and hugged his jacket closer as the cold started to seep through his clothes before he continued walking, seeing the fog growing thicker and thicker until it felt as if he were embedded in a wall.

Only then did Seungri ask himself logical questions like how he got there, why he was there, when he had gotten there, and what time it was.

Lost in these thoughts of his, he was abruptly brought back to his conscious senses by footsteps walking towards him.

Seungri turned around, his strained eyes made out a faint, blurred shadow. It appeared to be a human body, upright with arms and legs and all.

The shadow got clearer as it approached and Seungri was staring in mixed horror and curiosity. 

His own eyes were fixed on the person in front of him.

It was definitely himself. A younger version of himself.

Seungri wanted to say something but Seungri was shocked into silence, and he could only stare as he watched his younger self took a step closer towards him.

Seungri felt himself grow pale as the cold hand of fear clutched at his heart. The closeness was making the hairs at the back of his neck stand on end with something between fear and revulsion, and he could not understand why.

"Tell me, Seungri,"

His younger self smiled at Seungri and pushed a stray strand of Seungri’s hair away from his face gently, making Seungri’s own breath hitched at the contact.

"How does it feel to be the third party in a relationship?" His younger self’s voice rung in Seungri’s ears in a whisper.

“What…what do you mean?” Seungri spoke, his voice cracked a little in the end when he managed to find his voice.

“Stop being naïve. You know, this messy relationship you had between yourself, G Dragon and Kiko?” His younger self answered, his face breaking into the large smile.

Seungri could no longer make eye contact with his younger self instead; he began to find the ground interesting and kept his gaze low.

"It started as a mistake….” Seungri whispered, feeling his tears threatening to fall.

”But, it can’t be helped. I love him….”

There was a long silence before his younger self chuckled at Seungri’s reply lightly.

“Even at the expense of getting someone hurt?”

Seungri shuffled backwards almost sobbing.

"It wasn't like that. You don't understand."

“I…I….I know that I am only thinking about myself.” Seungri tried to reason to his younger self desperately.

There was a pleading note to Seungri's voice as he desperately tried to explain himself. “But, I don’t know how to stop it…I find myself sinking deeper and harder to let go.”

His younger self looked intently into his face, trailing the back of his fingers over Seungri’s cheek, delicately skimming his jaw.

Seungri stiffened at the caress.

“How foolish…Have you ever considered thinking whether G Dragon have ever see you as his future?” His younger self replied, a smug smile curling his lips in a way that made Seungri want to avert his eyes

 “The relationship you had with him will always be hidden under the veil of nyongtory. “His younger self continued.

“Are you sure that this is what you want?”

"Please, don’t…” Seungri pleaded. Every single sentence that his younger self spoke is nothing but the truth, the reality that he was afraid of facing.

The guilt and despair swirling inside him made Seungri felt as if the air is being slowly squeezed out of his lungs, and he was powerless to halt it. Everything was swimming before his eyes, and he stumbled, landing with a jerk on his knees.

“Do you think G Dragon would sacrifice all that he had and walk down the tough route with you?”

His younger self stared down at Seungri, his face schooled into an expressionless mask.

“Wake up, Seungri. Stop pretending that everything was fine and face the reality that the relationship you had with G Dragon is nothing but a dead end.”

Seungri felt himself spiralling down emotionally. His younger self had to stop reasoning with him on his relationship with G Dragon or it would drive him insane.

"Shut up!" Seungri screamed at his younger self, his hands covering his ears in hope to drive out whatever his younger self was saying.

“Be quiet!”

Seungri let out a harsh, strangled scream that probably could shook the very foundations of his apartment.

Seungri shot up in his bed, panting and gripping his sheets. The remnants of the nightmare still clinging to his mind.

He drew several shallow, ragged inhalations as he looked around his bedroom, looking for something that wasn't there. He drew in a shuddering breath, and then released it once he realized where he was. He was home, safe, and definitely not at that place that he dreamt of.

His eyes grew dull and he dropped his head into his hands, bringing his knees up to his chest.

It was a nightmare, he realized belatedly.

Seungri scrubbed his face with his hands, trying to drive back the voices. His cheeks were slick with tears, and he attempted to wipe them on his sleeve. His nightshirt was sticking to his arms and his spine.

Seungri began to shiver and he reached out for the blankets in an attempt to keep himself warm.

His heart was pounding as he took notice of the emptiness beside him, realising that tonight, G Dragon is with Kiko.

It has been going on for three months already. Three months of G Dragon separating his time between Kiko and him.

Every day, he would wait for him like a loyal dog waiting for its master to arrive home.

When G Dragon do come and visit him, he would be spreading his legs wide, readily for him on the bed to satisfy his every single needs and desires.

This was pure foolishness.

But, Seungri simply could not help himself.

The feelings Seungri had for G Dragon were so intense it made him feel sick to his stomach. He felt his guts twist each time G Dragon crossed his mind yet he needed more. An hour with him wasn't enough; one night didn't satisfy him.

He craved how his skin tingles and heated up under his touch.

He craved how his mind goes blank under his kisses.

He craved the feeling of G Dragon inside him, stretching and filling him up to the brim.

It was a pathetic love Seungri felt towards G Dragon, but it couldn't be helped.

G Dragon is like a drug in his life. It wasn't easy to let him go even if he knew that the relationship he had with G Dragon is nothing but a dead end.

Seungri leaned back against his pillow, closing his eyes and pressing his palms weakly against his eyes.

“One more month…” Seungri kept chanting silently. “One more month…”

Seungri bit his bottom lips, the tears right on the edge of falling again.

One more month till G Dragon would be officially married to Kiko.

He had one more month left with G Dragon before he would end this relationship he had with G Dragon.

And one lonely tear fell down his cheek.

Seungri brought his hand to his heart and clenched the cotton fabric of his nightshirt. It felt as if his heart was engulfed into darkness and it was slowly being swallowed.

Seungri was helpless. He couldn't even stop himself from drowning into his own suffering.

He wasn't even conscious of the tears staining his cheeks as images of G Dragon flooded his mind and facing the reality that in the end, it would never be real, what he and G Dragon had. One day, their make believe world would have to cease.

Seungri's eyes were extremely heavy, as they got puffier and redder. He knew sleep wanted to claim him, but he didn't want to, he was afraid of the darkness of the night and his dreams.

His dreams will be filled with seeing his younger self trying to persuade him to let go of this meaningless relationship. As more tears fell, Seungri struggled to remain awake; each tear took a bit of his energy away.

Every sob broke his heart and every tear shattered the pieces.

It would be so until there was nothing left.

He would dread that day when they have to part ways and say good bye…