With a timer set for fifteen minutes, Soo Hyuk lounged on his couch while reading a cookbook he had received from a fellow chef he met during his visit to their academy last week. He enjoyed reading cookbooks and trying out different recipes, at times adding his own twist to them. But these days, it would take a longer time to get through reading. If the printed text was too small, he would have to strain his eyes and end up with a throbbing headache after. As the scented candle filled his study room with whiffs of orange and vanilla, he felt his eyelids getting heavier. He had spent the whole afternoon at the restaurant, training the crew on a new cooking technique. This was a much-needed recharge for himself after the intensive session. Just as he was about to fall into slumber, the timer rang. Soo Hyuk sleepily turned timer off, placed the book aside and leaned back against the cushion for a nap.

A bright flash of light appeared in the gloomy evening accompanied by a long, beeping horn. Soo Hyuk looked over his shoulder to see where the sound was coming from, but his eyes were dazed by blinding headlights. By the time his eyes had adjusted, he saw a black truck coming straight towards their car. He let out a scream to warn his family, but his cry drowned amidst the sound of the horn in the background. In that moment, the world turned silent, and Soo Hyuk watched happy memories of his family flash past him in slow motion. All he could do then was close his eyes and brace himself for the impact - his lips calling out to his brother. “Hyung-ah....hyung-ah, help me!” *CRASH*

The collision in his dream caused his body to jerk suddenly, but it was the hard knock of his head against the couch that brought him out of his slumber. “Argh…” he groaned, as he wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes. “I can’t even sleep in peace when I’m so exhausted,” he mumbled under his breath. Seriously, sometimes I think I’m better off dead. He felt guilty for having such thoughts when he remembered his grandfather and girlfriend. Soo Hyuk shook his head and reached for his medication on the coffee table.

*******

Rows of fresh fruit and vegetables lined the entrance of the supermarket. So Eun excitedly skipped towards the fruits section where different kinds of berries were displayed. There were juicy blueberries, cranberries and strawberries packed in little containers. A promoter had cut up some of the strawberries for sampling. Soo Hyuk trailed behind his partner with a shopping cart.

“Miss, please try our sweet and ripe strawberries. They are freshly picked from our farm!” the cheerful promoter said as she offered the samples.

“Mmm, it’s really sweet! This is delicious!” So Eun chimed. “Soo Hyuk, let’s get a box of these strawberries! We can make smoothies for brunch!”

Soo Hyuk beamed at her enthusiasm. “Did you forget that I asked you to follow me to get ingredients for seaweed soup?”

“I know. But strawberries are always a good idea, right?” she persuaded him.

“Alright, you win. But on one condition.” He smirked.

“What?”

“Don’t you realise that you’re always calling me by my name, even though I’m older than you?” he hinted.

So Eun’s eyebrows furrowed when she realised what he was getting at. “That’s because we started out as friends. At least I’m not calling you ‘Hey’ or ‘Oi’ right?” She pretended not to know and looked away.

“Eun-ah...” He turned her shoulders towards him. “You know exactly, what I mean, jagiya (honey),” he teased.

Her pink cheeks were now red. She pulled him to the corner, away from the promoter who was giggling at their antics. “YAH, what do you want, Soo Hyuk?”

“Like I said, there’s something missing at the back of my name. It’s Soo Hyuk OP-PA,” he playfully emphasised the last word. “Or if you don’t like that, I’m totally fine if you call me honey or…baby.” He smiled expectantly.

So Eun pouted at his request. “Fine. I’m doing this for the strawberries okay, Oppa?” She looked up to see his reaction.

His eyes twinkled, and his smile began to stretch up to his ears. He reached out to gently pinch her flushed cheeks. “Okay cutie, let’s get those strawberries. Then we shall go find the seaweed!” He went off to grab a box of strawberries before heading down the aisles to search for the other ingredients, leaving her flustered in her spot.

*******

- At Soo Hyuk’s house -

After settling all the groceries in the kitchen, the couple sat down in the living room to rest. So Eun noticed a pile of books messily scattered on the floor in the study area and some clothes strewn about on the sofa. She remembered that the last time she came, the house was neat and tidy, so she knew it wasn’t normal.

“Soo Hyuk-ah. Are you alright? I mean, have you been feeling tired lately?”

“Eun-ah, I thought I’ve graduated to an ‘Oppa’?” he jested.

“Okay, okay - OPPA. I’m just not used to it yet. Anyway, I’m serious. Are you still having bad headaches?” her eyes softened.

“Yeah, I am. It’s something I’ve been getting a lot, so I’m used to it. It’s just that it’s gotten really bad these past few days, probably due to overworking. So yeah, that’s why the house is a bit messy…”

“Oh, so that’s why. Then you should go and get some rest. I’ll help you tidy up. You said your Grandpa is arriving tonight right?”

“It’s okay. Leave it. I’ll get down to it later.”

“No, no. Let me do it. I can do that much.” She stood up from the sofa and headed towards the study area.

“No, I said it’s fine. Leave it. I can do it myself.”

So Eun picked up a few books from the floor and tried to fit them in his fully-loaded bookshelf. “Oppa, it’s really okay. You don’t have to feel bad.”

“NO! You don’t have to do anything. I SAID LEAVE IT!” he snapped. A hard-cover book from his shelf fell to the floor with loud thud, just missing So Eun’s toes by an inch.

The brown-eyed girl jerked, but rather than the heavy impact of the book falling to the floor, she was more startled by his angry outburst. A draft of coldness had settled over him and made his grey eyes appear distant and intimidating.

“I was…uh…just…. I’m sorry.” Her words came out in stutters.

Soo Hyuk managed to catch himself before he lost his senses. “I’m sorry,” he muttered under his breath before retreating to the bathroom to calm himself down. Minutes later, he returned to the living room, only to find So Eun chopping strawberries in the kitchen. His stone face softened as he watched her, but he felt a string of guilt for losing his temper.

“What are you doing standing over there? Aren’t you going to help me make smoothies?” she asked, her eyes still fixed on the chopping board.

He took cautious steps into the kitchen, as if something would prance on him if he made any sudden movements. “Uh, of course! Are you…. angry at me?”

“Why should I be? It was partly my fault too for not listening. I shouldn’t have touched your things without permission,” she stated as a matter-of-factly.

Soo Hyuk held his breath at how calm and collected she was despite his fluctuating temper. What did I do to deserve someone like you?

“I’m sorry, Eun-ah. Thanks for being so understanding.”

“Hmm.”

“Eun-ah, but you’re not smiling.”

“No one smiles while cutting strawberries. I don’t wanna look like an idiot.” She sniffled.

Although she didn’t admit it, Soo Hyuk knew she was upset. “Then I must be the idiot for smiling while looking at you cut strawberries.” He tried to cheer her up but she kept a straight face at his comment.

She released her grip from the knife and turned towards him. “I saw pills scattered on the table and all over the floor in your study area. Oppa, were you thinking of…taking your life?” her voice quivered as her eyes brimmed with tears. She continued, “I said I’ll always be there for you, but I didn’t even know you’d have these depressing thoughts. I’m really sorry.” Tears escaped her eyes like they were a broken dam. Her shoulders dropped in resignation.

With each sob, he felt a knife tearing through his chest. “No, no. So Eun-ah…what are you talking about? Those pills – I took two last night because of my headache, and I accidentally knocked the bottle over. I was too tired to pick everything up, so I left them…” he paused. “… but I’d be lying if I said I never had such suicidal thoughts. They come and go when my emotions are unstable. I’m sorry,” he explained painfully. Soo Hyuk moved closer and pulled her vulnerable figure towards his chest.

“Oppa, please? Don’t hide anything from me from now on. You’re not alone in all of this. I’m fighting with you. When you’re having a hard time, I hope you’ll at least think of me,” she steadied her voice in between hiccups.

He pulled her tighter and ran his fingers through her auburn-coloured tresses. “I will. I trust that you’ll always be there for me. You’re like sunshine, you know. You light me up during my darkest hours, and you make my sunny days even brighter. It has been a lot more manageable ever since you stepped into my life…” He broke the embrace first, so he could stare into her brown orbs. With his thumb, he wiped her tears, tracing her cheeks down to her chin, stopping just as he touched her lips. “Listen, Kim So Eun. I love you so much. Now, may I…?”

Another tear rolled down her cheek but she nodded at his sweet request. Soo Hyuk gently pressed his lips against hers, momentarily forgetting about the pain they were going through. He started cautiously so as not to scare her, but as they got in deeper, she began to lower her guard, putting full trust in him. Her lips parted, giving in to his like they were two pieces of a puzzle fitted in all the right places. Their pace and heartbeats were in sync. Soo Hyuk placed his hand on the small of her neck to savour the last moments of the tasteful encounter before the two souls broke apart to gasp for air. They kept their foreheads rested against each other. “I love you too, Lee Soo Hyuk… hic... hic…” So Eun’s face turned crimson.

“Hiccups?” Soo Hyuk giggled. “What a cutie.” He planted another peck on her cheek and went off to get her a glass of water.

*******

-At the airport-

“Secretary Park, what’s going on? Aren’t you supposed to have arrived? Why haven’t you and Grandpa come out from the arrival hall? The other passengers from the same flight have already dispersed.” Soo Hyuk massaged the wrinkles forming on his forehead.

“Sorry Mr Lee, I was about to call you, but I had to settle some urgent administrative matters. Your grandfather…is being sent to the Seoul University Hospital. He was clutching his chest after we cleared the immigration counters and he fainted while I was fetching our bags. We’re in the ambulance now,” he explained.

“What?! Grandpa fainted?” Soo Hyuk felt the world become still for a moment while his head whirled in a million thoughts. What happened to him? Will Grandpa be okay? He HAS to be okay! We haven’t eaten seaweed soup together…

“Mr Lee, are you still there?” the secretary asked when he heard no sound coming from the receiver.

“Yeah…yeah I am. I’ll head to the hospital now. Keep me posted. See you.”

When Soo Hyuk arrived at the hospital, he was glad to find his grandfather already conscious. He was sitting upright on the hospital bed while the doctor did some preliminary check-up with the stethoscope. He quietly approached them, not wanting to disturb the other patients in the emergency ward.

“Sir, I can hear wheezing sounds when you breathe, and these are signs that there is an accumulation of phlegm in your lungs. How long have you been coughing?”

“Hmm, I think the cough has persisted for at least one month,” Grandpa Lee recalled.

“I suspect you may have acute bronchitis, but I’ll refer you to the respiratory specialist for more tests,” the doctor suggested.

“Good evening, Doctor. I’m his grandson, Lee Soo Hyuk. What’s wrong with my Grandpa?” Soo Hyuk enquired when he reached them.

“Good evening, Mr Lee. It seems there is phlegm in his lungs which may be blocking the airway causing him to cough and wheeze. I’ll schedule for him to meet the respiratory specialists in an hour for some tests. You can accompany him there later. For now, we’ll let him finish his IV drip first. I’ll come back later.”

Soo Hyuk nodded. “Thank you, Doctor.”

After the doctor left, Soo Hyuk hugged his grandfather tightly.

“Grandpa! Why didn’t you tell me you were unwell? I should have asked you to go to the doctor earlier for a check-up. I’m sorry,” he sighed.

“It’s not your fault, Hyuk-ah. I’ve been too busy with work, so I didn’t take care of myself properly. How have you been, my boy?”

“Fine, as always,” he smiled.

“Now, would you look at that smile? That’s the smile of a young man in love, isn’t it Secretary Park?” he turned to look at the other man, who nodded in agreement. “So, when will I get to meet this young lady?”

“Not now, Grandpa. Think of your health first. We’ll meet when you’re better, okay?”

In about an hour, the nurses came to help bring Grandpa Lee to another level where the respiratory department was. Soo Hyuk tagged along and offered to push the wheelchair. They had to pass by several other wards, each one peppered with different odours – from bitter ammonia to fresh lemon. There were patients of all ages, mostly the older ones, but surprisingly there were many young people who were admitted too. While they were making their way to the lung specialist’s office, Soo Hyuk’s stomach gave a loud growl. Grandpa Lee laughed when he knew it came from his grandson. He scolded the boy for not feeding himself properly.

“Hyuk-ah? Which chef doesn’t know how to feed himself? Go and get yourself a snack. The nurses will be with me, don’t worry,” Grandpa Lee instructed.

“It’s okay. I’ll bring you to the room first,” Soo Hyuk insisted.

“Don’t be stubborn. Go.” Grandpa Lee signalled for him to leave with his eyes.

Soo Hyuk nodded and quickly took large strides towards the cafeteria so that he could return fast. The nurses continued to push the wheelchair until they reached their destination. One of them knocked twice on the door before she opened it. They were greeted by a pleasant female doctor, Dr Choi Se Jin, and the nurses passed the patient’s medical file to her before leaving to give the patient some privacy. Dr Choi sat opposite Grandpa Lee and made a small conversation before they proceeded with the check-up.

“Lee Seo Jun-sshi?” she asked at the patient. His name and face were strangely familiar to her, but she was still trying to make the connections.

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Okay, Mr Lee. I’ll do some primary evaluation before we do a CT scan on your chest to get a better picture of the condition of your lungs. Is your guardian here?”

“Yes, he is, but he went to get a snack. He’ll be back here soon.”

“Okay. Now take a deep breath,” she said as she placed the stethoscope on his chest and listened for the wheezing sounds. Again, she repeated the process on his back. After asking him several questions, she suddenly had an inkling of who he was.

“I think you’re all good to go for your scan. We’ll just wait for your guardian to come first.” She smiled nervously. “By the way, Mr Lee… perhaps… you are Lee Seo Jun – the owner of the SJ Lee soy sauce company?”

Grandpa Lee smiled back. “Indeed, I am. You know of the brand?” 

“Yes, of course! My mum’s a huge fan of their products. She said it makes everything she cooks taste better,” she exclaimed. “...But that means eight years ago, your son’s family….” she choked on her words. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, it’s been so long. But how did you know about the accident? It wasn’t really reported back then,” he raised his eyebrow, curious.

“Actually, I was the doctor-in charge for that case when I was working in the Emergency Unit of Busan Hospital eight years ago.”

“Oh really? That was you? It happened too long ago so I didn’t recognise you earlier. Pardon me, I’m an old man,” Grandpa Lee apologised.

“No, it’s fine. I couldn’t forget that incident because it was the last case I took on before I transferred to Seoul to specialise in respiratory medicine. The incident struck close to my heart because back then, I too had just lost an 8-month old baby that I was carrying in my womb in a car accident before, and I also have a daughter who was about the same age as the little boy who survived. I still remember that boy’s face as he stood crying silently in the corner of the ward. He was watching the nurses cover the body of his late father and brother, while his mother sobbed hysterically… He refused to talk to anyone, yet he didn’t push me away when I held his shoulders. I just couldn’t forget how broken he looked,” Dr Choi paused while recalling the incident. She continued in a shaky voice, “But I heard, his mother took her life a year later?”

Grandpa Lee sighed and nodded. “It was truly unfortunate. My daughter-in-law was in so much trauma and distress, and she couldn’t handle it. That poor boy was left devastated.”

Dr Choi nodded in understanding. “It’s a very personal story so I apologise for bringing it up. I was wondering… how is the boy holding up now?”

Grandpa Lee smiled. “No need to apologise. You’ve done your part as a doctor. I’ve been caring for my grandson since the incident, and he’s doing well, although he is still undergoing therapies to manage his psychological distress. I’m really proud of him. He’s my source of joy especially when it gets lonely.”

At that moment, they heard a knock on the door. “Grandpa, I’ve brought your favourite carrot juice!” Soo Hyuk exclaimed as he entered the room. When he noticed the doctor, his face turned red and he quickly bowed to give her a greeting. The initial embarrassment turned to shock when he recognised her kind-looking eyes that bore a striking resemblance to someone very dear to him. He breathed nervously. Oh my God, So Eun’s mum is the lung specialist?! How did this world become so small? Hmm, but So Eun obviously got her beautiful eyes from her mother, he thought.

“Ah, you must be Mr Lee’s grandson,” she greeted him back. Her face lit up when she realised his familiar face. “Wait, we’ve met before at the restaurant, right? You’re that young chef?”

Heat rushed to his ears. “Yes, we have. You came with your husband, Dr Kim. It was a pleasure having you.”

The doctor turned to look at Grandpa Lee. “He has grown up into such a fine young man. You’ve brought him up well Mr Lee. I’m glad,” she complimented him. Soo Hyuk noticed a glint of tears in her eyes when she said that, and he looked at the both of them in confusion.

A/N: Wow is it Soo Hyuk’s second (or third, rather ) meeting with So Eun’s mum already – without So Eun? Cute, or awkward? :’) I know sometimes it feels like I make their lives out to be so miserable, but it’s the reality of psychological disorders. People think you’re acting up or overdoing the misery – but in fact, it’s something beyond your control and requires professional help. That said, a good social support system is SO important for someone with mental health issues. I hope we’ll all be patient and kind when we encounter someone with psychological problems.

p.s. Thank you all for reading and leaving me comments! I appreciate every single one. God bless~