Sorry for the late update ): guess how many times i used 'deserve' in this chapter lol........ my vocab .... thanks for reading, take care and stay safe (: please comment down below on who you're rooting for! i'm rooting for wenjoy :P

Author’s pov

“What makes you think it’s okay for you to treat her like that?”, Yeri’s low voice resonated in Wendy’s ears, sending chills down her spine.

It was ironic how Wendy was so intimidated by someone who was five years younger, let alone someone who shared the same built.

Wendy gulped, taking a deep long breath to calm her racing nerves.

“It wasn’t me that night. I lost myself, Yeri. I didn’t mean to hurt Joy. I just caught a glimpse of Tyler in her for a moment, and i lost every last bit of sanity in my body. I really didn’t mean to…”, Wendy lamented and gazed at Yeri wistfully.

Wendy had meant it, she meant every word that fell from her out. She had regretted that night. She regretted being carried away and in the heat of the moment, she had harmed Joy in so many ways. What had overcame her that night? What if Irene finds out? What if Tyler finds out? 

“You nearly killed her.”, Yeri replied, her voice still remained strict and firm. She wasn’t going to let her guard down this time. For Joy. Her vision of field had turned red, shades of fury and anger. Being in the same room with Wendy was making her sick, she was irritated by Wendy’s mere presence. She threw a hard look at Wendy, feeling her blood rising. 

Wendy’s guilt and Yeri’s anger had formed an impenetrable wall between them.

“I’m sorry..”

Yeri struggled to hold back a scoff. Why was it that human beings felt like sorry was the answer to everything? Why do everyone have this conception whereby an apology would revert things back to normal? Why do people carelessly throw the word around, not bothering to care of the weight it holds? Hearing it coming from Wendy, Yeri felt that sorry’s were meaningless. They held no significance coming from an individual who repeats her mistake over and over again. 

She grabbed onto Wendy’s arm forcefully, causing Wendy to hiss in pain.

“This is nothing compared to what you’ve done to Joy physically and mentally, you imbecile.” Wendy recoiled at the sound of Yeri’s voice, making her smaller than she already was. Yeri smirked at the sight, satisfied with the reaction. Wendy has swam in Joy’s misery for nearly half of her life so one day of Yeri terrorising Wendy instead is completely nothing. She grabbed a fist of Wendy’s hair, staring straight into the latter’s eyes. She caught a glimpse of fear in Wendy’s brown eyes, immediately turning her head away. She couldn’t show the monster any mercy, not even the slightest bit. Wendy had gone too far this time. She had completely ridded Joy of any form of mercy that night so Yeri feels that she doesn’t deserve it tonight.

Yeri tightened her hold on Wendy, the older girl grimacing, holding back her cries. Obvious distress splayed across her face. 

“Please don’t hurt me, Yeri..” She bewailed softly. Yeri cocked her head, staring, looking deranged. She was itching to swing her fist across Wendy’s face.

“When Joy begged you to stop hurting her that night, did you? DID YOU STOP, WENDY?!” Yeri’s voice, dripping with venom rung in Wendy’s ears as she pounded her fists against Wendy’s chest. Wendy stood riveted, unable to move. Yeri looked at Wendy through glassy eyes, pain masking her face. 

“You’re the worst, Wendy. Please don’t hurt Joy anymore. She’s all that i have.. Don’’t hurt her anymore.. She isn’t even trying to come in between you and Irene, she has no ing choice. The government appointed her and yourself as soulmates, so why are you taking it out on her? Please..” Yeri muttered, a note of pleading crept into her voice.

“This has been the system for so many years so why are you making this harder for yourself? Why are you making life harder for Irene too? You brought all this upon yourself. All this mess that you’re in, it’s all thanks to you. Neither Irene nor Joy deserves to be pulled into your ing abyss of sorrows.”

Wendy looked down, feeling the weight of Yeri’s words sinking in. Yeri was right. Irene and Joy didn’t deserve any of this ing bull.

“Joy just wanted to love you… Because you’re her goddamn soulmate. Do you think she was wrong, Wendy?”

Wendy shook her head. Yeri inhaled deeply, recollecting herself. She placed a hand on Wendy’s shoulder, patting lightly.

“Stop being selfish, this world doesn’t only revolve around you.”

It was 2 in the morning but a lone figure was seen roaming around the wards. She took her steps lightly, in fear of attracting any unwanted guests. She wasn’t wanted there anyway. Her eyes flicked left and right, hoping to catch the room 109. She was sorry, so ing sorry for bringing so much hurt to the person whom only wanted to love her. She couldn’t feel any worse upon realising the damages she had inflicted on Joy. 

She was so disgusted with herself. The mere sight of herself in the mirror has begun to drive her nuts and it irked her. It irked her how she could still go on about living while her stepsister lies in bed in an unknown environment because of her. She was shameful. She was too shameful to even identify herself as a human anymore.

109.

She entered quietly.

Joy was sleeping peacefully, her chest gently rising and falling. She looked ethereal against the white moonlight, Wendy realised. She placed herself on the chair beside the bed, straightening her back as she looked upon Joy wistfully. Guilt slowly creeps up her back.

She stared at Joy longingly, pouring her every emotions right into Joy’s open hands. She roamed her eyes around Joy’s body, taking note of the ‘presents’ she’s left behind. Wendy felt her stomach churn, turning into a hollow pit of emptiness. The wounds were surely healing but still, the culpability knocked at her door. 

How was she able to bring that much harm to someone who was a head taller than her? What kind of force possessed her body for her to be throwing Joy around like a doll? It simply didn’t make sense. Wendy wasn’t even strong to begin with and clearly, Joy had a distinct advantage in any given area. 

So why? Why did it had to come down to this? With Joy severely injured? 

Joy had always been an active member of the Judo club since elementary school. Why did she let Wendy tear her down like that? When she probably could have ended Wendy’s life in a single beating?

Just why didn’t Joy fight back?

Was she afraid of hurting Wendy? 

Wendy’s heart dropped upon discovering. 

Even at her lowest point, Joy still had placed Wendy first before herself. And that ing broke Wendy’s heart. Her heart was shattered and scattered across the goddamn floor. 

How could anyone love someone like Joy loved Wendy?

“I’m so sorry Joy.. I’m so sorry that you’re in this plight because of me..” Wendy whispered to no one, feeling the sadness and anger covering her like a thick blanket. 

She held onto the younger’s hand gently, pressing her forehead against Joy’s cold arm. 

“I’ve never meant to hurt you. I’ve never even hated you, not even once. You’d always end up being the one I channelled my frustrations to despite it being Tyler whom i despise. I admit i victimized you since you were a much easier target and i ing regret that. I sincerely apologise for how I’ve treated you in the past. But I’m not sorry for this undying loathe that i have towards your dad.”

She sighed deeply. Images of Tyler cycled through her mind, triggering Wendy. She hated him. She hated him with every living cell in her body. 

But Joy didn’t deserve this.

“I almost killed you. And i will never forgive myself for that. You’ve never done me wrong, Joy. I’m so sorry that I can’t commit myself to you like i should. I just can’t love you. Even more now that I nearly killed you, you don’t deserve me. I’m not ing worthy. No one loves me, Joy. Everyone has left me. My father, Irene.. They’re gone..”

“I can never look at you the same way anymore, Joy.. You didn’t deserve any of that. You were just fulfilling your duty as a rightful citizen but I don’t with that Joy. I don’t give two s about this messed up government.” She insinuated, veins throbbing in her neck.

Wendy was desperately holding in her sobs by now, afraid she might awaken the sleeping girl. She was too overwhelmed by the sudden hit of emotions and being there all alone, she felt a ton times worse. In the past week, she had lost her girlfriend, she nearly killed her stepsister and it was her dad’s 7th death anniversary today.

It was too much for her to handle alone. She was a mess and she couldn’t form even a single coherent thought.

Things were not on her side. And Wendy thinks that they will never be on her side. She was alone. And Wendy knows that she will always be alone. 

After all that had happened, Wendy concluded that she wasn’t worthy of anyone and she didn’t deserve to have the honor of loving anyone. 

What good will she do when all she does is bring the people she loves pain and torture? It was embedded in her mind, soul and body to never be of any burden to anybody. It was engraved on her heart so why did Wendy do the opposite? Why did she let Irene down? Why did she fail to salvage her parents’ marriage and save her father? Why did she thunder down beatings on Joy?

Wendy was totally messed up. She was too ing broken. 

She took one last glance at Joy dolefully, as she staggered towards the door, swaying a little.

“I’ll stay out of everyone’s way from now on. I won’t hurt anyone anymore.”

Wendy turned her back, slipping away, failing to notice the lone tear escaping from Joy’s left eye.

Wendy idled awkwardly around the front door, her heart pounding with each passing second. She waited anxiously for a minute or two before the door opened.

“Seungwan-ah?”

Hearing the voice that she has grown to miss so much, she wheeled around immediately

Struggling with the emotions raging through her nerves, Wendy scurried over to the dazed girl and engulfed her. She sniffs in the scent that has been haunting her the past nights, giving herself over to the warmth she’s been longing for. Irene stood rooted to the ground, unable to comprehend everything that was currently happening. But as soon as she caught a whiff of Wendy’s flowery scent, her facade disappeared and she instantly wrapped her arms around Wendy’s neck. As Irene breathed her in, the images of Wendy and herself cycled through her mind.

She was lying if she said she hadn’t missed the younger girl. Having her right now and being in her arms, it couldn’t compare to any other feeling in the world. She felt Wendy holding onto her tighter, as if she was afraid that the wind may take Irene away. Irene leaned against her shoulder, both individuals completely lost in the moment.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you more.”

And Wendy felt she had to be selfish. She had to be selfish for she only wanted Irene to herself.