Date: 14 Feb

Its valentines’ day the weird thing is that one of the guys in class gave all the girls chocolate and when the guys asked why he did not give it to guys too he just said. “I am not gay,” Which made us laughed. What is weird is that shouldn’t girls give guys chocolate instead of guys giving us?

I just found a slip of paper on the back of the chocolate which says “sharing the love on valentine’s day” everyone’s chocolate has this slip of paper maybe it is the reason why he gave us the chocolate.

I saw him at the lockers today; he was opening his locker and lots of gifts dropped from his locker. He looked at me as I forced smile a little before going off. On the way home in the bus I thought of a lot, he is really good looking and smart it was no doubt he got gifts from so many girls. He did not contact me because he does not want to answer to me; maybe he was just being kind to me. Like what Yoonji said, he might be the same to all the girls too. Some guys are like this, being kind to everyone and then making girls misunderstand him and at the end, breaking a girl’s heart.

I decide that if he wanted to be like this, I might as well stay away from him. I will still be the same only that maybe if I get to see him less, my feelings will be reducing.

Date: 14 Mar

Its white day, many girls received presents and as a thank you gift, I gave the guy who gave us chocolates on valentine’s day a packet of sweets that I really like as a thank you gift. I secretly put another packet of sweets into Yoonji’s locker and when she saw the sweets I just act as if I did not know anything about the sweets.

I found three gifts in my locker too and all of them do not have names in it. Maybe they are from some classmates or maybe Yoonji put them in my locker. I opened the gifts at home but I am sure that they are not from Eunji. She gave my chocolates that have alcohol in them and told me to eat them before school ends because it would melt. I ate them during break, it taste really good. I totally cannot take any alcohol because I could have a headache but the chocolates were good.

The first two gifts were chocolates and I regretted not opening them in school because some of them are already melted. The last gift was sticky sweets they were also customized ones with my name on it and also words like “I love you too” “thank you” “I miss you” and “forever love” on it. It is just so cheesy. I really love these sweets, they are my favorite sweets. But who was it who gave me these? He knew my name and knows that I love this kind of sweets and what does it mean by “I love you too”?

Date: 30 Mar

The holidays start today! I am decided that I should go to Bussan to visit my grandparents and also to enjoy the environment. Umma said that I should visit because the last time I was there was last year Christmas. I had started to pack everything and I had already told Eunji and Yoonji that I will not be in Seoul till school starts.

Going there might make to forget a bit while I help my grandparents with farming work. I hope that I will not get too tanned when I am there.

Date: 2 Apr

Visiting my grandparents is just so fun! They introduced me to the people around the village and said that I am their favorite granddaughter. When I arrived at their house, they said that why I was so skinny and I grew prettier. I told them that I am still the same and that some of the girls in Seoul are way skinnier than I am. They said that I should not lose weight anymore if not I would not look healthy.

Things did not change here, they still have a garden and the little dog that I played with in the past had become a mother of three puppies. They said that if I want to I could take one of the puppies home as pets but I said I could not do so. Umma hates people making a mess at home and if I were to take the puppy home, it will create more mess and I would be scolded for that.

They asked if I have anyone in mind right now and all I could answer is I don’t know. I tell them that there was a guy but I am in the process of giving him up because I had tried and I did not get any replies from him. They told me about how they met and how my parents met which I did not get to hear from my parents because they said that it was all in the past.

At the end of the day, I fell asleep in my grandparents’ room while listening to their story. I ended up dreaming about how my future will be with a guy which I could not see his face clearly but one thing is know is that he likes changing his hair color.   

Date: 16 Apr

School had started, Eunji had been hanging out with the people that I dislike and was trying to tell me that they were actually good to their friends. I trusted her a little and tried to get along with a few of them. Yoonji was always with me then and she had been talking about my skin tone becoming darker once I came back from Bussan.

Avoiding him was really difficult, the school is just this small and I would always see him at the library. I never see him studying, he was just always there sitting at the table near the bookshelf that I normally go to and just staring into blank space. We still say hi to each other just that I have been avoiding him a lot more.

Yoonji was talking about her dreams when we are in the library, she wanted to be a singer and not just like any idol singer she wants to become a singer that is really good at singing and do not have to rely on looks to become famous. I can already feel that her confidence is much better than when I met her. She asked me about my dreams I only said that I would want to earn money so that I could buy a bigger house for my parents and grandparents to stay together and also to make sure that they could do what they like to do. She said that I was really thoughtful but she asked me would I be happy like this, I could not answer her. Maybe by that time I would be happy because the people who loves me is happy I would be happy too right?