Call Me JB Hyung: Epilogue Chapter 12

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Just like I thought the trip to Japan would be like, it was exactly that and even more.

 

We woke up early and around the same time the next morning, our last day of our visit to Japan, all feeling just a little down.

 

So we once again used the hot springs before leaving the inn, staying until the last possible minute.

 

As planned we went to more temples and visited the tourist sites of Gunma, and then we drove to Mark hyung’s bungee jumping location.

 

Me, Jackson and Jr hyung stayed behind as the other six decided they really wanted to bungee jump.

 

The three of us stood and waited for almost an hour before they were ready to go. I watched JB hyung jump from the sky, a string attached to his back that bounced up and down before it stopped, leaving him hanging in the air.

 

Not only was my heart was racing watching him, but I was also really worried.

 

He wouldn’t listen when I told him again not to do it.

 

He was the third one to jump and when he finally got down and they took the equipment off him he smiled wide as he walked towards me.

 

“That was great! Did you take pictures?” he asked.

 

I showed him my camera and he went through it, laughing and showing the others.

 

“Are you okay? How's your back? Not in pain?” I nudged his arm.

 

“I’m fine.” he smiled at me.

 

“You had fun?” I asked.

 

He nodded.

 

I couldn't help but suddenly think that he resembled a child right at that moment.

 

We waited for the others to go before finally we could leave. I couldn't even look at the other jumpers without feeling jumpy. It was so scary to even watch.

 

“Next time go with me.” JB hyung tried to convince me as we walked towards the car with the others.

 

“I won’t.” I said.

 

He laughed, teasing me about how scared I was.

 

After a while of his teasing, I agreed.

 

I promised on his birthday as a present. He made me repeat it in front of everyone so I wouldn’t back down. I regretted saying I would as soon as I said it.

 

After walking around some more, and finding some place to eat, we finally left the town of Gunma: refreshed, happy, and full. Not even the cold could ruin it.

 

We made our back to Tokyo, where we spent the rest of the day at Jun and Jinyoung hyung's apartment as they went to pick up Emi.

 

We spent the rest of the time with them, playing with Emi and going to watch a movie, all ten of us.

 

I didn’t want to leave, just like I didn’t want to leave a year ago when I visited by myself, but we had to go to Thailand. BamBam wouldn't let us forget.

 

So we went to sleep early and woke up early the next morning to catch our flight to Thailand.

 

As we drove to the airport, I spent time playing more with Emi who was still sick. And when we arrived at the airport, there was a period of hugging and promising more dolls next time before the three left and we checked in.

 

“What are our plans for Thailand.” Jr hyung asked.

 

We were sitting around the gate, waiting for our flight.

 

“Remember my aunt? The one in Korea?” BamBam said.

 

We nodded.

 

“She went back to live in Thailand. She lives in Chiangmai now. The northern region. My mom wants to show us around Bangkok first, then we can spend our last day with her.” he said.

 

“That sounds nice. It’s going to be hot right?” Jr hyung asked.

 

“Yeah.” BamBam laughed. "Not very hot, but it's still a little hot."

 

I chuckled as I listened to his words that didn't make sense.

 

"What are you saying? It's hot there." I said loudly.

 

“That's good. It’s so cold in Japan.” Mark hyung suddenly said.

 

“Just like Korea.” JB hyung added.

 

“That’s true.” Mark nodded. "So let's enjoy the heat while we have it."

 

I chuckled.

 

We didn’t sit for a long time, but it felt like a long time before we were able to board the plane.

 

On our way to Thailand.

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We landed in Bangkok, where BamBam’s mom picked us up just like she did when I visited a year ago.

 

She wanted us to stay at her house as well, but BamBam already has siblings and there were seven of us, so after convincing her, only me, Jaebum hyuhg, Jr and Mark hyung booked a hotel.

 

As soon as we put our stuff down, BamBam’s mom took us to her restraunt, where we ate until we couldn't move.

 

I rememebred that not only is Thai food spicy, but it's very good.

 

The first day in Bangkok we went to sleep as soon as we left the restraunt.

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Something woke me up the next morning, something that wasn’t the shaking of my shoulder or the sound of JB hyung’s voice. It wasn’t the sound of anyones voice.

 

It was the sound of honking cars outside.

 

Surprisingly it didn't wake up JB hyung.

 

I stayed in bed for a long time after I woke up, staring at the ceiling before I finally got up, glancing at the sleeping form next to me who had one arm and one leg over my body.

 

The same sleeping habit from the beginning.

 

The sleeping form that was JB hyung.

 

He had the covers over his head.

 

I stared at him for a little while, picked up my phone, and fell back onto the bed.

 

Not another minute passed before I suddenly got a call.

 

From my sister.

 

Quickly I got up, getting out of bed and rushing into the bathroom where I missed the call, but stared at my phone, my heart beating slightly fast.

 

I decided to try to call her back.

 

She picked up right after the second ring.

 

“Youngjae.”

 

“Noona.” I said loudly.

 

“Youngjae. How are you doing? You’re still in Japan?” she asked.

 

“Not anymore. We’re already in Thailand right now. We just arrived yesterday.” I replied.

 

“Ahh...” she went quiet.

 

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

 

“How is Jaebum?” she suddenly asked.

 

My heart started beating faster.

 

“Youngjae?”

 

“He’s sleeping. He’s fine.” I replied. “Is mom making you do this?” I asked.

 

She went quiet.

 

“No...dad is in the hospital righ now.” she suddenly said.

 

“What? Dad? What are you talking about? He’s in the hospital?” I asked.

 

"Yeah..."

 

Panicking I opened the door to the bathroom and quickly walked to my bag.

 

“Why is he? I’ll come back right now. I’ll-“

 

“Youngjae-ah. Hey, Youngjae.” she quickly interrupted me.

 

“He’s sick? What happened?” I asked.

 

“Calm down.” she said.

 

“Who’s sick?”

 

I glanced at the bed and JB hyung was sitting up, his hair sticking up in strange angles as he squinted at me.

 

“Ah-I’m sorry...for waking you...” I got up to walk away.

 

“Hey.”

 

I stopped.

 

“Youngjae.” my sister called me.

 

“What happened?” I asked again, walking to the bed and sitting down.

 

“It’s nothing serious. He just overworked himself. He’s getting out today. I just wanted to let you know.” she said.

 

I was still worried.

 

“You’re with him?” I asked.

 

“He's sleeping. Mom is here.” she replied.

 

Staring hard at the floor I sighed.

 

“Can I talk to her?” I asked.

 

There was a moment of silence. I heard voices as if they were far away - as if they were yelling.

 

Then my sister was on the phone once again.

 

“Youngjae.” she called me.

 

“Yes?”

 

“She’s...busy right now.” she lied.

 

I kept silent.

 

“She doesn’t want to talk to me?“ I asked.

 

“I didn’t say that-“

 

“It’s ok. I know.” I stopped her. “Dad is okay?” I asked again.

 

“He's ok. He just needs a little more rest and he will be fine.” she said. “How’s Thailand?” she asked.

 

“We just arrived yesterday.” I replied.

 

“Right...” she mumbled.

 

Once again I heard that far away talking.

 

“Noona?” I called her but she didn’t reply.

 

I tried again and again but it sounded more like she was arguing with someone now.

 

I glanced at JB hyung. He looked tired as he squinted at me, his hand now in his hair as he waited for me to finish talking on the phone.

 

“Noona...we're going to adopt.”

 

I talked before I could think, staring wide eyed at JB hyung as he stared back at me surprised himself.

 

A long silence passed.

 

“Are you still there?” I asked.

 

“In Thailand?” my sister suddenly asked.

 

I couldn't hear the far away voices anymore.

 

“Are you fighting with mom?” I asked.

 

“No.” she lied again. “You and Jaebum are going to adopt?” she asked.

 

“We want to...” I mumnled, once again glancing at JB hyung. He looked more awake now.

 

“You’ve talked about it?” my sister asked.

 

“Yeah...” I mumbled a reply.

 

“I would have never imagined you...” she paused.

 

“Adopting?” I asked.

 

“Even talking about having children.” she replied, chuckling.

 

“There are a lot of things I want now.” I smiled.

 

“For Jaebum?” she suddenly asked.

 

“No...not for him...but with him.” I glanced at JB hyung again.

 

He looked really awake, patiently waiting for me to get off the phone.

 

“Is he still asleep?” my sister asked.

 

“He’s awake.”

 

“Can I talke to him?” she asked.

 

I stared at JB hyung.

 

“Hello? Youngjae-ah? Are you still there?”

 

“I don’t know...” I mumbled. “...he still looks tired.”

 

Suddenly JB hyung held of his hand. I looked at it and he motioned for the phone.

 

“She wants to talk to you.” I said, looking up at him.

 

I handed him my phone and he began talking. I sat listening to him for a few moments before deciding I should get ready for the day.

 

Unlike my parents, I knew my sister wouldn’t say anything bad to him.

 

He was still on the phone when I returned, glancing at me as I found something to wear.

 

“What are you talking about?” I asked, sitting on the bed.

 

“He's back. Yeah. Yes. Thank you. Yeah. I know....”

 

All this time I was staring at JB hyung.

 

What is he saying yes to? Why is he thanking her? What are they talking about?

 

“Do you want to talk to him?” he suddenly said.

 

He stared at me as I reached for the phone.

 

“No?” he said.

 

I stared, confused.

 

“Ok. That’s true. I’ll tell him.” he said.

 

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

 

“I’ll talk to you soon too. Thanks. Bye.” he said.

 

He hung up the phone as I stared at him, my hand still in the air as he put my phone in my palm.

 

“She said your dad is okay, and not to worry. She wants to see you when you get back. We can go to Mokpo together.” he said.

 

I watched him get up, stretching wide and trying to push down his hair.

 

“What did you talk about for so long?” I stared at my phone.

 

“Nothing much.” he replied. “Hey, Youngjae-ah.”

 

“Huh?” I stared at him.

 

“Youngbum...”

 

I continued staring at him.

 

“I want to meet him.” he said.

 

“You want to go?” I asked.

 

He nodded.

 

“Why suddenly?” I asked.

 

“Because you care about him.” he replied.

 

It made my heart skip a beat.

 

“Y...you...” I mumbled.

 

“I want to meet him. I want to go there and see him. We’ll go today.” he said.

 

“Today?” I was surprised. “All of a sudden? Do you want me to call BamBam?” I asked.

 

“There’s someone that speaks Korean there right?” he asked.

 

I nodded.

 

“I’ll get ready. We’ll go to the store and buy some presents first. How many kids are there? You said around 200? Let's get something they can all use.”

 

“W-wait.” I quickly stopped him.

 

He looked at me.

 

“What...are you saying all of a sudden?” I asked.

 

“What?” he stared at me.

 

“Why do you suddenly want to go there right now? Does it have to do with my sister?”

 

“What are you talking about?” he asked.

 

We stared at each other.

 

“I want to see him.” he said again before he dissaapeared into the bathroom. I listened to the sound of the shower as I stared down at my phone, my heart beating fast.

 

When he returned he got dressed, not saying a word.

 

I stared down at my phone again, waiting for BamBam to reply my message asking where the orphanage was and how we could get there without him.

 

“How many times did you see him?” JB hyung suddenly asked.

 

“Huh?” I looked at him.

 

“Did you go see him with the thought of adopting? Even at that time?” he asked.

 

“We volunteered there. I told you already I don't remember exactly why I noticed him. I think maybe because he could say small words of Korean. I was surprised he could understand me a little. One of the workers said they taught him...because of his mom...every time I went to volunteer he would rush to me and hug my leg. He didn’t even want the presents I brought him.” I laughed, remembering Youngbum.

 

I glanced at him and he was staring at me.

 

"Guess why I call him Youngbum."

 

I watched him start laughing.

 

"It's obvious. Young from Youngjae. Bum from Jaebum." he smirked.

 

I laughed and nodded.

 

"That's right Jaebum hyung."

 

"Hey..." 

 

I laughed as he reached for me.

 

“You love him.” he suddenly said.

 

“What?”

 

“You really like him. I can see it.” he said.

 

I didn’t know what to say.

 

“Do you know how to get there?” he asked.

 

“I tried sending a message to BamBam.” I lifted my phone. “I think they’re still asleep.”

 

“They’re not.” he suddenly said.

 

I watched him pick up his phone and call BamNam. There was an answer, and he asked where the orphanage was.

 

“Phayathai babies home.” JB hyung said, looking at me. “He wants us to say the name in Thai to the taxi driver.” he said.

 

I nodded.

 

“What’s with you? You don’t want to go see him?” he asked me.

 

“What? I do. It’s just...” I paused, looking away. “I told him I would come back soon, but it’s already been a whole year. I wonder if he remembers me.”

 

“He does.” he stared hard at me.

 

“Huh?” I stared back at him.

 

“BamBam said his mom visited him. She also helps pay for his medical bills.”

 

“Because of his condition. He has a weak body.” I nodded, remembering that most of the time Youngbum could barely move from bed when I went to see him. At that time he didn't have proper medical care.

 

“Let’s go see him." JB hyung said.

 

Suddenly I was being pulled up.

 

We first went to the department store, and after getting lost more than once, we called BamBam. After we bought the toys and food with BamBam's help, we finally called a taxi.

 

Once in the taxi it was hard trying to make the taxi driver understand us, so once again we called BamBam and had him stay on the phone until we arrived.

 

My heart started beating fast as we stood in front of the orphanage, watching the taxi drive away.

 

“Maybe he won’t remember me...” I mumbled nervously.

 

“Even if he doesn’t he’ll be happy to see you.” JB hyung said.

 

“How do you know?” I looked at him.

 

“Who wouldn’t be happy to see you.” he smirked at me and I hit his shoulder as he laughed.

 

My heart continued beating fast as we entered the orphanage and as soon as the workers saw us they greeted us.

 

I saw the famimiar Thai woman who spoke Korean from years ago and greeted her. Surprisingly she recognized me, greeting me happily.

 

“How are you?” she asked, smiling wide.

 

“I’m fine.” I smiled. “You remember.”

 

“You’re Somchai’s brother. You named him Youngbum.” she said. “From 2 years ago.” she added.

 

I smiled and nodded.

 

“How is he?” I asked.

 

“He’s fine. He’s fine. Because you send him money right? He still says he wants to see his brother again. He will be happy to see you.” she held my hand with a big smile on her face. “I will go call him.”

 

At this time the other kids surrounded us and after handing out the toys they hugged us one by one.

 

The food went to the workers and I held Youngbum's things tightly in my shoulder bag.

 

“Let’s wash our hands first. We should have done it when we walked in.” I motioned for JB hyung and he followed.

 

He looked amazed as he looked around, like he’s never seen so many kids before.

 

“Some of them are really sick. More sick than Youngbum. Some need proper medical attention. The orphanage uses part of the donation money and government assistance to take care of them.”

 

“Their parents?” JB hyung asked.

 

“Some are abandoned like Youngbum, some are left here until their parents overcome difficulties, some are found wandering the streets.” I looked at him.

 

He looked really concerned.

 

We washed our hands and walked back to the main room.

 

“You’ll have fun here. I still remember the last time I was-“

 

“Hyung!”

 

Small arms suddenly wrapped around me and I turned around to see a full head of black straight hair, similar to JB hyung’s.

 

I laughed loudly as Youngbum held onto me tightly.

 

He said a few words in Thai as I rubbed his head.

 

“He’s saying he missed you.” the worker from earlier translated for me.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I continued rubbing Youngbum's head, noticing JB hyung talking to the worker, but being too focused on the little boy who held onto me tightly.

 

“I have presents for you Youngbum-ah.” I tried pulling his arms from around me but he wouldn’t let go.

 

“I won’t go. Don’t you want presents?” I asked.

 

He was shaking.

 

“Come on. Don’t do this.” I smiled lightly and managed to pull his arms from around me, picking him up after.

 

He wrapped his arms around my neck.

 

“I missed you too.” I laughed.

 

“He hasn’t had his meal yet. He just woke up.” the worker said.

 

“Youngbum-ah...don’t you want to eat?” I glanced at JB hyung playing with some of the other kids. “..let’s go eat.”

 

I followed the translator as she took us to where Youngbum's food was already prepared. After consoling him and rubbing his hair, he finally ate. All while holding my hand.

 

“They’re so lively.”

 

JB hyung came back after what seemed like a long time as I helped Youngbum eat his food.

 

“They know how to have fun.” he laughed loudly, sitting on the other side of Youngbum.

 

“Who...this?” Youngbum pointed to JB hyung, holding my arm tightly as he moved closer to me.

 

“That's right I didn’t introduce you yet." I looked down at him. "This is Jaebum. Im Jaebum. He came with me to see you.” I said, pointing to JB hyung who suddenly looked shy. Like he didn’t know what to do. Even if he was just playing with the other kids normally a few minutes ago.

 

Youngbum just stared up at me.

 

"Jaebum hyung. Jae...bum..." I pointed to JB hyung again and finally Youngbum looked at him.

 

“Hi...” JB hyung mumbled.

 

Youngbum stared at him.

 

"Jae...bum hyung..." JB hyung pointed at himself.

 

Youngbum continued to stare at him for just a little more before he suddenly smiled.

 

“Hi!” he yelled.

 

I smiled at the both of them.

 

“You two look similar.”

 

I turned to the translator sitting next to us as she pointed at Jaebum and Youngbum

 

“I think so too. He has your silky straight hair.” I touched JB hyung's hair, laughing as he glared at me.

 

They were both shy, not really talking much to each other after Youngbum said hi.

 

“Youngbum-ah, Jaebum hyung bought you a lot presents. Don’t you want to see?” I lifted my bag and gave it to JB hyung, turning Youngbum so he was facing him.

 

JB hyung looked awkward as he took out the presents and clothes.

 

I watched them try to get to know each other, smiling when Youngbum finally did break down his wall and sit on JB hyung's lap.

 

“How’s his health?” I turned around and asked the translator sitting near us.

 

“It’s better. Only if he does a lot of running around then he becomes very tired. He doesn’t have a big sickness like some of the other kids. He only needs food and rest.” she said. “Low blood pressure only.”

 

“He’s getting better?” I smiled.

 

“Because you care for him and send him money for hospital.” she said.

 

“You’ve been sending money?” JB hyung suddenly asked.

 

Youngbum was sitting in between us again, looking closely at his toys.

 

“Yes." I looked at him. "Because Youngbum needs to go to the hospital to check his health every month. I send the money to BamBam’s mom and she brings it and checks up on him for me.”

 

“You’ve been thinking about him for a long time. Why didn’t you tell me?” JB hyung asked.

 

“It’s not that I didn't tell you...” I mumbled, looking away from him.

 

“There were a lot of things going on then. We weren’t together and I was trying to find a place to move to. There were a lot of things going on.” I repeated.

 

I knew he wanted to know more, especially since I didn't really make sense with what I said. But he said nothing more. For the moment he didn’t ask anything else.

 

We stayed at the orphanage the whole morning, not only playing with Youngbum, but playing with the other children as well.

 

Even so, I noticed JB hyung getting as attached to Youngbum as I did when I first volunteered.

 

It was when it came time for us to leave that I remember exactly why it was so hard for me the last time.

 

Youngbum held onto me tightly and cried so much that I almost didn’t leave. If it wasn’t for JB hyung with me I wouldn’t have left. After picking up Youngbum and rubbing his hair, telling him we would come back and not to cry, I was able to slip away out of the building.

 

JB hyung came not long after as I stood outside the orphanage, staring at the entrance.

 

“He really loves you.” JB hyung suddenly said.

 

He stood next to me, also staring at the entrance.

 

“I want to stay longer.” I mumnled.

 

“We’ll come back. We have to meet the others and then get something to eat. We can come back after that.” he said.

 

I looked at him and he nodded.

 

So we left with the intention of coming back later, just like JB hyung said he told Youngbum.

 

We met the guys at BamBam’s house and his siblings decided that we should all go to the orphanage. That the more volunteers the better. We agreed.

 

So we ate at the restraunt, then BamBam showed us around a little before we went to the orphanage where it took a lot of rubbing of the hair and apologising for Youngbum to forgive me and JB hyung for leaving him.

 

It wasn’t surprising to me when we returned to our hotel very late that night and JB hyung pulled me to sit down on the bed, staring at me.

 

“He's nice.” he said.

 

“And cute.” I added.

 

“His health isn’t so bad.”

 

“Only when he overworked himself. His body is still a little weak.” I said.

 

“Youngjae.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“You want him?” JB hyung suddenly asked.

 

“I...don’t want to leave him.” I said.

 

“You should have told me more a long time ago.” he said.

 

“We can’t adopt him.” I stared at him.

 

“What? Why?” he asked.

 

“Can we?” I asked, a little unsure myself. Even with all the research I've done on the orphanage.

 

JB hyung didn’t say anything.

 

For the rest of the night we talked about Youngbum and the other kids. We talked about orphanages and volunteering. We talked about the little we know about the parents who had no choice but to abandon their children.

 

We talked until we fell asleep.

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When we planned our trip to Thailand, there were many places that BamBam planned for us to go. We planned to visit a lot of places.

 

Even if I planned to visit the orphanage, I didn’t think I would spend almost every day there.

 

While the others are traveling around Bangkok, me and JB hyung have been stuck at the orphange with the kids and Youngbum, unable to leave and not come back.

 

Even when I told him he didn’t have to stay with me, JB hyung stayed with me anyway.

 

While I felt bad that I was missing the trip with the guys, I was also very happy that JB hyung wanted to spend more time with Youngbum before we had to leave.

 

I was glad that he liked Youngbum.

 

And I was regretting when I once again had to leave.

 

Maybe the guys saw this, because even though we missed the places BamBam planned for us to go, they urged us to go see our 'son'. They called Youngbum our son and joked that if I didn’t go see my son, I would be sad and they didn’t want to take me around if I’m not laughing loudly.

 

BamBam urged me more because he’s known about Youngbum for a longer time, along with Yugyeom.

 

It’s not so much that I kept Youngbum a secret, but I guess not having to think about something makes it easier to not feel sad.

 

When I left Thailand with BamBam and Yugyeom, I left promising Youngbum I would come visit him soon.

 

I planned to visit.

 

Actually, I never had the thought of adopting Youngbum. Instead, I always thought of him as a younger brother because he became so attached to me during my trip and he called me hyung.

 

All this time I regretted not being able to visit like I promised.

 

It was only around the time me and JB hyuhg started talking about adopting that I began thinking of Youngbum as more than just a younger brother.

 

I brought him up only once to JB hyung, but not in so much detail that he would think I considered him as someone that I would like to be a father to. If I could be.

 

When we talked about it, and even now, I still wonder if I’m fit to be a father.

 

I know JB hyung is, but am I?

 

I’ve had this thought lingering in my mind all this time, so it didn’t surprise me when we came back from the orphanage on our fourth day in Thailand and JB hyung pushed me to sit down on the bed just like he recently does when he wants to talk aout something important.

 

I watched as he pulled out the desk chair and sat in front of me.

 

It didn’t surprise me, but I also didn’t know what he wanted to talk about. For a while I stared at him as he stared at me.

 

“Wh...What?” I finally chuckled, a little nervous. I couldn't tell what he was thinking at all.

 

“You’re thinking about something.” he suddenly said.

 

I continued staring at him in confusion.

 

“What...?” I mumbled.

 

“I don’t know what. You tell me.” he said, taking his hat off to run his hand through his hair.

 

He sighed and stared at me once again.

 

“It’s about Youngbum. I can tell that.” he said.

 

My heart skipped a beat at that.

 

Just how well JB hyung has managed to read me is something that will always surprise me.

 

“You don’t want to talk about it?” he asked.

 

And also giving me the choice of talking to him about problems when I’m ready. There are very small things that we seemed to have such a hard time doing back then. Maybe because we were young, but now it’s so easy for us.

 

We barely had any fights or argued back then, and I’ve always thought it’s because it was hard for the both of us to completely relax and let go when we were together. More hard for me. 

 

I was always very aware of JB hyung.

 

I was always trying to please him.

 

That’s because I thought that was the only way in a relationship. If I didn’t want us to fight, I just had to be...pleasing. So I couldn't completely relax and let go, always aware and trying not to make a mistake. It’s very much like the same stupid thought I had about me letting him go for a better life.

 

“We don’t have to talk about it now.” he said.

 

I looked at him.

 

“But it’s bothering you. I can tell.” he said.

 

“It’s about Youngbum.” I quickly said.

 

He nodded.

 

“Did it surpise you that I was sending him money?” I asked.

 

“It’s your money. You don’t have to tell me.” he replied.

 

“Right...” I nodded, smiling at the response I knew he was going to give.

 

“It’s just...” once again I looked at him. “...I always thought of him as a younger brother...before we started talking about adopting.”

 

He stared straight at me.

 

“It would be impossible to adopt right? Since it’s so hard...it would be hard for us. Just like Jinyoung hyung said...” I mumbled.

 

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

 

I looked away for a moment, playing with my fingers in nervousness.

 

“That I want him to be our son.” I finally said.

 

I let it out - and a long silence passed.

 

“That’s what you’re worried about?” JB hyung suddenly asked.

 

“Can we really be fathers? Can I really be a father?” I said out loud, not really asking him, but waiting for his response anyway.

 

“You're worried?” he asked. “Is it because you don’t want children?”

 

“I do. I want Youngbum." I replied looking at him. “But I’m worried if I can be a good father to him.”

 

He suddenly stood up and I watched as he walked to me, standing in front of me.

 

“You’re a good person now. That won’t change.” he said.

 

I stared up at him.

 

“I’ll be with you. You won’t be by yourself.” he continued.

 

I continued staring up at him.

 

“I also like Youngbum. They say he already resembles me and I’ve already grown to see him as a son.”

 

I couldn't look away as a hand went through my hair.

 

“Don’t worry about it Youngjae-ah. If you trust me, then don’t worry about anything.” he said.

 

It was a very serious moment, but his words made me want to giggle and smile in happiness.

 

“What does that mean?” I asked.

 

“It means...we both want Youngbum to be our son. So we will have a son. If it comes to the time where we are ready, then we will have our son.” he said something that was so serious yet so embarrassing that I pushed him back, getting up and trying to hide my face.

 

“I can’t imagine being a father. I can barely wake up on my own.” I chuckled, patting his shoulder.

 

“Did you forget? I’m always here to wake you and our son up.” he smirked.

 

I pushed him slightly and chuckled.

 

“There you go with your cheesiness.” I mumbled.

 

“And there you go with your embarrassment.” arms wrapped around me, hugging me from behind. I suddenly felt something soft and warm touch the back of my neck.

 

“Wh...What are you-“

 

When I tried to turn around he wouldn’t let me.

 

“Did you kiss me?” I asked.

 

He did it again.

 

“What...let me turn around.” I pouted.

 

He wouldn’t let me go.

 

“You’re so clingy.” I mumbled.

 

“Good.” he said.

 

I laughed loudly.

 

“So you won’t let me go?” I asked.

 

“I’ll let you go if you do something in return.” he replied.

 

“What?” I asked.

 

“I want a kiss, and those three words I love hearing but you hate saying.” he suddenly said.

 

“Who are you and what did you do to my Im Jaebum?" I joked.

 

He squeezed me tighter.

 

“Yours?” he whispered in my ear.

 

“Yes. Mine.” I said.

 

He suddenly turned me around. It surprised me.

 

“What are you doing?” I smirked just as he was smirking at me.

 

“You’re tempting me?” he suddenly asked.

 

“Maybe I’m seducing you.” I replied.

 

“Hey.” he pulled me closer and I laughed loudly as his fingers dug into my sides.

 

“Tickles...” I groaned.

 

“Your fault for seducing me.” he smirked at me and that familiar look appeared.

 

“Calm down:” I quickly said.

 

“After switching on the switch, you want to stop seducing me?” he teased.

 

“What switch? I didn’t switch anything on. Are you a light bulb? Hey, Jaebum-Im Jaebum!”

 

I was laying flat on my back on the bed, a wild JB hyung on top of me.

 

We kissed and I felt a hand slide under my shirt when there was a loud knock on the door and Jr and Jackson hyung’s voices.

 

“Ignore them.” JB hyung mumbled.

 

I didn’t mind ignoring them, but at the sound of Jackson hyung yelling out that they already heard us from earlier and knew we were in the room, I couldn't ignore them.

 

I quickly stopped JB hyung, pushing him back just slightly so I could look at him.

 

“Sorry...” I said, staring up at him.

 

He smirked and kissed me.

 

“Let’s open the door before Jackson breaks it.” he whispered in my ear.

 

I laughed loudly as he got up. I got up too, trying to fix my appearance so we wouldn’t get teased.

 

Even so, we got teased anyway. And then they both apologised for ruining our intimate time.

 

I just ignored them.

 

It turns out BamBam’s mom wanted us to come over to eat and since me and JB hyung skipped some of the trips, they wanted to ask if we wanted to go.

 

Exactly at that time they asked, JB hyung's stomach made a loud noise, and we decided to go.

________________________________________________________________________________

 

Only a day more to go before we leave and it’s still the same routine for me and JB hyung.

 

While we came to the trip to relax, it’s been more like we’ve been looking into Youngbum’s history and the orphanage.

 

We didn’t come to Thailand to adopt, but finding out more and more about being able to adopt has taken all of our attention away from enjoying the vacation.

 

When we go to the orphanage we play with Youngbum and talk to the workers at the same time. It’s the same when we return to the hotel, our computers in front of us as we research.

 

Like I’m currently doing.

 

Scrolling and reading I didn’t feel the presence of someone standing behind me, so when there was a sudden tap on my shoulder I jumped in surprise.

 

“Jaebum...”

 

He was leaning on the seat with his arms crossed, at first glancing at my computer screen before looking at me.

 

“You’re not going to shower?” he asked.

 

Even before I could reply I noticed how tired he looked. We came on the vacation to relax but instead we looked even more tired than when we arrived.

 

“Are you finished?” I asked, overlooking the towel in his hand.

 

“I finished hours ago.” he said.

 

“Ah...really?” I chuckled, scratching my scalp as I looked at him.

 

He stared back at me.

 

“Youngbum won’t go anywhere. Go shower...” he said.

 

"I will. I will." I said, yawning and stretching before I stood up, getting my things ready.

 

“You’re not going anywhere today are you?” JB hyung suddenly asked.

 

I stared at him, a little confused.

 

“I thought we were going to see Youngbum today. Why are you asking?” I replied with my own question.

 

“We have somehere to go later.” he said.

 

I continued looking at him, waiting for him to continue.

 

“BamBam’s mom wants us to come over tonight. She’s making dinner for us.” he said.

 

“Oh...” I stared.

 

“You have to come.” he suddenly said.

 

“I know. I know.” I laughed. “I want to come too.” I said.

 

“What about Youngbum?” he asked.

 

“We can always go see him now and come back later to get ready right?” I smiled.

 

“You’re spoiling him. Just like you spoil coco and the Nora’s.” he sighed.

 

“What? What are you talking about?” I laughed.

 

“Nothing. What did you buy him this time?” he asked.

 

“Nothing...” I lied, glancing at my bag full of stuff for Youngbum.

 

“Hey, Choi Youngjae-ah. You can’t keep spoiling our son like this.” he said.

 

Our son.

 

It surprised me as I stared at him. He didn’t say he made a mistake or correct himself, just stood there with his arms crossed as he stared hard at me.

 

“He’s...not being spoiled. He’s never had any of these before so I want him to be happy.” I smiled.

 

“He’s already happy just seeing you.” JB hyung said.

 

I continued staring at him.

 

For the past few days he’s really looked just a little more tired. I noticed it more yesterday night before we went to sleep.

 

“You look tired. Are you sure you want to go?” I asked.

 

Just like the kind of person he is, JB hyung has taken the time to attend some of the trips BamBam planned, and also visit the orphanage with me to see Youngbum.

 

Sometimes I’ll stay at the orphanage until the latest time I could and he would come back from a trip with the guys and come stay with me until Youngbum fell asleep.

 

He’s formed a bond with Youngbum in such a short amount of time that it surprises me every time I see them together, playing around with the other kids.

 

It surprises me every time he calls him our son, or mentions him to the guys.

 

“Of course I want to go. Are you ready?” he replied..

 

“Yeah...” I mumbled a reply, still a little worried.

 

“But first go take a shower.” he grabbed my shoulders and I laughed as he pushed me towards the bathroom.

 

“Do I stink?” I giggled as he shoved me into the bathroom.

 

“More than anything.” he replied.

 

I continued giggling as he closed the door.

 

I decided to take my time. I could feel how tired I really was once the water hit my back.

 

It’s not surprising that we fall asleep as soon as we get back from the orphanage. So we’ve skipped our night time showers.

 

Except yesterday JB hyuhg took a shower. I didn’t. That’s why since this morning, he's been pushing me to go shower.

 

When I stepped out of the shower almost an hour later, feeling better than I felt before I was pushed into the bathroom, JB hyung had taken my spot at the desk and continued my research on Youngbum’s orphanage.

 

He didn’t pay attention to me as I got dressed and ready, making sure I had all of Youngbum and the other children’s things. We always make sure to bring something for the others if we bring something for Youngbum.

 

And it makes me happy that they get so happy to see us.

 

“I’m finished.” I tapped on JB hyung’s arm.

 

He was too focused.

 

“Are you listening?” I leaned towards his ear and whispered.

 

It caught his attention because he turned to me and stared me up and down like he usually does.

 

I watched as he stared me up and down a couple of times before he suddenly grabbed a hold of my hand, staring at me.

 

“I smell better now right?” I laughed.

 

He nodded, still holding my hand and staring at me.

 

“What?” I chuckled.

 

He suddenly pulled me down and kissed me.

 

Ever since the night he let me have my way in Japan, and the night ruined when Jr and Jackson hyung came by, we haven’t really done anything else.

 

We’ve really only been focused on one thing, and that isn’t intimacy.

 

For the most part the only free time we have we use to sleep.

 

“So...Sorry.” I mumbled an apology.

 

“About what?” JB hyung asked. He had both palms on my cheeks, staring at me.

 

“I...don’t know...” I mumbled, looking away. “...that we haven’t spent any time along together.” I lowered my eyes.

 

He laughed and turned my head up slightly to kiss me again.

 

“You owe me.” he whispered into my ear and I shivered and pulled away, holding my ear because what he just did actually felt good.

 

“When we get back.” I repeated. “Calm down.” I pointed at him.

 

He just continued laughing, suddenly standing up.

 

“Wh...What?” I stared at him, my hands going up to keep a distance between us.

 

He looked at my hands now on his chest, and then up at me.

 

“Don’t. What...don’t suddenly have that look.” I mumbled, getting embarrassed.

 

He laughed and ran his hand through my hair.

 

“What...” I pulled away. “...I tried to style it today.” I mumnled.

 

He continued laughing.

 

“You really owe me.” he suddenly pulled one of my hands from his chest and kissed my cheek.

 

I thought he would kiss me on the lips, so I already had my eyes closed and my lips puckered.

 

When he started laughing I quickly opened my eyes, hitting his chest as I sighed and walked to my bag on the floor.

 

We made our way to the orphanage like planned, spending half of the day with Youngbum and the other kids.

 

Well...I spent half of the day.

 

JB hyung stayed with us for a few hours, but then he had to leave.

 

He left for almost two hours before suddenly returning. He didn’t say where he went, but I noticed that he was focused on his phone for the rest of our time at the orphanage.

 

And then it was time to go.

 

While Youngbum has calmed down a lot more when it's time for us to go, it still always makes me sad to leave him.

 

After saying goodbye, me and JB hyung left, promising to come tomorrow morning before we left Thailand.

 

We caught a taxi and made our way back to our hotel to get ready for the dinner at BamBam’s house.

 

“It would be nice if he could come...” I mumbled.

 

“Youngbum?” JB hyung asked.

 

“Yes...” I mumbled.

 

“It would be good.” he said.

 

I glanced at him, but he was looking out of the window.

 

I glanced at his hand and lifted it. He quickly looked at me.

 

“Are you okay?” I smiled.

 

“What? I’m fine. I’m okay.” he replied.

 

I rubbed his palm and played with his fingers.

 

We decided to take another shower, this time together. Where we did more than shower for a moment.

 

Just kissing and touching.

 

JB hyung didn’t wash his hair, but I washed mine to get the gel out. So it was when I was still in the bathroom drying my hair that he suddenly called my name, leaning against the side of the door.

 

“Hm?” I looked at him, noticing something very familiar yet not so familiar.

 

He was dressed very nicely, just like the first day I met him, the day of my graduation, the day of our dinner date in Japan, and when he came to my return from the army.

 

“What’s the occasion?” I quickly asked, staring at him from bottom to top. Like what he does to me.

 

He was wearing black dress pants and blue bottom down shirt. His hair was in a very formal style and he wasn’t wearing his piercings. His face was clear and he was wearing the watch I gave him.

 

“You’re dressed...” I paused.

 

“What?” he mumbled, folding his arms.

 

“Nothing.” I laughed. “I’m just wondering why you’re dressed so fancy.”

 

He didn’t say anything.

 

“Should I dress like you too? Who else is going to be there?” I chuckled.

 

“Jun and Jinyoung with Emi.” he suddenly said.

 

“What?” I stared at him, surprised.

 

“They arrived yesterday. They're going to come to the dinner and leave when we leave tomorrow.” he said.

 

I was too surprised that I didn’t know what to say.

 

“I didn’t get a message from them. It’s so sudden.” I said.

 

“It’s sudden for them too. They suddenly decided to come. They wanted to visit Chiangmai.” he said.

 

I stared at him. I haven’t seen him act strange in a long time, but right at this moment he was acting really strange, as if hiding something from me.

 

“Hey. Hurry. We have to go.” he suddenly said.

 

I watched him walk away, the thoughts of him acting strange quickly dissapearing as I hurried.

 

I decided to dress similar to him, but not so fancy because it was only just a dinner, and I didn’t bring any proper clothes.

 

I was fixing my hair when there was a loud knock on the door.

 

“Are you ready?” I heard Jr hyung’s voice as I hurried with trying to do something to my hair.

 

“What are you doing?” Mark hyung asked.

 

As soon as I saw them, I quickly noticed that they were also dressed very fancy. And I suddenly felt like I was left out of something.

 

“Did I miss something? Why is everyone dressed so nicely?” I asked.

 

“What nicely? We're dressed normally.” Jr hyung said.

 

“Are you trying to fix your hair?” Mark hyung pulled my hands away from my hair and started styling it himself. I didn’t complain.

 

“Is what I’m wearing okay? We’re only eating at BamBam’s house right?” I asked.

 

“Stop worrying. It’s ok.” Jr hyung replied.

 

I noticed JB hyung was missing.

 

“Where’s Jaebum hyung?” I asked.

 

“He just stepped out for a moment.” Jr hyung replied.

 

I stared at him.

 

“For what?” I asked.

 

“I don’t know. Come on. Stay still.”

 

Now Jr hyung was fixing my hair too. I stayed still as they both pulled at my hair, and then finally they were finished and JB hyung was back in the room.

 

“You ready to go?” he asked me.

 

“Yes.” I smiled, getting up. “How do I look?”

 

He stared at me for a long time.

 

“Jaebum-ah?” I waved my hand in front of him and he grabbed it and pulled it away, holding my hand.

 

“Wh..what?” I chuckled.

 

“You look fine.” he finally replied.

 

“Oh...thanks.” I chuckled.

 

He was definitely acting strange. But I figured I shouldn't think about it so much.

 

The four of us made our way to a taxi waiting outside for us, and I figured that the taxi was why JB hyung dissapeared for few moments earlier back in the room.

 

We didn’t talk at all the whole ride to BamBam’s house, but he stuck really close to me as soon as we got there and BamBam let us in.

 

“What took you so long?” Yugyeom asked.

 

“Spending time with their son.” Jr hyung said.

 

I smiled.

 

“Come on. The food is already done. We’ve been waiting for you guys.” Yugyeom said.

 

So we walked inside, where I had to quickly stop because I was greeted by two laughing children running towards me.

 

The first child being Emi, and then suddenly Youngbum.

 

I stared down at them, so surprised that I couldn't reply to their calls or Emi telling me to pick her up.

 

“What...” I stared up at the others.

 

“I guess they greeted you before we could.”

 

Jun and Jinyoung hyung walked towards me, also dressed like they were supposed to be going to a fancy party.

 

“He looks so confused.” BamBam laughed.

 

“Come on. Come sit. And close your mouth.” Jun suddenly grabbed my arm and I watched as Jinyoung hyung picked up Emi and JB hyung picked up Youngbum.

 

“What is going on?” I asked as Jun pulled me to where the others were sitting: in front of a table with so much food that I wondered if we could all finish it.

 

I quickly looked at JB hyung sitting next to me, but he didn't pay attention to me, instead focusing his attention on Youngbum.

 

“We thought we wouldn’t have much time, but we suddenly had time so we wanted to come see Thailand with you guys.” Jun suddenly said.

 

I stared at him, still confused.

 

“Don’t look so confused. Is it really surprising? Jaebum didn’t tell you?” Jinyoung hyung asked.

 

I looked at JB hyung again, and we caught eyes this time. I gave him the questioning look.

 

“I forgot until today.” he suddenly said.

 

“It doesn’t matter now. We’re here already. I get to spend another day with you all and even eat some Thailand food.” Jun hit my shoulder and I turned to look at him, chuckling and nodding, but still a little confused.

 

I was confused because I really didn’t know they were in Thailand. And I doubted that JB hyung would forget to tell me something so important.

 

“Why didn’t you call me?” I asked Jun.

 

“It’s no that we didn’t call you." he said. "We called Jaebum first and you were sleeping. Do you not want us to be here?”

 

“No. No. I’m just surprised. Youngbum too..” I stared at Youngbum, then at JB hyung, and then I noticed the translator worker from the orphanage.

 

“How did you-“

 

“That’s a secret...” Jun suddenly said.

 

I looked at him, then at JB hyung who was trying to avoid my eyes. At this point I knew something was going on. He was already acting strange on our way to the house.

 

“Let’s eat. The food will get cold.”

 

I looked at BamBam’s mom as everyone started eating.

 

Deciding if would be useless to sit in surprise, I began eating too. But I didn’t stop thinking about how Youngbum was sitting with us and when Jun and Jinyoung arrived without me knowing.

 

I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I asked again.

 

“How can Youngbum be here?” I asked Youngbum's translator this time.

 

She smiled and pointed at BamBam's mother.

 

I glanced at BamBam, then at his mom as she started speaking in Thai.

 

“It was hard and very last minute, but they were able to convince the others. Because we own a restraunt that’s widely known, and they know Youngbum likes you and you wouldn’t do anything to harm him. With permission and someone coming with him, he could come.” BamBam translated what she said.

 

I stared at him, then at his mom as I quickly stood up and bowed, thanking her.

 

“Sit. Sit. You care about that child. So it’s right you get to spend all the time with him.”

 

BamBam translated again and I couldn't help smiling.

 

“Thank you.” I mumbled again, glancing at Youngbum trying to talk to Emi as Emi spoke Japanese mixed with Korean.

 

I smiled at them, then looked around the room.

 

“Did something happen?” I asked, looking specifically at JB hyung.

 

The room was decorated. There weren’t a lot of decorations but I could tell it was slightly decorated.

 

“The decorations.” I pointed around the room.

 

“For your last day here tomorrow.” BamBam’s sister suddenly said.

 

I slowly nodded at her. I wasn’t confused or surprised anymore, but I still had a feeling that something was strange. They were all acting a little weird.

 

But I kept it to myself and continued eating, listening to everyone talking.

 

“Youngjae.”

 

I quickly lifted my head at the sound of my name. It was Jun hyung.

 

“Yeah?” I looked at him.

 

“When did you post this?” he pointed his phone screen at me and I leaned in.

 

It was a picture of JB hyuhg laying flat on his back on the floor with his legs crossed and his hands on his chest. Like an old man.

 

I remember exactly when I posted it. It was before we came on our trip.

 

“Hey.”

 

I turned to him, laughing as his arm suddenly went around my shoulders, his chin protruded out, and he pulled me close to him.

 

“When did you post it?” he asked.

 

“You know. You already know about it.” I continued laughing, trying to pull away.

 

He let me go and stared at me.

 

“I told you if you fell asleep I would post the picture on sns.” I laughed, pulling out my phone and searching for the photo on my sns. “You forgot.”

 

I showed him the comment section.

 

He looked at my phone for a long time before pulling away.

 

“See...I posted it and you wrote if I acknowledged that I uploaded it right after I said I would and I replied...” I looked at him. “Yes, I acknowledge!” I said this in a cute voice and he smirked at me.

 

“Flirting...” Yugyeom suddenly teased.

 

I ignored him as I stared at JB hyung, waiting for his reaction.

 

“You have to give him a minute. It’s only your cutesy voice that can make his heart flutter you know.” Jr hyung suddenly said.

 

“What...” I glanced at him, then back at JB hyung.

 

He looked embarrassed.

 

“This old guy can't even remember that I posted this picture when he was with me.” I and smiled as he smirked at me.

 

“Old man?” he teased.

 

“Yes.” I replied laughing.

 

He pulled so close to me and for that moment I forgot where we were.

 

“I’ll show you who's old later at the hotel.” he suddenly whispered in my ear and I pushed him back, chuckling embarrassingly.

 

“Can someone get them a room? This can be your date or whatever but acknowledge that we're here too.” Jackson sudenly said.

 

I laughed, trying to stop JB hyung from trying to pull me in again. But just before that Youngbum grabbed his arm, saying he needed to use the bathroom.

 

I laughed loudly as JB hyung had no choice but to take him.

 

“Escaped that.” Jun laughed.

 

“Did you see his chin?” I joked.

 

“Hey, you want him to hear you?” he asked.

 

I laughed, holding my stomach.

 

When they returned suddenly Emi wanted to use the bathroom too, and Jun had to leave next.

 

“Youngjae.”

 

“Hm?” I looked at Jr hyung as he pointed to the side of his face.

 

“I thought I was the only one who could see it.” Mark suddenly laughed.

 

I stared at them as Jr hyung suddenly got up and reached over. He brushed my cheek and showed me a grain of rice.

 

“You eat like Youngbum.” he said.

 

“What...” I chuckled, I turned to JB hyung to tease that Jr hyung was picking on me when I noticed him already staring at me.

 

“Wh...What?” I laughed.

 

He was staring at my hand.

 

“Didn’t you just eat some of that? How about I get some too?” he suddenly said, pointing to my bowl.

 

I looked down at the chicken in my bowl and chuckled.

 

“Do you want it?” I laughed.

 

Suddenly there was a bright smile on his face. As if what I said made his heart skip a beat. I almost forgot that he really likes food.

 

“Ok. Ok. I understand. Here.” I laughed.

 

I picked up the chicken and put it in his bowl, watching as he smiled wide and ate.

 

“Thank you.” he said.

 

I smiled and nodded, patting his shoulder.

 

“So how long have you two known each other?”

 

I looked up at BamBam’s mom who was staring at me as BamBam translated. I almost thought she was talking to Jun and Jinyoung hyung.

 

I still couldn't get over how they were suddenlt with us in Thailand with Emi who was now playing with Youngbum.

 

“Me and Jaebum?” I asked.

 

She nodded.

 

"You know?" I asked, shocked.

 

She nodded.

 

"Do not worry. If you love each other than I support you." she said in Korean as if she practiced just to say it to me.

 

So many things happening in one night. I suddenly couldn't control my emotions at her words.

 

But then I thought..if BamBam was okay with it...then of course his mom wouldn't reject us.

 

“I still can’t get over it.” Yugyeom suddenly said.

 

I looked at him.

 

“That you only call him Jaebum now.” he said.

 

“Why is it so surprising?” JB hyung asked.

 

"Coming from the one who wouldn't let me call him without honorifics even if we're the same age." Jackson suddenly said.

 

"Hey.." JB hyung looked at him and I watched Jackson laughing as he patted his shoulder.

 

I looked at BamBam's mom, who was still waiting for my reply.

 

“We’ve known each other for...” I started counting on my hands.

 

“He has to count.” Jackson teased. “They’re practically married now mom. That shows how many years they’ve been together.”

 

BamBam translated and I watched his mom chuckle and nod.

 

“13 years.” Me and JB hyung said it at the same time.

 

“See?” Jackson said loudly as he laughed.

 

“You two are...together...very nice.” BamBam’s mom tried to speak Korean again and I smiled and thanked her.

 

If only she knew just how much her words were making me emotional inside.

 

“Also you two are already married?” she started talking to Jun and I sighed, listening to BamBam translate.

 

“Look at them playing...it’s like they’ve known each other since birth.” JB hyung suddenly nudged my shoulder and pointed to Emi and Youngbum. Even if Emi is older, and they have a language barrier, they looked like they were getting along well anyways.

 

“There's more food in the kithcen. Does anyone want some more?” BamBam’s mom suddenly stood up and walked away as BamBam explained that there was more food and she was going to get it.

 

“Will we be able to leave here tonight?” I laughed.

 

“Youngjae.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Don’t you know how to play the piano? Can you play something?” Jun suddenly asked.

 

“Right now?” I asked, chuckling.

 

“If you’re done eating. I haven't heard you play in a long time.” he said.

 

“Ok. I actually started writing a new song. Only Jaebum knows.” I smiled as I got up, walking to the piano in the corner of the room and sitting down in front of it.

 

“Piahno?” Suddenly Youngbum and Emi were sitting next to me, playing with the piano keys as I tried to teach them for a few moments.

 

“I’ll play a song.” I signaled to the both of them.

 

They stared at me and I laughed, cracking my fingers and sighing as I glanced at the others sitting around the eating table before turning back around and starting the song.

 

It’s something I’ve been working on for a long time.

 

I began composing it myself about a year ago before I reunited with JB hyung.

 

For most of the two years we were apart I spent a lot of time writing and composing songs.

 

“That’s beautiful.” I heard BamBam’s mom say in Korean and I couldn't help but to smile wide and thank her, closing my eyes and just letting my fingers move.

 

I was really into the music, my eyes closed as I moved my fingers lightly over the keyboards, hearing the sounds of encouragement behind me before it became quiet.

 

It was near the ending to the song as I slowed down my fingers and opened my eyes.

 

“I haven’t really worked out the ending...” I said, staring at my fingers.

 

All of a sudden there was a tap on my arm, just as I finished playing.

 

Youngbum pointed to the keyboards and I laughed and once again began starting to teach him and Emi.

 

“I’ll teach you a lot okay?” I said, moving Youngbum's fingers over the keyboards for him, and watching as he laughed and Emi clapped.

 

“Youngjae.”

 

“Hm?”

 

It was the sound of Jun hyung’s voice.

 

“Youngjae.”

 

This time it was the sound of JB hyung’s voice, and strangely enough it sounded like it was right behind me.

 

I slowly started turning around.

 

“Did you call m...”

 

And paused.

 

Not even fully turned around I could see JB hyung kneeling on one knee in front of me, looking up at me with an expression of love and sincerity. My heart skipped a beat just at the moment.

 

I completed the rest of the turn and looked down at him.

 

“What are you doing? Why are you on the floor?”

 

He just stared at me.

 

I glanced up and the others were all sitting, staring at us.

 

I suddenly felt like I missed something while I was turned around and paying attention to the kids.

 

“What are you...”

 

I stopped talking as JB hyung suddenly grabbed my hand, the one I was already busily rubbing out of nervousness because everyone was staring at us.

 

“Choi Youngjae.” JB hyung suddenly said my full name and at the moment I had a feeling that I knew what was going on.

 

Seeing it so many times on tv doesn’t mean it easier when it’s actually being done.

 

I was shaking from nervousness and surprise.

 

“Calm down...” JB hyung suddenly rubbed my palm, looking down at our hands before looking back up at me.

 

“Okay...” I mumbled a reply to his words to calm down.

 

“Choi Youngjae...” he said my name again.

 

It made my heart skip a beat.

 

“I’ve thought a lot about this day and what I would do.” he said.

 

I tried calming the loud beating of my heart. I couldn't move and I couldn't speak at all.

 

“I was so unsure of what to do that I had to ask others to figure out what you would like.” 

 

I stared.

 

“Youngjae...”

 

“Y...Yes?”

 

“We’ve known each other for exactly 13 years that’s right, even including the four years we spent apart. The two when I went to service, and the two we spent separated.” 

 

I felt him squeeze my hand and I looked down. He was still rubbing my palm to try to calm me down.

 

“We’ve been through a lot I can say that. There’s so many things that have happened between us. Us. Our relationship.” he said.

 

I slowly nodded.

 

“There are things that have made me mad at you, and there are things that have probably bothered you as well about me...” he paused. “...even so...until today we are still together, and my feelings haven’t changed at all despite everything that has happened.”

 

I nodded.

 

“You probably already know what this is so I won’t drag it out...” he said.

 

“Choi Youngjae. I don’t really want much from our relationship. Just the idea of being with you and spending time with you makes my world. I just want you to be okay and accepting of my feelings for you and of course for you to feel the same way about me.” he squeezed my hand again.

 

“I won’t lie and say I haven’t been insecure. Even if we're back together I still had doubts about it all. I’m telling you the truth now.” he stared hard at me.

 

“Even now I have this thought that I don’t know where the future will take us. I don’t know what will happen in the end, but still...I want to live to the end with you.”

 

My heart tightened, beating so fast.

 

“Youngjae-ah.” he said my name.

 

I stared back at him as hard as he was staring at me.

 

“I don’t want to be just your boyfriend. I want to be someone who will always be a part of your life. Someone you can depend on. Someone you can love. Someone you can grow old with.”

 

I didn’t realize my hands were shaking, but when I glanced down he was still rubbing my finger and playing with my hands.

 

I looked back up.

 

“Maybe I get jealous a lot.” he was looking at me so intensely. “But it made me realize just how much you’re the only one.”

 

I wanted to and ask if he was currently singing a song, but I couldn't move. I couldn't say anything, even as Youngbum held onto my arm so tightly, pulling me slightly.

 

I couldn't take my eyes away from the guy who was on one knee in front of me.

 

Is he going to give me my right back? 

 

I couldn't think of anything else at that moment. Because I knew him giving me my ring back would mean so much more than just me getting my old ring back.

 

“You’re probably already thinking about what I’m going to ask righ now, so I’ll ask it quickly.” he mumbled the last part.

 

“Youngjae.”

 

I couldn't stop staring.

 

“I love you.” he said.

 

My heart skipped a beat as he suddenly reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small black case.

 

“What...” I paused as he opened it.

 

There were two rings, the old one I gave back to him, and a new one that I didn’t recognize.

 

“Choi Youngjae...” JB hyung said my name once again and I couldn't help just sitting there, shaking in surprise and nervousness.

 

Without a thought, I quickly stood up. He looked surprised as I pulled him up with me.

 

My heart beating fast, my hands trembling, and the sweat pouring down the side of my head I looked straight at him.

 

“Yes.” I said.

 

He just stared at me.

 

“You’ll marry me?” he asked.

 

“Will you marry me?” I asked back.

 

“Yes.” he replied.

 

“Then let’s get married.” I chuckled and nodded as he pulled me into a tight hug. I could feel the sting in my eyes that I’ve beeen holding back for all the time he was kneeling and talking.

 

I could hear the cheers and congratulations from the others and could feel Youngbum hugging my leg, but I couldn't focus on anything other than the person who was hugging me tightly.

 

“Does that mean I'm really Im Youngjae now?” I whispered in his ear.

 

He chuckled, and suddenly kissed the side of my neck.

 

I was too into the moment to care about the shrieks from the guys.

 

“Yes, Im Youngjae.” JB hyung whispered into my ear and it was just like the moment in a drama where a love confession makes someone melt.

 

His voice only saying my name made me want to melt.

 

I didn’t want to pull away. I couldn't pull away. I just wanted to hug JB hyung forever.

 

And I did just that before we were pulled apart only to be pushed into an empty room without Youngbum.

 

I let out my tears then.

 

And JB hyung held me tightly, letting me cry without a word.

________________________________________________________________________________

 

Everything after that proposal was just a blur. Until this day I can only remember going out of the room and being congratulated one by one by the guys, Jun and Jinyoung hyung, BamBam’s family, even Youngbum congratulated me.

 

Although he didn’t know exactly what he was congratulating me for until much later.

 

I remember I tried hiding my tears, but they saw through me and I almost cried again, hugging BamBam's mom tightly as she congratulated me over and over.

 

There were a lot words, a lot exchanges, but I could only focus on Jaebum.

 

Until now I compliment him on his proposal. Not too flashy, but also not too shabby.

 

It didn’t surprise me when later Jun hyung told me it was the reason why he asked me all those questions about getting married back in Japan.

 

I left Korea with a boyfriend.

 

And when we returned, we were more than boyfriends.

 

We returned as husbands.

 

I returned with the only mindset of confronting my parents.

 

I told them I was married, and as they didn’t agree with me having a boyfriend, they despised me even more for marrying another man.

 

For another year or so I was disowned, although my mom gave up pretty soon enough, right after we finally completed the last steps of adopting Youngbum.

 

It was also around the time we held a ceremony.

 

After so many trials and hardships, with the help of BamBam’s mom, Jun and Jinyoung hyung, and the others we met at the orphanage, soon Youngbum was a Choi-Im.

 

Or Im-Choi.

 

He finally became our son legally as we moved to Thailand in the end. With the help of BamBam, JB hyung found a job at a entertainment company, and there were many music therapy opportunities for me.

 

But we were finally able to be with our son.

 

I cried that day too.

 

JB hyung joked that the older I got, the more teary eyed I became. I didn’t argue with him because he cried too.

 

Youngbum was a blessing.

 

Not only was he our son, but he built another strong bond between me and Jaebum hyung, and he also reformed my relationship with my mom.

 

She visited us at first only to see Youngbum, but soon she wanted to rebuild her relationship with me, and I was more than happy to have my strict mom back in my life. 

 

All things go slowly, and I know my relationship with JB hyung was the slowest of them all.

 

Whether it was because of how innocent I was, how unknowledgeable about I was, or how I refused my true feelings to please someone else, our relationship went through a lot of up’s and down’s.

 

But rather than think of those down moments, I can only think of the up  moments we have spent together as two, and now as three, including the Noras and Coco.

 

The up moments we will continue to build and grow with.

 

We held our small marriage ceremony in Thailand, inviting about the same amount of people there was when JB hyung got on one knee - but also surprisingly receiving many guests of our past that we were not expecting.

 

It was both a simple and happy day for us.

 

On that day that both our mothers arrived. It was our second blessing after Youngbum.

 

For two to three years we lived peacefully in Thailand, before we decided it was finally time to move back to Korea, and so that’s what we did. With everything we brought, we returned home.

 

Living out the rest of our lives in the place where our story began.

 

What started as a story that I believed was only a drama, and nothing more than just a silly drama that would end, turned out to be more than I ever imagined back when I was just in high school.

 

It’s more than what I would have imagined ever in my life.

 

Even so, truthfully I know it’s all I have imagined.

 

It’s what I have always wanted.

 

What began as a call me JB hyung story, has now become a Jaebum I love you happy ending.

 

And it is all I have ever wanted.

________________________________________________________________________________