6:30am.

My alarm clock started to annoy me. Wait, it's 6:30 now, today is the last shooting day of my drama Gooreumi Geurin Dalbit or Moonlight Drawn by Clouds or Love in the Moonlight; it's english translations.

TODAY.IS.THE.LAST.SHOOTING.DAY. Damn it.

Ever since yesterday, I don't feel comfortable. We had a team dinner last night, and when they started to thank everybody for the good work each of us rendered for the past four months, it just didn't feel right. My heart is like giving me the hardest time of my life. I have been enduring this pain since last week, when our producer told us that we are about to come to an end. I really felt bad about it cause just a few weeks ago, we were informed that KBS is asking us to extend for 2 more episodes. Our ratings have been sky rocketing ever since the beginning, and we were consistently undisputed. Because of that, they wanted to add 2 more episodes. I actually thought that our director was considering the idea since it will somehow boost all of our careers. The brand of the drama will even soar higher, 'coz obviously, the people of Korea have been madly in love with the series.

But I was wrong. The director doesn't want to compromise the story's outline, and also, he is concerned about the casts' schedules. More like, he is extremely concerned about MY schedule. While doing Gooreumi, I was also casted in Cha Taehyun Oppa's movie, Because I Love You and I played the second lead role after his role, and it's somehow taking its toll on me. Doing a movie while in a drama is really tiring. I sometimes report to MDBC taping very late and tired, that I have to ask for forgiveness for everyone's wasted time. I also can't sleep regularly anymore that I end up sleeping while filming my scenes, and they are very worried about my condition.

Well, I actually don't mind. Actors and actresses really go through these times in their lives. I'm actually so happy that I have been blessed with superb projects like these. I'm still young, I can manage. But our director decided already. He doesn't want to push it further. He said, Gooreumi's success reached its peak already. Better not waste that and end the series with everybody's smile plastered on their faces.

He might be right, but I still don't like what I feel. I would be the saddest person today, well alongside with Oppa. Yes, I'm pretty sure Bo Gum Oppa would be equally as sad as me. We have been through this together, and we both agreed before that we will cherish our series forever even if it eventually will come to an end.

Park Bo Gum, my Bo Gum Oppa. How could I forget him? The day I was summoned to the KBS office to talk about casting me as the lead female character in the series, was the day that really changed my life perspectives. As a 17 year old woman, no scratch that, girl. I am still a girl. I have never experienced having crushes. I have been studying in a university and I can say that nobody has ever caught my attention even once. I won't be honest with myself if I'd say I have never been attracted to some men, but those feelings were too light to be called a crush or puppy love.

However, it was May 2016 when things suddenly changed. My once stubborn heart has been moved. My mom woke me up early that day for it was the day that I'd meet my MDBC co-stars and crew. I was aware that Bo Gum Oppa will lead the drama alongside with me since he has been casted first, and news about him playing the crown prince circulated in the internet unstoppably. But never did we both have the chance to meet each other yet. I heard that he once vocal trained with my company, but those days were the busiest days of my life that I never had the chance to bump into him along the halls. If my memory serves me right, at that time I was still shooting my drama Moon Embracing the Sun. So, to cut this story short, last May was Oppa and I's first meeting.
 

I prepared so well since for me, first impressions last. It took me an hour to rummage my closet only to end up with my white rugged little dress which has long sleeves. I left my hair untied and didn't put too much make up on my face. I even mind slapped myself for overthinking. It was just a script reading, why was I over reacting about it. I've been to a lot of meetings like this, and that would be the first time that I put too much stress about certain things. Well, maybe because MDBC was the first drama that I finally got hold of the main damsel's character. I'm not the younger counterpart, nor the bestfriend. I'm the main female lead.

I can still remember how I entered the script reading hall. When my manager and I arrived the KBS premises, we were instantly informed that everybody was already inside. I faced palmed my self that time, too much for giving the best first impression huh? I even thought that we were early!

I gathered all my courage and knocked on the door when we reached the 18th floor. Gosh, everybody must be mentally criticizing me for being late. I might be the youngest among the team, yet I was the one showing some attitude. Anyways, I'll just win their hearts again by not being late ever and being the best dongsaeng they could ever have.

As the door opened, I saw that the room was already filled. Okay fine, I was late, okay? Before entering, I couldn't help myself but to bow down and ask forgiveness even though half of the people inside weren't visible to me, yet. I bowed 90 degrees so they couldn't see my super embarrassed face and because that is the right thing to do.

I continued to bow and bow until I reached my supposed seat. I was not even paying attention that almost everybody was laughing at what I was doing. I suddenly stopped when I spotted an empty seat and a man dressed in a white polo and jeans sitting beside it. I raised my head and saw the most handsome face I've ever seen in my whole life.

He's so beautiful! He's beyond beautiful, I guess. So they were all correct, this man has a face of an angel. He looked at my direction and immediately smiled and stood up to greet me.

We shook hands and he guided me to sit down. He is not just a handsome face, he's also a gentleman! How can you not like a person like this?

"Annyeonghaseyo Kim Yoo Jung-ssi, I'm Park Bo Gum." He said as we were already sitted beside each other.

I looked at him and awkwardly smiled. "Annyeonghaseyo Bo Gum...nim" I didn't know how to address him since he's a lot older than me but in terms of seniority in work, I'm a lot more veteran than him. Gosh, the situation I was into was really awkward.

He suddenly burst out laughing at what I have said. Yes, I have decided wrong. He will be my man in the drama that we will be doing and I have decided to address him as Mr. Bo Gum. That must be really funny.

"Ani, I'm sorry for laughing Yoo Jung-ssi. But I couldn't help it. This would be the first time that someone addresses me as Mister. I just feel so old now." There was this mysterious twinkle in his eyes. He really is so handsome.

"I'm so sorry. But, I just don't know how to call you. As you can see, our situation is a bit... twisted." I kept on talking to him formally.

"Since we're going to be working shoulder to shoulder starting from now, why not drop the formalities? You can call me Oppa, if that's okay with you." He even smiled the sweetest smile he could.

"Of course I'm okay with that, thank you... Oppa." He's smile was contagious. I can't help but to reciprocate it.

"Then, what am I going to call you then?" He asked.

"Call me anything, just don't call me sunbae. That's just too much." I could deal with the playfulness of this person. He seems so adorable.

He started to giggle. "You are my sunbae, tho. Anyways, I'll just call you Yoo Jung-ah." Again with the smile. It is not hard to be close with this Oppa. He's just so nice and warm.

The script reading went well. The other actors were all so easy to get along with. Everybody's nice.
 

The moment when the crew asked for Oppa and I's photo together was the total game changer. Yes, I did found him cute and all, but I never said that he already made my heart flutter. No, not my stubborn heart. But then again, things were really bound to change.

I didn't expect his next action would be putting his left arm around my back, and he slightly dragged me closer to him. Yes, we've been acquainted for the past hours that we were together in that hall, but that doesn't change the fact that we were still strangers to each other. My heart did flutter. Big time. Add to that, when he smiles his way out of every possible awkward situation that is bound to happen. I really should look after myself when I'm with this guy. I shouldn't let all my guards down.

That was the start of this twisted and unexpected journey, my heart decided to put me into. It's not that I regret meeting Bo Gum Oppa, it's just that I'm scared that this feeling that I have for him would put me into great trouble. That's just so... scary.

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I didn't have a hard time working with him. For the past four months of us being together, in a professional way by the way, he never even once made me feel that I am left out. He always secures whether I've eaten, or if I'm tired already, or if I took a short nap to recharge my energy. He always puts me first before himself.

To mention some of the most memorable times I had with him, the first time was when we were inside the pit. We were shooting for the first episode and we were already under the ground. Unexpectedly, there were rubbles dropping from above, but what I didn't expect the most tho, was when Oppa suddenly grabbed me and hid me under his chest. That actually made me question my stand in his life. Did he do that because he wanted to look cooler? Did he do that to build chemistry with me even off cam? Or did he do that because he really wanted to protect me? But silly me, it all boiled down to one reason which is very obvious with his character. He did that because he is a nice and kind person.

Another memory was when we were doing a scene where I was servicing the prince and dressing him up. Out of nowhere, Oppa just hugged me while I was in front of him. I was so shocked, but when I heard his manly giggle, I couldn't help but laugh as well. I actually hid my giddiness that time through my laugh. I started then to question myself whether this Oppa is playing tricks on me. Was he enjoying this? He clearly was, yet I'm left there so puzzled with what he means with his actions toward me. He won't even drop a hint.

The final memories were our kiss scenes. Now these memories were obvious. Where on earth could you find a lady who wouldn't have a fluttering heart when Bo Gum Oppa kisses her? Nowhere, right? Our first kiss scene was the most awkward. Why wouldn't it be? I don't really get it that time, but Oppa didn't stop laughing when we were shooting that scene. He also complained a lot too, that he can't get the right feelings and right angles. We ended up shooting and shooting the scene all over again. If I'm right, we might have shot that scene for over 20 times until the director got fed up and reprimanded us both. That was when we started to take it seriously, and viola! After 1 take, we got the perfect shot. How did that happen? They clearly weren't doing good but after the scolding, Oppa immediately understood what to do? Well, they might really have a scary director that they could instantly change with just one snap of anger.

The second kiss scene was actually easier. Well, maybe because I was the one who did the kissing. Oppa also needed to act as if he's sleeping in the scene. So, it went fast and we only did it three times for angling and rehearsing. Oppa wasn't his bubbly self right after the shoot. He immediately went to his car even without saying his goodbye to me. He must be tired.

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If I'd go on with all the heart fluttering things that he did, this list won't even stop, and even if Oppa did a lot of fluttering things to my heart, he also did some (tho I'm sure that he wasn't aware of these, and he didn't mean to cause me those), that hurt my feelings.

The first one was when we were all gathered for a barbeque party last July to watch the first episode of our drama. The beginning of the night went well actually. When I arrived at the venue, everybody was already there. I was expected to arrive late since I had a photoshoot the afternoon of that day and I was so surprised and touched that they all waited for me before they started the viewing. I spotted Bo Gum Oppa with Kwak Dong Yeon Oppa in one table. I also saw Jinyoung Oppa sitting with the group next to them. The director acknowledged my arrival and waved at me. He gestured for me to come to their table which is neither near nor far away from my Oppadeuls. Bo Gum Oppa also stood up and ran towards me. He told me that he would find a sit for me so I could join them in their table. I politely declined his offer since the director was already waiting for me. That was when the atmosphere started to become heavy. It was the first time I saw Oppa so disappointed. So, to wipe away the uneasiness, I smiled at him and told him that I'll just look for them after the viewing and we could have coffee together with Dong Yeon Oppa, Jinyoung Oppa and Soo Bin Unnie after the event. He smiled at me and delivered me to my seat next to our director. He then went back to his table.

The viewing started and we were all happy of the outcome. I was constantly observing Bo Gum's reactions from a far. He really is so genuine. I could see in his face all the reactions that the scenes demanded. Even with his own scenes. If it's a funny scene, he would laugh his throat out, and if it's an annoying scene, he would frown like there's no tomorrow. He would clap endlessly if some scenes amazes him  Seeing him doing that, felt like he was  watching a foreign movie, and not viewing the first episode of his drama. I was secretly smiling while observing him. I really find him so cute.

The viewing rolled to the part when I needed to fix my wound after being falsely "castrated". It was the part that somehow exposed much of my skin. I remember that my mom argued with the production team. She didn't want me to do that. She said that I was too young to make such a scene. But I insisted on doing it. I am an actress. If such little things shake me, how could I do much more difficult roles in the future? And besides, this is nothing. They weren't asking me to strip , aren't they? If it isn't that, then there is no problem.

What shocked me most was when Bo Gum entered the picture. After reviewing the script, he saw the controversial scene and went directly to my shooting place once he arrived. I was currently doing the scene where I was tightening the bandage around my chest when Oppa stormed inside the set with a face he doesn't usually have. He seemed so annoyed. He grabbed me by the hand and forced me to stand up. I was a bit rattled by his appearance and concerned that the bandage would loose. That would mean I would be in front of everybody. So to prevent some things from getting worse, I retrieved my hand from his grasp and secured the bandage with both of my hands. Bo Gum Oppa glared at me by doing so. Wait, now I'm not sure if that was a glare or he was just shocked. After regaining his composure, he faced our director and out of nowhere preached at him. He said that scenes like this aren't for a young girl like me. He also said that he was so concerned of the criticisms I'll face once the episode will air out.
 

Everybody was astonished with what happened. Nobody ever expected that they would see and hear this from Bo Gum. When he calmed down, he asked for everybody's forgiveness and said that he was just concerned about the outcome of this. He even took out the sweater he was wearing and put it on my shoulders. He asked me to cover up before heading out to prepare for his own scene. No news about this leaked. I'm just so happy that the whole production team are valuing our images, they'd go an extra mile just to protect our careers.

And here we go again, viewing the scene. Well, from a personal and professional view, I really couldn't applaud the team even more. They did the scene so naturally that I couldn't even point out that anything could be wrong.

I also firmly believe, up until now, that the scene is really needed and it isn't offensive at all. I really wonder why a lot of people clamour about it. Anyways, as we viewed it, I couldn't help but look at Bo Gum Oppa's reaction. It broke my heart a thousand pieces when I saw him not paying attention. I was so sure that he was so into the viewing just a few seconds ago, but when it turned to my scene, he suddenly started bothering Dong Yeon Oppa who was busy and seriously watching. I can even see annoyance in Dong Yeon Oppas face when Bo Gum Oppa kept on bothering him. And when he didn't get the attention that he wanted, he eventually stood up and walked out. Nobody really noticed him since everybody was so focuse