Myung Soo (Part 6): First Fight
Paris: The City of My Heart
1 Ma petite chou: my little cabbage.
I leaned up on my elbow and when our lips were inches from each other, the butterfly in my stomach came again, but I ignored it. What she said struck me.
“What do you mean? I don’t get it. You don’t want to marry me?”
“Not that,” she looked down and fiddled with her fingers. “I just… Myung, face it. Our parents wouldn’t agree so easily, would they? But leave that aside, I don’t care about marriage. That’s what I mean. Marriage isn’t something that I think of as a priority.”
I understood the parents’ bit, but not the idea that she didn’t want to get married.
“Why? I do agree it’s too fast, but—”
“No, it’s not that,” she interjected and paused. After a moment, she looked up at me. “Well, what’s the point of getting married if there’s a chance of us getting a divorce? At least if we stay the way we are now, it wouldn’t matter so much.”
Now, I got it. She didn’t want to get married because she didn’t trust me. She didn’t think that I would stay with her till the end of time. So, when we break up—if we ever break up—, the hurt wouldn’t be too deep. And it hurt me. It felt like I didn’t matter since we weren’t married.
I grabbed her shoulders and sat up. I was aware that she could see the annoyance on my face, but I was hurt and upset.
“Well, what’s the point of being together if there’s a chance of us breaking up?” I retorted snidely, glaring icily at her. Although it was dark, I could see her frowning at my reply. “You don’t trust me, do you? You think I’ll divorce you once I’m bored of you?”
She shrugged indifferently, she was taking this calmly. “Face it. This is reality. Yes, we will get a few happy years, but there’ll certainly be one day at some of point of our life when we’ll get bored of each other. At least, that’s what I see in marriage anyway. I told you about Kevin, didn’t I? His parents didn’t get married and now there they are with three grandkids. They’re still going strong. What I mean is we don’t need marriage to stay together.”
Now, that hit my nerves.
What’s with marriage couples getting bored of each other? Unmarried couples have their times too.
She really didn’t trust me. She thought I was just the same with her parents and every other s out there. Why couldn’t she see the fact that she had made me so desperately in love and that I never planned to change that, but then she decided to let me down?
I moved away from her, suddenly pulling out. Too roughly that she winced as I did. “Amber, what the hell?! After all of this, you talk about your premonition of our relationship?!” My eyebrows were furrowing in fury. “I thought what we had in the past weeks meant something more to you, but clearly it doesn’t as much as it does to me.”
I pushed myself off the bed and started getting dressed. Her eyes showed confusion and anxiety when she saw what I was doing.
“Myung Soo, what are you talking about?" she raised her voice in vexation. “I didn’t mean everything that happened didn’t mean anything to me! How could you even think that?” She was aggravated with the way I reacted, but I was more disappointed with the way she was acting.
“Look, just so you know, Amber,” I said as I planted my hand on my hips. I looked authoritative, but I didn’t care. My mind was too clouded by fear and frustration. “I was serious about spending the rest of my life with you and I had no plan of breaking up no matter what the circumstances are. Maybe I’ll regret it at least once, but even so, I’ll live with that regret with you for the rest of my life.” I paused as I waited for her response, but she was speechless, so I continued, “Unless you get sick of me and you just want me to leave your life for good.”
As I stomped off towards the door, she called out to me in anger, “Myung Soo! That’s not what I meant! I—“
The door closed in a bang and drowned out her voice. I didn’t even get to hear what she said. I made my way to Sung Yeol's, all the while hoping Uncle won’t be there.
~✡~✡~
My wish was granted. Uncle had gone to see the Old Man for a new important high-priority job. Sung Yeol was still half-asleep when I crashed at his. He laid back down on his bed when we got to his room. I shoved him to the other side of the King bed and made myself comfortable.
Morning came and I was woken up by Sung Yeol’s dolphin scream.
“What the , Sung Yeol?” I groaned as I stirred awake. I yawned and rubbed my eyes, turning to him, who was looking pale.
“Why the are you in my bed, Kim Myung Soo?! Did you me?!”
I grabbed his pillow and smacked him on the head. “We’re not even !” I pointed out in annoyance. “I came this morning, remember?”
We looked up at the clock on his wall to show that it was already 09:30. He then glared at me.
“Why the are you here? I thought you’d be at Amber’s, joined at the hips!" he retorted, full of sarcasm, followed by a smirk.
“Don’t even mention her!” I snapped, irritated. I grabbed the pillow and put it against the headboard of the bed so I could put my back on it.
He frowned. “Fighting, are we? First fight, I’m guessing?” He then remembered something and quickly said, “Did she reject your proposal?” He sighed and patted my shoulder sympathetically. “I’m so sorry, bro. She doesn’t love you as much as you love her. That’s the thing with girls, you know. They lead you on and when you reach Cloud Nine, they decide to throw you away and crash you back to level zero.”
Now, Sung Yeol was getting on my nerves. I glared daggers at him and he raised an eyebrow at my ungratefulness for his consolation.
“She didn’t reject me, she actually said yes.”
He stared at me as if I was crazy. “Then what was the fight for? Bloody hell!" Sung Yeol cussed with a Brittish accent, imitating Ron Weasley in Harry Potter. "Is she PMS-ing?”
“No. She only gets it at the end of the month,” I denied it without thinking. Must be because I had a lack of sleep.
He looked at me as if I just ran away from a mental institution. “And how the would you know that?”
“Her diary.”
“Okay..." He gave me a funny look. "I don’t want to know that. But you’re so possessive! What do you check her diary for?!”
“Uh, hello! I had to know her schedule so I could plan something for the two of us! She let me read it anyway when I asked about her agenda,” I said in defense. I was getting annoyed at Sung Yeol. We were getting off topic to the topic that I didn’t want to share with him.
“So what was the fight for?" he asked again and I told him the story.
“Do you see? She doesn’t trust me!”
"You know, bro? I think all girls have trust issues!" he said in a tone that elders usually used to give advices to the grandchildren. “Trust me. I have a sister.”
“What? Hyun Ah has finally got over me and found herself a boyfriend?”
“No,” he said, to my disappointment, but I was too upset about my problem to be bothered with Hyun Ah. “Whenever Appa and I say that she looks good in whatever she wears, she would snap at us and get aggressive!”
Unlike me, Sung Yeol spent the first seven years of his life in Korea and he was used to call Uncle with the Korean version of dad. If I were my usual self, I would’ve laughed at the way Sung Yeol used his words. But not this time. His story triggered a memory in my mind. Amber hated it when I said something sweet like “I like your short hair and although I wonder what you’ll look like with long hair, I’m sure you’ll look as beautiful”, when I was actually being serious.
Why couldn’t she see what I see? Most of all, what is wrong with girls? They get angry when we lie, but get even angrier when we tell the truth. Girls should come with a manual!!
“But I sorta get where Amber’s getting at.” I looked up at Sung Yeol, waiting to hear his opinion. “I mean… L, are you sure you want to settle down with her? I mean how old are you guys? You’re too young to even be thinking about this!”
“What? She’s only six months younger than me!”
He snorted. “Right. As if that makes everything so right! Seriously, L, I’m worried about the fact that you’re going to regret this one day. I mean don’t you think this is just the fire of love burning in the early days? Don’t be so keen on settling down so fast! You don’t know what the future holds!”
”Well, maybe I’ll regret it at least once, but even so, I’d still stay with her for the rest of my life!”
Sung Yeol shook his head, as if telling me that I got the wrong idea. “I’m not saying this because of Hyun Ah and I’m just saying this as a completely objective third party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter.” I rolled my eyes at his words, but listened anyway. “It’s not that easy, L. Do you think it’s easy to maintain a relationship? Do you think it’s easy to keep a family? It’s not for the weak-hearted, you need infinite courage! I’m telling you it’s not going to be easy, but it better be worth it! Because the way I’m getting this is that she’s the first girl you fell in love with, not to mention the first girl you made love to, and you think she’s the one. I’m not saying that she can’t be the one, she can, of course, but you’ll have to be sure that you’ll commit your whole life to make her the one with undefeatable courage.” He paused to see if I was taking in everything he said. “You see what I mean?”
Not that I didn’t see what he meant, but… I never expected him to have such… a deep and mature view on relationships. I thought he was just a erted man- bastard in the body of my best friend/brother. I could even call him the love/life guru now. Before I could even praise him for his speech, I was already onto my phone calling Amber to apologise talk about what she wanted.
“I know there’ll be tough times and that at some point, one or both of us is going to want to get out. But I guarantee that it’s not because you’re my first or I’m in love with you at this point of time that I asked you to be mine. It’s because I know that I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t.”
“I do agree we are going too fast, but that doesn’t mean I think what we had meant nothing, Myung Soo. To be honest, I wouldn’t want this any other way. I’d prefer you this way, thinking on the long run because I don't want to be with a guy who hesitates even a second about spending the rest of his life with me." She paused to let it all sink in. “Myung Soo, I hate beating around the bush. I don’t want you to regret being with me. If you want me, then say it. If you don’t, then don’t play around with me. I’m not going to waste our time. That’s why I was grateful with your proposal and not that I don’t want to marry you or I don’t trust you, but it's true that we don’t know what’s gonna happen in the future. And if you are going to work hard for this, I’ll give you my words. I’ll work hard too no matter what people say.”
~✡~✡~
That evening, I decided to introduce Sung Yeol to Amber at our Christmas dinner. It was a spur of the moment thing that I had not had the chance to tell her. Amber had gone to get some groceries, so Sung Yeol and I decided that we’ll wait for her at the park across our unit.
Suddenly, Sung Yeol nudged me and pointed to the road. “Appa?” He scrutinised his eyes as he scanned the black car that wasn’t slowing down despite the light being red and pedestrians were crossing.
I turned my attention to the car, then to where Uncle was looking. I gasped in terror, “Amber!”
“What?” Sung Yeol yelped. He looked at the girl and the black car back and forth before catching up to me, who was already sprinting.
“AMBER, GET OFF THE ROAD!”
She turned to me, clueless of what was going on behind her. I got to her just in time before the black car hit her and threw her to Sung Yeol. I felt a force on my thigh, then my body rolled up to hit the windscreen, before falling down and hitting something hard. My head was throbbing in pain before everything out.
~✡~✡~
Rays of morning sun steamed through the window. I roused awake as it shone on my face. I winced.
Why didn’t Amber close the curtain?
She knew I hated being woken up by light.
I slowly opened my eyes and felt tender on the side of my head. I looked around to find myself in a white room, definitely not Amber’s room. I realised I was on a single bed, definitely not Amber’s bed. My eyes landed on my side and saw Amber sleeping. She was leaning her head on the space next to me, but she was sitting on a chair. Her back must have hurt.
Everything came back to me. What happened at the road and the look on Uncle’s face when he was about to collide his car on an innocent girl. It was remote and wintry. He was used to it that he only took her as a passer-by who had to be sacrificed for other more important matters. And I understood. The new important high-priority job the old man gave him was… Amber. Should I feel honored that my girlfriend was classified as an ‘important’ and ‘high-priority’ case?
I knew he had gone to see her, but I had not been able to see him when I went to look for him. Sung Yeol had asked Uncle who said that he was out in Japan for two weeks, but I guessed he got back yesterday after knowing that I was still with Amber. Or… Uncle heard something.
I stiffened. It was either Hyun Ah or Sung Yeol. But Sung Yeol rarely shared anything with Uncle, whereas Hyun Ah… the daddy’s girl… would have said something about her ‘disappointment’ in me regarding the fact that I was seeing another girl.
I cursed myself for being stupid. Of course, it wasn’t Hyun Ah’s fault. She was just being the naïve little daughter. It was mine. I was playing fire in a tiger’s den when the tiger was working for the lion and I was supposed to marry the tiger's daughter.
I glanced at Amber and thought of how close I was to losing her. We had a fight yesterday morning and I had not seen her until the ‘almost-accident’. If I got there a second later, who knows what would’ve happened.
As I was enjoying the feeling of her soft locks in my hands, her forehead creased and her hand reached up to rub her eyes, something she always did before she adjusted to the light.
“Morning, ma petite chou1,” I greeted her.
She hated all those affectionate French nicknames and always made a puking gesture whenever I . Although I initially did it to try to be romantic, it was fun to keep saying it and see her reaction.
“Do you know that sleeping like that is bad for your back? And you’re a doctor!”
“Myung Soo!" she exclaimed, jumping up to give me a hug.
I chuckled. “You’re too happy to even glare at me, hey!”
“Please don’t ever do that again! You fool!" she scolded, but it sounded so sweet in my ears.
“Would you like to get on the bed?” I offered, seeing how awkward her position is as she hugged me.
She cuddled up to me as I watched her. She looked up into my eyes and suddenly, something I didn’t expect, came out of her. “I love you.”
I froze. Not because I didn’t believe she mean it, but because I wanted to be the first to say those words to her. I was aware that we got together without those three words and that we never actually said it because we just knew. It wasn’t something that we should say when our actions revealed it anyway. Nonetheless, I couldn’t help but feel upset that she said it before I did.
“Not fair! I wanted to be the first to say that!”
She looked like she was about to laugh. I guessed I pouted again unconsciously. She always found it funny when I pouted when I never meant to.
“I just realised we never said it.”
Trust her to be so slow! Not only was she not romantic, she was slow when it came to these things!
“Take it back!” I ordered. “I want to say it first!” It wasn’t fair. I forgot about it for a split second when the moment was right and she beat me to it.
She chuckled and replied defiantly, “No, I’m not taking it back!”
“Fine!” I didn’t want to argue. “But I’ll say it every day from now on, so you better listen carefully!”
She beamed, which I took as an agreement, but there was something in her eyes that appeared for a second before she did. It was ominous and I felt something bad was going to happen.
“I love you.” I kissed her forehead before looking into her eyes again to repeat the words.
“Stop it, that’s too much! I’ll gag if you say it all the time!” she huffed in dismay.
I argued, “But you made me lose the first time chance! I want to make it up.”
She stuck out her tongue at me. “Too bad. First in best dressed!”
“I love you more though!” I didn’t want to lose, my ego was getting the better of me.
She frowned in disagreement. “No, I love you more!”
I racked my brain and decided to use my last weapon. “You know how I love hot chocolate? Well, I love you infinity times more than I love hot chocolate!”
She was speechless for a second before bursting out laughing. Should I be offended? She sat up and placed a peck on my lips, bringing a smile onto my face. I wanted to see her like that every day. And the only way would be to make her safe and out of that old man’s watch for a period of time.
Out of the blue, a familiar face appeared in my mind. Someone I had not spoken to for a long while, one of my best buddies who I never spoke about to anyone. Well, Sung Yeol knew about him, but they were never on the same page since his dad arrested Uncle once before.
As if realising my change of mood, Amber asked, “Myung? Is everything okay?”
And I decided to tell her my not-so-complete plan.
~✡~✡~
Great.
Amber met Hyun Ah when the girl visited me at the hospital and just when I thought Amber would get jealous, she didn’t.
Hyun Ah was so possessive and full of jealousy when it came to me and I hated it. But when Amber appeared, I thought why couldn’t she have at least some of those qualities?
But what was worst, Amber actually thought Sung Yeol was HOT! HOT! She never even said I was hot!
And what was epic?
Amber had gone back to our unit to have a shower and get changed, leaving Sung Yeol to keep me company. As soon as she left, Sung Yeol said to me in his Drama King antics, “OMYGOD! I can’t believe you never told me that Amber was that HOT! She’s exactly my type, man! You know how I don’t like glamorous girls like Hyun Ah? Yeah, I like elegant like Amber.”
I dropped my banana onto the patient’s table in front of me, along with my jaw. What the did he just say? I rarely use the f-word, and when I do, something must have aggravated me to the highest level it could get. He was such a big-talker. He had gone with all types of women from what I could remember.
Sung Yeol was still ranting about how Amber had captivated him. “She’s y in an elegant way! You know, she’s cool, confident, and easygoing!”
"Sung Yeol!” I called through gritted teeth.
I could feel my blood boiling and my fingertips twitched, itching to shove him over to the wall. If it wasn’t for the pain in my head, I would’ve jumped off the bed and beat the crap out of him.
“Even though I don’t really like girls with short hair, but she looks and seems so mature!” he pondered to himself, as if forgetting that I was in the room.
“Sung Yeol!” I repeated.
He was still going on and on. And I couldn’t take it anymore. Some other guy was talking about my girl as if he had been with her as long as I had and went through as much with her as I had. I grabbed the closest thing I had and threw it at him, ignoring the pain in my head whenever I moved my muscles too much. My victim shrieked as the pillow—the object I grabbed—bounced on his head. He caught it and glared at me, annoyed that I cut him off.
But then, he rolled on the floor laughing, literally. “This is too hilarious! My God, L, you’re such a jealous prick! What does she see in you?!”
And that got me. Violently. I clutched the table in front of me and when he saw what I was doing, his laughter stopped abruptly. And I had to smile in triumph when he stared at me in horror.
~✡~✡~
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