A/N: This is the requested pining!xiuchen where Chen confesses but uh...im sorry that there isn't really /that/ much pining xiu? idk it's a bit of a mess because I was trying to get back into writing things, but I hope you like it! also, I really loved writing baekhyun in this for some reason? lmao <3

Jongdae thinks he’s been in love with Minseok since they first met each other in their Intro to Graphic Design class. Jongdae had been taking the class because he wanted to be a game programmer and Minseok because he needed an art credit to fill. Regardless of their circumstances upon meeting each other, it wasn’t much of an overstatement to say Jongdae had fallen head- over- heels in love for the other college student immediately after laying eyes on him. And he knew it was a bad idea when in junior year, Minseok had offered to share an apartment since they were practically already joined at the hip and would be able to split the rent.

He said yes anyways. 

And that was why he was currently cursing his weak knees and trembling heart as he bit his lip and did his best to focus on the cheesy rom- com currently playing on the TV. Totally ignoring the half- Minseok who had only sweats on and a towel cutely draped over his damp hair.

“What’s the movie?” He asked, pointing his chin over at the TV. Jongdae jumped slightly in his seat. They had been friends for nearly three years, but it seems Jongdae would never cease to be enamored with Minseok.

“Oh. Um. I don’t know,” he shrugged, “some stupid romance comedy movie or something.”

Minseok pouted childishly and Jongdae rolled his eyes, even though all he really wanted to do was wrap himself in a blanket and cry over his eternal spot in the friend zone.

“Hey, don’t diss rom coms. They’re my favorite genre,” Minseok said matter- of- factly and nudged Jongdae aside to make room for himself on the couch. He sat curled up like a cat, with his legs folded underneath him and head tilted back, neck resting on the back of the couch. He had taken out his phone and was tapping away on it, and Jongdae found himself doing the same. 

 

4:47 PM

To: bbh

o my god baekhyun he’s sitting next to me and shirtless and >.>

 

4:49 PM

From: bbh

Will u just tell him ur in luv w him already

 

4:49 PM

To: bbh

….yeah just casually “hey ik it’s been 3 years but im in love with you! Bye!” thatll go great

 

4:50 PM

From: bbh

Worked 4 me and chanyeol <3

 

4:50 PM

To: bbh

You guys started going out on the second day of knowing each other…

 

4:52 PM

From: bbh

Ur point?

 

Jongdae groaned in frustration and tossed his phone aside, earning the attention of Minseok, who arched an eyebrow.

“Something wrong?” He asked cautiously. Jongdae sighed tiredly and rubbed his eyes.

“Do you ever feel like it’d be better to ruin something good but tell the truth than keep it inside and have everything stay the same?” Jongdae asked plainly. Minseok pursed his lips as he thought. 

“I mean… maybe? What’s that saying, ‘I’d rather you hurt me with the truth than comfort me with a lie?’ Something like that?” Minseok thought a moment more before adding, “anyways, yeah, I hate it when people aren’t straightforward. It’s annoying.” Minseok grabbed the remote between them and started flipping through channels with a bored expression. “Why do you ask?”

Jongdae’s eyes fell on the ticking clock hung just above the TV. It was a tacky green and purple design, but Jongdae had persuaded Minseok to keep it because it “added personality” to their apartment. 

“No reason,” Jongdae said wistfully, “just wondering.”

---

Jongdae’s foot tapped nervously. It was a bad habit he’d always been meaning to stop, but he couldn’t help getting jittery whenever his nerves acted up. And he really couldn’t be blamed this time. After all, it wasn’t everyday that he confessed to his crush of three years and whom he was currently living with. If things didn’t work out, not only would he ruin a great friendship, but he’d likely have nowhere to sleep either. He wasn’t about to get rejected by Minseok and still live with the man. 

“Hey! Sorry I’m late, traffic was a ,” Minseok said breathlessly, unraveling the gray scarf around his neck as he slid into the booth seat across from Jongdae. 

Jongdae gave a bright smile and twirled his straw around in his soda drink.

“It’s fine. I wasn’t waiting here long anyways.” Which was a lie. He’d been waiting for at least half an hour rehearsing what to say and had gotten at least two refills already. 

“Anyways, what’d you want to talk about? This better be good, I’m missing Criminal Minds for this,” Minseok said jokingly, and Jongdae laughed slightly when reminded of his crush’s love for all things horror and gore. 

“Um,” Jongdae started, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable under the stare of Minseok and his arched eyebrow. “I’m not sure why I’m just now telling you this… maybe because I didn’t want to ruin what we had…?” 

Minseok made a curious face and tilted his head in such a cute way that made Jongdae want to laugh and cry and kiss it all over. 

“Jongdae, it’s ok. I’m not going to be mad, whatever it is,” Minseok laughed in an easygoing manner. “I mean, as long as it’s not, like, that you sell drugs in your spare time and got busted by the cops.”

Jongdae laughed and waved his hands around. “No, no, nothing like that!” 
“Then what?”

Jongdae’s laughter died down and he stared down at his hands, tightly clutching on to one another in his lap. 

“M- Minseok, um. I don’t know. I just, I guess. I don’t know, I kind of like you? As more than a friend? Like I think you’re such a beautiful person inside and out and I’m not sure I can keep pretending like it doesn’t kind of kill me inside that you don’t feel the same way?”

A long pause. A very long, painfully awkward pause. Jongdae’s eyes followed Minseok’s Adam’s apple as he swallowed and it bobbed up and down. 

“Um.” Oh god. Jongdae could feel his face heating up and he truly wished the ground would just open up and swallow him whole. He wanted to die. He really just wanted to die, so, so bad. 

“It’s ok if you don’t feel the same way!” Jongdae said hurriedly, already rummaging through his bag to throw down some folded bills that would more than pay for the drinks he’d ordered. “I mean, I just wanted to let you know, because I think I’ve been feeling this way for like two years now? I just wanted to get it off my chest. Please don’t think poorly of me, Minseok, you’re a great guy.” And with that, Jongdae quickly slid out of his seat, hoping he was moving fast enough so that Minseok couldn’t see the small little tears that had started collecting in his eyes and were surely about to fall down his face. 

And so, it was there that Minseok was left, alone to ponder what exactly had just transpired and what it meant for his life. 

---

 

Jongdae had never felt so embarrassed in his life. He was currently sniffling, wrapped around with a fuzzy blanket and sadly spooning melting ice cream into his mouth. On his right was Baekhyun, who was laying on his back, eyes glued to his phone screen, and foot gently rubbing Jongdae’s thigh in what he thinks is supposed to be a reassuring act. 

To his left is Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s boyfriend, and he’s not much help either, awkwardly patting Jongdae on his back and handing him a tissue every so often as he sniffles and looks more like a mess. 

“It went so badly, you guys,” Jongdae said, lower lip wobbling when he remembers the way Minseok just stared at him. Not even a rejection, an apology, nothing. Just a stare. Jongdae wanted to die. 

Of course, the seven unanswered calls on Jongdae’s phone didn’t make him feel much better, either. No texts, just calls. It made Jongdae’s heart sink, because if Minseok was wanting to reciprocate his feelings, wouldn’t a simple text just do? A phone call couldn’t mean anything good. 

Baekhyun had offered to call him back, an exchange that would’ve involved a wide variety of colorful language, but Jongdae had shot him down, thinking it wasn’t very nice to harass Minseok twice in one day.

“Hey, well he wasn’t that great anyways! I mean, the guy was obsessed with cats and horror, he was probably a total weirdo!” Baekhyun chirped up, immediately deflating when Chanyeol and Jongdae both stared at him. 

“I just,” Jongdae sighed and leaned his head back on the couch. “I wish I hadn’t told him. I think I made things awkward now. Plus, where am I going to live? There’s no way I can go back to our apartment now.”

“You can live with us for now! Chanyeol won’t mind, right?” Baekhyun suggested, shooting his boyfriend a threatening glare behind Jongdae’s back that immediately made the man nod his head up and down vigorously. 

“Yeah, it’s really no problem Jongdae. You’re welcome here,” Chanyeol said, and he really did mean it too.

“I would still have to go get my stuff…” Jongdae let out a frustrated groan and buried his face in the wraps of the fuzzy blanket. “Better to just get it over with.” 

Baekhyun sat up and rubbed his friend’s back. “Aw, Jongdae. Poor baby. It’s ok, you’ll start to feel better once you’re not around him all the time.” 

Jongdae sighed and blinked his wet eyelashes. “I sure hope so.”

---

It was with a certain quietness and grace that he had never possessed in his life that Jongdae slowly stuck his key into the apartment door and crept inside, feeling more like a robber than the rightful owner to the apartment.

He felt bad for practically leaving Minseok high and dry, but when he thought about forcing the man to live with a crazy weirdo who basically just confessed to loving him most of their time together, he felt even worse. It was just the best thing for the both of them, in the long run. 

Jongdae padded across their small living room, trying not to cry as he went to the fridge and slowly started taking off his cute little Christmas magnets. He’d bought them the other day because there had been a sale, and he had thought Minseok would appreciate the sparkly decorations to add a little personality to their humble abode. 

Of course, now that Jongdae thought about it, there wasn’t much he hadn’t done for Minseok, and maybe that was the problem. He shouldn’t have become so attached to someone so quickly. He shouldn’t have said yes when Minseok offered to share an apartment with him. He shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have, he should-

“Jongdae?”

The man froze upon hearing his name and slowly turned around to a confused Minseok standing in the entrance of the kitchen. 

“Um.” Jongdae truly felt like a robber with his hands fall of magnets and a guilty expression on his face.

“What are you doing?” Minseok said slowly, eyeing the objects in Jongdae’s hands.

Quickly, Jongdae straightened up, putting on a fake- feeling nonchalant expression.

“Oh, I was just thinking of sort of moving out soon. I know it’s really sudden but I’ve been thinking it might be best for me to get a place on my own soon? And plus, I think I made things really awkward earlier and I didn’t want you to take it too seriously. We’re just friends, ok? Seriously, this stuff was like a while ago, I just thought I’d mention it,” Jongdae laughed awkwardly, and everything sounded fake even to his own ears. It felt like sand was pouring out of his mouth as he was speaking with the way everything sounded so fake . What was he doing?

“Jongdae, I,” Minseok started and shifted his weight onto the other foot, “I don’t want you to feel awkward around me. It just kind of took me by surprise and-” “I know, I know!” Jongdae said reassuringly and smiled (fake). “Mineok, trust me, I totally get it. I don’t want to not be friends either. I think what we have right now is perfect.” 

Minseok closed his mouth and suddenly looked a little unsure as he glanced around everywhere in the room but at Jongdae. “Oh, ok. I mean, as long as it’s what you want.”

Jongdae nodded and made his way to the door. 

“Minseok, this doesn’t change anything between us, ok?” Jongdae shuffled on his shoes and got out his keys. 

“Right.” 

“Ok. Bye.”

“Bye.”

---

What the hell had Jongdae just done. Now, he was currently sitting on the side of the curb, crying to himself with his hands full of glittery, seasonal magnets, that didn’t seem to be bringing him any cheer.

---

Minseok stared at the closed door that Jongdae had just walked out of. Out of his life? The thought made Minseok uncomfortable for some reason. 

He walked back into his room, his and Jongdae’s room, to be exact. It was filled with cute little framed pictures of themselves and friends because Jongdae thought it brightened the place up to see all the smiling faces. Minseok had always thought it was slightly creepy that they were all watching him as he slept, but he never had the heart to tell Jongdae, especially when it made him so happy.

Minseok sat down on his side of the bed and sighed. Jongdae had the biggest heart out of anyone he knew. He was funny, considerate, sweet as pie, and adorable too, with the way he got flustered so easily or the innocent and confused way he looked when he’d just woken up. 

Minseok blinked. Did he think Jongdae was attractive? Of course, Jongdae wasn’t ugly by any means, but did Minseok think he was cute? Was he boyfriend material? Was there anything he didn’t like about Jongdae?

The fact that he didn’t answer no to any of the thoughts going through his head scared him, because it meant he’d just discovered something very important about himself. And the fact that it had probably just walked out the door. 

Minseok immediately got up, grabbing his phone and tucking it into his back pocket as he ran through the house trying to find a coat. Suddenly remembering the thin hoodie Jongdae had shown up in, Minseok grabbed his wooly, gray scarf too. 

Better late than never, right? Minseok sure hoped so, for his own sake at least, as he flung the door open and ran out. 

He didn’t get very far, because just as he left the entrance of the apartment complex, there Jongdae was, looking impossibly small as he sat alone on the curb, shaking from either crying or cold, Minseok couldn’t tell, but it struck something painful inside him. 

“Jongdae,” Minseok said, voice full of pain and concern and the other man turned to look over his shoulder with wide, watery eyes. 

He rubbed at them quickly and tried to put on a wobbly smile, but Minseok sat down next to him and draped his jacket over his shoulders, wrapping the scarf twice around his neck. Jongdae looked like an over bundled snowman with just his eyes and nose peeking out but Minseok laughed anyways. 

“You weren’t crying about me, were you?” He teased lightly, but his eyes were soft and so were his words. 

Jongdae’s eyebrows knit together and he shook his head vigorously.

“No! It’s just- it’s just the cold air makes my eyes water,” Jongdae said lamely. Minseok sighed. 

“I’m not that great. At least nothing worthy of your tears, you do know that, don’t you?” Minseok said and before Jongdae could protest, he added, “I doubt I’d ever be good enough for someone like you Jongdae. But maybe I can try?”

And with that, he placed a feather- light kiss on top Jongdae’s nose. His warm hands found Jongdae’s trembling ones underneath his jacket and he gave a promising smile. 

“Minseok?” Jongdae said quietly, heart beating faster than was probably healthy.

“Now where are those magnets? Let’s put them back up, ok? Come on,” Minseok said, and helped Jongdae up. And when they walked back to their place, they walked back with their hands held tightly together.