EP20

~~

[Alexus’ POV]

 

From: Johani

Can you come to the hospital now? I have to go to the dorm to get Bellona’s things.

To: Johani

Why? What happened?

From: Johani

She collapsed. She’s still resting, though. But I can’t leave her alone. I can trust you right?

 

“Karaoke Night!”

 

“Sorry. I can’t.” I say. They were all surprised. But I really have to go.

 

Recently Bellona has been in the dumps. Her parents didn’t push with the divorce. But they were fighting a lot in their room. They didn’t separate because she has younger siblings. Her parents needed to stick together for their sake. She would talk to me about these things when we meet for sessions at Florian’s.

 

When I arrived at her suite, Johani was there. Bellona was sound asleep.

 

“Ah, Xu.” Johani greeted me. “I’ll be right back, okay? If she does something stupid, call the doctor immediately.”

 

“Okay.”

 

I sat down the chair next to her bed. Johani left the room to get her things.

 

Ah, my friends are probably singing their hearts out right now. But then, didn’t Arin also say she needed to go somewhere? I wonder what’s so important that she’d miss Karaoke Night.

 

“Xu...?”

 

“Ah, you’re awake.” I say.

 

Bellona looked confused and tried to get up. I assisted her.

 

“What happened?” She asks, rubbing her temples with her index finger.

 

“Johani said you collapsed.” I told her. “Water?”

 

“No, thank you.” She sighed. “Why are you here?”

 

“Johani asked me to watch out for you for a bit.” I say. I straightened up in my seat.

 

“Ah, that girl...” she muttered.

 

“The doctor said you collapsed due to extreme stress.” I say. “What happened to you this time?”

 

“Are you worried about me?” She smiled.

 

“Yes. As a friend, I am.” I answer.

 

“As a friend.” She echoed. Then she chuckled. “I can’t forget you if you’re being like this...”

 

“Why? Does this make you uncomfortable?” I ask. “It’s not out of pity, Bellona. I was just—“

 

“It doesn’t matter to you! But, to me it matters! I’m still clinging to it. It’s affecting me so much! I want you back so badly! But I can’t. I can’t even move forward! You’re so cruel...”

 

“If being a friend is cruel, then you are being rude to say that.” I tell her. “Don’t blame it on me. Divert your eyes. Try to look somewhere else.”
 

“Easy for you to say that.”

 

“Oh yeah? I just diverted my eyes for a while. I was able to move forward. You could do that too.” I stood. “I’m leaving.”

 

“Wait.”

 

“What?”

 

“Thanks for visiting me. Tell Johani I won’t do anything stupid. So leave me alone now.” She covered her face with the sheets.

 

“Okay.” I was about to leave when she said something.

 

“Shouting my heart out felt good, though.” She says. “A stress reliever.”

 

I was now at the door when she asked me, “Hey, what were you looking at that made you move forward?”

 

I didn’t say anything else. I just left. Maybe, I could help her by keeping distance.

 

But what was I looking at? There was a strange picture inside my mind.

 

[switch]

 

Surprisingly, my answer was easy to admit.

 

Somehow, his presence makes me feel happier and at ease. In a crowd, the first person I would always notice was him. That awkward way he walks; his imperfectly lined teeth, yet perfect smile; they all seemed to be brighter as the days pass. I like his company. He’s comfortable to be with. Even deep conversations with him don’t get boring at all.

 

I have never liked anyone like this before. Not even with Seth.

 

This is different.

 

“Actually...” I began. “I’m not sure if I like him as a friend or as a guy. But I do like him.” That wasn’t a safe answer. That was an honest answer.

 

“Ah...” Natalie nodded. “Though, I don’t quite get what you mean though.”

 

“Me neither.” Seth says. “When I like a person, and when I finally admit that to myself, I do know I like that person.”

 

“Is that so...” I thought for a moment. “I’m just not sure though... what kind of ‘like’ I’m actually feeling right now.”

 

“Ah, sou.” Seth puts his chopsticks down. “Listen you,”

 

“Nande?”

 

“If he’s someone you can feel that you like him above all the other guys, then you definitely like him as a guy, and not just as a friend.” He says.

 

“Nani? Soredemo Seth-kun... There are guys I feel that they’re above all the other guys but I’ve never had doubts with how I feel towards them. They’re just friends and I was always sure of it.” I say.

 

“I think she’s in the denial stage.” Natalie says.

 

“EH?!”

 

“Ah, mochiron.” Seth scratches his chin. “One of these days, if something big happens she’ll definitely come crying to someone and admit that she has fallen for that guy.”

 

“NANI?! B-BAKA! Muri, muri, muri! Masaka!” I suddenly felt that I was overly defensive. I felt so embarrassed. I just can’t sort out my feelings right now. How can they be so sure that that’s how I exactly feel towards Alexus? They’re not even in my shoes!

 

Come to think of it, those two had more experience about love compared to me.

 

After dinner, we parted ways. I was on my way back to the residence now. My friends are still probably on karaoke night. But I’m getting sleepy due to a full stomach. So, I decided to go home.

 

Just as I passed by the plaza, the fountain was lit with different colors. It was like a liquid fireworks display. Strangely, my thoughts fell back to that time Alexus carried me on his shoulder so I could see the performance of our college for mass demo. I felt my heart race.

 

I shook my head. I feel ridiculous right now.

 

“Arin.”

 

Now I’m having delusions. I’m hearing his voice inside my head.

 

“Oy.”

 

This is Natalie’s fault.

 

“Oy, Arin.”

 

If she didn’t talk about it, I wouldn’t have these weird thoughts!

 

“Oooyy, Arin!”

 

I’m about to go crazy here! Yamete! Imaginary Alexus!

 

All of a sudden someone grabs me by the shoulders. Now I’m face to face with him!

 

“N-Naniiii?!! Go away! Waaah!” I closed my eyes.

 

“BAKA.” He flicked on my forehead.

 

“Ah! Nande?!” I opened my eyes. He’s the real deal this time?

 

“What were you doing, spacing out all of a sudden?” He put both hands inside his pockets.

 

“It was nothing.” I say quietly.

 

He sighed. “Have you eaten dinner yet?”
 

“Yeah, I did.” I answer. Right now, it feels awkward. I don’t know but, I feel like he feels just as awkward as I am.

 

“I haven’t eaten yet.” He says. “Wanna go to the park right now?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You know, the park where we talked about your crazy embarrassing past.” He chuckled. But it seemed a bit off.

 

“What about your dinner?”

 

“I’ll pass tonight.” He says. “I’m not hungry anyway. Ikuso.”

 

“Ah, chotto!” He walks too fast! I had to run to catch up with him.

~~

 

When we reached the center of the park, no one was there. The lights were up. If it were a date, it would’ve been romantic. But right now, I don’t think I’m comfortable enough to talk about romance when I’m feeling really uncomfortable.

 

We sat under the tree. Last year, we sat under the same tree. Back then, what was it actually?

 

We were just friends, classmates.

 

But now, where do we exactly stand?

 

He opened his backpack and took out a plastic bag. Then from that plastic bag, he took out a sandwich and a bottle of MoguMogu. Looks like that’s what he’ll have for dinner. At least he wont skip his dinner.

 

“Tomorrow is church day.” He says while munching on his sandwich.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Wanna go together?” He asks.

 

I look at him. “Dont we always go to church together?” I smiled at him.

 

“Yeah, only just recently when we started talking.” He laughs. “I really did think you hated me.”

 

“I already told you about that.” I laughed too.

 

All of a sudden he leaned on me—shoulder to shoulder. When I turned to look at him, he was looking back at me. Then he asked in a serious tone, “Does being this close makes you uncomfortable?”

 

I looked away. “It doesn’t. But you sound really weird.” I answer quietly.

 

“You shouldn’t let your guard down on me, you know.” He says, still sounding serious.

 

“Anosan. Urusai.” I told him. “If you do something stupid, you will regret it, you know. The Almighty Father is watching.” I add. Just he dare try. He’ll definitely receive punishment.

 

“You’re right. But what if, just what if...”

 

“Hey, baka. Do you want me to beat you up?” I say.

 

“I’m a guy. How are going to beat me up?” He laughed.

 

“Anosan. Even though I’m a girl, I can give you a really bad black eye and if I become defensive you’ll definitely regret it—you, and your bones and joints. So watch it.” When I was in elementary, my grandfather had me learn kendo and judo. We have a dojo in our house. An instructor comes twice a week to give me sessions. If he doesn’t want to be beaten up by a girl he should really watch out for me.

 

He laughed again. “Right.” He says. “Dani mentioned to me once that you know something about martial arts.”

 

“I learned judo when I was ten.” I told him.

 

“Really? Then whoever will become your boyfriend will feel really safe with you.” He takes a swig from his bottle of MoguMogu.

 

“Hah? That’s very humble. But most guys would feel insulted if their girl is stronger than them.” I say. Lester actually dislikes it.

 

“Yes. I do dislike that. It hurts my pride as a man.” He says. “But if it’s you, it’s actually interesting.”

 

Normally I would just roll my eyes at that statement. But it feels so weird, coming from him. So I didn’t realize it, but I gaped at him. He suddenly leaned in close which surprised me. But he laughed heartily and ruffled my hair.

 

“Ah, I don’t know how to take that back now.” He muttered. I heard it, despite all that sandwich in his mouth.

 

“Take back what?” I ask, looking away and hugging my knees closer to my chest.  “Why are you getting quiet now?”

 

I sneaked a peek towards his direction.

 

[SNIP]