went down last night.

Partially because of Heechul and Hyukjae crashing into the apartment, mostly because of the revelations.

And Wonshik wasn't having any of it.

Pilkyo, quite literally, served them tea when Heechul told them about the real score between Ryeowook and Kyuhyun. That it was all fake and they were doing it just to make their crushes feel jealous. "It worked!" Heechul laughed while recounting the 2nd Kim's aggressive blanket folding. It didn't make Jonghoon happy but it looked like there was a realization dawning on him. On the other hand, Sunggyu looked like he's going to murder someone.

When everyone thought that was the most surprising exposé, Sunggyu — with all his might — admitted that he's reciprocating feelings for someone. The sunflowers on the vase confirmed that it was from Woohyun. ", I knew it!" Pilkyo yelled as he stands up, raising his arms as if he won a sport. The cousins and the two newcomers stared at him weirdly, sending Pilkyo to melt back to his seat.

"I thought you guys are open with each other." And Seokmin walked away, disappointed when everyone was oblivious with each others' states.

Not everyone is oblivious and ignorant, as proven by Pilkyo as he's the only one keeping up with most of the cousins' dramas. 

While it's true that Wonshik wasn't having any of it, he felt bad for being invisible as well. The cousins — even his older brother — don't always reach out to him, citing that he's busy with Youtube and engineering. But calculus isn't the only thing on his plate — which most of his cousins thought — and burnout has been present in his system.

So while Heechul continued to ramble about his failed attempts to move to Beijing after high school, Wonshik retired for the night. Today's tasks were accomplished which drained him even before the chaos ensured. Sleep is a reward.

The night passes and Wonshik wakes up to Seokjin's gaping mouth. Notebooks and papers littered on one side of his bed. Play productions are in full swing and his older brother would occasionally ask him to stop by. Lowerclassmen would get star-struck whenever Ravi (his Youtube alias) stays behind them, checking the music production for each scene. 

When he leaves their bedroom silently, an ped bag pack came into his view. Sitting silently on the black couches that the eldest Kim badly wants to change. "Let's make it gray," he said a few nights ago, eyeing the damned couch, "I'm getting tired with the monochromatic theme."

Each bedroom possesses colorful elements and is filled with decorations of their choice. Seokjin's desk has succulents, while Wonshik's desk only has one green thing on it — the succulent that his older brother gave him for his birthday. There were no other eye-catching decorations in their bedroom, only boards that display the 4th Kim's growing polaroid collections and other tacked items and the younger's equipment stored on one side of the room.

The youngest Kim comes back with a laptop and pencil case, putting them delicately inside the bag pack. "Good morning," Wonshik greets in a morning, groggy voice.

Seungkwan looks up, beaming so widely that Wonshik thought the sun is in the apartment. The first meal of the day has been decided upon after seeing a familiar ceramic bowl on the dish rack — cereals. Specifically, the Froot Loops that the 6th Kim bestowed on Wonshik. Seokmin knew that his hyung has a knack for sugary breakfast treats, so he snatched a box while doing grocery shopping a few weeks ago.

"Where are you going?" Wonshik asks while retrieving the box from the farthest cupboard.

"Siwon hyung's house! Tutoring as usual, and I promised Hansol to help him with Chemistry," Seungkwan answers as he jostles the bag aggressively. The rattles reached Wonshik's ears, chuckling at how the youngest Kim physically organizes his things. "Don't worry hyung, I already told Pilkyo hyung yesterday."

When the rainbow-colored, circular cereals floated on top after pouring in the last of the milk carton, Wonshik walks over with the bowl in hand. Seungkwan has disappeared, but the bag leaning against the wall catches Wonshik's attention. Shadows casting underneath the orange light meant Seungkwan is still tying his shoes.

"Text me if you already arrived there," Wonshik reminds him. Nodding as he hoists the bag onto his shoulder, Seungkwan waves with a bright smile plastered on his face. No signs of fatigue and eye bags on his face. Wonshik wonders how the younger could still manage to overlook a high school play production while studying for the SATs. It's a few weeks away alongside Pilkyo's bar exams and Sunggyu's LEET.

The cereals weren't fully soaked when he takes a bite. Which is fine but he preferred soggy, milk-penetrated cereals. While chewing and wishing his teeth could take on the hard cereals, Sunggyu appears from the corner of his eye. Hair still a mess and yawning loudly. Wonshik greets him and the hyung only returned a small wave before scouring to the bathroom.

Last night was a testament to how closed off the cousins are. They live in one roof but never took the chance to ask each other's day. Unlikely tensions would surface, mostly stemming from awkwardness. Wonshik knows that he has his fair share of internal turmoil. The least thing he could do was to start a new routine: to be more open. To be more receptive.

Everyone is doing their own thing but they blocked off signals from other people as well. If he wants to implement the change, it should come from him. Learning from his MIA days, Wonshik's determined not to let that happen again. Most especially in this family.

So when Sunggyu emerges from the bathroom, Wonshik dumps his empty cereal bowl in the sink. Settling back to his seat, he watches the 3rd Kim staring at the cupboards then at the bread rack. "I think Pilkyo hyung bought bagels and your favorite spread, you could have that," he starts, hoping that it wouldn't irritate his hyung. Sunggyu is notorious for not replying in a conversation after waking up.

Surprisingly, Sunggyu broke into a smile and thanked Wonshik. Maybe the change isn't so bad after all.

"Do you know when did Heechul hyung and Hyukjae hyung leave last night?" Wonshik presses on the scientific calculator aggressively but soft enough to not cause a disturbance.

Seokmin shakes his head, "I think Hoon hyung and Kyo hyung wrestled them out of the apartment."

The 5th Kim nods as he gets the answer and writes it down on his calculus paper. It's the last item in the problem set and Wonshik puts down the calculator to stretch. The clock suspended on the wall shows that it's been 3 hours since he invited Seokmin in the living area to study.

Turns out, Sunggyu just wanted someone to listen about his dilemma with Nam Woohyun. They managed to talk a little, mostly in hushed voices as to not wake up the remaining sleepyheads. Placing the bowl on the sink and Sunggyu telling him it's his turn to wash the dishes, Wonshik made a beeline to the youngest Kims' bedroom. He extended an invitation to study with him in the living area, specifically the center table.

From what Wonshik knows, Jonghoon is the only one who has classes on Saturdays until lunch. Which means there is still an hour left before he could return from SNU. Lunch is also in a few minutes left. Everyone wouldn't mind eating late since they all had late breakfasts, and 3 out of 4 people are studying hard for their exams.

A notification turns off and a few rustles coming from Wonshik's left are heard. He had his eyes closed but he forces himself not to fall asleep. A small sound — the metal contraption hitting the glass top — followed by a deep inhale meant the notification wasn't for Seokmin. Sitting back up, Wonshik grabs his phone to see a message waiting to be read.

From: Hakyeon hyung

Hey Wonshikkie~

Are you free today?

When university started, Wonshik and Hakyeon ceased talking. While Wonshik still keeps in touch with some of his friends, his friendship with the older dwindled. Mostly because he knows Hakyeon has a boyfriend and would pay attention to him 24/7. Hongbin would ask him why Wonshik doesn't invite his best friend, "You always ask if Hakyeon hyung could join us. But now me or Sanghyuk or even Jaehwan would bother to ask him."

"He might be busy, I don't want to intrude," is Wonshik's usual outward reason. But deep inside, the real reason was that he still harbors feelings for the older. After a few ing years. It's still there.

He probably stared too long at the screen when Seokmin waved a hand in front of him. "You ok hyung? Looked like you spaced out."

Wonshik is quick to his senses as he returns his phone. "I'm fine, something came up."

The younger looks at him, almost dead in the eyes. "Hyung, tell me. I can't stand another surprise in this family."

So Wonshik decided to talk about Cha Hakyeon. Their friendship. How they were inseparable and even though how much they have disagreements, they would always apologize at the same time. The budding feelings during high school. The announcement that he's dating their other friend, Jung Taekwoon, and how Jaehwan is not handling that well too. And when he thought his feelings for the older are gone, it just came back.

"So now he's asking me if I'm available today," Wonshik ends, removing the eyeglasses dangling on the bridge of his nose.

Seokmin is silent for a few minutes, but he leans forward, resting his face on the palm of his hand. "So you're purposefully ignoring him?"

Wonshik bites his tongue. This kid's smart. He didn't mention anything about his reasons but looks like Seokmin figured it all out.

Silence probably confirmed Seokmin's suspicions. The younger Kim sighs, crossing his legs and his arms. He stares at the window, formulating what advice he could give. Despite his young age, Wonshik could see that he's becoming a Pilkyo as well.

"Hyung, before you realized that you like him, you were there as his best friend. So you're trading your friendship with those feelings?" It was a short answer, but Wonshik got back into his senses. While he did consider concealing his feelings for their friendship, it only did more harm than good. When they drifted apart, Wonshik realized he was becoming a bad friend. Being busy is not always a good excuse.

There must be a reason why Hakyeon approached him first.

Wonshik then found himself gathering all of his belongings before dashing to his room. When he barged in, Seokjin visibly jolted, clutching a hand over his chest. "What the hell, Wonshik?!" But the younger brother didn't pay any attention to him, pulling out a thick sweater, the pair of jeans that he likes wearing, and a coat that could complement the whole outfit.

In no time, Wonshik was already dressed up and didn't make an effort to tell Seokjin about his whereabouts. On his way to the front door, he tells Seokmin, "Tell the hyungs that I'm going somewhere."

And when the 5th Kim disappeared into the hallway, Seokmin smiles knowingly. Probably not all Kim cousins are a lost cause.

Wonshik found himself sitting on a couch, staring at the array of photo frames occupying the TV desk. A few familiar faces caught his eyes — Hakyeon's parents, his siblings, their friends — but blinked several times when he sees a frame of them together. It was from their Sokcho trip a few days after high school graduation. Jaehwan took a picture of them while resting by a bench in Seoraksan National Park. It was the time when Wonshik realized that his feelings towards the older are getting more intense.

They are best of friends despite the different tastes and paths they took. Hakyeon took music in Sejong University, which surprised their other friends but Wonshik knew it's because he wanted to be different. He's a certified fashionista and is friendly to everyone.

The older returns with two cups in hand — one with a golden brown liquid with a teabag steeping, another with coffee doused in the creamer. He hands the tea to Wonshik, while Hakyeon rests his coffee in between his hands.

Silence. It was awkward. Most especially when someone suddenly talks to you after a few weeks of no contact.

"How are you?" Hakyeon looks nervous, contemplating if this was a bad idea. Wonshik grins, finding the moment funny. The older looks so stiff, judging from the atmosphere.

"You act like you met a stranger," Wonshik says, attempting to lighten up the mood. The older smiles. Some things were still the same. Hakyeon breaking into a smile, Wonshik's humor.

They get to catch up with what was left off. Music has always been Hakyeon's passion alongside dancing. He mentions an internship offer in a famous dance company and Donghee offered him a part-time choreographer job in a K-pop entertainment company.

"You should choose wisely then," Wonshik points out while sipping into his tea. He knows that the older is capable of weighing in options, but if allowed to choose — he should go for that dance company. It's to enhance his craft and to learn more about dancing as a job.

Hakyeon nods and sets down his cup. Appearing all jittery. Wonshik should've told him to lessen the caffeine since he gets too hyperactive once he gets coffee.

"I, uh, have to tell you something," he starts. Being ever so patient, Wonshik puts back his cup down as well and leans back. This was a notable change in Hakyeon — from the flamboyancy he gets to exude every time they meet, it toned down to the eerie calmness. And while it bothers the younger, he slowly embraces it.

What else did the older morph into while he was busy with focusing on Surveying assignments?

"Can you be my date on my upcoming recital?"

Well, that threw Wonshik off. Because the first thing he asked was, "Isn't that invitation supposed to be for Taek hyung?"

"We," Hakyeon hesitates, "We didn't work out."

Alarms turned off in Wonshik's brain. If he was given coffee then he would've shot up into the ceiling. So many things ran in his head — what happened? What did he miss? As far as he knows, he's up to date with whatever commotion Hakyeon and Taekwoon are into. But why did Cha Hakyeon ask him?! Isn't he aware of the sudden pause in their friendship?

It's seriously making Wonshik's headache.

But he chooses to be professional. Calmly approach the situation like how any civil engineer does. He carefully asks, "Why didn't you ask the others then? You hang out with Jaehwan and Hongbin more often than I do."

Even though they are in different universities, Jaehwan would still visit Sejong Uni for Hakyeon. The two would stop by in SNU, since Hongbin is harder to catch due to his sudden popularity in his IT major. On the other hand, Wonshik maintains contact with Hongbin but talks to Sanghyuk more often. Due to his music background, he tends to hang-out with Yoongi and Namjoon.

"The two of them are busy and Sanghyuk declined," Hakyeon says, "Told me to ask you instead. Since we were close. And it's a chance to catch up with each other."

While Wonshik does want to accept the invitation, he's hesitating. Because of his feelings and how long they haven't got in contact with. Upon arriving at the apartment's doorstep, he and Hakyeon shared an awkward dead air for a long time. It felt like Hakyeon is at fault for having a boyfriend when in reality it's Wonshik's fault for acting like a distant friend.

It felt wrong for Wonshik to intrude on a relationship so stepped back. The plan failed miserably as he realized that Hakyeon has a life outside of the relationship. But it looked like it's making more obvious that he likes Cha Hakyeon after he admitted that they're dating.

"You don't need to answer immediately though," Hakyeon waives, dispelling yet another awkward situation between them, "The recital's still a few weeks away and —"

"I'm going."

Wonshik found himself saying that without any thought. What was he thinking?! He immediately closes his eyes in distraught but for a split second, he saw Hakyeon stunned. Then his smile comes into view. And for the first time, he felt grateful for that impulsive action.

Since Cha Hakyeon is available, this is the time that he needs to move. Like the changes he plans to do for his cousins, he decides to take another chance — to get closer to his best friend. To catch up. And hopefully to make him fall in love.

"I'm sorry if I don't get to talk to you that often," Wonshik apologized. A first step that he did ever since he was in Hakyeon's apartment.

The older smiles, picks up his coffee to take a sip, "It's fine. I understand how busy you are."

They continued their usual conversation. Familiarity slowly creeping into their systems as Wonshik finds himself beaming and reacting like the old times. It felt nice and a breeze of fresh air, even.

Stumbling onto Wonshik's thriving Youtube career as Ravi, he suddenly asks him what he has been putting off for so long.

Most of his collaborations stemmed from the other party asking to be in his video, or sometimes Wonshik thinks that some songs require a specific voice. He asked Jonghoon to be a featuring artist for his upcoming update in December, while Yoongi and Namjoon would just insert themselves into the picture. Wonshik never formally asked someone to be in his video.

"You should be in my video next time," and Wonshik means that sincerely. He knows that Hakyeon has the most beautiful singing voice that he has ever heard. Years of practice and vocal training bore fruit for the older; he took it seriously. The younger would always think of how to ask Hakyeon to be in his covers. They're best friends after all, but Wonshik would always be paralyzed with fear. He does it with the others, why can't he do it with Hakyeon?

These feelings are seriously taking over his life.

Hakyeon's eyes bulged but his lips turn into this lopsided smile that made Wonshik's heart beat like crazy. It was a mesmerizing sight. "Sure."

Chapter Notes: It's fun to write Wonshik's pov but then I got a writer's block again 🤣 And now I can't continue with chapter 12 >< I'm getting some inspirations so don't worry!

I'll see you guys on the next chapter! Follow me on Twitter! (@hyesunggyeols/@codenametitanic)