Over the next few weeks, I grew increasingly more paranoid.

I couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving me. You were the only one I had. As the nights went by, more and more memories resurfaced. Within two weeks, I remembered everything.

I wished I didn’t.

I dreamed of fire. I dreamed of smoke. I dreamed of Jieun. I saw red and orange and gold. I smelled smoke. I saw Jieun's brown eyes reflecting the flames. I saw Jieun reaching out a little hand.

I heard Jieun screaming.

Jieun would’ve been 18. She would’ve been 22 now.

She’ll never go to 1st grade. She’ll never go to middle school. She’ll never go to high school, to college, to graduate school She’ll never go to prom. She’ll never cry because of backstabbing friends. She’ll never get her heart broken. She’ll never fall in love. She’ll never get married. She’ll never laugh with her friends again. She’ll never laugh again. She’ll never smile again.

I’ll never see her again.

I stopped you from going out. I made you give me a copy of your schedule. I called you right after class. I made sure I knew where you were. Eventually, I didn’t let you out of the dorm.

I’m sorry. I was so afraid that you’d leave me like Dad did.

I wouldn’t have been able to stand you leaving.

You changed your phone number after that, and