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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, it has now comes to an end... It's been a great journey y'all~ Thank you for your love and support of this fic~ I've enjoyed writing (typing) it very very very much. This fic is my baby and I am so proud of it. I appreciate all of you beautiful creatures a Hell of a lot. It makes me glad that you all had enjoyed reading this. Thank you for spending your precious time. And now, do enjoy this last chapter also~ See you guys soon~

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    Being the only person Youngjae could ever relied on was hard. Even after everything that had happened on that fateful Saturday’s night, it wasn’t easy to leave the blind boy alone. In spite of coping through a broken heart, Jaebum still had to made sure his best friend was safe everywhere he goes. Although each time gets more painful and extremely difficult to dealt with, the bad boy was set on getting Youngjae through the rest of high school. Which there wasn’t much left. They’re already in their senior year, their last year. Each day brought a new torture to Jaebum. He dreads the fact that they’ll eventually have to separate. 

    Right, they can’t be together forever. 

    As much as Jaebum wanted, they really can’t be together. Not so long ago (before any incidents even happened), Youngjae had told Jaebum, in a very excited voice, that he wished to study abroad. Of course, Jaebum fully supported, not knowing how much effect was that decision going to bite him in the later. But whatever, as long as Youngjae is happy. The blind boy doesn’t get much appreciation here anyways, might as well ships himself off to some strange place and lets him run free, forgetting about all the horrible and sad things. Forget about Jaebum. 

    They still hold hands, at least. And Jaebum was grateful that Youngjae allowed it. Though, he knew Youngjae was doing it out of guilt and pity, the combination of agony that Jaebum wished to never exist, it’s understandable that the blind boy wanted to somehow soften the aching, the yearning, the sheer pain of a caged pigeon. All efforts were appreciated. At least, Youngjae tried. On Jaebum’s end, all he needed to do was fake a smile, willing his own shattered self to think that they’re still best friends, still the same way they’ve always been. 

    Nights were becoming more suffocating alone. They had stopped spending nights together in one bed, talking about stupid stuff until the sun rises and cuddling up against each other's warmths until past late noon. They stopped. Should Jaebum be relieved that they did? He wouldn’t have to struggled to breathe properly or fought the desperate urge to pin his best friend against the mattress and kiss the boy senseless. And Youngjae wouldn’t have to continued pretending he was comfortable. So stopping sleepovers should be a good thing? Jaebum doesn’t even know anymore, nor does he cares. He had lost everything anyways. Doesn’t matter if he loses this one, too. 

    Jaebum thought about moving on. He really did. Some nights, with his parents’ expensive wine bottle opened in his hands, Jaebum had thought about giving up. The bad boy came to a point where his face was planted in the cold cement of a thick wall. He came to a point where he’s losing it. Losing all his sanity and preferred drowning himself in madness as it was a better method for him to handle this pain. He cried so many times into the silence of depressed nights. He begged so many times for the person who stole his heart to let it go. Let him go. Stop holding onto him and ruining him like this. He’s already a ed up mess, so please, just let him go. 

    But the person who needs to let go is Jaebum. 

    Why is it so hard to let go? Why is it so hard to forget? Why is it so hard to pretend? Why is it so hard? So painful… So ing sad. 

    And until when is he going to continue feeling this way? 

    Until when is he going to continue feeling like he wants to tear off his own skin or burns himself alive?

    Until when? 

    Pitifully, a good part of Jaebum didn’t want it to end. A good part of him wants the miseries to carry him on and drifts him off to an eerie labyrinth where he’ll spend the rest of his days submerging under the toxic feelings of love. That good part of him is selfish and relentless, something a wrecked Jaebum would hungrily needs. 

    “Jaebum-ah!”

    Turning his head around, Jaebum spotted the owner of the familiar voice in the sea of students and parents, families and friends. The bad boy let a pure smile grazed upon his lips, something he hadn’t been able to do these past months. “Grandma!” 

    The old lady picked up her steps and, in matter of seconds, arrived in front of her favorite grandson (besides Youngjae of course). Happily handing a bouquet of fresh pretty flowers over to Jaebum, she looked at the boy with such fondness. “Congratulations, my dear.” 

    Accepting the flowers right away, Jaebum softly thanked. Youngjae’s grandmother then started looking around with a puzzled expression etching on her kind face. “Why are you here alone, Jaebum?” 

    “I just want to be alone for a while,” replied the boy, leaning down to buried his nose into the flowers. 

    Chuckling, Grandma reached up and patted Jaebum’s head affectionately, “it’s your graduation. Smile more, dear.” 

    Immediately, Jaebum’s face lit up in a teeth-baring smile. Grandma matched his smile with her own satisfied one. “Are you coming over later?” 

    “I… I’m not sure…” Jaebum wanted to reject. He just wants to go home and locks himself up in his room for the upcoming summer with a huge box of tissues to cries his heart out. And maybe hangs himself, too, if it gets out of hand. 

    “Come on over, Jaebum. Your parents aren’t even home for your graduation,” the old lady looked sympathetic. She wondered sometimes why would anyone leave such a good boy behind alone. 

    “It’s okay, really. They did sent a huge amount of money to my account, though. I’m good.” Jaebum laughed it off, casually brushing it aside like it wasn’t important if his parents showed up or not. They barely cared for him anyways. Because of the neglect, Jaebum can’t find himself caring for their well-being neither. There’s only one person he deeply cares about. Yet, that person could care less if he’s dead or not. 

    “Kids these days, only care about money,” Grandma shook her head lightly, although the loving smile never left her face. “Where’s your heart for love, Jaebum-ah.” 

    Biting down on his lower lip, Jaebum thought about it. He answered, “my heart is broken because of love. I don’t think I would want to have it just so I could be hurt all over again.”

    “Look at you, all detested. Who’ve hurt you, dear?”

    “Someone. And it’s quite complicated, on my side, at least. I can’t move on.”

    “They’ll come around. You’re too precious, my child.”

    “What if they won’t? What if how they feel about me wouldn’t change no matter how much I’ve tried.”

    “People tend to come to realize how important something, or someone, is after they had lost it,” the old lady sighed softly. Her eyes traced themselves back on Jaebum, “you’ll be fine, eventually.” 

    With a nod, Jaebum smiled bitterly, “I hope so, too.” 

    “You-“

    “JAEBUM!” 

    Before Grandma could get another word of advice out, a booming voice of someone’s awfully familiar cuts through, calling out loudly for Jaebum. Looking up to the voice, all sort of resolves Jaebum had when talking to Grandma went crashing out the window just like that. All the air in his lungs were out. His grip on the bouquet became something of white painted knuckles and bad control. The old lady turned her face to observe Jaebum. From the first glance of the bad boy’s jaw-clenching pained expression and wistful eyes filled with unspilt tears, Grandma knew. 

    Because no one had ever looked at her grandson that way before. The old woman then knew how bad Youngjae had hurt Jaebum. Nothing told her more than Jaebum’s eyes themselves. How she wished Youngjae wasn’t blind, so he could witness how fragile his best friend actually was. She wanted her grandson to see for himself what a mess of sharp glass pieces his own best friend had become because of him. 

    Giving Youngjae’s grandmother one last smile, Jaebum his heels and hurried over to the blind boy. “Youngjae, I’m here.” 

    Reaching out to make sure Jaebum is near, Youngjae cracked a small smile, “there you are. I thought you’ve left.”

    “Never. I’ll never leave you.” If there was one thing that lessened Jaebum’s sorrow, it’s that now he could openly say whatever romantic he wanted without feeling like he’ll get burn alive. Youngjae knew anyways, so whatever. 

    Of course, like every other time, Youngjae would ignores those comments and carries on. “Congrats to the both of us for making it out of this Hellhole! Finally!” He beamed, smiling from ear to ear. 

    It hurts, but Jaebum smiled back. “Yeah, we did it.” 

    And like the past months, an awkward silence settled in. The near-summer weather wasn’t helping the case either, just making everything seemed more blazingly torturous. No matter how bad Jaebum tried to will his eyes away from staring into Youngjae’s own oceans of everything he hated. God, Jaebum loves those eyes. “So is this it?” 

    Furrowing his eyebrows in question, Youngjae asked, “what is?”

    “Is this where you ask me to stay away from you and never show up at your door ever again?” Jaebum casually replied with a much obvious question. 

    The straightforwardness got Youngjae taking a step back. He couldn’t see, but he could hear. Youngjae could hear the overwhelmed emotions that’s laced within every word of that clarification. “Jae-“

    “Okay.”

    “What?” 

    “I’ll do that,” Jaebum said. “I won’t bother you anymore. I’ll stay away-“

    “Jaebum, stop-“

    “-that’s all there is to us, Jae-ah.” 

    Youngjae clenched his fists, hating everything at the moment, hating the obvious fact that his relationship with Jaebum had gone far beyond fixing. There was no relationship to begin with the moment Jaebum’s lips first touched his. All they had from then up to this point was nothing but pain. And Youngjae hates it. There’s no way he’ll accept this. He doesn’t want to let go of Jaebum. But the blind boy was hopeless. He knew he couldn’t returned his best friend’s feelings even if he tried. Maybe he should let go. There’s no hope in holding on for too long. They’ll both just get hurt in the end. 

    “I’m…” Youngjae lowered his head, tears threatening to fall because of how guilty and heavy his heart was wearing him down. “I’m sor-sorry, Jaebum-ah… I… I’m sorry.”

    The bouquet slipped out of Jaebum’s firm grasp and dropped abandoned on the ground as Jaebum reached out and immediately wrapped his arms around Youngjae, holding the blind boy tightly in his embrace. Youngjae held on, hands gripping tightly onto Jaebum’s uniform jacket. 

    “I’m sorry…” The blind boy whispered. “I’m so so so sorry. I…”

    “It’s okay,” Jaebum patted the back of Youngjae’s head, fingertips lingering on the soft locks of his love’s silky hair, “it’s not your fault. I can’t help my own feelings. It’s not your fault, Jae-ah...” 

    With the soothing voice of his dear best friend, Youngjae just couldn’t any longer. So he lets go, sobbing onto those reliable shoulders that were always there whenever he had needed. With the calming soft touches of his dear best friend, Youngjae felt guilty and disgusted at himself. With the warm hug of strong arms and homely body of his dear best friend, Youngjae hates himself for not being able to love that sweet smile and those gorgeous sharp eyes filled with everything that spelt "paradise" and those assuring hands that held the entire sky of stars. Im Jaebum. Youngjae hates himself for not being able to love Im Jaebum. 

    Jaebum had let his best friend let it all out on his shoulders, in his arms. At least it gave Jaebum a reason to hug Youngjae one last time. Youngjae’s tears touched somewhere deep within Jaebum’s numb heart, but the bad boy couldn’t bring himself to cry. He had spent the past months crying his entire soul out already. All his tears were dried. There wasn't anymore to spill. 

    They stood there; Jaebum holding onto Youngjae like he never wanted to ever lets go, and Youngjae clinging onto Jaebum as he cried and cried and apologized through his cracked voice and sniffles and wet streams of built up guilt streaking down his flustered cheeks. 

    “Youngjae-ah, I need you to promise me one thing.”

    “Wh-what i-is it…”

    “Promise me you won’t leave, please?” 

    Nodding, Youngjae gripped on even tighter, burying his face in the meet of Jaebum’s neck and shoulder. He promised. 

    Banging harshly against the wooden door, Jaebum begged for someone to open up. Desperation and betrayal seeped through his open wounds like a virus, piercing and drenching his blood in acid. Gritting his teeth and screaming as his fist continuously pounding hard on the door that’s separating him from the person he hates, but at the same time, loves the most, Jaebum could feel adrenaline of anger coursing throughout his veins, mocking his stupidity and shamelessly pitying his horrible step of Fate. 

    “You ing liar! Choi Youngjae you liar!” Jaebum screamed, caring less and less if he’ll be waking up the neighbors at this ungodly hour. “ing open the goddamn door!” 

    This wasn’t how everything was supposed to go. Jaebum wasn’t supposed to be dealing with this during his devastated self-reflection. Throughout this whole entire summer break, all Jaebum did was moping around his house, getting mindlessly drunk on alcohol and indulged on countless of nonsense movies that were playing mutely on his TV. Jaebum was a ing mess. He had thought that stop seeing that boy would somewhat softened his pain. But the effects were opposite. Each day, each hour, each second, there’s nothing Jaebum yearns more than to see Youngjae and be by his side. Going through withdrawal was hard. And it wasn’t even working. What it does was made Jaebum craves more and more of Youngjae to the point he’s going crazy and hallucinating and imagining impossible s of them being together. 

    And when Jaebum decided to finally step outside of his messy as house, his neighbor’s kid came running to him with an envelope in her tiny hands, telling him that the "blind oppa" had told her to give it to him when she sees him. Jaebum was puzzled as to why (and how) Youngjae would write a letter to him, but given their current ed up situation, Jaebum didn’t blamed his used-to-be best friend. What Jaebum didn’t expected was a letter written by Youngjae’s grandmother, informing him about their sudden move to America on an emergency business. 

    Jaebum couldn’t breathe for a while, clutching at his chest because his ing heart started squeezing and tearing so much that his entire body was shaking uncontrollably. But as soon as he could catch his breath, Jaebum ran down to Youngjae’s house. Despite being in a semi-sober state, Jaebum couldn’t dare to miss the way the house looked so lifeless and empty. 

    Sliding his back down the door as his legs gave out, Jaebum choked a cry. And tears were falling again. His head aches like crazy with the hangover from this afternoon’s binge drinking. His heart, though, feels like thousands of knives stabbing and digging holes as blood oozes out like a destructive waterfall. His vision blurries because of the immense rivers flowing down his redden cheeks. Jaebum didn’t give a anymore. He lets it all out. Yelling and screaming through the night with the sky full of dull stars. 

    “Young-Youngjae…” Jaebum pulled his knees up against his chest, biting down on his knuckles as he tried to suppress whatever that’s left of himself. “Y-you pro-promised. Youngjae-ah, you-you promised. Why… How… . You’re a ing liar… And I was stupid en-enough to-to believe y-you.” 

    It isn’t fair. Jaebum hates it. He hates it all. “Come back, please… I love y-you… D-don’t leave me…” 

    That night, Jaebum spent it by Youngjae’s doorsteps, crying nonstop until the broken boy ultimately passed out with his lips uttering one name: 

    Youngjae. 

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For special reasons, an EPILOGUE has been made. Please do stick around for it~ 

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