The heated sun rays hit the back of my vexatious blazer as I enter the white, clean, champagne smelling officetel I call a home. Well, technically it’s my mom’s house, but saying you live with your mom is just unacceptable nowadays as a young adult. Young adult - I hate that phrase. It’s bitter connotation and load of responsibilities pile on my back as I’m entering college in a few months. Because of this devil word, I’m destined to go to damned job interviews just so I can buy my own ju-taek near campus. It’s exhausting trying to pretend to be an upright, perfect employee for some lame job as an “apprentice”, otherwise known as a slave driven assistant. I decide to try and snap out of my frustration of the workforce by watching television. With my body sprawled against the stiff leather sofa and my toes wiggling in my dirty yet comfy bunny slippers (I really need to throw in the in the my dirty clothes pile), I flip through the channels as my thumb lazily presses the up button repeatedly. My channel flipping halts as I come across Star King. Something in my head should have told me to keep switching channels instead of laughing my off at the insulting captions for there it was: his face.

         Water droplets swell in my eyes as I turn the television off, leaving me in a dim living room that’s only lighted by the windows. Every time his image or voice comes up, I don’t know whether I should smile or throw a little teenage temper tantrum. So I do neither; which always leaves my outcome to turn into bitter tears full of resentment. His face pierces my memories like a dagger and my heart hurts from feeling so many emotions. Just hearing his name, Taemin, makes me go insane. Not the spazz out and have a nose bleed insane. I can’t even begin to describe the way I feel after dealing with the mess I got into between us. I myself am not an angsty, depressed person. But Taemin just so happens to change my persona whenever he reappears in my life in any sort of fashion.

         Taemin, “who represented everything for which I have an unaffected scorn. If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him”. This famous paradox from The Great Gatsby is a nice example of how I feel if you want to put our relationship into the hands of a professional. I had imagine Taemin to be this soft, innocent boy who wanted to impress people with his baby and girly features (which I always found quite annoying). There was so much more to him, even though I did feel animosity towards some of his unforgiving traits. But that’s always expected right; to never judge a book by it’s cover. Taemin was a book with vague details and descriptions, leaving the reader wondering, “What’s going on?” and gasp at cliff hangers and dramatic points. The ending made me want to slam the book shut and throw it at a brick wall, ripping and bending some pages in the process. “Why would you write such an ending?” I wanted to say. If I live to see his face again in person, I don’t know if I’ll punch him square in the jaw for turning my life into turmoil, or to kiss him for making me life full of meaning.

         My first “meet and greet” with Taemin wasn’t your typical handshake. Because he was a freshman, like me, and didn’t have any friends, like me also, and he was an idol (I only wish that was like me) he was picked on by other students, like me again. We have so much in common right?! Haha, no. Sorry to burst your bubble there. I was always just another bystander; just watching from the sidelines as Taemin got his whipped by jocks. A day didn’t go by when Taemin, Korea’s freshest innocent idol, wasn’t harassed by bullies that wouldn’t get a life. They always made excuses saying, “He thinks he’s all that,” and, “He needs to learn his lesson,” and, “Momomo momo,” which I always imagined them saying in high squeaky ‘momomo’ voice. I didn’t understand why they didn’t just leave him alone and treat him like a normal student. Don’t idols already get enough stress? At least that’s what I’ve heard. Because I was always a witness, I could seriously have been a lawyer for this guy if he ever went to court to sue a bully that bruised his oh so precious face. The same matter is why he probably was able to easily recognize me whenever I just stood there watching his predicaments. He probably thought to him, “Oh there’s that freshman bystander with the nerdy black rimmed glasses again,” as he’s being kicked in the gut.

         It’s like Taemin had this man pride he couldn’t back down from. You know what I mean by man pride: You have to be strong and take whatever life throws at you and don’t complain about it. The ‘walk it off, you’ll be fine’ pride even though your like limping with a broken ankle and crutches underneath the other arm. Don’t worry you’ll be peachy fine! I didn’t extend beyond my needs because man pride sort of annoys me just like how innocence annoys me, but I hated watching him getting tossed around. I wish he would just yell the words ‘help’ so I could have came in Super Woman and save the day. But I don’t have super powers, for me huh? Taemin had his own type of man pride though as well. He never complains and he never fought back. What type of man is that? Just imagine if he had a girlfriend who was being picked on. If he can’t stand up for himself I’m sure as hell he can’t stand up for his girlfriend. Poor girlfriend... It must have been his image that was holding him back. Still, that gives him no reason to not ask for help. Yes, that double negative was very necessary.

         Let’s get to the point: bullying is bad (insert pouty face here). I genuinely hate it when it happens, but I didn’t really care too much for the guy. Partly because my heart belongs to the handsome and talented Big Bang... and Shinee was a rookie group. Another reason was that I also just saw him as another student. Especially because I was a freshman myself trying to find my purpose in life and trying to make some goddamn friends. I didn’t need to be in his business anyways. He didn’t ask for help so I didn’t give him any. Period.

         The school bell rang through out the halls, signaling school was over. I walked to my plain locker which was surrounded by other lockers decorated with “So and So loves you!” and “Happy Birthday Bestie!”. I could just hear the teenage girl shrieks saying these fluffy phrases. I was trying to find an excuse to ravage through my locker since I always finish my homework during study hall time unlock other students that have a life. My grungy textbook, which was only grungy because I happened to pick the last book in the line, caught my eye and I took it out as if the stains and ripped pages scared me. My timid fingers fumbled with the spine, causing it to fall to the ground in utter despair. I really didn’t feel like bending over to pick up a textbook I didn’t even need. I grunted as I kneeled over in exaggeration to pick up the unwanted book. Every time my head is only inches away from the book, it’s atrocious smell knocks my nose unconscious, and this time was no difference. I gagged from it’s smell and accidentally slammed the locker door closed with my elbow. A faint “conversation” caught my attention from the right and I saw Taemin kneeling over to pick up his textbook as well. Only he was surrounded by more bullies. A male student, who looked kind of like a junior, knocked the b