When she told me about our twins I couldn’t have been happier. She was miserable, she thought our lives were over, but I was excited. I always wanted kids... A LOT of kids... and getting started early didn’t seem that bad to me. 

We had been together for 2 years when we found out she was pregnant. We both had one year of university left and I thought we would make it work. The twins would be born right after graduation and we could get married and live the life I always dreamed.

I never thought she would leave.

I woke up the day after graduation, our twins 3 month birthday, and there was a note on her pillow. 

“I’m sorry, I’m going home.” is all it said.

Her home was America, not Korea. I realized that she decided to leave me and our girls behind with her study abroad experience.

This note felt cold. It didn’t feel like her. This wasn’t the girl I fell in love with. The girl I loved disappeared the day that test came back positive. I had a feeling she might leave, but I never thought it would be this soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5 years later

“Taeyun! Taeri! Hurry up!! We’re gonna be late for school!!”

“Appa…” Taeyri said as she walked out of her room in pajamas, “It’s sunday…kindergarten isn’t until tomorrow…” She walked back into her room and went to sleep. 

How could I mess that up? Just another thing I can’t do right…

Ever since she left I’ve barely held on. Raising a child this young was hard enough, but two of them? and both with her attitude and my unique way of viewing life…This was too much…

I couldn’t even hire a babysitter to watch them. The agency stopped sending girls after the 5th one quit…I don’t know what my girls do to them…but it’s gotta be bad…

I sat down and sighed, looking at the cute lunch boxes I made my daughters for school…well.. they can always eat them for lunch today.. I thought as I played with the carrot flower.

As soon as lunchtime rolled around I handed my girls their food and sat down to watch them eat.

“Appa, what’s in this sandwich?” Taeyun asked as she held it up.

…what did I put in there?…panda bear sandwich means….

“It’s a PB & J sweetie, and you sister has bologna and mustard.” I’m glad I coordinate shapes with food types..

“Appa…” she said as she switched her lunchbox with her twin sister, “I’m the one with the nut allergy…remember?”

O.M.G… I almost just killed my little girl!!!! What was I thinking!?!?!?!?

After I cleaned up from lunch and a movie for the girls, I looked around and sighed. There were toys everywhere, and clothes in piles all around the apartment. I’m pretty sure most of them are from when they were still in diapers…

I was lost without my jagi…It has been 5 years…but I still have hope she’ll come back for us.

Almost as if on cue I got a call from an unknown number.

“Hello?” I asked quickly.

“Hello TaeTae.” 

There’s only one person who would call me that….

I met her at a cafe a few blocks from my apartment. The Ahjumma next door said she would watch the twins for an hour so I didn’t have much time. 

She came back.

I was hoping she was back for good, but I quickly learned she was just here for closure…

She’s married…

I couldn’t believe what she told me. I thought maybe she was forced home by her parents, I know they never liked me, but I never thought she would have moved on without a second thought.

The nice Ahjumma asked how my “date” went when I picked up the girls and I responded a bit more harshly than I should have.

“She’s. ing. Married.” I snapped, the rage I felt toward her coming out at my poor neighbor, “She’s pregnant too. With her ‘real’ child.”

She told me that when I saw she was pregnant again…that this was her ‘real’ child for her ‘real’ life back in America. She said she married a doctor almost as soon as she got back.

“So what does that make Taeyun and Taeri? What did that make our relationship? We were obviously nothing to her. Just a vacation from her ‘real’ life.”

I was crying by now, heartbroken that the love of my life never really cared…

“She told me the truth. She said she left when she got bored of playing house. She left when she was ready to start her ‘real’ life, the way she envisioned it,” the tears were streaming down my face now, “She envisioned it with a rich doctor, with a perfect house, a perfect family, a perfect everything!” I couldn’t control myself now, even though I could tell my daughters had noticed how upset I was, “I didn’t want this life either! But it would have been easier if she would have stayed!!!” 

I fell to the ground sobbing, thinking about the life that could have been.

The Ahjumma picked me up off of the floor and sighed, “So your house might not be the cleanest and you might make almost fatal mistakes while raising your daughters, but where would they be without you? You have them, and from what I can tell, they’re all you really need to be happy. It’s her loss if she can’t see that.”

The kind woman gave me a hug as she waved my daughters over to join us.

“Now go spend some time with your beautiful daughters Taehyung,” she said, “They need you at this age more than ever.”