though i try to resist i still want it all

ㅡ

Hoseok got a little closer to the window, looking outside, watching the distant lights of the city. He smiled a little as he remembered how often he had been standing here, looking outside while waiting for Namjoon to finally return home. He had been standing there for hours, not caring if his legs or his back would start hurting. He just enjoyed the few, watching as lights would turn off and somewhere some would turn on. Sometimes he had even been able to see people in the shine of the light somewhere not too far away from where he was. It may sound creepy, but he had enjoyed watching them and he kinda found it pretty entertaining to come up with stories inside his mind of how those people might be living. However, no matter how perfect he had pictured their lives to be, none of them had ever been able to reach his own as his life was filled with Namjoon’s presence. Hoseok couldn’t imagine a world without Namjoon and so he had always been pretty sure that a life in which there would be no Namjoon would only be half a life.

He sighed deeply, forgetting about the things around him or even about the fact that he was actually in Namjoon’s apartment and that the younger was watching him. He felt the younger’s eyes on him, however the feeling somehow was rather soothing than disturbing, it felt like a confirmation that Namjoon was in fact caring for him and his health. He leaned his forehead against the glass, slightly shivering due to the cold surface, but soon it felt good to his skin as it was cooling him down a little. He indeed felt too warm around Namjoon so he really enjoyed the little source of coolness.

It didn’t take too long until he felt a pair of hands on his shoulders. He smiled slightly as he knew instantly whom those hands belonged to, he didn’t even need to look, didn’t even need to come back and face reality. He kept his eyes closed, even then when he felt himself carefully being pulled back, obviously against the younger’s chest. He didn’t protest at all. No, he gave in to the feeling, let himself feel at home as Namjoon would wrap his arms around Hoseok, holding him tightly against himself. Hoseok sighed in content, leaning his head against the other’s shoulder, enjoying every little bit of it. He honestly felt happy at that moment, it felt like he had finally returned to a home that he had been searching for, for too long. Being near Namjoon, having his arms wrapped around his body felt so right to him, like he belonged right there. He knew the other was feeling the same as he was able to hear the younger’s heartbeat, which was obviously beating faster than it usually should.

However, there was a voice at the back of his head, telling him that he was in no position of enjoying this, or even be there at all. It told him on repeat that he had to resist the urge of just grabbing onto the younger’s shirt and press himself even tighter against Namjoon’s chest. But, that was what he wanted to do, what he graved for and soon enough he found himself doing so. He indeed tried to resist, but he wanted it, was so desperate for it. Another voice told him that it was ju