I wonder what went wrong with our relationship? Was it my fault, or yours? Or were we perhaps too young to understand what love is, back then?

 

But as I look back at the memories we made together, we were so happy in the moment. It was just us. I still think about the days back in high school.

 

Our first meeting.

 

In fact, you approached me first even though I felt uncomfortable. That time, I was a complete introvert, labeled “cold girl” by everyone. But you. You sat down at the empty seat beside me and smiled with that innocent face of yours. I can still remember it vividly in my head.

 

Your beautiful voice. Your colour.

 

 

 

“Hi! I’m Hayoung, what’s your name?”

 

“…”

 

“Oh! Naeun! Right, I’m dumb. You have your nametag over there haha… that’s embarrassing whew…” You quickly turned away, scratching your head and fiddling your fingers.

 

 

That was the first time someone ever made me giggle.

 

Shy, unconfident and scared of talking to others, I knew from the start that you were just like me. But you were a little different. Unlike myself, you had courage and bravery. Out of everyone in that class, you chose me.

 

From then onwards, we became friends. We had many similarities but also, big differences. I was more an art person that spent time alone painting, drawing or just watching a movie at home. While you on the other hand, loved video games, watching slime videos and a whole collection of plushies.

 

 

 

“Is painting fun? I don’t really like the smell.” You coughed, shifting about restlessly on the stool. We promised to eat dinner together but I needed to complete my project. You were so patient with me, even though I knew that you didn’t like being there.

 

“Well, is video games fun? It’s too complicated and I don’t understand why you kill people online. Is your ambition to become a murderer?”

 

“No! Ah- never mind.”

 

I could never say no to your pouts. They were cute. You were never the type to involve yourself into arguments and gave in immediately. Instead, you decided to take a clean brush and dipped into the palette that I was holding.

 

“H-Hey, what are you doing?”

 

“I’m helping you paint so that you can get this done quicker! I’m hungry!”

 

“You’re going to ruin my painting!”

 

“Uh, did you just doubt my art abilities?”

 

“Stopppp Hayoung-ah!”

 

 

Now that I think about it, I still keep that messy canvas in my room. Thanks to you, I didn’t manage to get an A for my art class. Well, I didn’t hate you for it because we had a lot of good memories from that. We were just ordinary high school girls. Others see us as besties. We even joined the same club together. It was something that the both of us had in common—dance.

 

There, we met our reliable, supportive unnies, Chorong, Bomi, Eunji and also a fellow classmate, Namjoo. Who would’ve known that they would play such a big role in our relationship and became the bridge?

 

 

 

“So in this part of the song, there’s going to be a dance break and we need two people. Who wants to do it?” Bomi asked, scanning her eyes among the members.

 

“Not Eunji. She’s bad at it.” Chorong laughed.

 

“Hey! I can improve okay!” Eunji whined.

 

“But you shake your hips awkwardly.” Namjoo said.

 

“Actually, Hayoung and Naeun can do it. Visual couple!” Bomi suggested.

 

“Oh, I agree! The two of them will definitely stand out! Visuals and height!” Chorong nodded.

 

“W-We?” You looked at me with worried eyes.

 

 

Because we were pressured and burdened to make a good impression, we practiced day and night. The two of us will be alone in the practice room when everyone else went back home. Whenever we took a break, we leaned onto each other’s backs and felt our warmth radiating against our skins. We listened to the sound of our hearts pounding. And we shared our worries together. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry.

 

Just a day before the big performance, we shared a heart-to-heart conversation about our worries and future. You told me that you tried many things in order to find a path of what you wanted to do in the future. A video gamer, a dancer, a lawyer, a swimmer, a model, you had so many bright possibilities but lacked confidence. Unlike me, my path was already set.

 

I was already registered to study in the Seoul College of Arts where I will find myself in the working to things related to that industry without fail. Art is my passion and dance, is just a hobby.

 

 

 

“Follow your heart, Hayoung.” I looked into your dark brown orbs. They were like a beautiful set of moons that you’ll never find anywhere else in the world.

 

“I’m scared unnie.”

 

“About what? The performance tomorrow?”

 

“That too but…I decided to ask you an important question for that day. But I’m scared that you might reject it.”

 

“And you’re asking me now?” I giggled. You really went and exposed yourself again.

 

“Ah. Crap, I really just outdid myself there huh?” You sighed, realizing what you did, cutely hitting your lips as a sort of punishment for the slip of tongue.

 

“Tell me. There is nothing wrong. Why are you so worried for?”

 

“You know how there is a prom at the end of the year right? Everyone’s already gotten their pairs.”

 

“Ah…you haven’t found anyone to be your date? What about that boy you said was- “

 

“I want my partner to be you.”

 

 

It was unexpected. But I agreed because I thought that you were awkward around guys and felt more comfortable if it was me.

 

Our performance was a success. This was probably because you were really happy that I accepted your proposal and there you were, b with confidence. Even so, the fact that you had a crush on me never crossed my mind. I always thought you were straight and not a homoual.

 

Sure, there have been many cases in school where classmates came out as gays or lesbians. But they didn’t end well because during that time, it was still frowned upon and I remember how teachers will beat them up, telling them that they belonged to a mental institution.

 

But the night of prom proved me wrong.

 

That night, you confessed your feelings to me.

 

I still remember how you led me up to the school rooftop. The tingling touch as our fingers intertwined, our chests moving up and down in sync. We could almost taste the cold air. The fireworks show was about to start and we were all alone in the dark. hands tightly.

 

You held onto my hands tightly. And your eyes, they were shaking nervously. I was beginning to be worried. I’ve never seen you like that before.

 

 

 

“What’s wrong Hayoung? Are you feeling okay?”

 

“Yeah, totally! It’s just…”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Uh, what do you think about a girl liking a girl?”

 

I paused, blinking at your question as it felt so sudden and random. But still, I answered. “Love has no boundaries no matter the gender. But unfortunately, a lot of people think that it is wrong. That it breaks the law of nature, or religious traditions or-“

 

“Then, is it wrong to love someone of the same gender even though it can hurt? Even though people will discriminate you, even though people will hate you, even though-”

 

“Hayoung, w-why are you suddenly saying this- “

 

“I-It’s because I like you!”

 

I looked at you, stunned. I thought maybe I was dreaming or you were just joking around with me. But the sincerity in your eyes, told me everything.

 

“…For a really long time…I’ve had feelings for you and…my heart just won’t stop fluttering whenever I’m with you…”

 

 

 

I still remember how your confession felt so magical.

 

The moment you said those sentences, the firework show began. There was a loud bang. The skies, scattered and painted beautifully with different shades of color. Despite the view and noise, you turned all your attention to me. Looking at me with those eyes that glistened with hope and worry. It was as if it costed your whole life to ask that question.

 

But I would be lying if I said no. Even if I knew the consequences of accepting you, even though I knew that our relationship could change if something went wrong, I wanted to try it with you.

 

 

 

“Hayoung, there will be a lot of challenges waiting ahead. Society will not see us as a normal couple.”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“We might be hated, discriminated- bad things can happen-“

 

You suddenly leaned in and silenced my words with a soft peck on my lips.

 

“Who cares about their thoughts? I want to be with you forever.” You tighten the grip on my hands and looked into my eyes with a relieved smile. “We can go through this together.”

 

 

 

I smiled, knowing that you were sincere. And I said yes, because I trusted you. Because I said yes, we had our first kiss under the colorful skies. In the middle of the fireworks show, we opened our hearts to each other.

 

From then on, we were more than just friends. More than best friends.

 

We were girlfriends.

 

Because we knew that our relationship will cause trouble, we kept it a secret. We had to be wary of our surroundings, we kissed behind the toilet doors and…eventually our close unnies found out because we were beginning to become too obvious. We thought maybe the world ended. But, they decided to keep a secret as well and fully supported our relationship. They were really the best.

 

 

 

“Hi Naeun-“

 

“Oh my god, not you again Taemin! Shoo off! Don’t you know that Naeun is taken already?” Bomi said, standing in front of me in a defensive stance.

 

“I’ll have you know that Naeun’s boyfriend is 5 years older than you, he’s super hot and he’s super rich as well. Lay a finger on her and I will call him right now!” Eunji stepped in with a threat, raising up her phone.

 

Taemin widened his eyes and shyly laughed, bowing and turning around. Bomi and Eunji high-fived each other and I couldn’t be more thankful. When I told you the story, you decided to pay for their meals as a token of thanks. I’ve never seen you do that before.  

 

 

 

Other than that, everything seemed to sail smoothly. We went out on dates during the weekends, visited each other’s houses to study together and no one suspected us we masked it with our “besties” relationship. No one knew that we were lesbians and we thought that keeping this up would be easy.

 

Oh, how wrong we were.

 

After we graduated from high school, we went to different universities because of our different interests. I went to Seoul Arts College while you went to Seoul Business College. It’s funny how you settled on majoring in Business after all the ideas you’ve talked about. But it was probably due to the influence of your parents. I met them several times and assumed that one day, you would have to take over their business.

 

But because we were in different colleges, it was harder to meet up. As life kept us busy, we went from actual dates to video calls during the weekends. We began to grow apart from each other and sometimes, we only messaged each other once a month. Our relationship that was skyrocketing and twirling in circles that it suddenly plummeted to a monotone state.

 

One day, you called to meet me in private. I didn’t even know what went wrong. I thought maybe you were crazy or had too much alcohol the previous day. What were you even thinking?

 

 

 

 

“Let’s break up.”

 

“Wh-What are you saying Hayoung?”

 

Your voice was so cold, like a sharp knife stabbing right at my throat. Your eyes lost all the fire and color that I loved seeing. You were not the Hayoung I knew.

 

“I said we’re breaking up. We don’t have time for each other anymore. I’m busy, you’re busy, there’s no point of us to-

 

“I know that you’re lying.”

 

And you flinched. In the end, you never change. It’s so easy to read through your lies.

 

“Hayoung.” I held onto your hands firmly, not wanting to let go. “What’s wrong?” I asked again, feeling my voice break into pieces.

 

But you didn’t reply. Instead, you avoided eye contact and turned away. But I saw it. A bruise that you were trying to hide with your hair.

 

I knew it.

 

You were always hiding things from me so that I wouldn’t get hurt. Hiding me from the dark truth.

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Nothing. I injured myself.”

 

“From what?”

 

“…”

 

I know you far too well. Your biggest weakness was coming up with lies.

 

Immediately, I took your phone and forced you to unlock it with your fingerprint. From there, I saw the text messages from your parents.

 

It felt like the end of the world.

 

Mom: Remember to break up with her. We will take you to the doctor tomorrow. My baby is just sick. I am sure you will become better.

 

Dad: I am going to have to send you to a mental clinic if you continue to be with her. Do you want that, Hayoung?

 

We were caught.

 

“Hayoung…”

 

“There’s…nothing else I can do…” You sobbed, tears flowing down your cheeks as you felt completely helpless. “I love you and my parents too. How…can I choose?”

 

My heart broke into pieces.

 

 

 

Our biggest enemies in the world were our families.

 

Even if I were to tell my own parents, there was anxiety and worry of whether they would accept me for who I am. If we continue to be together, we may only bring pain. The single bruise on your neck, may become bruises of many.

 

We gave up.

 

We accepted the fate that fell upon us.

 

But there was never once that I regretted falling in love with you.

 

The laughter we spent, the kisses we had, the warm cuddles and our sweet nothings. The memories we had together were ones I would engrave forever in my heart. Ever since our breakup, I never saw you again. We broke off all contact because your parents ordered you to do so. You blocked me on social media, we deleted our phone numbers and slowly, the Hayoung I knew was beginning to disappear.

 

All I have left of you were the little, small things that I never thought I would hold onto dearly. The polaroid we took back in high school, the nonsensical scribbles you drew all over my book and that mean stain you scarred on my art canvas.

 

It was hard at first.

 

I cried to sleep, missing your warmth. You will haunt me in my dreams and I yearned for you so much. But as time went by, it felt better. We moved on with our lives. But sometimes, I will hear about you from the unnies. I still meet up with them frequently and I’m always thankful for that. They comforted me during the times my heart fell into pieces and slowly, it was healed. I was told to look on the brighter side of life and I followed that motive.

 

Five years has passed since then.

 

I wonder what have you been up to?

 

I was hesitant when Bomi invited me to join our school’s reunion dinner because I knew for sure, you were going to come. But I am no longer the me from before. What’s so wrong of meeting you again?

 

Although we were once girlfriends, but that doesn’t mean we are complete strangers, right?

 

So here I am, sitting nervously at the table as I wait for everyone to arrive, one by one. My heart skips every time I hear the bell of the door. But it wouldn’t be you. It was Bomi, or Eunji or someone else.

 

“She’s coming. Don’t worry, she’s just late because of her job. It’s really an amazing feat that she got promoted to head manager at Star Corp. She’s working so hard.” Chorong said with a smile.

 

I worried a lot about meeting you. Would I still have the same fluttering feelings as before? Or would you have changed so much that I will never recognize you? I am anxious yet excited.

 

“Oh! Look who’s here!” Namjoo cheered. “There’s our super latecomer! Hayoung-ah, get over here already, I’m hungry!” Eunji yelled joyfully, waving away.

 

Watching you appear from the door, my heart stopped in time.

 

You cut your hair. The long, ponytail that you used to have and the childish graphic shirts you wore were no longer there. Instead, you were wearing a neat, white blouse and high heels.

 

You were no longer a cute, college girl but, a mature woman in front of me. My heart fluttered yet, I know that I shouldn’t be feeling that way.

 

I knew that you were awkward. The moment our eyes met, you smartly changed to look at Namjoo and started a conversation. You are b with so much confidence, you are so talkative, you changed so much. But throughout the whole time, you never said one word to me. It’s okay. It’s understandable, yet I felt a little hurt.

 

We continued to drink throughout the night, chattering away and reminiscing our times in high school.

 

“Man, do you still remember that dance performance we did? It was epic! Especially that dance break you two had- oh” Bomi quickly covered upon realizing her slip of tongue. Why am I not even surprised?

 

I could hear Namjoo clearing as a means of saving this awkward situation. But all of a sudden, you stood up.

 

“Sorry guys, excuse me but I need to take a phone call.”

 

And you escaped like that, smoothly. Heading out of the restaurant and disappearing out of sight, you really have gotten better at this.

 

“Unnie, take this chance now!” Namjoo whispered as she nudged me. “Go talk to her!” Eunji said with much frustration as if she was keeping it inside for the whole time. “Just do it. You guys are still friends, right?” Chorong smiled. “Sorry but I think I might have said that on purpose..ha..ha” Bomi laughed nervously.

 

I sighed. But using the remaining of my confidence, I got out of my seat.

 

“I’ll be right back.”

 

Leaving the restaurant, my eyes scanned the corridor in search for you. The tall girl named Oh Hayoung. How far did you run away? I walked down the stairs and out onto the streets. But you were nowhere to be found. I turned my heel around, deciding to return back up. Just when I had lost all hope, there you were.

 

Right in front of me.

 

Standing at the top of the staircase, you crossed your arms and had the same, smile printed on your face. That same cheeky smile that reminded me of the high school you.

 

“How have you been Naeun?” You spoke first, in that gentle tone which I missed so much.

 

“Well, I’m in a middle of a life crisis. All I do is work and sleep. What about you?” I tried hard to not stutter, knowing that you were there in that moment. It has been five years and I wanted to just throw myself into your arms.

 

“About the same. I didn’t think adult life would that much.”

 

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

 

I’m not sure why I asked that. Was it out of curiosity or out of fear?

 

Deep inside my heart, I wanted us to start over again. The past was due to the fact that we were still young and incapable. But we are adults now who are responsible for our own decisions. Many years has passed and the world has begun to be more open and understanding about those who are different.

 

People like us.

 

“Me, have a boyfriend? Well, wouldn’t a pretty girl like you already have lots of guys?” You laughed unamused. As always, the way you talk still remained the same.

 

“I did have boyfriends. But they didn’t work out.”

 

“Same. Men are different compared to women.”

 

“Then, can I ask you a question?” I asked, climbing the stairs up. My heart was pounding so hard that it could literally jump out of my chest. “Fire away.” You said calmly, keeping your cool.

 

I smiled, hanging onto the remaining last hope I had inside my heart. It didn’t matter what your answer would be. I was no longer the girl who was afraid. I didn’t want to make any regrets anymore.

 

Once I reached the top, we were so close that I noticed the sudden panic in your eyes. Your fingers began to stutter, you gulped and your lips moved. Yet, you didn’t take a step back. Instead, you stayed still and looked into my eyes.

 

“Do you still love me?”

 

It didn’t even take you three seconds to answer. You grinned and muttered a soft “Yes” before diving your starved lips onto mine, making up for all of the moments we lost in those five years of yearning.

 

“I love you.”

 

 

---

A/N: To be honest, this Hana fic has been loooong overdue haha. I wrote this last year during im so sick era, thanks to the inspiration of hana's "do you love me" part, leading to this. It's been hiding in the drafts for quite a while and I thought this was the moment to finally let it shine. It's short but an open-ended ending for all :) There has been a lot of Hana moments, especially with Hayoung's solo debut and Naeun being the most supportive girlfriend ever oof >< Hope you enjoy this short, sweet Hana piece!

See you in the next AU story~