Baekhyun ran outside. He ran towards the park he and Minseok always went to. How could he let this happen. He knew he was too late but he still had hope. His crush had gotten so big that he didn’t notice how close Jongdae was with Minseok the past week. It was clear that they were dating but Baekhyun only focused on Minseok.

He feels his pocket but notices he forgot his pack of cigarettes. “.” He mumbles under his breath. Probably left them in his room. As long as Chanyeol doesn’t find them its fine. He sighs and sits down on a bench. The realisation kicked in and Baekhyun started crying. He really was too late. He stood up and decided to get a new pack of cigarettes. He needed to smoke right now. He didn’t care anymore.

He walked into the shop and walked to the counter and bought his cigarettes. “Are you okay kid?” asks the woman who hands him the cigarettes. Baekhyun had forgotten he was still crying. “It’s nothing.” He quickly answers before walking out again. He wipes his tears away as he lights up a cigarette. As soon as he finishes the first one, he lights up the second. He didn’t care.

The cigarettes weren’t enough for him. He needed alcohol. Still smoking he walked to the closest liquor store, bought some, and walked out again. He didn’t care that he can’t drink in public, there were bare people so no one would notice.

30 minutes later Baekhyun decided to go home. He had finished his alcohol so he was pretty drunk and couldn’t walk straight. Everyone at the dorms were already asleep, except for Minseok, Jongdae and Junmyeon. They were waiting for Baekhyun to come home. They were all very confused of why Baekhyun stormed out and wanted to know. It was already very late and Minseok had fallen asleep against Jongdae, who was talking with Junmyeon.

“I can’t believe he’s still out.” Junmyeon says, slightly pissed off. “Junmyeon, do you think he ran out because of us?” Jongdae asks silently, almost scared to ask it because he knows the answer.

“I’m not sure,” Junmyeon says. “I think he was really surprised. But we need to ask him.” Jongdae nods. He looks at Minseok sleeping against him and softly smiles.  They chat for about 10 minutes, then they hear a door open and are both silent. Baekhyun stumbles in, still drunk. He was surprised that there were still people waiting for him. Because it was 2 am he had thought that everyone was asleep.

As soon as Junmyeon and Jongdae notice that Baekhyun is completely drunk, they both stand up. Minseok who had fallen asleep against Jongdae, immediately wakes up. He looks around the room before noticing what’s going on. Baekhyun came home.

“Baekhyun, what the .” Jongdae says. Baekhyun just looked at him as he slightly teared up. Minseok, who had just woken up, finally noticed that Baekhyun wasn’t okay and he got up. He walked towards Jongdae and clinged onto Jongdae. Baekhyun looked at the two before running to his room. Minseok wanted to go after him but Jongdae grabbed his arm.

“leave him, we talk to him tomorrow.” Junmyeon says. Minseok and Jongdae look at him. Minseoks nods but Jongdae doesn’t agree. “We waited for 2 hours for his to come back home and now you’re telling us to leave him alone.” He let go of Minseok as he walked towards Baekhyuns room.

“Baekhyun!” Jongdae almost yells as he storms into Baekhyuns room. Baekhyun looks up scared. Jongdae could smell the mix of alcohol and cigarettes. He immediately lowered his voice as he saw that Baekhyun was crying. “Baekhyun what’s wrong?” he then asks, a lot calmer and softer. Baekhyun didn’t answer. Jongdae sighs and kneels down beside Baekhyun.

“Is it because me and Minseok?” Jongdae asks. Baekhyun was silent again and it began to piss Jongdae off. “Baekhyun, whatever is bothering you, I would like it if you told me. This isn’t good. Storming out, staying away for 2 hours and then coming back drunk. We were all worried sick. You understand that?” Jongdae says while slightly raising his voice. Baekhyun just looks scared as he softly cried. He hated it when people yelled at him, especially his friends.

Jongdae was getting really irritated by Baekhyun now. He hadn’t spoken a word since he was home. “Baekhyun, I’m saying this once. If this is because me and Minseok, I’m sorry but I can’t do anything about that. I love him. He loves me. You can’t change that. I’m sorry.” Baekhyun started crying more. It was probably because of the alcohol that he got a lot more emotional than normal.

Jongdae sighs. “This conversation isn’t finished yet. I talk to you again tomorrow, when your sobered up. Goodnight for now.” Jongdae says and he gets out of Baekhyuns room. Junmyeon went to bed and Minseok was waiting for Jongdae to come back. Minseok immediately walks up to Jongdae and hugs him. “Let’s go to bed.” Jongdae says and Minseok nods.

Once they’re in bed Minseok asks, “what was wrong with Baekhyun?” Jongdae sighs. “he didn’t answer. He needs to sober up first before we can properly talk to him. Minseok nods. He then cuddles up against Jongdae and they fall asleep.

The next day Baekhyun woke up with a huge headache. He didn’t remember much of yesterday and what happened. He did know he went outside and drunk, but he didn’t remember the reason. He gets up, but immediately falls back in his bed. It was 12 pm when he woke up. He looked at Chanyeol,  who was still asleep.

Chanyeol decided to search for Baekhyun when he didn’t return after an hour. He didn’t find him and Junmyeon called him that he had arrived safely at home. Chanyeol got back to the dorms an hour later.

Baekhyun decides to take a shower to clear his mind, hopefully finding out the reason why he stormed out yesterday. He grabs his stuff and goes to the bathroom. He steps in the shower. The warm water felt refreshing. After a couple of minutes Baekhyun started to remember things.

How he was nervous but excited to go out to walk with Minseok, how that didn’t happen. How Jongdae confessed that he and Minseok were dating.

Baekhyun slowly sits down against the wall as he slides down. Hands covering his face he started crying. He remembered his conversation with Jongdae. How he said that he loved Minseok and that he can’t change it. He just sits down in the shower for a while till he is calmed down a bit. He sighs and gets up, turns off the shower and got ready for today.

The day went by slowly. He and Chanyeol were too late for practise. Baekhyuns headache wasn’t gone completely so he had to bear with it. When they got home again after a hard day, Baekhyun wanted to go immediately to bed. He didn’t want to eat first. He just wanted to sleep. He had totally forgotten Jongdae wanted to talk with him.

Jongdae noticed Baekhyun went straight to his room. He followed him to his room. “Don’t you want to eat something first?” Jongdae asks him. Baekhyun shakes his head. Jongdae sighs and sits down next to Baekhyun. “Baekhyun, what is bothering you?” Jongdae asks calmly. Baekhyun looked down. “Nothing, I just want to sleep.” Baekhyun says, hoping Jongdae would leave him alone.

“Baekhyun, I’m not stupid. I know what’s wrong but I want to hear it from you.” Something in Baekhyun snapped at that moment, causing him to yell at Jongdae.

“Do you wanna know how I feel? I’ve been feeling like because the guy I liked since I ing saw him, had a boyfriend who left him to go back to China, he then got ing depressed and starved himself, but I was too scared to help him out. When I finally had the guts to do that, my best friend already helped him. The day I finally wanted to confess to Minseok, you ing announced too everyone that you were dating. So I’m sorry that I didn’t freaking respond to you. Do you know how ing hard this is for me?” Baekhyun started crying but continued.

“The man I love loves someone else, I had to deal with that before and now I need to deal with it again. Can’t you see that that is killing me Jongdae?” Baekhyun says while wiping his tears away. “Baekhyun, I’m so-“ but Jongdae gets cut off before he can finish his sentence.

“I need some fresh air.” Baekhyun says while he gets up and grabs his backpack. Jongdae sighs, “don’t stay out too long okay?” he says. Baekhyun didn’t answer. He just quickly ran out the dorms while crying.

Jongdae walked back to the others and said that Baekhyun wasn’t feeling so well and needed some fresh air. He would explain to Minseok later, hoping he wouldn’t take it too hard.

Baekhyun immediately lights up a cigarettes as soon as he is outside. He walked around for an hour before deciding he wanted alcohol again. So he walked to the same shop as last time. He dried his tears before walking into to shop and buying a bottle of liquor. He walks outside again and quickly finishes his alcohol. After another hour of just walking randomly anywhere, he decides to go back to the dorms.

Luckily for Baekhyun, everyone was already asleep. He wanted to shower again so he went to the bathroom and immediately jumped in the shower. After 15 minutes he turns it off and gets out. He gets dressed and looks at himself in the bathroom mirror. He laughs. His eyes then catches a small little bottle on the right. He looks at what it is.

It were Minseoks anti depression pills. He opens the bottle and takes one pill out. One pill wouldn’t hurt right? Baekhyun laughed again. He took a few pills in his hand and looked at it. A couple more didn’t matter. He throws them all in his mouth and swallows them all. He looked at the bottle. There were a few pills left. He decided to take them too. He swallows the last couple of pills as he throws the bottle on the ground. He was starting to get dizzy so he decided to go to bed.

After a while his stomach started to hurt pretty bad, so Baekhyun stormed to the bathroom, waking Chanyeol up, who runs after him.

“Baekhyun, are you okay!?” He yells. But Baekhyun couldn’t answer. He fell down and hit his head against the sink in the bathroom. Everything turned black and the last thing he heard was Chanyeol screaming for the other members.