I could still remember about what you suddenly said that time. The sentence that suddenly make me wake up from the dreams that I have. “hey, let’s search for light.” That’s what you suddenly said to me. At first, I thought you’re joking when you said that. But I realize how your eyes glow when you look at those sky. I just sighed and stand from my bed to grab my coat. I know that you love night’s sky, I also know that you love to search for something in that sky. You followed me after standing from your bed and grab your coat. I never thought that I’m really going to take her to a far place just for searching for a light. How can there’s a light in this pitch black night. Even now, it’s a little bit difficult to see because of the darkness.

After walking for 30 minutes, we finally arrive to one place. This is the place where I’m currently working at. Astronomical observation office. I work here for already 3 years and half. And working here is fun. I can observe more about star, planet, and many others. And next to my working place, there’s a hill where we can see stars and some astronomical signs. I still could remember how cold your hands when I hold it. The sensation never change. I pulled her toward the place where we do the observations every day. Luckily the door isn’t locked right now, so that we can enter here without causing any ruckus. I removed her hands and let her to run happily toward those big telescope near the big transparent glass.

“hmmm, I can’t see anything from here.” She suddenly said. I just sigh and walk toward her. I positioned the telescope into the right place and walk toward the electricity box. I search for the lightning button for observation room. Observations room’s lightning is a little bit different from usual’s light. That’s why I have to turn it on from the electricity box. “well, of course you can’t see. The telescope isn’t focused yet, there’s no light, and you’re directing it to the city. How can you see if it’s like that?” I retorted. She just show me her usual smile. I wonder how she can become my friend. She really is a bizarre girl. Too bizarre if it’s for me. But luckily I already can understand her, so it doesn’t matter anymore.

“but, I still can’t see anything.” She whined. I sighed again.

“do you want to go outside?” I ask. And she nods her head.

I turn off the light again and make sure everything is alright before leaving the place. If I don’t do that, then tomorrow I’ll be dead when the higher ups know. When I leave, she already arrive at the hill, sitting on the ground with hands hugging her knees. I decide to leave faster and follow her. I sit on the ground next to her and place my hands on the ground to hold my body weight. “if you’re cold, no need to stay silent. You could always say it to me. I won’t be mad.” I said without looking at her. “it’s okay. It feels more comfortable like this.” She said. I just nod at her. I look up at the sky. Dozens star fill the empty sky tonight. I wonder if I could find some astronomical signs.

The wind start to blow aggressively. It makes her shoulder length hair spread like angel’s wings. Beautiful. Only that word I can say to describe her. I don’t need any perfection coming from someone. I only need their trust and kindness that can make me comfortable and calm. The girl beside me have it. She have the two things that I really need. When I take a look at her, she’s luring her hands to the sky aimlessly. Just like she wants to catch the stars. “what are you doing?” I ask. She turns to me and show me the smile that always make my heart beat faster. “I want to catch the light that comes from the stars.” She said innocently. I just smile hearing what she said.

“you can catch the light. But not the light that coming from the star, but from your heart.” I said while looking at her. She just giggled and answer me with her sweet smile on her face. “maybe you’re right.” She said. And I just nod. No need to hope for those light that you can’t catch, but catch the light that you have in your heart.

Today I’m leaving japan. I’m going to move to east Canada because of my job. The higher ups are starting to get impatient because of some discovery that I found last year, two days after my light searching with Karen. And they want me to prove it when I already arrive to east Canada. I just hope nothing bad happened to me at Canada. Being moved means that she will become alone in japan. Huft. I’m not that sure for leaving her alone like that. What if she suddenly said that she wants to catch a light again? It won’t become a joke anymore.

I’m going to prepare myself starting from now, because my plane is going to take off at 3.45 P.M. when I prepare my things, I turn to look at her that looking at me from the living room. I could tell that she’s about to cry. Judging from the space that she creates between us, she must be hiding her feelings from me. I haven’t said this before to her. That’s why she creates this kind of space and distance. To be honest, I’m too afraid to leave her alone here. But what could I do? My higher ups will kick her out if she comes with me. People always think that she will interfere with my work and make it untouched. But that is completely the reverse. She will be the one that help me about my work.

“I’m sorry for not saying this before.” I apologized when I already finished packing all of my things. I don’t want to see her hurt like this. But what could I do? I already hurt her by not saying anything to her. She’s diverting her gaze away from mine. Her eyes are a little bit glassy. In a little bit hurt for me to see her like this. But the causes is me. I’m sorry. “it’s okay. It doesn’t matter for me if you left me alone. But please I need you to inform me anything. It just feels like you don’t need me at all. You never thought about how I feel.” She said. Her tears poured down. I clenched my fingers into fist. This is my fault to make her become like this.

I don’t want to see her like this. I don’t want to see her hurt. Especially her eyes. It’s showing a deep hurt. “should I cancel? Should I remain here?” I ask. I could see her wiped off her tears.