Academically, being a Kim is hard.

Don’t misunderstand Seungkwan: he’s doing well in school — balancing academics and extracurriculars like those chemical equations in stoichiometry — and has gotten pretty decent grades. Just like his other cousins, he didn’t escape Jonghoon’s constant nagging about contributing to the school newspaper. Writing is the last thing that Seungkwan would want to do, so he lied that his clubs were ‘already demanding and time-consuming’.

But no matter how much he worked hard and get his together, he is still struggling.

Every day, he thinks that he’s lagging behind his cousins. He knows that he shouldn’t compare himself to them — who are obviously in university and got their own schedules — but he does, mentally debating how they could still ace exams even though they were a part of equally-draining organizations in school and still manage to attend social gatherings.

He never told his cousins or even his own stepbrother about his problems, believing that he might cause unnecessary chaos in their lives. And when he does have those mini-breakdowns, he would keep it to himself and put on that happy façade — pretending everything is fine when it’s not.

With SATs approaching fast, every single day felt like a drag. Review materials and textbooks sprawled on his study desk, with a schedule taped by the wall. Seokmin would remind him to rest or take a quick nap, all of which Seungkwan would neglect since it’ll mess up the schedule. He had to cancel plans with his friends, which somewhat placed a strain among them.

Seungkwan had to study well in order to please his cousins, most especially Pilkyo.

The eldest Kim would bother him about his university plans, mostly egging him to go to one of the SKY universities. “SKY isn’t just your final destination, Kwan,” Seokjin says over dinner last night, “go to where you are comfortable. You don’t need to be like us.”

You don’t need to be like us, that statement stuck on Seungkwan. But he doubts.

Do they really care? Even if I don’t get into those schools?

The last bell rings and Seungkwan immediately gathers all of his belongings. His Jonghoon hyung scheduled an English and Mathematics tutoring session later that afternoon. As much as he would want to skip tutor, Jonghoon will surely reprimand him and insist that he would be the one teaching instead.

He slings his bag as he walks out of the classroom, only to be stopped by an outstretched arm by the door. He lunges forward and is caught by the waist, a familiar scent wafting through his nostrils.

“Hey Boo,” the deep voice registers in his ears. Seungkwan flicks the owner’s forehead, “Stop doing that Hansol.”

Hansol, still smiling widely, wraps his arm around the older’s waist and proceeds to walk along the corridor. Students were filing out of classrooms, some running to their lockers while others chatting with their friends. They manage to catch Mingyu’s attention while he’s having a conversation with Jihoon.

“Well, hello you two,” Mingyu greets once the duo reaches the lockers, “do you have plans later this afternoon?”

Seungkwan shakes his head as he pries the younger’s arm away, which the latter playfully persisted until Seungkwan pinched his arm, “I have tutor.” Hansol winces and rubs his arm, while the other two giggled at their antics. "Hey, apologize to Hansol, will you?" Jihoon pats the younger's shoulder. Seungkwan scowls at Hansol's direction, "He can manage that, hyung. He's just acting like a big baby." Hansol squints, and Seungkwan sticks his tongue out, mocking the other.

Mingyu crosses his arms as he leans by the lockers, diverting back to the topic, “You’re really serious with those SKY applications huh?” Seungkwan never explicitly told his best friends about his plans, but he senses that they’re aware since he’s part of the prominent Kim cousins. He nods at Mingyu’s question anyway.

Seungkwan is saved when Hansol switches the taller student’s attention. He didn’t want them prodding about his personal life anyway. “What are you planning anyway, hyung?”

“Wonwoo hyung invited us to study at this new café, near our usual samgyetang place,” Mingyu answers ever so casually, “I couldn’t go because of basketball practice, but you could fill in for me.”

“Did you even apologize first, hyung?” Seungkwan suddenly asks, “you know how Wonwoo hyung reacts when you turn him down…”

Mingyu waves his hand dismissively, “I did, and I promised him a date once I’m done with our match next month.”

Jihoon wrinkles his nose when he thinks of those basketball games, “Have you even started studying for the SATs?”

Mingyu nods eagerly, “Yes hyung! Wonwoo hyung and I studied all summer long.”

“You sure the two of you studied only?” Hansol quirks an eyebrow, a smirk creeping across his face. Mingyu shoves the younger but they only laughed. They know how active those two with their lives.

Seungkwan glances at his watch and hurriedly waved goodbye to his friends, Hansol trailing behind him. While passing through the crowded hallways, he realized that he forgot to ask Mingyu when would Wonwoo be in that café. He mentally facepalms as he gets out of the school, Hansol moving beside him.

“I’ll just ask Wonwoo hyung directly if he’s there, and then I could ask hyung to go to that new café, that way I could still be with him,” Seungkwan mutters as he reaches for his phone in his pocket.

“You’re going to tire your tutor by that,” Hansol answers as they walk along the pavement. Seungkwan glares at his direction but ponders on that thought. He might look like a demanding student if he ever does that, but his Jonghoon hyung says that he’ll deal with the tutor if he won’t follow his requests.

So he sends the message and grins triumphantly at Hansol. “I still made him go there.”

“How are you even sure it’s a guy?!” Hansol’s tone was incredulous, feeling bad for his best friend’s tutor. Seungkwan huffs and stops walking, snapping his head at the other’s direction. He actually forgot how annoying Hansol is, constantly bugging him until he finally answers.

“One, Jonghoon hyung told me it’s one of his friends, who is a guy,” Seungkwan raises one finger, “two, hyung also told me that I could ask requests like where we would study,” followed by another finger, “and three, stop asking me too much. I’m so close to leaving you here.” He raises the last one before he walks away.

Footsteps came running towards him and Hansol appears, remaining silent beside him. Well, that sure shut Hansol up. An impatient Seungkwan is a ticking bomb close to explode, so Hansol had to diffuse his way out.

It’s a long walk until they reach the main road. Some students cycled past them, while some walked and ran towards the end of the sidewalk. Fall is just around the corner, thanks to the changing temperatures outside.

“Can I join you? I’m not yet in the mood to go back home,” the younger timidly inquires, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep quiet.”

Seungkwan thinks for a moment before he nods and links his arm with the younger. “But you have to buy me food there, though.”

“Sure.”

They reach the café that Wonwoo described, and they see him at the far end. The older waves at them and the two made a beeline towards his table. “I’m so glad someone managed to come here! I also asked the others but Minghao is the only one who replied,” he sighs in frustration.

“Ah, I think Seokmin hyung’s coming here with Soonyoung hyung though. He still has a meeting with the music club,” Seungkwan says as he cranes his head around the café to find his tutor. The latter replied a few minutes before they arrived, saying that he’s already there and is wearing a black cardigan.

“Oh? Siwon hyung’s here,” Hansol suddenly notes. Seungkwan turns around and looks at the direction Hansol is facing — a guy wearing a black cardigan. He looks calm while reading through a page of his binder, sipping his drink occasionally.

Seungkwan sends another message to his tutor while looking at the gentleman. He observes the gentleman’s phone lighting up and his head cranes around, looking for the sender.

“Siwon hyung!” Hansol calls out at the same time and the guy’s head follows the younger’s voice. The gentleman squints his eyes, before bursting into an exaggerated wave.

“My tutor is your brother?” Seungkwan mumbles as he continues to stare at black cardigan guy. Hansol runs towards the table and hastily put his bag down, sitting beside the gentleman. Seungkwan turns back, “I’m so sorry hyung! I made my tutor go here so you wouldn’t be alone and—”

“Hey, hey, it’s fine,” Wonwoo replies calmly, “As you said, Soonyoung and Seokmin will be coming here so I’ll be fine. I could still see you from this seat anyway.”

Seungkwan frowns; he didn’t want his hyung to be lonely in that seat. The table, where his tutor and his brother are, is big enough to accommodate everyone who will be coming. Wonwoo has waited long enough only to be left again. Before he could say anything, he grabs all of his hyung’s books and loose papers and brought them all to the other table.

“Seungkwan—”

“I insist. Also, the tutor wouldn’t mind. Jonghoon hyung will flip if he rejects my pleas,” Seungkwan says as he leaves, placing the materials beside his seat. Wonwoo huffs and gathers all of his remaining study materials before transferring to the new spot.

The tutor chuckles as he watches the scene unfold. Seungkwan fumbles slightly before taking his seat, “I’m sorry if I took so long, hyung.”

Siwon grins and removes his binder, replacing it with a notebook labeled English in fancy writing. Hansol already began writing on his notebook, probably an exercise that his brother has already prepared. “It’s fine. As long as your Jonghoon hyung doesn’t kill me for not teaching you well.”

Seungkwan represses a chuckle as he lays down his notebook and writing materials. Wonwoo took his seat beside Seungkwan and greets the tutor, “I’m sorry if I’m going to intrude your lessons sir—” “I don’t mind! If you also need anything, just let me know, yes?” Siwon persists before he focuses his attention back to Seungkwan, who is getting ready for the session.

As per the 2^nd Kim’s directives, Siwon has to tutor Seungkwan with English and Mathematics. Jonghoon had already sent him a list of lessons that they need to cover for the day, alongside a note that Siwon needs to help him with whatever homework he has.

It took him only 2 hours before Seungkwan finishes with the English exercises that Siwon provided together with the elder’s rationalization. English is not Seungkwan’s forte, mostly because he butchers the pronunciation of most words, but he enjoys the grammar and some supplementary literary works.

“Why don’t we take a break? Your brains must be fried now,” Siwon suggests as he notices Hansol sleeping on the table. Wonwoo and Seungkwan giggled before the latter agrees to the 10-minute break.

Wonwoo insists in buying but Siwon made him sit down, and he stands up to buy everyone’s orders. “I’ll get one cookie and an iced Americano instead, hyung!” Seungkwan hollers his changed menu as the older walks away from the table.

The sun is still up despite that it’s almost 6 in the evening. Sooner or later, the vernal equinox would stop by to lessen the daylight. Students walk outside with their friends; adults focus on their phones or listen to their music while strolling. It’s a good day, Seungkwan thinks as he stares outside of the café. If he wasn’t busy for the SATs and this tutor, he could’ve continued reading a book or force his cousins to go on a biking adventure around Seoul.

Siwon returns and gently rests the tray full of their snacks and drinks. Hansol stirs awake and wipe his mouth, earning giggles from Wonwoo and Seungkwan.

“Thank you for this, sir!” Wonwoo says as he plucks a macaron from the plate. Siwon holds up his hand dismissively, “Ah, don’t call me that! Call me hyung, okay? Besides, you’re Seungkwan’s and Hansol’s friend.”

Wonwoo smiles shyly before biting into the macaron. Seungkwan also takes the only iced Americano and cookie on the tray, mumbling a soft ‘thanks’ to the tutor before biting into the snack. The café is still vacant, a few customers scattered throughout the vicinity. It’s wide and has two floors, with a pink ‘life begins after coffee’ neon sign posted on a wall and a flight of stairs. Potted plants surround corners of the first floor and small paintings framed on its walls.

“Boo didn’t tell me that you’re his tutor,” Hansol’s voice snapped him out of his observations. His eyes turn back to his drink and to the siblings in front of him. The siblings sport a similar quaff hairstyle with Hansol having a lighter brown color. Their mannerisms are almost the same as well, but Siwon is more composed than the younger.

“You’ve heard of Kim Jonghoon, right?” Siwon asks, and Hansol nods as he recalls the name, “Well, Seungkwan is Jonghoon’s youngest cousin, and he made me one of his tutors since they’re busy.”

Hansol nods slowly as he absorbs the information. Seungkwan chuckles and sips into his iced coffee, “Hansol didn’t tell me he has a brother too.”

Siwon gasps and clutches over his chest, “Are you disowning me?!”

The younger blinks and gestures, trying to explain that he was planning to. The three of them burst into laughing, Hansol being flustered and fumbles on grabbing another macaron.

The laughs faded and Seungkwan’s phone then lit up; he types furiously before returning it back near his book. “Who is it?” Wonwoo inquires as he dusts off the crumbs from his hands.

“Seokmin hyung. They’re almost here,” Seungkwan announces as he leans back, “Should we wait for them, hyung? Before we start the next session?”

Siwon looks at his watch, stares at the table as he taps on the table, “I don’t see why not.”

The table, once catering four people, is now fully occupied. Customers come in increments, the line by the counter building up. Seokmin has arrived along with Soonyoung and Minghao. Jihoon surprisingly came in a few minutes later with Seungcheol in tow. Chan arrives last, his bag pack leaping as well when he rushes to the table.

Mr. Sun has finally set and the outside is starting to darken. Street lights illuminated the pavement and cars are now using their headlights. People continue to walk around, holding their beverages on one hand and bags on the other.

Siwon has willingly helped the others with their homework. He also pulled everyone into a discussion about basic statistics. Even though Seungcheol is in university, Siwon managed to ask him about his projects after the younger learned that he’s a business major as well.

“Give me your phone,” Siwon asks Seungcheol after they wrapped up the session for today. Seungcheol hastily hands his phone, almost dropping on the floor but Seungkwan’s reflexes saved the day and hands it over to the eldest.

The tutor types in his number and saves it as ‘Siwon hyung’ before handing it back to the still-dazed Seungcheol. Seungkwan laughs when Seungcheol looked like he was going to explode, but Jihoon managed to get his boyfriend together as he slaps him softly to snap him out of his fanboy mode.

They all leave the café and Siwon and Hansol part ways with the others. Seungkwan points at his phone when he catches Hansol’s eyes, the latter gesturing a thumbs up before turning back and walking beside his older brother.

“What took you guys so long?!” Wonwoo whines as they walk to the opposite direction.

Soonyoung rubs his nape embarrassingly, “Sorry about that! We met up with the drama club and discussed about the songs for the upcoming play.”

“Ah,” Seungkwan then faces the others while walking backward, “I almost forgot that they’re going to use one of Seokjin hyung’s plays.” He looks at Seokmin apologetically, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you immediately, hyung.”

Seokmin waves him dismissively, “Nah, it’s fine! We should tell hyung about that; he could help us with everything.”

Seungkwan nods before he faces back to the street. They continue to talk about school and asking about Seungcheol’s university life (and if Jihoon has been jealous about the people he meet on campus). “Nope,” Seungcheol shakes his head as they stop by the pedestrian lane, “this fella’s strong. Also, he occasionally stops at my dorm to drop off his home-cooked meals.”

“Probably to let everyone know Jihoon exists,” Wonwoo whispers, which he earned a slap from Jihoon, “I heard than Jeon.” Together with Soonyoung and Seungkwan, Wonwoo chuckles at his friend’s act.

“We stan a supportive boyfriend!” Seokmin hollers while walking on the pedestrian lane after the cars have stopped.

Jihoon and Soonyoung depart on one street where they live, Seungcheol giving a flying kiss to the younger and everyone gagging at the sudden action. “You know, you all will experience that kind of love where you’ll be on your dorkiest self when you’re around that person,” Seungcheol points out as they stroll away.

And Seungcheol’s right. Seungkwan has seen his Pilkyo hyung and his boyfriend being all domestic and sometimes chaotic whenever they’re in the car. And, before, he also observed his Seokjin hyung and Namjoon hyung sending finger hearts whenever they look at each other.

He hasn’t experienced that kind of love yet and probably it wouldn’t happen in a few years’ time, even if he wants to. Would someone even make him feel that way even? Despite his personal struggles and self-deprecation when no one is watching?

From: Hansol

Are you at home now?

To: Hansol

Yes.

Thanks for today

From: Hansol

If you have any questions, you can ask me

Or I could give you hyung’s number

To: Hansol

I’ll let you know

Yah!

Don’t worry about me

From: Hansol

How could I not worry?

You look like something drained you out

You know I’m here right?

To: Hansol

I know

Good night

From: Hansol

See you tomorrow Boo

Seungkwan stares at his phone after the last message. Butterflies have suddenly appeared in his stomach. Hansol has probably noticed the sudden change in his personality. He sighs deeply as he places his phone on his nightstand, staring blankly across the dirty white walls before sleep could take over him.

Chapter Notes: First p.o.v + longest update (so far!) is here! I had a last-minute revision because I'm trying to show Seungkwan's fun personality~ I hope I gave justice to it >_< Anyway, comments are appreciated! Thank you also for the 258 views! 🤧 See you on the next update!

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