That day shouldn’t have happened at all. It is meant to be like any other day, one that got all of them together in the dorm; their house, eating and laughing together like any other normal happy days they have. No problem to worry other than their impending comebacks and the difficulty to attain songs’ approval from the old man Yang Hyun Suk.

But that day never come again when Hanbin falls down the stairs. To make things worse, he got into a coma for months ahead. For those months, iKON is leaderless, almost forgotten by the world as they have to push back their comeback; and perhaps their future as a group with the leader not waking up from his sleep. But Yang Hyun Suk is a man of a good heart. He asks for everyone to wait, even convinces the members themselves that everything is going to be fine and all will be well. Although he also gives a devastating warning to all of them.

“Whatever problems you got between yourselves, fix it. And leave the rest to me, okay?” Then he walks away from the room, leaving the boys to pull themselves together.

For days that passed, Donghyuk is eating himself up with self-guilt. Everyone knows what happened that day and no matter how much they try to convince him that Hanbin’s accident is not his fault, he couldn’t help but to put the blame onto himself. He is there, at the time and place it all unfolding right before his eyes. Moreover, he is the one who has pulled his hand away from the leader causing the latter to fall down.

Then how can it not be his fault?

And the fight they have, although Hanbin is the first one to land a punch on his face, that still doesn’t let him off the hook. He shouldn’t have yelled at the leader or saying anything like that about Chanwoo to him. His action causes Hanbin to get angry and that leads to everything that happened.

Donghyuk couldn’t face anyone for 2 months. That until Chanwoo himself persuades him of the issue when the other members and even Donghyuk’s mother cannot get him out of his own misery of mind. They are at the hospital’s cafeteria that day when Donghyuk is having his cup of coffee alone. It is night and raining. Chanwoo comes when he hears from Yunhyeong that Donghyuk is still at the hospital not coming home just yet.

Donghyuk is surprised for all the last 2 months since the accident, Chanwoo doesn’t talk to him at all nor uttering any words. But then now he is sitting in front of him casually with a smile—oh, just how sweet his smile can be Donghyuk thought. Stop it, you idiot. He says mentally. This is not the right time to awe on his face. Though he is still beautiful despite those eyebags.

Chanwoo notices the silent Donghyuk is in and he starts to initiate a conversation first, “are you okay, hyung?” His question brings the older out from his own miles thought. Donghyuk returns him a small smile and takes a sip of his coffee. It’s weird for it to taste sweet when the coffee is all bitter just now. Chanwoo only laughs at his action. “I’m glad that some things still haven’t change.” Donghyuk’s eyebrows lifted hearing that. He puts down the coffee and stares at Chanwoo—not like he can do it longer; he might do something stupid if he stares too long.

“You are still the same as before, sipping away or eating anything on your way whenever you are nervous.” Chanwoo utters with his adoring smile on face. It makes Donghyuk’s heart skips a beat watching them. Chanwoo is so beautiful. “I’m happy that you are not changing that much.”

“I am still me you know. Don’t talk as if I’m an alien from another space.” Donghyuk says meaning it to be a joke. Chanwoo giggles hearing that.

“Well, I prefer you from the outer space more than the old man you have become nowadays.”

“Old man?” Donghyuk creases his eyebrows tighter and makes a face. He points his fingers at his face. “I believe the elasticity of my skin is a proof that I am young enough, you kid.”

“Yeah, but the wrinkles are showing I thought you are Sajangnim just now from a far.”

“Shut up, you brat.”

“Whatever, Donghyukkie.”

They both stop to stare then laugh the next milliseconds, their laughter filling the cafeteria. When Donghyuk’s laughter dies down his attention is back on the maknae. How ridiculous he thought it would be that someone like Chanwoo exists in this world. He still got all the beauty he has after the cries for months since the day Hanbin got admitted.

The thought comes back taunting him once again. It is not just his fault that Hanbin is in coma, the group’s comeback is once again pushed back and the liveliness of the group has entirely diminished by the time. Chanwoo’s laughter, his joy and happiness, Donghyuk takes it too. It is all his fault.

“You know that all these things are not your fault, right Donghyukkie?” Chanwoo’s soothing voice breaks through his train of thoughts. His eyes are no longer on the boring coffee cup, it’s on the younger now. “No one is blaming you for what happened, hyung.” Chanwoo says as he leans forward. “And neither do I. I never would blame you.” With smile he said, one that can tear all of Donghyuk apart in one glimpse. For him, Chanwoo’s smile is so addictive and dangerous. Like a thorn of beautiful rose. Just a touch, you’ll get hurt. Thus, it will be hard for you to possess.

But in his situation, even an idea of possessing is hard. Because Chanwoo is not even his in the first place.

“He becomes like that because of me.” Donghyuk for the first time speaks up what is in his mind. “It is my fault. I let him fall.”

“And that is an accident. We all know. We saw the footage.” Chanwoo speaks of the CCTV video of the accident. Luckily, there is one installed at the staircase where Hanbin falls down.

“But you know that we had a fight before that, Chanwoo. Me and hyung, we …… I screamed at him at that time. I threw my anger on him. I hurt his feelings. I shouldn’t have done that.” A tear escapes Donghyuk’s eyes, and he bends down his head not for the younger to see. He is ashamed of himself for crying in front of the maknae who is clearly suffering more than he is. He feels how heavy the burden of guilt on his body. It should be me that fall down the stairs.

Then he feels a warm on his back. When he lifts his head up, the seat in front of him is empty. As he glances a little to the back, it is Chanwoo who is hugging him. The boy is holding on to him tight, as if Donghyuk might slip away from his fingers if he even loosens up a bit. Chanwoo’s breath hits on Donghyuk’s neck, making the latter shudders, a flip in his stomach and a blush creeps on his cheeks. The situation is very dangerous.

“It’s not your fault.” Chanwoo says those words again but this time with more conviction. “I know you will never hurt anyone, hyung. You’re a kind person.” The words send another gush of tingles down Donghyuk’s spine. Chanwoo should let go soon or else he might do something dangerous. “I—I miss you.” That stops his heart entirely. “I miss your smile, your laugh and comforting words to me. I miss to even hear you speak. I miss you, hyung.” Donghyuk doesn’t know why but the back of his neck is wet. He wants to believe it to be his sweat.

Because he can never forgive himself if Chanwoo is crying, again. “Please, I need you back here with me. We all need you, hyung. Hanbin hyung too.” The grip on Donghyuk is tighter, like the squeeze of the older hand on his knee. “Please smile aga