Time seemed to be in fast forward and pause all at once. It was strange, the way that things settled between Rosé and Jennie. It was almost as if nothing had happened between them--almost. They stopped ignoring each other and got back into the best friend routine, becoming practically inseparable once more. However, there was something different now and both girls were as confused as they were confusing. Rosé was distant some days, as if she didn’t want to rely on Jennie anymore. Most of the time, though, she stuck close to the older girl as if she might soon disappear. Jennie, on the other hand, was overly cautious. She tried her best to be more attentive to her best friend, the way she should have been this whole time. It was more than an act of guilt--she knew Rosé deserved the best and that she herself was lucky to even have the redhead in her life. At the same time, Jennie felt so responsible for Rosé’s suffering that she created boundaries for herself like refraining from throwing flirtatious or suggestive comments at Rosé and being extremely careful to avoid unnecessary physical contact with the girl.

In short, their relationship was anything but normal. Unfortunately, time didn’t wait for them to resolve things. Winter had rushed in and the semester was nearly over. And that meant that Rosé and Jennie’s relationship was about to get a whole lot more complicated.

***

Jisoo swung the door open with a wide smile, but it faltered almost instantly. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked from Rosé to the suitcase by her side.

“Are you going somewhere?” Jisoo asked, trying to ignore the weird feeling of dread in her stomach.

“Well hello to you too,” Rosé answered plainly. “Can I come in?”

“You’re taking the internship,” the older girl replied, her voice faltering for a second. It wasn’t a question. Rosé sighed.

“Please, can I come in so we can talk?”

“You don’t need to come in to say goodbye.”

“Goodbye wasn’t the only thing I had in mind.”

“Isn’t goodbye bad enough on its own?”

“Jisoo, please.” With a defeated huff, Jisoo stepped aside to let Rosé in. The redhead made her way into the dorm room, lugging her suitcase behind her. She headed straight for Jisoo’s bed, sitting down and motioning for the other girl to join her.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to leave,” Jisoo said after closing the door, turning to face Rosé but refusing to sit with her.

“I said I wasn’t sure,” Rosé corrected, her tone gentle. “But I think this is something I need to do.”

“It’s because of her, isn’t it?” Jisoo’s voice had the slightest tremble to it and her hands were balled into fists at her sides. She clenched her jaw and stared intensely at the floor, ordering herself not to cry.

“Partially, yes. I think Jennie and I need some space. I need some space.”

“I thought… after everything, I thought I meant something to you. At least enough for you to consider staying.”

“And I thought, after everything, you’d understand exactly why I can’t stay.”

“Why does it always have to be her? Why aren’t I enough? What makes her better than me?” Jisoo was crying now, her voice watery. Rosé’s heart wrenched painfully, but she made no move to comfort Jisoo.

“Jennie takes what she wants. You watch as what you want is taken from you.” The older girl didn’t reply, her quiet sobs filling the silence, so Rosé continued. “We both knew from the beginning that we were each other’s compromise. We agreed not to be each other’s rebound, but being a compromise is very far from being a rebound.”

“So is that all I was to you? A compromise?” There was anger mixed with the sadness in Jisoo’s voice now, and Rosé’s eyes were soft and apologetic as she looked up at the older girl.

“No. You were, and are, so much more than that. I even came to think of you as a guardian angel of sorts. Jennie broke me in a lot of ways, and you so easily held me together. You were my safety and my hope and my happiness. But you’re not the person I’m in love with and you never were. You knew that already, didn’t you? So why is it that you’re reacting like this, as if you weren’t expecting this day to come?”

“Because I was hoping that I was wrong, that someone could love me with my flaws the way everyone seems to love Jennie even with all of her faults. I thought maybe you’d be different than--” Jisoo stopped abruptly, biting her lip and glancing away.

“Lisa and I are more alike than you thought, aren’t we?” Rosé stated, as if she could read the thoughts racing through Jisoo’s mind. “Maybe that’s why she and I got along so well from the beginning. And maybe that’s why we’ve both gotten tangled up with the same two girls.”

There was a long pause where neither of them spoke. Jisoo couldn’t bring herself to look up, couldn’t force herself to meet Rosé’s gentle gaze.

“You’re a coward, Jisoo, and so am I,” Rosé finally spoke. “We’re both far too afraid to seek what we’re after. We hurt other people in order to make ourselves feel better, and we play the victim every time something goes wrong. We’re even worse than Jennie in that sense. At least she acknowledges how ed up she is and that no one else is to blame but herself.”

“But why? Why do you have to go? Why now?” The desperation was clear in the older girl’s voice and Rosé offered her a bitter smile.

“Tell me something. Are you in love with me, Jisoo?”

“I…” There was a pause of hesitation, and then, “I do love you, Rosie.”

“That’s not the same thing and you know it.” Rosé stood, grabbing her suitcase and shuffling towards the door. She paused when she was beside Jisoo. “I have to go. Wendy is waiting to drive me to the airport. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. I should be the one apologizing. Instead of helping you the way you needed, I hurt you just like Jennie did.”

“I think we both hurt each other equally. But you helped me realize a lot of things and for that I’m very grateful to you.” Rosé reached out to cup Jisoo’s cheek, making the older girl tilt her head up so their eyes could lock. Jisoo was surprised to find that Rosé was crying too. “Thank you for showing me what a loving relationship is supposed to feel like, and for showing me that I deserve it. You should know that you deserve to be happy more than anyone. Stop being so afraid with Lisa. Go after her already.”

“She’s not interested--”

“You don’t know that for sure, and you never will if you don’t talk to her. Promise me you’ll at least try so I can have peace of mind.”

“Only if you promise never to settle for less than you deserve again.” Through her tears, Rosé managed a smile, somehow still looking as beautiful as ever.

“Deal,” she whispered. After a moment of hesitation, she leaned down to press a sweet, gentle kiss on Jisoo’s cheek. “Take care, okay?”

“You too. And keep in touch,” Jisoo replied. Rosé nodded and, with one last smile, she left the room.

***

“I’m assuming it didn’t go as smoothly as expected,” Wendy said as Rosé climbed into the passenger seat of her car. The redhead was still wiping away the tears running down her cheeks, but she offered a small smile.

“Actually, it went better than expected,” Rosé admitted. “Thank you for coming to pick me up.”

“Any time,” Wendy replied, her voice monotone.

“Alright, out with it. What’s the issue? Why are you acting like this?” Rosé blurted suddenly with an annoyed roll of her eyes.

“I just don’t get you. Why are you running away from your problems? Again.”

“I’m not running away. It’s a very good internship opportunity. Besides, I need some time away from Jennie to sort through myself without her interference. I don’t want my feelings to disrupt our friendship again.”

“Let me get this straight. In order to ‘mend’ your friendship with Jennie, you’re going halfway across the world without telling her?”

“I don’t expect you to understand, but I’m asking for your support on this. I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but Jennie clearly doesn’t see us the way I do and I need to accept that and move on, but I can’t do that with her always around.”

“It’s not impossible to do.” Rosé shot Wendy a glare and the older girl shrugged. “What? It’s true. I’ve been there, remember?”

“Look, can we not talk about this anymore? It’s too late for me to back out, and I’ve made up my mind anyway.”

“And what happens if you come to regret this decision in the future?”

“I’ve been full of regret and doubt for far too long. This is how I break the cycle. No matter what happens, I won’t regret this decision.”

***

“Hey, guys!” Jennie greeted as she walked into the dance studio and found Lisa and Jisoo leaning against the wall, talking. The two girls exchanged glances, something strange in their expressions when they looked up.

“Hi, Jen. What’s up?” Lisa greeted. There was a smile on her face, but there was something off about her tone.

“Nothing much. I just came to pick Rosé up,” Jennie replied cheerily, trying to shake off the strange vibe she was getting from the others.

“R-Rosé? What are you talking about?” Jisoo asked, sounding choked. There was a flicker of emotion in her eyes that Jennie couldn’t quite decipher but that made a feeling of unease settle in the pit of her stomach.

“Um… Rosé told me yesterday that she’d be busy all day working on a final project, but I figured I’d come pick her up from dance practice,” Jennie clarified. “Do you know where she is? She isn't answering her phone.”

“Did she really not tell her?” Lisa hissed, turning to Jisoo.

“Well, she didn’t tell me until today. Maybe she didn’t want to tell her at all,” Jisoo replied with a shrug.

“Tell me what?” Jennie demanded. Her feeling of unease intensified when Lisa turned to her, something like pity shining in her eyes.

“Jennie, I’m not sure why Rosé didn’t tell you, but she left this morning,” Lisa said gently.

“L-Left?” Jennie stammered. “What do you mean she left?”

“The school had an offer for a study abroad program combined with an internship opportunity and Rosé got accepted into it. She’s going to be studying in Australia next semester, and she decided to travel early to get settled in and everything,” Jisoo explained, her tone harsher than Lisa’s.

“What?!” Jennie’s voice jumped an octave, raising in volume. “Why didn’t she tell me about this? Not even her family mentioned it during Thanksgiving.”

“I don’t think she wanted you to know,” Lisa stated.

“She didn’t want you trying to follow her or stop her,” Jisoo added, her tone still slightly icy. That made Jennie pause for a second, realization hitting her like a brick.

“She left because of me, didn’t she?” the brunette whispered. She didn’t care that her voice had cracked or that there was a thin film of tears in her eyes. Her heart felt heavy as she lifted her gaze and looked back and forth between Lisa and Jisoo. Even though she could see all the answer she needed in their respective expressions of pity and disappointment, she repeated, “Didn’t she?”

“Well, yes but--” Jisoo started, speaking much more gently than before. But she didn’t get a chance to finish as Jennie immediately bolted out of the room, not bothering to wipe the tears that blurred her vision.

***

“I… I don’t kn-know what to do, S-Seul,” Jennie gasped between sobs. Her head was buried in the crook of Seulgi’s neck as the older girl held onto her. They’d been sitting like this on the couch in Seulgi’s apartment for some time now, Jennie struggling to get any words out through her incessant tears. “I th-thought I was doing b-better.”

“Maybe she just needs a little bit of time, Jen,” Seulgi whispered. “Don’t beat yourself up too much, okay? I know you’ve been trying so hard to treat her with more respect and to be the best friend you should be.”

“It’s… not… enough…” Jennie mumbled.

“Sometimes, it takes a little bit of space for people to understand how much effort we’ve been putting in to make things work,” a voice cut in. Both Jennie and Seulgi looked up to see Irene approaching them. She held a steaming mug of hot chocolate out to the crying girl, offering a soft, sympathetic smile. “Don’t give up just because Rosé isn’t here right now. Make it a point to prove to her that you’re still trying to make it work.”

“O-Okay... Th-Thank you,” Jennie stuttered slowly, carefully accepting the mug. There was a glimmer of gratefulness in her eyes as she looked up at Irene.

“Feel free to stay the night, or even a few nights. I know how much it to be in an empty apartment,” the eldest girl added. She exchanged a look with Seulgi, who mouthed a “thank you”, adoration for her girlfriend shining in her eyes.

“Thank you, Irene. Thank you so much,” Jennie said. Irene gave her a smile in response, turning to go but pausing to look over her shoulder.

“Oh, and Jennie?” she spoke, drawing the younger girl’s attention.

“Yes?”

“Good luck.”

Honestly, I feel like this was such a crappy chapter itself, but I don't know how to make it better because I'm too busy thinking about how I'm going to write the next chapters. Oh well. At least I got this done faster like I promised I would. I hope it's decent enough to be enjoyable!

~unsungpoet <3