*drip* *drop* 
"Are we not really going?" I asked hoping for a change of mind. 
The speaker on the other line sighed annoyingly. 
"It's raining so hard and you want to play basketball? Seungcheol quit using drugs!" The annoyance is obviously visible in hyung's voice. 
"Im not using drugs. Ugh! You're annoying. Why cancel at the last minute?" Im really frustrated and I desperately need distractions. 
"Seriously Cheol, do you have a problem? Yesterday you worn yourself at on the gym like there's no tomorrow. C'mon. You can tell me. " 
"Im fine. I'll call you again. And you owe me food for cancelling out. " i hunged up hurriedly. 
Hyung really know when something's wrong with me and I dont want to bother him. He has his own problems i dont want burden him with mine. 
We planned to play basketball and go to the arcade but it's raining really hard so he cancelled. It was really fun yesterday tho. We went to the gym and work our out. 
It was really tiring but it feels so good going home to finally sleep. 
It was supposed to be a ralaxing week but I feel so much exhaustion compared to when we have a really packed up schedule. 
It's the fourth day of resting. Some members who took a leave are back from their hometown except for Hansol, Chan and my roommates Jeonghan, Mingyu and of course..... Jihoon. 
I almost forgot about the playlist for the last days---except when I am all alone in my room and everyone's asleep. That's why I really want to go out and exhaust myself. I want to sleep and stop thinking. But the rain ruined it all. 
"Seungcheol hyung, I forgot to tell you earlier. Your umma called. " Seungkwan informed me, his mouth filled with sausage.
We just finished eating and he is eating again. 
I fixated my eyes on the TV. 
"I already talked to her. Im going home tomorrow. " i yawned. My muscles are still sore. 
"When will you come back? " he asked without eyeing me. I just shrugged. I signalled him that im going to sleep. 
I paced back to our room and threw myself at Jeonghan's bed. 
I closed my eyes but i couldn't get a sleep. 
My eyes reached the CD player right beside Mingyu's bed. 
Why am I running away with this? 
I moved to Mingyu's bed and play the already inserted disk. I didn't bother to put my earphones. No one's gonna come inside except for me. 
I relaxed at the bed and stared at the ceiling. 
"I don't like this day. This night rather." Jihoon's dreary voice greeted me. 
I wondered why. 
He usually greets with a painful cheerfulness. And this one sounds solemn. 
"How many songs are there already? Fifth? Nevermind. I don't really care. This song is just ing accurate to what I really feel right now. I want to murder Choi Seungcheol. I want to pull off his tongue and cut it. I want to pinch him. Ugh! I really want to punch him. Can't I do that? him." Jihoon yawp. 
What did I do? He sounds really agitated. 
"This is the most painful song so far. Secondhand Serenade just increased my level of depression. Listen to this. It will rip every ing veins of your goddamn body but you will still feel the, pain. This song is Broken by Secondhand Serenade. " 
Listening to this might increase my depression too Jihoonie. 
The instrumental intro of the songs screamed dejection.

In the moonlight, your face it glows
Like a thousand diamonds, I suppose
And your hair flows like the ocean breeze
Not a million fights could make me hate you
You're invincible, yeah its true

"Your physique really stands out on this crowded room. The way the lights dance with your mere existence. It's ing aesthetic. It was perfect until you spoke. No! It sounds like a spit. It hurts like a stab. I will really gladly take it if you just punched me but hell you tear my heart open. It was so ing painful i feel like my heart would actually rip to pieces. Really Seungcheol? That's how you feel?"
He stopped midway. 
Did I do something? 
What did I do?
I don't remember anything. 
"Why didn't you tell me? Why do you need to broadcast it? Like before? It was a ing radio show! Are you really that stupid? You held a grudge towards me. When I never had it with you. I thought we're good after that ing fight during our debut days. That ing night that you chose to broadcast to the world how I ed up instead of just talking to me privately. I let it passed. It was okay. I ing thought we're okay!" 
I heard a painful sob. This time there's no sarcasm. Just a plain suffering. 
I bit my lip.

It's in your eyes where I find peace
Is it broken? Can we work it out?
Let's light up the town, scream out loud
Is it broken? Can we work it out?
I can see in your eyes, you're ready to break
Don't look away

"You said you feel uncomfortable with me. That we're awkward? Huh! Really? I was really surprised that I manage to hide my astonishment and not cry from there. I still managed to look okay and I deserved a ing grammy's for that! You see, i went straight to here in this goddamn studio after that. I was ing trembling the whole night. I never held a grudge to you. I never treated you indifferently . I always run to you when I have a goddamn problem. Cause I thought we're best friends! Even after that fight and even now, i couldn't bring myself to hate you. I thought it was all okay. What happened? What have gotten wrong? im disappointed. Really... Is .....it.. really broken? Are we......not really..okay? " Jihoon's voice sounded so weak. 
I felt a water on my cheeks. I didn't realized I was crying.

So here we are now
In a place where the sun blends in with the ocean thin
Across from each other, together we'll wonder if we will last these days
If I asked you to stay would you tell me
you would be mine?
think that we are broken...

"Is it broken? What we had? Is it really broken? I thought we are inseparable. I thought we are stable. We've been through a lot. I thought we only have each other. But you drew an invisible bounderies without me knowing it. 'm really comfortable being with you. It feels ing amazing to be with you. Im not asking you to love me back. I even settled myself to be just your friend even I want something more than that. I never asked you. I just couldn't believe that's how you feel. I feel so betrayed and I can't stop crying. It feels like you stab me at my back. You turned around. Why does it hurt too much? "
Jihoon-ah I'm sorry. I said that because I feel like you're distancing away from me. And I don't know how to act in front of you after our fight. 
I feel like you're walking away and I don't want that. 
I wiped the tears that are pooling my face.

And time is all I ask for, time, I just need one more day
And time, you've been crying too long, time
And your tears wrote this song, stay
In the moonlight, your face it glows
Is it broken? Can we work it out?
Let's light up the town, scream out loud
Is it broken? Can we work it out?
I can see in your eyes, you're ready to break
Don't look away
"Cheol-ah, can't we work it out? I really treasure you more than anything. More than my dreams. You are so precious to me. Pls. Don't let me go. Don't let our light burn down. I don't want to break this thing we have. I am contented. Can't we work it out? I am disappointed with myself cause I feel like it's my fault you said that and I'm willing to forget what you said. Let's fix this. Please. Don't let us break. C-cause I-I-I d-don-dont wan-wanna lo-lose y-you. The last thing I want is to lose you. Please. I'm begging you." Jihoon broke down. 
All I heard was painful sobs and exhaustion.

I let myself escaped a sob. 
I covered my mouth with the back of my hands. 
I don't want to lose him too. 
I don't want us to break to. 
Im so sorry Jihoon. I'm so sorry.

Notes:

I love bands. All time low, P! ARD , Sleepimg with Sirens and all. 
Second hand serenade have a place in my heart so does their songs.

Broken by Secondhand Serenade is a hearbreak song.

This chapter is angsty tho