Byun Baekhyun, day one hundred and two 21:28

I’m being watched again. I can feel eyes on me everywhere. I’m sure it’s Them again. No one else would watch me for whatever reason. I’m not interesting unless you know about it. I’m even scared of admitting them to myself now. This is really ed up. God, why is everything so difficult?

Just when I thought my life was getting back on track and this feeling decides to creep up on me. I’ve been doing good, I haven’t really had any slip ups to anyone or to myself. Why couldn’t I just keep doing good? Life’s unfair.

Today was a weird day. I went to the convenience store and I saw Kyungsoo. Not in person but in a missing person’s report. He was reported missing 5 years ago which is strange, he should’ve made it back already. But the 5 years do explain why he was in there for so long. Why he is the way he is, or is it ‘was’ now? It’s hard to find out. Maybe Kyungsoo doesn’t want to go home and if he doesn’t then it’s none of my business. Why am I even thinking about him? I don’t know him, not anymore.

But that was followed by the feeling of being watched. Almost as soon as I stepped out of the store I could feel those eyes hanging over me, staring at me. I want to say it was all in my imagination but with what I’ve been through it’s hard to deny the very real possibility of it not being in my head. I just need someone to tell me if it’s real or not. I need someone to tell me if I’m going crazy ‘cause right now it definitely feels like I am. It feels like I’m rambling and wasting time and space and I probably am.

Being hunched over like this is killing my back but I can’t risk someone seeing what I’m writing. No matter if I’m in a locked apartment with all blinds drawn and sitting in the dark. I know They’re out there and if They’re not watching me then They’re searching for me, I can feel it. I should really think about not writing everything down. I know They can find this and destroy it and if They find this then They can find me and punish me. After what they did to Yixing as a “test” then I doubt a punishment would be any lighter.

I wonder how he and Jongdae are. They never joined us. I don’t want to think of the worst. Most likely the healing took a bit more than expected out of both of them. They probably made it to Seoul already. Maybe they’re even having a nice dinner with family. Something I should get to doing. But I can’t risk involving my family. They can find out and hurt them to get to me. They probably know about my family but if They don’t think we’re too close then They won’t target them, right?

, I think I heard something.